Joseph's Journal
by Naseka
Summary: The journal of Joseph's life at the palace from 1972 up until god knows when.
1. Chapter 1

Somebody shoot me! I've started yet another chaptered story! How am I going to keep up? I have 3 now!

A/N: I don't really have this story planned out. I'm just writing it as I go along.

19/2/72

I started my new job as a gardener at the Genovian palace today. It was so exciting. I got to meet the king and he wished me luck. He's a very nice man; he wasn't rude or stuck-up and he seemed very dedicated to his work. I haven't met the queen yet because I'm told she tends to stay indoors a lot. I do look forward to meeting her though, because I've seen her on the television and in the paper. She seems like a genuine lady and I want to find out if she's the same in person.

My room is fairly small and boring, but I think I can fix it up in my spare time. It has a desk, a chair, a bed, a couch and a bathroom complete with bath, shower and sink. The bed is quite comfortable, as is the couch and I think I'll be quite happy here. I am currently staring up at the stars through the window. They are so pretty and so bright, much like me…

20/2/72

One of the workers (Dale is his name) decided to play a prank on me today since I'm the "new guy". He loosened the head on my shovel, which caused it to fall off, and land on my foot. It was very painful and I heard him laughing from behind the bushes with his two friends, so I walked casually up to him and hit him over the head with the shovel pole. He had to have ten stitches in his head and I was given a very severe warning by the king. When darkness fell, he invited me up to his office and said, "I know you've only been working here for little more than a day and I know that Dale can be a real…pain, but you cannot go around hitting people with shovel poles if they do something you don't like. It doesn't matter what they do to you. Am I understood?"

I nodded. "If this happens again, I will have to take action. Consider this a very severe warning."

I nodded again and stared at the queen, who was elegantly sipping her tea on the couch. She was about ten times more beautiful in person than on the television. I became captivated by her and didn't realise that the king had dismissed me. I shook my head and left the room. It was strange, but the whole time I was in there (about four minutes) the queen didn't even look at me. Not once. She was fixated by the stars in the sky. She must love them as much as I do. I can stare at them for hours at a time and not get bored. I could probably stare at her for hours at a time and not get bored, too. As if she'd even let me…

21/2/72

Dale didn't come to work today. He was still in the hospital. I felt that that was good news, until his friends came up to me. They were on a revenge mission, which I thought was unfair seeing as though there were two of them and only one of me. I tried to ignore them, but they grabbed hold of me and started carrying me off. They carried me down to a dark dungeon and placed me head first into a barrel of water. It was just like being dunked in the school toilets back in my primary school days, except this was harder to escape from. They just left me there to drown, which of course, didn't actually happen, since I'm telling the story. Luckily, I was able to use my weight to tip it over. After all the water and spilled onto the floor, I crawled backwards out of the barrel and gasped for air. They are so going to pay for doing that to me.

22/2/72

I came across something very interesting today while I was exploring the palace; there is a gym for employees only. I have decided to spend my free time there building up my muscles. Then it won't matter if it's two on one, unless Dale gets better…which is a high possibility…I need to make some friends…

I saw the queen out walking earlier while I was pulling up weeds. She looked so bored and distant. I guess it would be pretty boring if all you had to do all day was stand around looking beautiful, which she was VERY good at. I worked up my courage and waved at her, but she didn't even notice me. It was just like when I was in the king's office the other night, she didn't take any notice of me, nor did she acknowledge my existence. I guess I'm just another pawn to her. Someone she doesn't need to speak to or think of as a living thing. And she is the all-powerful queen.

23/2/72

I was busy planting roses today and I saw a small boy (about 12 years old) wondering about the grounds. I wondered what he was doing inside the palace walls. Children were not permitted into the palace without a parent or guardian. I decided to find out what was going on. I asked him what his name was and he said that he shouldn't be talking to workers. I asked him where his parents were and he said that his father was in his office and that his mother was probably watching him from the upstairs window. I then asked him what he was doing out and about by himself and he said he was taking a break from study. It was then that I heard the queen speak for the first time. She was standing in the doorway of the back entrance to the palace, only fifteen metres away, "Pierre, it's time to come inside. Stop mingling with the help and get back to your study."

The boy ran to her and she held his hand and took him inside. It's strange how my impression of her changed so quickly just by hearing that last sentence. That was a cold thing to say, I know it's true and that I am just the help, but to say in front of my face…

When I finished with the roses, I made my way to the gym and started lifting weights. I found it incredibly easy and it was a great way to relieve tension. I also met somebody…

24/2/72

I made a few renovations to my room, since I have the day off. This woman called "Squeak" (aka Lauren) helped me paint it. My bedroom walls are now a lovely dark green, instead of grey. I now have white curtains, instead of black. And we're doing the bathroom tomorrow (pale blue) and then we're going to paint her room. She said she came to work at the palace three days ago. She's one of the new employees. I hadn't seen her around until wet met while at the gym. She was working on her legs and I was working on my arms. We hit it off immediately and man is she pretty; blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect figure, larger-than-average bust, at least 10 years younger than me…

She said that she had just graduated from college and that she needed a job that included accommodation, so she applied for one at the palace as a kitchen hand. Her real passion is interial design, which is how we got onto the subject of our rooms. She suggested that if I helped her get her room in order, she would help me get mine in order. I thought it was a great idea, and very convenient. So now, I am sitting in her room, in her bed, watching her sleep, stroking her hair, and writing my journal, waiting for the paint in my room to dry. The only thing missing is sex. It doesn't matter though, I'm sure we'll get to that stage eventually. After all, I do plan to become good friends with this woman.

25/2/72

Lauren says that next weekend we're going to start on her room because she thinks the smell of paint in mine will be gone by then and we will be able to take refuge in it. That's good; I'll be on home turf (kidding).

We finished my bathroom today. It looks wonderful…well, I did have a wonderful person help me paint it.

Lauren and I have so much in common; we both like horse riding, we both love the countryside, we both like training at the gym and we both enjoy a good night out. I think we're meant to be together. I wonder if she feels the same way.

I was taking a shower in the changing room today and guess who should come up behind me? Dale! He said his head was feeling better and that he was looking for someone tough and new to join his group. Group? What is that, a palace gang or something? What, do they have tiaras as uniforms?

Anyway, I said I wasn't interested and he seemed offended, "Nobody says no to me."

"For fuck's sake," I shouted, "this isn't prison, no matter how much you want it to be! Piss off and leave me alone, you psycho! And stop staring at my gigantic cock!"

Everyone in the changing room started laughing. Dale got embarrassed and backed out slowly. Some of the guys patted me on the back and said, "you're alright, kid," even though I wasn't a kid. I think I have all the men at the gym on my side now. Ha! I shouldn't have to worry about Dale anymore…


	2. Chapter 2

26/2/72

It was back to work again today. I had to mow the lawn, which was fun, but I would have preferred to spend the day with my new friend. It's annoying having Lauren working inside and me working outside. I get to see her on my breaks, so that makes things a bit better. Something good about tomorrow is that we've been given another day off, but only because we asked if we could in order to finish painting our rooms. I thought it was very nice of the king to give us the day off in order to do something that he wouldn't benefit from at all.

And guess who I saw down by the lake today? Her Majesty herself in yet another daze. She was just staring out at the water with her horse beside her. She looked beautiful the way her hair blew against her face. I decided to go over and talk to her. I started off by saying, "Good afternoon, Your Majesty."

I mustn't have said it loud enough, because she didn't even move. I don't understand that woman; she's constantly in a world of her own. I said it again, but a little louder this time, "Good afternoon, Your Majesty."

Startled, she looked up at me and replied with, "Oh, good afternoon…um…uh…gardening person."

"Joseph."

"Joseph. Is there something you wanted?"

"No, nothing. I'm just on a break and decided to eat my lunch and look out at the peaceful water. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, nothing much, just thinking."

I kneeled down next to her and offered her a piece of my sandwich, "You look hungry, here."

She looked at it as if it were poisoned, "Oh uh, no thankyou umm…umm…uh…Joseph. You wouldn't happen to have the time would you?"

"It's 1pm, madam."

"Oh, shivers."

She got up in a hurry and tried to jump onto her horse without succeeding. I walked over and helped her. She said goodbye to me and rode off towards the palace, leaving behind her a lovely fragrance of musk. I found it strange that she actually talked to me after she had so rudely brushed me off as nothing more than a mere servant the other day. Perhaps she was just in a bad mood.

27/2/72

Today we made the mistake of painting Lauren's room and then discovering that mine still stank. But it turned out quite splendidly. We decided to sleep outside in the open with no tents and no mattresses, just the night sky. Of course we took a large blanket along with us just incase it got cold. We decided to spend the night up at the lake. It was so peaceful and calm and reminded me of the queen. I felt that I could still smell her perfume. Am I crazy?

So anyway, it's so peaceful here. I've been awake for hours just staring at the stars and listening to the wind. I wondered if her majesty was staring at them aswell…oh great, I'm talking about her again. What is that about?

I didn't see her today, on account of my spending the day indoors painting Lauren's room. I can't believe she chose pink! Of all the colours she could have chosen, she chose pink, or as she calls it; light rose. I told her I didn't like her choice in colour so she flicked some of it onto my shirt. I flicked some onto her and we ended up rolling around on the floor covered in paint. When we stopped rolling, I found that our lips were very close to each other. I took that opportunity to kiss her and she didn't resist. We stayed on the floor for a while, then I helped her up and we continued painting. Our faces were red from blushing.

Later on, we walked hand in hand up to the lake and set up "camp". We lay under the blanket and kissed some more. I'm looking forward to waking up with her in my arms. It's nice not being single anymore.

28/2/72

The boys at the gym asked me if I wanted to go and spy on the ladies getting changed today, normally I would join in on something like that, but since I'm now with Lauren, I refused. They then asked me if I would join them for drinks later on and I said I would. It was pretty fun, because we all went down to the pub to shoot some pool and get drunk. I made allies with a man called Ronnie Mackus. He said that if anybody tried hurting me again for no reason, he'd give them something to cry about. I thought that was a nice thing to say, since we'd just met and all.

We got back at around 11:30pm. Lauren was waiting for me by the old oak tree, so I walked up and kissed her. We then headed towards our spot on the lake.

I haven't thought about the queen all day…okay until now, that is. Why do I think about her every day anyway? It's not as if we have some kind of connection. The answer escapes my mind. Maybe I just want to know why she just stares at things so much. Or maybe I just want to know the inner workings of her mind…

1/3/72

The smell in my room has died down, so we are sleeping in here tonight. I liked sleeping outside and I shall miss it very much. Lauren's room looks fairly nice, even though it's pink. We did a very good job. At the moment I'm waiting for her to arrive. She said she'd be here by ten, but it's now a quarter past ten. Oh well, while I'm waiting, I might as well write about what happened earlier. I had a run in with Dale in the change rooms at the gym. It was just me and him in there and he tried to take a swing at me because he didn't like the way I made a fool out of him the other day. I hadn't been in a fight since high school, but I was still good at it. I grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back, then I threw him against the wall and walked out in just my shorts. I felt good about myself for teaching him a lesson, but people like that never learn. I have a feeling I'll be called into the King's office again tomorrow...

Well, well, well, look who's just arrived. Time to put down my pencil and pick up another (kidding). I don't see the chances of anything happening tonight. After all, we've only been together for about two days.

2/3/72

I talked to the queen again today, even though she thought I was somebody she'd never met before. I saw her sitting on a bench watching her youngest son, Philippe run around in circles. I walked casually up to her and said, "Good Morning, Your Majesty."

Then she said, "Hello…do I…know you?"

"Yes, we spoke the other day."

"Oh right…um…Steve isn't it?"

"Joseph."

"Really? I don't remember speaking to anyone called Joseph. Are you sure that's your name?"

"Yes."

"Oh, do forgive me. There are so many workers in the garden that it's hard to tell who is who."

"Perhaps I should start wearing a name-tag."

She tilted her head and bit her lip, smiling slightly. She looked so…what's the word I'm looking for…gorgeous? I can't believe I keep having these thoughts about a woman I have absolutely no chance with. I already have a very beautiful girlfriend, why can't I just settle for that?

"Do you mind if I sit down?" I asked.

"Not at all, I was just about to leave anyway. Philippe, darling, do come along!"

I found it strange that she wasn't in a daze today. She seemed sort of…well, warmer if you disregard the fact that she avoided sitting next to me. It's understandable, however. What would people think if they saw the queen sitting with the help?

Lauren's gone out for an all girls night tonight with some of the maids and Julian (a male chef from the kitchen). So I'm in bed all alone. It feels strange to be alone in bed since Lauren's been sleeping beside me for the past week or so. Well, she'll be along later. But for now, I need some rest.


	3. Chapter 3

10/3/72

Golly, I haven't written in here for a while, I guess I've just been busy. It's been all work, work, work for the past seven days. I haven't had the energy to write my journal. We've been preparing for this ball that is to be held tomorrow. The Genovian Annual Independence Day Ball (a.k.a: GAIDB). A pointless escapade if there ever was one. Apparently anyone who's important in Genovia will come for dinner and dancing. Us gardeners have the most important job because we have to make the garden looks spectacular. Everything has to be in its place. So you can imagine the stress we're under. It has to be finished by no later than tomorrow morning. It looks pretty good at the moment but it does require a couple of touch ups.

Her Majesty is in control of the gardens. She gives us orders and if we don't follow them, we're out of a job (which is fair enough, seeing as though it's her garden). Would you believe she still doesn't remember who I am? Now she thinks I'm some man called Timothy from Pennsylvania. I would seriously like to know how she got that into her head. I'm the only gardener I know who says more to her than just a simple "Hello".

Well, I have an early start to the day tomorrow, so I'll sign off here.

11/3/72

Tonight was the night of the GAIDB. I watched the dancing from the window in Lauren's room, because hers has a better view than mine. Lauren was in the actual ballroom serving food to the guests. I was imagining the two of us in there dancing around, eating gourmet foods and drinking the finest wines. Then somebody yelling interrupted my trail of thought. I watched in surprise as her majesty walked furiously across the lawn followed by the king.

"I don't care if you think it was funny, Rupert, you had no right to say that!"

"Oh come on, Clarisse, I didn't mean it."

She turned around and threw her corsage at him, "Yes you did!"

He grabbed her arm, "Look, I'm sorry, alright? Now can we please go back inside and enjoy the party?"

"No!" She pulled away and stormed off towards the stables. He threw his hands up and hurried back inside.

I decided to follow the queen in case she needed some comfort or a shoulder to cry on. I hurried outside and ran to the stables. When I got there, I saw her riding her horse, towards the gate, so I mounted a horse myself and chased after her. As I expected, she stopped to sit at the lake. I jumped off the horse and slowly walked over to her. She looked terrible. Her mascara was running, she had scratches on her face from riding too close to the trees and her once beautiful sparkling ballgown had become nothing more than tattered rags.

"Your Majesty?"

She looked up at me and then stared at the water. She mustn't have known what to say because she stayed silent.

"Are you alright?"

Her lip twitched and she nodded slightly. I pulled out a clean hanky and bent down to wipe her face, but she took it from my hand and wiped it herself.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head, "Can you please give me a moment alone, I'm sick of being followed all the time."

"Of course. I'm sorry for the intrusion, your majesty."

I got up and backed slowly away. I saw her put her head in her hands and I decided to stay behind a tree to keep an eye on her. A whole hour passed before I decided to talk to her again.

"Can I help you back to the palace?"

"Are you still here?"

"I was worried about you."

"You were worried about me? That's very kind, but you don't even know me. Why should you care?"

"Because you're my queen and I have a duty to make sure you're feeling ok."

"No you don't, you're not my bodyguard."

"I may be a gardener, but I have the heart of a bodyguard."

"I'm sure you do, after all, you did follow me up here for god knows what reason."

"Because I care about your safety and wellbeing just as a bodyguard would."

"I'll tell you what, if something ever happens to Baxter, I'll give you a call…umm…uh…"

"Joseph."

"Joseph? Are you sure? You look like a Larry to me."

"I can assure you, I do know my own name."

"Well anyway, in the meantime I'd suggest you have a word with Paul, the royal head of security, about becoming a guard. Tell him the queen sent you."

She got up and hopped onto her horse, "See you on the squad, Billy."

"It's Joseph…"

It was strange, I wasn't expecting a job offer. I can just picture myself as a palace guard. Purple suit, black hat, feathers…

13/3/72

I spoke to Paul today. He said that he needs to test my skills as a guard before letting me on duty. I'm taking the test on the 19th. If I qualify, I'll be sent to Spain for a three day intense training course. Until then, I must learn about security by staying by his side. I feel strange being a 37 year old intern who has to follow a 44 year old man around. He's only 7 years older than me and he's made something of his life. Not that mine hasn't been great, it's just…he's everything I want to be.

Lauren asked me to join her in her room tonight, so I'm thinking tonight could be the night. Not that that's all I want her for or anything but…hmm…

I have to go now, she said to come at 9:30. Cheery-O!


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, the reason Lauren is in it is becuase I think Joseph would have had a life before Clarisse and I don't plan to get rid of her anytime soon ;)

* * *

20/3/72 

I passed the security test with flying colours and am now 20,000 feet up in the sky on my way to Spain. Lauren is sort of upset that I have to go, but she knows it's for the best. "Career over love" is her motto, which is silly, but if it makes her not miss me as much, I'm fine with it. I hit a home run with her the other night…and the night after that…and oh, the night after that aswell. I'm not too comfortable with the fact that she likes to snuggle afterwards, but I can deal with it.

Before I left, I somehow found myself listening to the king and queen arguing again when I was walking past the dining room window. It appeared as if she still hadn't forgiven him for whatever he said the other night.

"Clarisse, please. I was drunk, it kind of just slipped out."

"You weren't drunk. I've been married to you long enough to know when you're drunk."

"Excuse me? Did you see me drinking?"

"No."

"Of course not, you were too busy staring at Baxter!"

"I…I was not!"

"Admit it, you fancy him."

"No…I…I do not fancy him!"

"Well you don't fancy me."

"Alright, I think he's good looking, so what? I've seen you ogling other women, why shouldn't I look at other men?"

"Wait a minute, what were we talking about before? Oh yes, I was drunk and you know it!"

"Oooooh!"

I decided to walk away at that point, because I saw somebody coming and didn't want them to think I was spying.

I am really starting to wonder what he said at the party…

22/3/72

I am so exhausted. For the past 2 days, we've done nothing but obstacle courses and making sure nobody assassinates the watermelons we've been guarding as if they were real people. It's hard work. I wonder if being a real guard is this hard. We have a drill sergeant called Miss. Lowell who is making us write up our Journals to pass time. I think she fancies me a fair bit because instead of making me do push ups with the rest of the guys, she asks me to play tennis with her. She's not really my type of woman, but then again, what type is? Miss. Lowell (Sandy) is sort of chubby and looks as if she belongs in the army. She's quite nice, but sometimes when she's yelling at everyone she can be really scary. Oh goodie, the bell just rang. That means dinner time!

23/3/72

I'm on my way home now (already). The course was so exhausting and I can't wait to get a decent night's sleep. I've been given my certificate in security and I plan to hang it up on my bedroom wall for all to see...ok, not that many people will end up seeing it but that's beside the point. I'm looking forward to seeing her majes…I mean Lauren. I haven't been able to hold her for three days and I'm already starting to feel lonely. Flying is so boring, especially when the flight attendants are all men! Luckily Genovia is only half an hour away from Spain, so we should be landing soon.

**Later…**

Lauren was happy to see me; she greeted me as I got off the plane. I hugged and kissed her then we walked to the GT (Genovian Taxi).

When we got home, we had a bath together and I told her about the trip. She said she missed me while I was gone and I said the same to her. Truth be told, I was too exhausted to miss her - ha!

So after our bath, we went to bed.

I start my new job the day after tomorrow. My duties include walking around the grounds, making safety checks and keeping an eye out for intruders. It sounds fairly easy. Anyway, I only got up to get a glass of water. Time to go back to sleep now.

25/3/72

I made the most of my day off today. I decided to sleep in until 12, then I got up and went for a walk, had a light workout at the gym and spent some quality time with Lauren. She told me all about what she did while I was away – wild parties, unprotected sex with countless men, drinking all day every day…actually that's just a lie. She said she spent most of her time working in the kitchens and cleaning out her room. She also went out with the girls every night for drinks down at the girls club. She said it took her mind off my being away.

I ran into Dale today. He tried to take another swing at me again (what a dickhead). I learnt all about handling trouble makers like him at the training course. I simply said to him, "Do you work for a wage?"

And he said yes, then I said, "Then piss off and earn it or you'll walk away with a shoe logged up your backside!"

I could tell he was angry, because he stormed off without saying goodbye.

27/3/72

I think the king and queen are still fighting. I was walking past the door to their suite at 10pm and heard the queen screaming. She wasn't screaming words, she was just screaming...very loudly. The guards outside the door had smirks on their faces. I asked them what was going on and they said it was none of my concern. I then asked them if we should go and see if something was the matter and one of them said, "I don't think they want to be disturbed, if you know what I mean."

Strangely I didn't and still don't, but since it was none of my concern as he said, I just left it at that.

Apart from that, my first day was exciting. I find starting any new job exciting, especially one where you get to move around and do things instead of just standing in the one spot all day doing the same thing over and over.

31/3/72

Okay, something strange is happening. The queen has actually been remembering my name. It started the other day, I was going about my daily stroll checking to see that everything was in order and I came across her sitting on the bench in the gazebo. I was going to ignore her, because that's what she usually does to me, but she said, "Good morning, Joseph."

I froze and turned to her, "Good morning, Your Majesty."

And ever since then, she's been saying, "Hello Joseph," whenever she sees me. I tell you, it's a strange turn of events…I wonder what the deal is?


	5. Chapter 5

3/4/72

She said it again today, "Hello Joseph."

And I said, "Your Majesty."

Then she continued walking and so did I.

What is up with that? I seriously would like to know why she remembers my name now…

She seems a lot happier now. Last week she was screaming her brains out and now she's all cheerful and nice. The woman mind boggles me. I'm going to ask her why she remembers my name now next time I see her.

Dale came across me again today – why doesn't he just give up while he's still standing on two legs?

He said to me, "Think you're so tough, don't you bitch?"

And I said, "I don't think I'm tough, I know I am."

"You're not tough, you're weak – weak as a cat with its legs tied up."

"I could knock you to the floor with one hand tied behind my back."

"Ooh, big words!"

I punched him. I punched him so hard that blood started pouring out of his mouth and he fell to the ground.

"You bastard! I'm telling the king on you!"

I'm not usually a man who would get a man while he's down, but today I made an exception. I kicked him square in the nuts. He cried out in pain and started cursing at me. Then I said, "Dale, what the hell is your problem? I've never done anything to you so why do you insist on hassling me? Get a life, moron." And then I walked away.

Note to self: Meeting with king regarding incident with Dale – 9:37pm tonight.

It is now 9:42pm and I am in shock, yet utterly aroused. I got to the king's office at 9:35pm and knocked on the door, except instead of him saying "Come in," her majesty answered by saying, "Come in and lock the door". I did so and stopped still. The chair she was sitting in was turned the other way, so she didn't know that it was I who entered the room. I waited for her to speak and she did, "I've been waiting for twenty minutes. What took you so long?"

I didn't answer because I wasn't sure she was talking to me. I looked around to see if anybody else was in the room, but I couldn't see anyone. I took a step closer and she turned to the chair around to face me, "Aren't you going to say anything?"

And then I said, "I didn't know you were waiting for me."

Then she let out a scream, realising that the person she thought was in the room wasn't actually the person in the room.

The reason she screamed is because she was wearing this really REALLY sexy black lace and silk piece of lingerie that covered from her chest down to her...hmm…

I couldn't stop staring at her even when she was yelling at me and telling me to turn the other way. Eventually I did turn around and she quickly threw on her dressing gown. That's when the king came in asking why the door was locked. He saw me standing there and her majesty tying the cord on her dressing gown.

Then he said, "Is there something going on here that I should know about?"

And I said, "No sir."

There was awkwardness for a minute, but that soon ended when the queen decided to rush out of the room, crying. We both watched her leave, then the king turned to me and said, "Please take a seat."

He walked to his side of the desk.

I pointed to the door and said, "Shouldn't you go after her?"

"Later. Now Joseph, I understand that you've been involved in yet another incident with Dale Kerrister, so I've decided to take drastic measures."

"Should I start packing my things?"

"Oh no, no, no. I just wanted to tell you that I've already talked to him and he's packing as we speak. He leaves tomorrow."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. Problem solving is best done when you destroy the source of the problem."

"Thankyou sir, is that all?"

"Yes, you can go now. I should really attend to my wife."

I then walked out and went back to my room.

I've had that picture of the queen stuck in my head ever since I left. She was so…alluring. If she were my wife (or even my girlfriend) I'd…never mind, it's not going to happen.

5/4/72

I talked to her majesty today when I saw her eating breakfast in the gazebo. She was trying not to make eye-contact with me, it was quite amusing. I apologized about seeing her in that…um…I guess it was an outfit. She told me that she had forgotten about it and that I should forget about it too. If she had really forgotten about it, she wouldn't have told me that she'd forgotten about this thing that she's supposed to not remember on account of her forgetting it...meh. I hate it when people say things like that, it makes no sense. I was about to walk away, but I remembered that I wanted to ask her something.

"Your Majesty, may I ask you a question?"

"You didn't give me much of a choice there, did you?"

I laughed, "No I didn't. No, I wanted to ask you why ever since I've become a security guard, you've started to remember my name."

"Oh, there's a simple explanation for that."

"And are you going to tell me what it is?"

"It was an act, I never forgot your name."

"Excuse me?"

"I am not the type of woman to forget a name or a face. You were just a gardener before and I try not to get involved with the little people by talking to them. If they think you don't go to the trouble of remembering their names, they won't want to talk to you as much. It worked on you, didn't it?"

"Isn't a security guard on the same level as a gardener?"

"No, you have to show guards that you care, otherwise they will be less willing to save your life in the event of an emergency."

"That's a horrible thing to say. I never knew you were so...selfish. Using people is a horrible thing to do!"

I then walked away feeling very proud of myself for having a go at the queen. I can't believe she pretended to forget my name just because she thought there was a chance she'd grow to like me. What kind of person would pretend to like someone just because they want them to save their life? Suddenly I feel that our figurehead is not what she seems.


	6. Chapter 6

7/4/72

I've decided to treat the queen as she would have treated me a few weeks ago. I started today when I saw her walking towards me. I didn't say anything to her until she said, "Hello Joseph."

I then said, "Hello Mary. That is your name, isn't it?"

She looked at me in utter shock, then I walked away and smiling to myself.

I didn't see her again after that, which was disappointing because I wanted to tease her some more.

Lauren gave me some interesting news today – she skipped her period, so I may be about to become a father. It wouldn't bother me to be a father, but where would we put a child? We'd have to rent a house or something and drive to work every day, which wouldn't suit my job because I'm supposed to be on constant guard up at the palace and I'm certain that the king wouldn't want a stray child running around and annoying the staff. Oh well, she's not sure yet if she actually is pregnant so I'm going to try not to worry about it.

Possible names A – girls:

Amelia (my favourite name in the world)

Anna

Annette

Ariel

Possible names A – boys:

Aaron

Ayden

Artkin

Alex

What the hell am I doing?

Note to self: She may not be pregnant.

11/4/72

Lauren hasn't gone in for the tests yet (I think she may be scared a little), but we've been talking about the possibilities of raising the child if there does happen to be one in there. She says that I don't have to do the honourable thing and ask her to marry her, which I thought was a very nice thing to say because most women would force you to ask. See how great we are together?

I think the queen is getting thoroughly annoyed with my calling her random names like she used to do to me. She's stopped saying hello to me altogether. I'm the one who initiates the greetings now. For example, when I saw her today I said, "Good morning Rose."

She looked at me and frowned. It was hilarious (I'm such a naughty boy).

The king has gone away on business for a few days, leaving Rose to do all the work. Haha, Rose.

She seems pretty stressed out because there is a heavy workload at the moment and she hasn't yet been properly trained to do things like picking up a pen and signing papers. Good luck to her on that.

Possible names B – girls:

Bridgett

Brigitte

Belinda

Belle

Possible names B – boys:

Blake (another of my favourite names)

Barney

Benjamin

Bert

Not this again…

13/4/72

Still waiting for Lauren to go in for tests. It's been almost a whole week already and she still hasn't gone. I may have to drive her to the doctor myself.

The queen is still annoyed that I keep calling her different names. She's been totally avoiding me! I think my little plan (whatever it is) is working.

Not much happened today except a sparrow flew past while I was out in the garden.

Possible names C – girls:

Carmel

Claudia

Clarisse (fat chance of naming my child after that bitch)

Chilli

Possible names C – boys:

Cameron

Caleb

Cale

Christian

14/4/72

I went down to the store today and purchased some pregnancy tests. The man at the store asked me if I was a woman in disguise and I said, "No, I'm purchasing these because I may have knocked up my girlfriend."

Then he said, "Oh, tough break. You're going to be needing one of these then, too."

He held out what looked like an engagement ring and I said, "That won't be necessary," and walked away.

I'm currently sitting on Lauren's bed waiting for her to get out of the bathroom with the news. She's been in there for over half an hour, I beginning to feel worried. What if she's in there with positive tests trying to figure out the right way to tell me? Well, while I'm waiting…

Possible names D – girls:

Denise

Delia

Danielle

Delta

Possible names A – boys:

Drake (another name I like)

Daniel

Dylan

Darren

You know, I think I'm beginning to like thinking of baby names…uh-oh! I should write a whole book of them…or not.

Oh, I hear the doorknob twisting, here comes the news...

Note to self: Hide Journal

* * *

School holiday time again! That means a new chapter every day! Woooh! This is short because I wanted a cliff hanger :)

Who thinks she's pregnant?


	7. Chapter 7

Still 14/4/72

Good news; she's not pregnant. That's a relief. We're going to be much more careful when it comes to contraception from now on. I guess I can stop thinking of names now…Erin, Eric, Eileen…STOP IT! Lauren seems happy that her figure is safe (the thought of getting fat simply disturbs her), but she's decided to go on vacation for a couple of days. Apparently it's not actually a vacation; it's more of a cooking school. She wants to become a fully qualified cook and appears to have given up on the idea of becoming an interial designer.

I think it's a good thing that she isn't pregnant because I only want to have children with a woman whom I'm in love with and so far, I haven't found her. At least I don't think I have.

16/4/72

Okay…I am so…what's the word? Bewildered?

I was out doing my rounds early this afternoon and I happened to come across the queen. After I said the usual, "Good afternoon, Rose," she ordered me to stop and report to her immediately. To save myself from possibly having to find a new job, I did as she said. We stood there for about 2 minutes having a conversation that went something like, "Mr. Alexander, you know very well that my name is not Rose, Jennifer, Mary or any of those other names you have been disrespectfully calling me this past week."

"And my name has never been Larry, Daniel, Steve…"

"Stop it, I understand what you're trying to say. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Well that fixes everything. Are you going to apologise to all of your staff members, or just the ones who aren't afraid to stand up to you?"

I started walking away, but she called me back.

"I'm not finished," she took a deep breath and straightened up her jacket, "I want you to help me to become a better queen."

"Excuse me?"

"I want you to help me get in touch with the staff, to show them kindness, generosity and to make them feel as if they aren't just here to work. I think you could assist me in learning to understand them better and possibly even befriend them."

"You want me to help you do that?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I've been thinking a great deal about what you said and I realised that it actually makes a lot of sense to become one with your workers."

"Alright then, you seem genuine enough."

"So you will help me?"

"Your Majesty, you have engaged my services. When shall we begin?"

She smiled at me and told me that we could start tomorrow morning. I think it's strange how she allowed herself to be influenced by a mere commoner like me. It's good that she wants to change herself for the better and admitting that to herself is the first step on her way to becoming a better person.

17/4/72

We started what I call our "lessons" today. We sat in the gazebo and I told her to wave to everyone who went by and to say "hello" to whoever the person was. For example, she said, "Hello Peter," to the hedge trimmer because his name was Peter. Since she already knew everybody's names, it was a synch for her. The people looked at her in shock that she knew what their names were. I thought the whole thing was quite amusing.

Later on, I asked her to come down to the kitchen with me. She had never been in the kitchen before because she always orders her food from upstairs because that way she didn't have to mingle with the staff. Some of the kitchen staff weren't native Genovians, they were French, so I asked her if she knew how to speak French and she said she knew a fair bit. I told her that they would appreciate it if she spoke to them in their native language, so she got to talking with them and they seemed to have a fair bit in common. She liked the way that the food she ordered was brought to her much faster than if she were to order it from her suite and decided that she would visit more often.

After she bid the kitchen staff farewell, I told her that our lesson was over for the day and she said, "It may be over, but I'm not finished with you yet."

It turns out she just wanted somebody to accompany her on a walk. We started talking and she told me all about how she came to be the queen. She said it was an arranged marriage and that she wasn't too happy about it at first, but started warming up to the idea when her first child was born. I had no idea that it was an arranged marriage; they seemed perfect for each other, despite the 14 year age difference. She didn't go into great detail about their relationship. She just stopped at, "Rupert and I…" and then moved onto, "So, Joseph tell me about your life. I'd like to get to know the person who has agreed to help me become a better person."

So I thought to myself, 'Hey, if she doesn't want to talk about her relationship with her husband, then leave it be'.

I then told her about myself, "There's not much to tell really; I went to school, then college, played a lot of tennis, moved out of home, travelled the world for a few years and then came to work here because I loved the land so much. It's a beautiful country."

"It is, isn't it? Has there been anybody who was particularly special in your life yet or are you still looking for 'the one'?"

I let out a long sigh, "I haven't yet found 'the one', but I am with somebody."

"Really? What's her name? Or his…or…"

"HER name is Lauren."

"Lauren? You don't mean the Lauren who brings my meals up from the kitchen, do you?"

"As a matter of fact, yes."

"Oh really? Well that certainly is a shock. A palace romance…wait a minute, I didn't see her today."

"She's on vacation."

"Vacation? Oh, you mean a holiday?"

"Yes. Learning to be a better cook."

"Oh good, she needs improving…oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend."

"Oh go right ahead, she's a terrible cook."

She laughed, "But she's terribly pretty. What are you doing with her if she's not the woman of your dreams? The one you want to spend the rest of your life with?"

"I could ask you the same question, your majesty."

The expression on her face was totally wiped away after I said that. She excused herself and hastened back into the palace.

I think I know what I'm doing with Lauren. She's there in case I don't ever happen to find 'the one'. If I don't find the woman of my dreams, I'll still have her to fall back on. So I know I won't die completely alone. Now that I've put that in writing, I realise it sounds very selfish and very unfair to Lauren. I'm a hypocrite! No better than the queen was.


	8. Chapter 8

20/4/72

The queen has been doing quite well with her lessons. She now can communicate with the staff in a non-awkward fashion and can also initiate conversations with them. I feel really proud of her and I hope she will continue to be the queen she was destined to be; kind, caring, loving. I've nearly taught her everything she needs to know in order to be a better person already, however she does want to continue seeing me on a regular basis afterwards just for a chat or some tea. I think over time I will be able to connect with her well and not have to worry if I say something out of line like I did earlier today. I told her (as a joke) that I thought she looked very sexy in the outfit she was wearing when I walked in on her the other day and she slapped me across the face and told me never to mention it again. I then apologised and she excused herself a few minutes later.

Lauren came back today and said she didn't get her certificate in cooking because there was an incident with her instructor. Apparently he made a joke about her cooking and she whacked him over the head with a frying pan. He had to have 8 stitches (ouch).

Note to self: Don't agrivate Lauren when it's that time of the month.

22/4/72

Well, we finished our lessons. Boy did the time fly. The queen seems like such a nice woman now. Perhaps she was there all along, but just needed to be set free...

Anyway, to thank me for my help, the queen took me down to the cellar to select a bottle of wine as a gift. It was very dark and dusty down there, but the window allowed for some light to sneak in. I bet if you counted all the bottles in there, there would be about 10,000 all together. It was stacked full of them! She led me to the very back of the cellar and looked up at the top shelf. It seemed she was looking for a certain bottle in particular.

"Ah, there it is."

She pulled one of those sliding ladders that libraries sometimes have over to where the bottle was. She then climbed up the ladder very slowly and took the bottle from the shelf. While she was dusting it off and reading it, I couldn't help but notice she was wearing a skirt and that she was high up on a ladder. Like any male, I couldn't help but look. I don't know why I did it, but I did. She was wearing black panties. Expensive looking black panties. Arousing black panties. Panties I wished would just fall down and let me see what was underneath them. While I was in my trance, she noticed that I was staring and raised an eyebrow, "Looking for anything in particular?"

I shook my head and smiled, "No, your majesty."

I didn't expect her to purposefully drop the bottle in order to get my full attention, but she did and I managed to come to my senses and catch it before it smashed on the ground. She let out a laugh and started descending the ladder. I held out my hand to help her down the last step and thanked her for the bottle. She then thanked me for my help and asked if I would join her for tea the day after tomorrow, so I said I would. We then walked out and said goodbye to each other.

Lauren and I slept in our own rooms tonight. She said she likes to have a night to herself every now and again, which I thought was fine because I like having some nights to myself as well.

I've decided not to drink the bottle of wine; instead I will keep it for a very special occasion. The bottle looks awfully expensive, mainly due to the fact that it reads: 'Moro Frisco, bottled July 1904'

24/4/72

Tea with the queen today. We didn't really have much to talk about, but it was interesting to watch the faces of the maids as they saw me drinking tea with her. They all looked as if a bomb had hit the earth. Her majesty pretty much spent the whole time talking about how fast her sons are growing up. Then she asked me if I had any kids and I replied, "None that I'm aware of."

She laughed at that remark which made me smile. She then asked me if I ever planned to have children and I replied, "Only if I find the right woman."

"Perhaps you haven't been looking hard enough."

"Perhaps not."

She looked into her empty cup and suddenly had a sad expression on her face, "We have a lot in common you know."

I didn't quite understand what she meant by that and I didn't have time to think about it because she stood up and told me that she had a meeting to attend.

Later on, I did my rounds. When I was walking past the king's suite I heard her screaming again. The guards outside the door were once again smiling and trying to contain their laughter. I recognised the king's voice was also coming from the suite, only he wasn't screaming, it sounded if he was trying to shut her up. What I heard was, "Clarisse…will you please try to be a little quieter; the whole palace is probably listening. And you wonder why I don't want to do this very often."

I heard her reply, "So? It's not as if we're doing anything wrong, I mean we're man and wife for heaven's sake. We have two kids! Don't you think everybody knows that we do this by now anyway?"

My eyes widened and I suddenly knew what was going on in there. She wasn't in pain, she was surrounded by extreme pleasure. I continued my rounds and it suddenly occurred to me why the guards outside the door were snickering.

27/4/72

Lauren and I slept in the same bed last night. It was a good thing because I was starting to feel as if I was the only one in the entire world who wasn't getting any. I haven't spoken with the queen lately because she's been busy with her new-found enthusiasm towards the help. She's even started encouraging her sons to talk with them. I know I've said this before but I am very proud of her and of myself for teaching her.

Apparently there is another ball coming up in a week and I've been requested by his majesty to stand at the door and watch for anyone suspicious. This is my first real task as a guard and I'm looking forward to it.

During balls, the two princes are forced to stay in their rooms and entertain the children of the guests. I presume they just sit in there and play their instruments or study or participate in educational activities because not many rich parents allow their children to waste time with fun stuff. They must be strictly educational.

This ball is called the "King's Banquet." It's one of those ones where they dance and have a huge feast of gourmet food. It's going to be interesting to stand at the door and watch the dancing. There's going to be a live orchestra too, so listening to that should keep me occupied in the event of my getting bored. I'm looking forward to seeing what her majesty will be wearing. The dress she wore to the GAIDB was so elegant and so sexy…

Lauren will be in there once again serving appetisers and drinks, so I should be able to socialise with her at some stage. Maybe we could even dance together just like in my fantasy. Of course we wouldn't be allowed to dance until the party was over, but it would still be fun.

Tomorrow I must listen to Paul go over the security details for the ball. He has to tell us where we need to stand and what we should be looking out for. That should be fun…not.


	9. Chapter 9

4/5/72

Tonight was the night of the King's Banquet. I watched in amazement as the queen entered wearing a sparkly long pale pink dress with a V-neck that really brought out her cleavage. I couldn't help but notice that her breasts looked slightly bigger than usual (trust me to notice something like that). I watched her descend the staircase and she gave me a quick smile. I gave her one back and she continued walking down the stairs. The king took her hand when she reached the bottom and they welcomed everybody to the ball.

As the dancing began, I watched from the door and imagined myself waltzing around the dance floor with the woman of my dreams, little did I know at the time that my dream was about to become a reality.

It was about half past 10 when I noticed that she wasn't dancing with the king – she was dancing with one of the guards. I asked the man on the other side of the door what was going on and he said she'd been dancing with the help all night. I raised both my eyebrows and stared at her. She was smiling. A real smile. Not one of those fake put-on smiles she usually wears – a genuinely happy smile. She directed her eyes to me and winked. What she did after the dance ended really surprised me. She curtsied to the man and then glided over to me.

"Good evening Joseph."

"Good evening, your majesty."

"Would you like to dance?"

"Are you sure? I mean I'm working and all…"

She held my hands and led me to the dance floor. They were playing the Emperor's Waltz (my favourite dance). I put one hand on her hip and the other in her hand. We then stepped forward, then backwards then to the side, then the other side. We stared into each other's eyes the whole time and talked.

"I'm very proud of you."

"Thankyou, I'm very proud of myself."

"There's something different about you tonight and it's not just your beautiful looks."

She blushed, "I'm in a good mood."

"Oh? Are you going to tell me why?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want anybody to know yet."

"Fair enough."

"Have you sampled the wine I gave you yet?"

"I'm saving it for a very special occasion."

"Oh? Like what?"

"I don't know, I'm still waiting to find out."

I danced with her majesty for eight and a half minutes, most of the time I was waiting for her to look away from me so I could take a proper glance at her chest, but she didn't once look away from me (I am such a pervert). Anyway, the song finished and we stood there staring into each other's eyes. It was then that I realised why I had been obsessing over her ever since we'd met; I was in love with her. She was 'the one,' the woman of my dreams. I wanted to kiss her so badly, to feel her lips against mine, to smell her hair, but the king came over and asked if he could steal his wife away from me, so I let him. I then went back to my post at the door and tried to recollect what had just happened.

At the end of the night, all of the guests went home and the security team gathered in the hall to talk about whether we'd seen any suspicious characters or not. Since none of us had, we were dismissed.

I started walking to my room, but was stopped at the bottom of the staircase by Lauren.

She said rather cheerfully, "I saw you dancing with the queen, should I be worried?"

Then I replied, "Do you want to be?"

She smiled and started fiddling with the buttons on my jacket, "Are you coming to bed soon?"

"Umm…no, not tonight, sorry."

She moved her hands to my tie and started stroking it seductively, "Are you sure?"

"Uh…yes. I have some…thinking to do."

"About her?"

"Yes…no!"

"Oh I understand, Joey, you shouldn't be ashamed, she's a wonderful woman. It's just too bad you don't have a chance with her."

I looked away from her and she stroked my face, "Well you've always got me."

With that, she kissed my cheek and skipped up the stairs to her room. I then went back to my own room to do some thinking.

Why I think I'm in love with the Queen:

She is attractive, witty, beautiful, smart, gorgeous, mysterious, charming, wears sexy underwear, has a fantastic body, likes some of the same things I do, is nice to be around, a sight for sore eyes, someone I enjoy flirting with.

Now that I've written it out like that, I'm thinking that perhaps I only like the outer layer of her. Maybe I'm not in love. Maybe I just like the way she looks. But if that's the case, then why do I think about her more than my own girlfriend?

5/5/72

I've come to the conclusion that I only think I love her because I can't have her. She's too good for me. Nobody's ever been too good for me until now.

Note to self: Must lower standards and stop thinking about the queen.

Pros (reasons we should be together):

We're both good looking, it seems as if we both enjoy hot nights of passionless sex, we'd look perfect together, she's obviously not in love with her husband and I'm not in love with my girlfriend, we get along great, we have a lot in common, she smells nice, we dance well together, we share jokes, I'm in love with her.

Great! I've said it again! Why don't I just give in to myself now and just admit it? I love the queen! I love the queen! I LOVE THE QUEEN!

Moving along:

Cons (reasons we shouldn't be together):

Her status and background are far more superior than mine, she may not return my feelings, there'd be a national scandal, she has children to worry about, she's already married, she's the queen.

Pros and cons; where would we be without them?

6/5/72

I honestly don't know what to do about my new-found feelings towards her. I can't exactly go up to her and tell her how I feel because she'd probably have me thrown out of the country, but I can't exactly not tell her because I go weak at the knees every time I see her. This afternoon for example, she asked me to accompany her on a walk around the grounds and I almost tripped over my own feet when I caught a whiff of her. Her scent is heavenly; lavender this month. I walked beside her and tried to sniff her hair whenever she turned to look at something. It was quite embarrassing when she was explaining something and I got carried away by the smell. She asked me if I was paying attention and I said I was, but she didn't believe me. How can I pay attention to her when she smells so good?

I should write into one of those teen magazines and find out what their opinion on the subject is. Or maybe not.

I should try to forget about her to stop myself from falling deeper and deeper in love. Or I could just walk up to her and kiss her, then await her reaction.

Then again…perhaps I should just sleep on it.

* * *

A/N: The princes didn't go to the ball because the oldest one is only 12 and it didn't seem appropriate to have them in there (for once I actually didn't forget about them lol). 

I now have some of this story worked out now. I know what's going to happen in the next chapter and in the last one (whenever that may be). FYI: Emperor's Waltz is a great song. I had something else to say but forgot it.


	10. Chapter 10

12/5/72

The queen was terribly upset today, which was a huge change from the other night when she couldn't stop smiling. I saw her in the early hours of the morning walking towards the stables with tears running down her face. It was still sort of dark outside but that didn't stop me from following her.

She rode down to the lake like she always did when she was upset and threw herself on the ground and started crying. I walked slowly up to her and placed a hand on her back. She jumped up and looked at me. Obviously, she didn't think she'd been followed.

"I should have known you'd find me here. You always do. I need to find a new hiding place."

"I'll find it."

"Then I'll have to find another one."

"I'll find that, too. Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head and closed her eyes, "No."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing you need to worry about."

"But I do need to worry about it, it's making you unhappy."

She looked at me and I wiped her face with a tissue.

"I think we should officially declare you my bodyguard."

"Don't change the subject."

"It's Rupert."

"Of course."

"What do you mean of course?"

"It's always him. Do you think I haven't noticed you two are constantly fighting? What's he done this time?"

"It's not what he's done, it's what he said."

She paused for a moment then continued, "Remember how happy I was last week at the ball? I had just found out that I was pregnant. I'd always wanted a third child, but I told Rupert last night and he said he didn't want it."

"You're pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Then you should not be riding a horse."

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters. Just because he doesn't want it, it doesn't mean you should deprive yourself. I say if it makes you feel good, then do it."

She smiled at me and wiped the remaining tears from her eyes.

"Now, lets get back to the palace before you catch a cold."

I slumped my jacket around her shoulders and put an arm around her waist.

"Wait! What about the horses? We can't just leave them there."

"I'll come back for them later, now can we please concentrate on getting you inside?"

We walked all the way back to the palace garden talking about nothing in particular, then we saw the king searching frantically for his wife. She stopped still and stared as he called out her name and ran his hands through his hair in a fit of despair. I immediately removed my arm from her waist and watched as he became aware of our presence and started rushing over. He asked her where she had been and thanked me for finding her. I was then dismissed, so I went inside and stared at them through the window. She wasn't looking at him while he spoke, but I saw her look up after he'd finished. She raised an eyebrow and jumped into his arms. I couldn't help but feel jealous, even though she was his wife.

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted when I was scared to death by Lauren wrapping her arms around my shoulders and yelling, "Whatcha staring at? Or should I say whom are you staring at?"

I put my hands over hers and continued staring out the window, "Nobody."

She started breathing hot air on my neck, "It doesn't look like nobody."

"Can we drop this?"

"Can you stop staring at her?"

I reluctantly directed my eyes away from the window and stared into her eyes.

"Isn't that your jacket?"

"Where?"

"Over there around that woman you're supposedly not staring at?"

"What are you doing up so early?"

"I could ask you the same thing. I am on my way to the kitchen to make a start on their majesties' breakfast, what's your excuse?"

"I couldn't sleep."

She brought her lips to my ear and whispered, "Joey's in love."

I forcefully pulled her body against mine and kissed her, "Have fun at work."

I then let her go and walked to my room to have a shower. It was awfully chilly without a jacket.

Later on, I encountered her majesty in the great hall and stopped to ask her if she was alright. She told me that she and the king had worked everything out and that he was willing to welcome the new baby into the family. She then thanked me for the support and handed me my jacket, which by the way she was STILL WEARING! I thought she would have taken it off the second she got inside, but no, she was still wearing it for four hours after we got back. When she was out of site, I held the jacket to my nose and breathed in. It smelt heavenly, just like her. I stood there for ages just breathing in the scent. I am never going to wash that jacket again, nor am I going to wear it. It has her scent on it! How can I consent to washing that away?

Note to self: Buy new jacket.

That was the highlight of my day apart from the fact that Lauren asked me who I was thinking about after we'd finished having sex. I would have expected her to be jealous, but she isn't. Is that a good thing?

15/5/72

I've noticed the queen is a lot happier now. She's really looking forward to this new baby. She says she hopes it's a girl, but the king wants another boy. They're going to announce the pregnancy sometime during the next couple of weeks. All this talk of babies is making me realise that I'm almost 37 which is probably halfway through my life and I don't have a family. I know I've never wanted one before, but I'm starting to warm up to the idea. I suppose I can wipe the idea out of my head altogether because the only woman I would ever consider being with for the rest of my life already has a family and she most certainly wouldn't leave it for me. Maybe I should just settle for what I already have, Lauren. I don't think I could ever love her, but she seems to be my only choice.

16/5/72

I asked Lauren today if she would ever consider starting a family with me and she said, "Joey, I don't think it's a good idea. I mean come on; you're in love with someone else! How can you build a family if you're not building it with love?"

And I said, "Easy, like this."

I threw her onto the bed and climbed on top of her. She laughed and told me to stop in case she changed her mind.

I know she's right about the family thing, but I really think having a child is a good idea. I could like the idea of having a smaller version of myself running around and I know for sure that my mother would be pleased. Perhaps I should wait a few years to see if I can find my real TRUE love…oh who am I kidding? She's right there and I can't have her! What am I going to do?

I saw her walking with the king today – that was a first. I'd never seen them walking together before, but they were and they were holding hands. He was touching her stomach and they were both smiling and laughing. The jealousy bug started creeping up on me again and I started imagining myself in the king's position. He is so lucky to have a woman like that. Oh how I envy him.


	11. Chapter 11

Just skipping a few weeks… 

12/6/72

The queen is happier than I've ever seen her before. She found out that the child she's carrying is indeed female. She's already picked out a name, which is ironically the same name I would choose if I were having a child – Amelia. We must have more in common than I thought.

She informed me while we were out walking today that I'm now allowed to address her as Clarisse, but only when in private. We now both consider ourselves friends. She got rid of her bodyguard, Baxter and put me in charge of her safety because according to her, he didn't take his job as seriously as she'd have liked him to. I was glad to get the promotion because it makes me feel as if she values me. Another good thing about it is that I actually get paid for chasing after her when she has an episode.

Lauren has been teasing me a fair bit lately about my feelings for Clarisse and I still deny that there's anything going on. She can be such a pain sometimes.

17/6/72

Clarisse received some devastating news today – her mother in-law died. Apparently they had been very close and that her passing had been totally unexpected. I don't think it was unexpected considering that the woman was 89 years of age. Her husband, the former king, had died 20 years before hand, leaving young Rupert to take the throne.

Anyway, after she found out about her passing away, she immediately ran to the stables and mounted her horse. I tried to catch her as she started cantering towards the lake, but the horse was too fast for me, so I mounted the king's horse and chased after her. For once she didn't stop at the lake, instead she saw me and kept on riding. The sound of the horse's feet pounding against the ground started drowning out and eventually I lost her. I spent ages searching for any sign of her or the horse, but had no luck. I was just about to turn around for back up, but then I heard her moaning a few feet away. I looked around and saw her lying on the ground with her arms around her head. I jumped off the horse and ran right over to her. She had dirt and blood stains all over her and her hair was in a real mess. I bent down and asked her if she was alright. She said she wasn't so I rolled her onto her back and gently lifted her off the ground. I wish someone would invent some kind of portable communication device that one could use to call for help in the event of an emergency. I'm sure they will one day.

Anyway, I tried carrying her back to the palace, but she was quite heavy so I had to take a break every now and then. When we were about two kilometers away from the palace, I took another break and asked her how she was feeling.

She said, "I'm in pain."

Then I said, "Physically or emotionally?"

"Both…why did she have to die? She was the only person who I could ever really talk to."

"You can talk to me."

"It's not the same. She could always make me feel as if everything was going to be alright. She made everything make sense and she was so looking forward to having a granddaughter, but now she'll never get to see her, never get to hold her and never get to know her."

"I'm sure she'll be watching from heaven."

"Heaven? No offence, but you don't believe in that sort of thing do you?"

"No, no I don't. I was just hoping it would offer you some comfort."

"You're a very sweet man, aren't you?"

"Mmm. So what happened to you out there?"

"I was trying to escape you because I wanted to be alone, but the horse collapsed and I tumbled off."

"I'm sorry, I was only doing my job."

"I know you were and I'm grateful…god I have the biggest migraine."

"And the biggest lump."

"What?"

"That lump right there."

I pointed to her forehead and she touched it with her hand, "Ouch!"

"Clarisse, do you want me to run ahead and get help?"

"No, I want you to stay with me…your chest looks perfect for a pillow."

I laughed and let her rest her head against my chest. The thought of her using my body as a pillow made me feel all tingly inside. It also gave me the perfect opportunity to smell her hair, which fortunately hadn't been affected by the fall.

About an hour later, she decided that she was fit enough to walk with a little of my assistance, so I slung her arm around my shoulder and put an arm around her waist. We made it all the way back to the palace within 30 minutes. We had to walk very slow because she was still in pain. When we got back, there was a whole search party looking for her. Practically half the guards were surrounding the back of the palace. When they noticed us, they all came rushing over to take her inside. She thanked me for my help and allowed herself to be escorted into the palace.

The last I saw of her today was her being led upstairs for a thorough examination to see if any real harm had been done.

When Lauren heard about my little expedition she couldn't help but tease me by singing, "Joey's got it baaad, Joey's got it baaad."

I replied to her by saying, "Why don't you care?"

Then she said, "Because I don't love you."

Then she left me alone. I don't understand it, I've had plenty of girlfriends in the past who weren't in love with me but they still got jealous if I even looked at another woman. Perhaps I've finally met my match.

19/6/72

I feel so sorry for Clarisse. Yesterday morning she once again ran to the stables, mounted her horse and rode off with me in hot pursuit. This time she didn't stop at the lake, in fact she didn't go anywhere near it. She rode right out the front gate, onto the road, all the way across town and down to the beach.

She came to the rocks and jumped off her horse. I followed her as she ran and ran in attempts to get away from me. She was eventually forced to stop when she came to a large rocky wall. I slowed right down to walking pace and kept a slight distance between us. She looked at me with mascara running down her face and started shouting, "Well you've caught up to me, are you happy now?"

I swallowed and walked over to her, "I'm not going to be happy until you are. What's going on? You shouldn't be riding in your condition."

"What condition?"

"You're a pregnant woman!"

She collapsed on the sand and buried her face in her hands, "I lost it!"

"Lost what?"

"I lost the baby! I fell off the horse and I lost my little girl."

"Oh my dear. I'm so sorry."

I bent down to hug her, but she brushed me away, "Would you please just leave me alone for five minutes?"

I backed away and decided to keep an eye on her from a distance. It was a secluded area of the beach so if she had tried to escape, I could have easily caught her. I watched as she sat there crying, wanting to hold her and tell her that everything would be fine, but she didn't want me to interfere so I let her be.

An hour passed and I noticed that she was walking very slowly towards the water. She stopped when she felt it touch her feet. I rushed over to her in order to offer support but she just stared at the ocean and said very quietly, "Did you ever imagine what it would be like to live underwater?"

I didn't reply, instead I watched as she walked through the water with her long nightgown dragging at her heals. I called out to her, but she wasn't listening, she just kept walking further and further out to sea. I honestly thought she was going to stop and turn back, but as I watched the water rise up to her chest, I immediately realised she wasn't.

In a hurry, I removed my jacket and shoes and ran in after her, jumping the waves and watching to see if she was still afloat. When the water reached my elbows, I started swimming and I noticed that her head had gone under the water. I was panicking and trying my hardest to swim over and save her, but the waves kept pushing me back. Eventually they became my ally and pushed her into my arms. I made sure I kept her head above the water while I dragged her back to shore.

Fortunately she was conscious when I pulled her onto the dry land, but still I leant over her to make sure she was alright. She obviously wasn't since she started screaming at me again, "Why did you have to be the hero and save me? You don't understand what it's like to lose a loved one...or two!"

"Perhaps not, but I would have if I had let you drown out there!"

"Oh don't pretend you care about me!"

"I do care about you! Would I have risked my life to save yours if I didn't care?"

"Of course you would, it's your job."

"It may be my job but I would have dived in there after you even if it wasn't."

"Oh bull…"

"It's true!"

"I don't believe you."

"Clarisse, listen, you have to understand that just because someone you cared very much about died, doesn't mean you have to beat yourself up about it. They'd want you to be happy, I want you to be happy…like you used to be."

She looked into my eyes and started crying again so I helped her sit up and place my coat around her shoulders. I then picked her up and started walking back, but she asked me if we could stay for just a little while longer.

That little while longer turned out to be all night. I sat against the rocky wall with her using my head as a pillow again, which I didn't mind because I had my arms wrapped around waist just in case she decided to escape again. It was very painful leaning against that sharp rock, but that was nothing compared to what she was going through. She cried on my shoulder all night until she fell asleep. I tried to keep myself awake by watching the stars, running my hand through her hair, kissing her forehead and enjoying being able to hold her in my arms, even if it wasn't supposed to be a romantic situation, but I eventually fell asleep.

I woke up this morning and was surprised to find Clarisse staring at my face and running her hand up and down my cheek. She wasn't smiling and she wasn't crying, she was just…oh great, Lauren's here to tease me some more. I'll finish this off tomorrow – goodnight.

* * *

Haha! Cliffhangerish sort of thing. Don't worry; I'll most likely update it tomorrow night so you won't be waiting too long. Curious question: does anyone take note of the dates I put up? I know I wouldn't, but you should.

Wasn't that sad? I was thinking about this all day and decided to rush into it in case I decided that I didn't like the idea later on.


	12. Chapter 12

20/5/72

Okay, what happened was that I woke up leaning against that sharp rock and Clarisse was leaning over me stroking my cheek and studying my face – I didn't know what was going on. It was very awkward being in my position because I didn't want her to stop, but I couldn't let her continues because I was confused as to what she was doing. I stayed still and watched as she slowly pressed her lips against mine and gradually put her tongue in my mouth. The sensation I felt was too indescribable for words – it was simply wonderful.

Anyways, I did what and red-blooded man would do and returned the kiss, moving my arms around her and pulling her closer.

She puzzled me by what she did next; she slowly pulled away and smiled. Then she got up and stumbled towards the way out, yelling, "Aren't you coming? People are going to be wondering where I am."

I saw her trip over and rushed to catch her, "What was that about?"

"What was what about?"

I helped her up and stared at her for a moment, wondering if she had forgotten about what she had just done then replied, "Nothing."

She tripped again, so I decided to carry her, "I think you've swallowed a little too much sea water."

I realised that I had a full bladder so I put her down and said, "Clarisse, do you think you could wait here for just a moment while I expel some urine?"

She turned away and I went behind a rock to release my bowel, then I tucked myself back into my pants and washed my hands in a near-by rock pool. I found that Clarisse had wondered off and was headed back towards the water. I ran over and stopped her just as she was about to step into it. I threw her over my shoulder and walked around the large rock to find the road. I then put her down and hailed for a car to stop. Since she was easily recognisable as the queen, we only had to wait a couple of minutes for someone to pull over. I thanked them for stopping and carefully helped Clarisse into the back seat. The person informed me that everybody was looking for her and that they thought she'd been kidnapped. Apparently there was a $10,000 reward for finding her, (which the driver received later on and which was silly because she's worth at least ten times that amount).

We arrived back at the palace, where the king and the maids were all standing around out the front. I was once again, thanked for returning her and the king asked me to meet with him in his office at 8pm the next night (which was tonight since I'm backtracking), so I went and waited outside the door listening to him and Clarisse bickering once again. He was yelling at her for continuously running away and she was yelling at him because she didn't have enough freedom. He told her that it was her job to stay at the palace looking pretty and to not run away when things get tough. She told him that she wasn't an object and that she hated being followed everywhere. I then heard the doorknob turning and straightened up my jacket. Clarisse stormed out of the room, slammed the door on the king's face and then stopped to look at me, "Oh don't act like you weren't listening!"

She continued stomping off down the hallway while the king invited me in. We sat down and talked about a possible promotion. I said I was quite happy to keep my position as the person who chases the queen after she's had an episode. He laughed and offered me a bonus instead which I gladly accepted.

I then asked him why he never goes after her when she's upset and he told me it was because he knows she'll always be back and that he can hire people to find her for him. I exited his office and headed off to my room to read a bit before going to bed.

I was awoken in the middle of the night to find that my door was being closed and a figure was walking over to my bed. I knew it wasn't Lauren because her scent isn't that heavenly, instead it was Clarisse.

I didn't need to ask what she was doing in my room because I had already realised that she was upset and couldn't go to her own husband for support since he was the one she was rebelling against. I must be the closest thing she has to a best friend.

She stood at the side of my bed so I pulled back the covers and motioned for her to climb in. She did so and just like the night at the beach, I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her temple. I could feel her body shaking against mine because she was crying, so I pulled her closer. It made me sad to think that I was the only person she could turn to for love and support.

It's nice having her in my bed because it gives me a chance to study her moonlit face, touch her skin and inhale the scent of her hair that always seems to drive me wild. Strawberries today…mmm…

Later…

Uh oh, I am in for some serious teasing tomorrow.

A few minutes ago I was lying in my bed with Clarisse in my arms – smelling her hair while she slept – and I suddenly felt a strong flash of light hitting my face. I opened my eyes and saw Lauren coming through the door and dropping her bag on the floor. She started saying, "Sorry I'm a bit late but I had to…"

I asked her to lower her voice and she stared and smiled at the sleeping queen, "Is that who I think it is? What is she doing in your room, in your bed, in your arms?"

"Shh!"

"Did you nail her, Joey?"

"Of course not, she's a married woman!"

"Then what's she doing in your bed?"

"She's having marital problems."

"Oh, I see – Joey's in looove, Joey's in looove."

"Look, don't mention this to anyone alright?"

"Why would I?"

"I don't know, I'm just saying don't!"

"Alright, no need to snap."

She took off her coat, climbed in beside me and started kissing my bare back.

"What are you doing?" I inquired.

"We had plans, or don't you remember?"

I was trying so hard not to yell, especially when she was trying to take off my boxer shorts, "Can't we cancel plans for tonight?"

"Why, not up to it, or isn't there enough of you to go around?"

"LOOK! I'M SORRY! I FORGOT THAT WE HAD PLANS FOR THIS EVENING, BUT I PROMISE I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU IF YOU JUST LEAVE RIGHT NOW!"

I may have said that a little to loudly because Clarisse stirred a little. I waited until I was sure she was still asleep before continuing, "You can't stay here tonight and we certainly can't do…that in here. What if she wakes up and finds that the bed is shaking because two people are having intercourse in it?"

"Then we'll ask her if she wants to join in! We could make a Joseph sandwich."

I stared at her in disgust, "You are despicable! Have you forgotten who she is? She is a queen and queens don't do things like that."

"Queens also don't sleep in the beds of their employees, but then look what we have here…"

"Will you please just leave before she wakes up?"

"Hmm…let me think about that…"

"Please?"

I stared at her with puppy-dog eyes and she said, "Aww…how can I say no to that sweet face?"

She kissed my cheek and left the room, I was so relieved. What would have happened if Clarisse did wake up to find that there was a third party in the bed? She would have been awfully embarrassed and she'd probably never trust me again.

Well, now I am going to resume stroking her hair, breathing her in, making the most of the opportunity in case I never get the chance to do it again. Ta ta!

21/5/72

I woke up this morning and she was gone! I studied the empty bed and noticed that there was no trace of her anywhere. Could I have dreamed the whole thing? No I couldn't have because she left her lipstick stain on my pillow.

Note to self: Don't wash pillow.

But isn't it possible that it could have been Lauren's lipstick? No, she wears a different shade to this. But she could have bought new lipstick…

Okay, the one reason why this couldn't have been a dream is that I keep a Journal of my daily events and thoughts, and the Journal never lies. I can't believe I spent the night in my bed with the queen.

I met up with her today to ask her how she was feeling and she said she was fine. She then commented on the weather and asked me how life was treating me. Not a word was said about last night. Did she even remember being in my room? Did she remember how I held her and kissed her and in complete silence offered her support? Hmm…she is one strange woman.

Lauren wouldn't leave me alone earlier this morning, she kept saying things like, "So…what did you two get up to after I left? Does the king know? Does anybody apart from me know? Are you two going to do it again? Did you have morning sex?"

I got so fed up with it that I pushed her against the wall and held her hands above her head, "All we did after you left was sleep, there's nothing for you or the king to know since nothing happened, we never actually 'did it' so we couldn't exactly do it again and since she left before I woke up, there was absolutely no chance of us having morning sex."

"But I bet you wanted to, huh?"

I let her go and stormed off in case I just exploded from her ignorance.

And that was the story of my day.


	13. Chapter 13

29/5/72

She came again last night and a couple of other nights last week, discreetly entering my room and climbing into my bed as if it were natural.

As usual, tonight there were no words spoken, nor were there any required. She stayed there all night and left before I woke up, leaving me once again to ponder if she had really even been there in the first place or if I was just dreaming.

Once again when I met with her later on, she didn't mention anything about having slept in my room, nor did I. She just asked me how I was and what I'd been up to, what the new evacuation route was in case we needed to escape from something like a fire or a terrorist attack.

She must still be fighting with the king because I figured that he is the main reason she comes to me at night. I know all couples are supposed to have their differences, but this is ridiculous. I would seriously like to have a word with him about this, but I don't particularly want to lose my job for sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, nor do I want to betray Clarisse by telling him that she sleeps with me (well not sleeps with me sleeps with me, sleeps beside me).

The king has called for a meeting with me tomorrow over breakfast. He didn't say what it was about or for how long he wished to talk, he just asked me to meet him at 6:30am in the gazebo.

30/5/72

Oh my god he knows!

I just went for tea with him and he said he knows.

"Know what?" I asked.

Then he replied, "That my wife sneaks into your room at night and doesn't come out until four in the morning."

"How do you know that?"

"The maids know everything."

"Sir I am so sorry, but I can assure you that no indecent behaviour goes on, we don't even speak to each other! She just needs a shoulder to cry on sometimes and I seem to be the only…"

"Joseph I didn't summon you here to ask for your life story, I merely wanted to discuss her with you."

"Oh?"

"I understand that my wife gets upset often and that she can't always come to me for comfort or support, so I'm giving you my blessing to talk to her and help her see the sense in things – it saves me doing it, even though any attempt I do make to comfort her seems to blow up in my face."

"So what you're saying is that you don't mind her coming to me for support?"

"For support, no. Unless there's something else going on…?"

"No, I can assure you there isn't."

"I believe you, I suppose I'd be able to hear if there was something else going on anyway if you know what I'm saying?"

"As much as it disturbs me to say so, I do."

"Haha. Now, the reason I called you here today…"

"If I may say so, sir?"

"Yes?"

"If you took the time to sort out your differences with your wife and hold her in your arms once in a while, then I'm sure she wouldn't need to come to me."

"I'm sure that's true, Joseph, but I just don't have the time. It's always work, work, work here, I never get a moment to myself."

"How in the world did you ever manage to find the time to attend your own wedding?"

"I didn't have as many responsibilities back then."

"I see."

"Joseph, the reason I summoned you here this morning is to talk about sleeping arrangements. It has been brought to my attention that you are the one who is in charge of my wife's safety and that your room is on the floor below her and on the opposite side of the palace."

"That is true, sir. What are you trying to say?"

"You have to move closer to her. Baxter's old room is unoccupied, so you can take refuge there. It's already furnished and it's at least twice as big as the one you're in now, all you have to do is get your stuff and move in."

"Oh, when?"

"As soon as possible. Take the morning off and do it if it suits you."

"Alright, thankyou sir."

"No worries."

"Oh, would you mind not mentioning our little conversation to your wife? I don't want her to think I've been going behind her back."

"Of course, we wouldn't want to end your friendship with her now would we?"

"No, sir. Thankyou sir."

After the meeting, I went to share my news with Lauren. She seemed happy that she gets to sleep in a decent sized room for a change. She offered to help me move into it, but I declined her help because I didn't want her to find anything she may have thought of as incriminating. I met Clarisse while I was carrying the last of my things into the room and she asked me what was going on. I told her about the new arrangements and she inquired as to why she hadn't been told. I said that I wanted to give her the news in person to prevent her from yelling at Rupert for not telling her.

She asked me if I was going to start following her around after I'd finished unpacking and I told her that I'd meet her in the garden for a stroll later on.

It was a pretty uneventful stroll, but I didn't exactly have anything better to do and I did enjoy her company.

She still seems unhappy about losing her baby, but she'll get over that in time and I'll be there to help her every step of the way.

I quite like my new room and so does Lauren of course. The only fault is that it smells funny and I have to leave the windows open all night to air it out. It's quite chilli in there, but I have Lauren to keep me warm as well as my blankets. I haven't been able to sleep yet though, which is mainly due to the fact that I can never get to sleep easily if I've just moved into a new room. I think it's because of the fact that there are new surroundings and this smell is driving me crazy. The best way to describe the smell is cigar smoke mixed with old-man stench and the worst possible smelling aftershave. I can imagine the king's suite smells quite the same.

1/6/72

As soon as it hit 12am this morning Lauren pinched my arm and then punched it shortly after. I asked her what was going on and she said, "Duh, it's the first day of the month!"

I then realised that it was indeed the 1st of June so I gave her a hit and a kick for being so quick. She then started a smacking contest and we found ourselves naked and sweating within 5 minutes.

I kept my eye on the door the whole time just in case Clarisse decided to walk in. Luckily she didn't – that could have been embarrassing not only for me, but for her as well. Lauren wouldn't have minded, she probably would have suggested she join in (god I loathe her sometimes).

Today I decided to go to the downtown market with Lauren in order to buy some new underwear. She suggested that I purchase a few thongs because according to her they're a real turn on. I suggested the same to her, but she said that she didn't like the idea of having something wedged up her behind all day. I told her that I didn't like the idea either, so I purchased some black briefs. They weren't fancy 2000 pounds a pair ones like Clarisse wears, they were plain black ones that only cost 12 pounds for 30. Lauren decided to get some also. They were fancier than mine, but they cost a lost more.

Enough about underwear, I took my usual walk with Clarisse when I got back and told her about my new underwear. She was blushing the whole time I was speaking and trying not to laugh – so immature, but I love her.

She hasn't come to see me in my new room yet…I wonder why? Honestly I do!

Well, it's a good thing anyway since Lauren's been in there practically every night. Speaking of night, it's time to go to bed.

* * *

OMG! There was a Julie Andrews movie on the t.v today called "One Special Night", so I taped it incase it was good and it was. It was pretty boring though, but I thought it was sweet because I like old-people romance. There was this line in the movie which I thought was really cool so I'm going to eventually put it in one of my stories. And there was this brief scene where she was in bed calling herself a stupid idiot and I thought it was hilarious. There was also a scene where she wasn't wearing make-up! That was a first. Might I say she looks terribly old without it. Anyway, I suggest watching that movie. I'll probably watch it again when I go to bed because I can't usually get to sleep until like 4am and it's 3 now so…yeah.

READ AND REVIEW because I won't continue if I don't get at least one :)


	14. Chapter 14

Because there's this new story I really wanna write, I am going to quickly move along a few years. Almost 13 to be exact, which means my other story is going to be put on hold for even longer. FYI: I'm finishing my school holidays on Sunday (Saturday if you live in the U.S), so I won't be updating often.

Anyway here is my lame, but totally believable excuse for the time gap…

* * *

13 years later…

6/1/85

I FINALLY FOUND MY OLD JOURNAL!

Lauren said to me a few years ago, "It's always in the last place you look."

And I replied with, "Of course it is! Why would you bother looking for something if you've already found it?"

I can't believe it was in the only place I hadn't looked for it – under my wardrobe.

I can't believe I didn't think of looking for it there sooner, I thought it had disappeared for good. I remember sliding it across the floor when Lauren came in one time and I didn't see where it went. I was writing nasty things about how much of a slut she is because I found out that she sleeps with practically the entire security staff. It's a wonder that she has the energy to come into my room anymore. She got herself pregnant a few years back when she was 28 or something and assured me that it wasn't mine, but I didn't know whether to believe her or not. Long story short, she put the child up for adoption and never saw him again.

Clarisse and I had a couple of fights a few years ago, mainly about privacy, but nothing we couldn't work out. Would you believe she still hasn't come to visit me in my room? I know she hasn't completely patched things up with his majesty, because I still hear them yelling occasionally (not as much as they used to, but I still hear them).

As the years went by, I started climbing the ranks and am now deputy head of security/queen's bodyguard. Still in the same room, but it's more homely now. I added a fresh coat of paint as well as new curtains, furniture (excluding the wardrobe), carpet and smell.

Lauren only comes into my room about three times a week these days, I guess we just grew apart over the last few years.

I'm going to turn 50 this year – quite scary and I still don't have a family. Sometimes I feel very lonely and wish I had married, but there's only one person I'd ever want to marry and I can't have her. I hate it because every time I see her I fall deeper and deeper in love even after all these years. If I ever had a chance at having a family with her then I've lost it. She's too old to bear my children now, not that I thought she would have wanted to in the first place, but that's beside the point.

Anyway, not much happened during the time I lost my Journal except that someone we're still trying to find attacked the palace, there was a small fire in the library and I almost ended up sleeping with the queen of Cakeon (wherever that is). Other than that, not much has happened, although I have my suspicions that something big may be about to begin with the two princes.

I hear them talking to their mother sometimes and it seems that Pierre is more interested in religion than he is in being a king and that Philippe seems to have knocked up his new wife whom he eloped with after meeting her at college. She apparently wants the baby but doesn't want the lifestyle. I find him crying in Clarisse's lap sometimes rambling on about how he doesn't know what to do. I try to keep my distance in situations like that, but I can still hear some of the things he says.

8/1/85

I overheard a "conversation" (cough, argument, cough) between the king and queen last night. She was telling him that she didn't think Philippe should have married Helen (which is his new wife's name) because she dislikes free spirits. He was saying that it didn't matter what her occupation was because their son is in love. They argued for well over an hour, then I heard a door slam and feet stomping past my door. I knew it was her, so I quickly put a shirt on and followed. She doesn't run to the stables anymore because Rupert was smart enough to lock them up at night after somebody tried to steal a horse last year, instead, she goes straight to the west tower.

Anyway, I followed her up there and found her staring out the window covered in cobwebs.

I walked up behind her and very softly whispered, "Hello."

She turned to me and smiled, "Oh, Joseph, hello. I suppose you know why I'm up here?"

"Because you have trouble trying to find my room?"

She laughed, "No, because it's the only place where nobody dares go. I'm sure you've heard of the wicked old witch that supposedly lives up here?"

"Is it you?"

"Ahahaho no, dear boy, although I'm sure my husband would beg to differ."

"I've noticed you've been having a few…problems lately."

"Oh Joseph, you're too good for this job, very observant."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I'll just get myself worked up again. I really only came up here to calm down, take my mind off things. So how have you been? We haven't talked in a while."

"I've been alright…bored…"

She stared at me with half a smile on her face, "You should take a break for a while and come back when you're married and have a family."

I blushed and said, "I don't think I'll ever have a family."

"Oh? Have you still not found 'the one'?"

"Oh I've found her, I just can't have her."

She raised an eyebrow and I stared into her beautiful eyes, "Oh…Joseph."

"I know, it's silly."

"No it's not silly, it's just…"

"Difficult? One-sided?"

"Impossible is what I was thinking."

"I see."

"I shouldn't have said anything."

"It's fine, really."

"No, I'm sorry."

"Clarisse, can we please drop it?"

"Oh course…so…how's Lauren?"

"I don't know, I haven't seen her today."

"Ah."

"How's Rupert?"

"He's an arrogant prick."

"You're ready to talk?"

"Philippe is in a crisis. He's married this American girl and they are expecting a baby, which means I am going to be a grandmother!"

"And you're not happy about that?"

"I'm 49 for heavens sake, I'm not old enough to be a grandmother!"

"Ah, it's the age thing?"

"No, it's her! She's an artist, a free-spirit, somebody I don't want running my country. Rupert says Philippe should follow his heart, but I say drop her and move on!"

"You could at least give her a fair go."

"But I don't want to."

"Isn't she important to your son?"

"Yes…"

"And isn't he important to you?"

"Yes…"

"Then I suggest that if you don't want to lose your son, you should make an effort to be nice to this girl. You should meet her first and then judge. Who knows, you might even like her."

"Well…if you say so."

"Trust me, it's what's best. Not only for you, but for your kingdom."

10/1/85

Clarisse has arranged to fly over to America with her son following close behind on his private jet, as royalty don't fly together. I have been asked to accompany Prince Philippe on the flight just in case anything goes wrong. I have the biggest feeling that I'm going to be worrying about Clarisse the whole time.

Anyway, we're scheduled to leave in a week's time, so I'm going to have to start packing and arranging security details.

I watched her as she told him that she was willing to meet the girl and he seemed over the moon.

I still have that influence on Clarisse…it's just a pity I can't use it to make her fall in love with me.

* * *

A/N: About the movie that was on the other day, it was on channel 7 which is an Australian channel and I believe it was a made for TV movie, so I don't know how you could get it. 


	15. Chapter 15

16/1/85

Well, here we are on the jet on our way to America. Philippe is very excited but also very bored because he is unable to occupy himself on airplanes. I can prevent my boredom by simply thinking of his mother or writing my journal, which is what I'm doing now (obviously). Philippe and I had an interesting conversation earlier. It went something like:

"Joseph?"

"Yes, your highness?"

"If you ever had a child, what would you name it?"

"A boy or a girl, sir?"

"Either one."

"Well, if it were a boy, I'd call it Blake and if it were a girl, then Amelia."

"Mother likes that name too, it's what she was going to call her baby before it died."

"I know."

"Of course you do."

I raised my eyebrows and decided to take the time to get to know him, "If you don't mind my asking, how did you and your wife meet?"

"Well, we were both in the same art class. I'm not much of a good painter, but I wanted to give it a try to see if I was any good. Anyway, I saw her sitting across the room at her easel with a brush in her hand gently stroking the canvas as if she were a natural. I waited for her after class and asked her if she'd have a drink with me, she said yes and we went down to the local coffee shop. We got to talking and found out that we didn't have anything at all in common. We built a relationship from scratch and I eventually proposed to her, she accepted and we were married within two weeks. A couple of months later she informed me that she was having my child. Problem is she doesn't want this lifestyle and I don't want to give her up. I am so..."

"I know."

"How do you know?"

"I talk with your mother a lot."

"Ah."

"So have you decided what you're going to do?"

"Not yet. I keep asking myself WWJD?"

"Pardon?"

"What Would Joseph Do?"

"Oh!" I laughed, "Well if I were in your position, I would follow my heart. I wouldn't want to let the love of my life slip away."

"But what if mother doesn't approve? She says I should stay true to my country just like she did."

"It doesn't really matter, does it? If you do decide to live with this woman in America, it wouldn't really affect your country because your brother is first in line to ascend the throne."

"Joseph, my brother doesn't want to be king, he told me. He's going to abdicate at the end of the week and join the church. Please don't tell anyone I told you because I'm the only one who knows."

"You're secret is safe with me."

"Mother would go bananas if she found out."

"I can imagine. Your mother doesn't think with her heart, she feels her head thinks much more logically."

"Mmm…I just wish she'd give Helen a chance! She hasn't even met her, yet she already disapproves."

"I'm sure she'll come around."

He sighed and stared out the window while I went back to writing my journal. He seems very upset about the whole thing and there's nothing I can do to help. He's been staring out that window for hours just looking down at the clouds. I feel so sorry for the boy; I know what it's like to be heart-broken.

17/1/85

Clarisse can be so utterly stubborn sometimes. She met with Philippe's wife today, took one look at her out of control curly hair and paint-stained clothes and immediately turned her nose up at her. She didn't even say hello to the woman who was carrying her first grandchild, she just looked at her and told Philippe to get in the car and leave. He told her that he was going to stay with her for the night and she just walked right out the door, with me chasing after her.

I grabbed her arm and said, "Couldn't you at least try to get along with the woman? She's carrying your grandchild!"

"She is not an appropriate choice for a royal consort."

"It doesn't matter! Clarisse, just because you were raised to honour your country, it doesn't mean that you have to force your son to give up the only woman he loves."

"How dare you talk to me about my upbringing, it's none of your business."

"No, but I have to watch your son suffer because of it."

"My son has nothing to do with you!"

"Keep acting this way and neither will you."

She frowned at me for a moment and walked back into the apartment, I followed.

"Helen? I'm sorry about before, my name's Clarisse and I've noticed that you seem to have taken an interest in my son."

"I'm married to your son."

"So I hear. How far along are you?"

"Four months, you?"

"I'm not pregnant."

"Oh really? I could have sworn…"

She slapped her across the face and stormed out again. I apologized for her behaviour and ran after her.

"That wasn't very nice!"

"She wasn't very nice! I tried to make an effort like you said and she just threw it back at me!"

"Okay, maybe what she said was a bit out of line, but…"

"I hate her! She is nowhere near good enough for my son. Go in there and get him, we're leaving."

"Clarisse, no! You are being completely irrational. Don't you know what it's like to be in love? I'm sure if you did know, you wouldn't be acting like this. You're son is in love and you can either respect that or lose him for good."

She hopped into the limo and told me to get in or I'd be out of a job, naturally I did as she said and we drove back to the consulate.

18/1/85

Today Clarisse asked me to come to the garden for tea and a chat because according to her there is nothing interesting to do at the consulate. She started talking about this problem with Philippe and how he called last night and tried reasoning with her. To me, it sounded as if she disowned him and that he was very upset with her. She brushed it off as something of unimportance.

"Do you know what that son of mine said? He said that his brother doesn't want to be king and that he's going to join the church! That's preposterous, Pierre will be king and that's all there is to it!"

"Have you actually talked to Pierre about it?"

"Why no, but…"

"Clarisse, I think you should."

"Why…? It's true isn't it? Oh gosh, that makes matters worse."

"Do you see now why you need to make things work?"

"You knew?"

"Yes, I…"

"You knew and you didn't tell me?"

"I was sworn to secrecy. Look, will you just talk to your son and come to some sort of compromise?"

"Oh…alright, I'll talk to him tonight."

19/1/85

She came into my room last night for the first time in 13 years, only it wasn't my room; it was the one I was staying in at the consulate.

She came at about midnight and hopped under the covers, thinking I was asleep. I pretended to roll over and put my arm across her. I heard her let out a small giggle and she pulled my arm around her neck. She kissed me and then turned away. A couple of moments later, I quickly squeezed her and said, "Boo!"

She jumped up and put her hand on her chest, "God Joseph, you scared the sh…heck out of me!"

"Are you here for business or pleasure?"

She slapped my arm, "I don't know."

"Let me make it easier for you…are you here for this," I said holding up an untitled document, "Or this…"

I kissed her shoulder and she let out a deep sigh, "I don't think I should be in here for either…I just wanted to talk to you about Philippe. We had dinner together just before and talked about the situation we're in…I told him that if he didn't assume the throne I would disown him, which was terrible of me to say and I didn't mean it, it just slipped out. I was upset and angry because I really don't like this woman."

"Well at least you tried to make an effort."

"I don't want to lose him, Joseph."

"I know."

I held her in my arms and massaged her back. She fell asleep after about 10 minutes, so I lay her down and pulled the covers over her. I then kissed her forehead and went to sleep myself.

For once, she didn't wake up before me, I woke up at 3:52am and she was still there. I pressed my lips to hers and stroked her hair. I heard her mumbling to herself, it sounded like she was saying, "I'm not fat…"

I blew warm air onto her face and wrapped an arm around her hip, she was so warm and soft and I started to wish he moment would never end. Unfortunately for me though, the moment did end because at 3:59am she woke up and yawned. Upon seeing my face she sat up, slid out of the bed and walked to the door.

"Good morning, your majesty."

She yawned some more, "Joseph."

I watched the door open and she disappeared, that was a first; I woke up before she did!

Later on, Clarisse informed me that we are returning to Genovia the day after tomorrow because she hates America and wants to get as far away as possible. She also told me that if Philippe refuses the throne she will have to produce another heir, which I told her I totally object to because she is too old. Honestly, 49 is much too old to be having children, there are too many risks involved and I don't want to lose her.


	16. Chapter 16

Celebratorily is a word I thought existed but found out didn't, so I decided to put it in my story anyway :P you can figure out what it means...celebrate...celebratory...celebratorily

* * *

20/1/85 – 11:50pm 

Well it's final, Philippe has decided to follow his mother's "wonderful" example and is divorcing Helen as soon as the baby is born. Until then, he is going to live with her in America and make the most of his last few months with the woman he loves. Clarisse is secretly happy about it – I can see it in her eyes – but of course she would never admit it.

She and I almost did something very unlawful tonight when she came to see me. I heard her sneak in at about 10pm, which was a little early if you ask me and she slipped into my bed, but instead of climbing in beside me, she climbed on top of me. I thought she was just climbing over me because she wanted to sleep on the other side, but no, she wanted something else.

"Joseph," she said, "you know this is our last night together in this country."

"Mmm?"

"I was thinking we could have some fun before we travel back to that wretched place of rules and regulations."

My eyes widened and I started breathing heavily, thinking, 'Is she going to seduce me?"

"Your Majesty…I…uh…oh!…oh!…OH MY GOD!"

She ran her hand from my neck, down my chest and around my pubic region. That's what the "OH MY GOD!" was for.

My breathing got heavier as she started groping my inner thighs and I couldn't help but let out a loud sigh, she smiled and disappeared under the blanket. I asked her what she was doing, but soon realised when I felt her tongue on my skin. She stayed down there for a while, but eventually I felt her tongue slowly licking its was up my body and into my mouth. It was an exhilarating experience and I didn't want it to end, but strangely enough I heard a knock on the door. Clarisse quickly rolled off me and continued rolling until she was underneath the bed.

As the door opened I tried to recompose myself and soon found the prince standing in the doorway.

"Your Highness?"

"Joseph have you seen my mother? She was celebratorily drinking schnapps in her suite and I thought she'd had enough, so I left to get her a glass of orange juice and when I came back she was gone."

I paused for a minute realising that I had almost accidentally taken advantage of a drunken woman, and not just any drunken woman, the queen!

"I'm sorry, I haven't seen her…have you checked the garden?"

"Yes I've checked everywhere…hey, you're the one who's supposed to be looking after her, so could you please help me find her? Sorry if I'm inconveniencing you, but she could be in real danger."

"Oh, sure, sure, I'll be out in a minute," then I heard a bump on the floor and said, "a minute or two."

Philippe exited the room, so I leaned my head down under the bed to see Clarisse. She was unconscious (cough, passed out, cough), so I put my pants on and helped her up.

I thought it was a good thing that she didn't get around to removing her clothes because otherwise I would have had to dress her! Wait a minute: I could have dressed her?

Anyway, I carefully lifted her up and made sure nobody was outside my door before I sneaked her out and carried her to her suite.

When I placed her in bed, I kissed her forehead and barely whispered, "Why didn't you tell me you were drunk?"

I couldn't believe I didn't taste it on her breath, I thought she tasted like strawberries and cream, just like she did 13 years ago. I wonder how far we would have gotten if he didn't walk in. I would have been so ashamed if I didn't find out that she was under the influence and I…

Oh well, best get some rest; we leave for Genovia in 6 hours!

21/1/85

Back on the plane once again, although I get to travel with Clarisse this time because Philippe isn't coming back until...well you know the story.

Before stepping on the plane she said to me in a very low voice, "Last night didn't happen."

I stood there thinking, 'So she remembered! Wait a minute, how could she remember?', then I nodded my head and followed her up the steps, stopping as she waved to the few people who turned up to see her off. I stood behind her as she waved and noticed that the air that was blowing from her smelt like (instead of Chanel) Calvin Klein and not just any Calvin Klein, my Calvin Klein. So that's how she knew she did something with me, even if she didn't know exactly what.

The plane ride has so far been uneventful – the woman who's serving our drinks is really pretty and keeps winking at me. I keep expecting her to stop at the toilets and give me that look which says, "You, me, this cubical, two minutes", but so far, I haven't had any luck. I've spent the whole time sitting across from Clarisse attempting to draw her face, but I've been failing miserably. I think she's starting to suspect that I'm up to something because every time I look at her to see if I've been drawing her nose correctly or something, she gives me a curious look. I'm expecting her to say something, but so far she hasn't, she just keeps looking up from her "Romeo and Juliet" novel - which I can tell is actually just a woman's magazine with a sophisticated cover on it – and then looking back down to it.

I wonder…uh oh, she's coming over…

2 mins later…

Well, she thinks about as much of my drawing of her as I do, she said it looked like Penelope Keith on smack. I screwed up the piece of paper and tossed it aside, because surely the "beauty" of my drawing was no match for the beauty of herself.

5 mins later…

I talked to the pilot and he says we should be landing in about 4 hours…goodie!

7 hours later…

Too tired to write, nothing to write about – goodnight.

22/1/85

I heard Clarisse tell his majesty about how Philippe has decided to give up Helen and he's been silent ever since. I think he's sad that his son gave up on his one chance to be happy, I also suspect that he must have also given up his chance to be happy and that that's why he wanted him to stay with her, because he missed out…however that's only what I think, I have no source that tells me it's true, so for now it's just a thought.

I had tea with Clarisse today; we talked about nothing as usual and then went for a walk afterwards.

Lauren, whom I haven't seen in almost two weeks came to me earlier and said, "I missed you."

And I said, "I would have missed me too!"

I didn't feel comfortable having her touch me, well not after I'd felt the magic of the queen. The woman had magic hands and a magic tongue, Lauren couldn't compare to her, so I just told her that I was really tired and she's just sleeping by my side…something tells me she didn't need any Joseph tonight anyway.

23/1/85

Well Pierre abdicated today, much to Clarisse's displeasure, and joined the church. He announced it in front of the press at noon, then he had one last meal with his parents and left.

I can still hear Clarisse crying over him, she just ran down the hall and is no doubt heading towards the west tower. I know I should follow her and offer comfort or sympathy, but I just can't be bothered today, besides, I think the king just went after her.


	17. Chapter 17

24/1/85

Clarisse has spent the past two days mourning for her son even though he isn't even dead, he just abdicated and she won't get to see him as often. The king has been supporting her through it, which is a good thing, but the jealousy is driving me insane. I can't stand seeing them together, even though that's the way it should be.

Nothing much happened today at the palace, however I did see the king and queen riding their horses together. It seems he has more time for her now, but I personally think he's just trying to fill the void that both of his sons left. He doesn't have to give them Prince Lessons anymore, so he has more time for his wife.

I…oh wait, I hear someone knocking at my door. Be right back…

Oh god!

The person at my door was Clarisse, she asked me if I would come join her for a walk to the west tower so we could have a chat and I asked her if instead she wanted to come into my room and talk. She leaned to the right and looked as if she were trying to find something, well she must have spotted whatever it was because she said, "Uh no, thankyou, I think I'll just go up the tower by myself and do some…thinking or something. Goodnight."

I looked behind me and then back at her, "Is there something in here that you're afraid of?"

Her voice started trembling, "N-n-n-no, how dare you suggest such things."

"What is it? Is it this?" I said, pointing to a painting on the wall, "Or this?"

I walked around the entire room asking her what it was that she was afraid of, but apparently it wasn't any of the things I had pointed out. I noticed that she was looking at the wardrobe in a frightened manner, so I walked over to it and asked, "This?"

"I-I-I have to go now, if you'll excuse me…"

I ran over and grabbed her arm, pulling her inside and shutting the door, "You're afraid of this? Why?"

She clung to my arm and hid behind me as I opened the door, "There's nothing in here to be afraid of…" I decided to then tease her, "RAAAH!"

She jumped up in fright and then hit my arm, "That's not funny!"

"You should have seen your face, I…Clarisse, what's wrong?"

She was almost in tears.

"What's wrong? I was only joking."

"It's not you…That wardrobe simply scares me. It used to be mine when I was a girl, I got so scared at night when I went to bed because I always suspected that there was some kind of monster in there or something. I don't know why I kept it for so long…"

I put my arms around her and told her that I'd dispose of it first thing in the morning and she thanked me for caring.

I led her to the couch and sat her in my lap, holding her thighs with one hand and supporting her back with the other. She kissed my now-bald head and stared at me with a shocked sort of expression on her face. She kissed my temple, my cheek, then finally my mouth. She put her hands on my chest and slowly pushed me into a lying down position while continuing to devour my mouth with hers. I started caressing her back and running my hands through her long golden hair. The kissing became so intense that I almost fell off the couch. She quickly got off me and led me over to the bed where we continued touching and tasting each other. I placed a hand on her breast, which made her sigh and she started to breath deeper. I used my spare hand to search through the bedside drawers in hopes of finding some form of protection. I couldn't find anything in the drawer, so I asked her to wait a minute, then went to search the bathroom.

I was in there for about seven minutes before I found anything, except it was just a wrapper. I took a deep breath and slowly walked out, ready to give her the disappointing news.

I almost died when I saw what she was wearing under her silky dressing gown; it was that same skimpy little black outfit that she was wearing the time I walked in on her all those years ago. If I were holding anything at the time, I would have dropped it.

Since she had put on a little weight over the past few years, the outfit was really tight on her, which made her even more appealing.

I made my way over to her and sat on the side of the bed, "I'm sorry Clarisse, as much as I want this, I can't do it. Not tonight."

She came up behind me and put her hands on my chest, "Why not?"

"Because I don't want to risk getting you pregnant."

"Oh Joseph, always the gentleman, but it's not as if that's even possible. Have you ever heard of this needle that woman can get every three months? It prevents pregnancy by sacrificing your period."

I turned around to meet her gaze, "Oh Clarisse!"

"Joseph, call me your majesty…"

"Oh your majesty!"

She pulled me back so I was on top of her and we resumed kissing each other. I licked my way down her neck to her collarbone and started sucking. Her breathing got heavier as did mine when she pushed me back and started kissing her way down my chest, I was loving every moment of it.

Eventually she came back to my level and resumed thrusting her tongue around in my mouth. I rolled her onto her back so that I was on top of her and I carefully removed the outfit she was wearing. Her body was beautiful, so fine, so smooth, so soft. I was preparing to make my entry, but we heard a loud "boom" sound and the room started shaking.

"Don't worry," I reassured her, "It wasn't me that shot."

She laughed and asked me to find out what was going on. I reluctantly peeled myself from her, put my pants on, then walked to the door and opened it. There were people running around everywhere; maids, security guards, servants…

I saw Paul running past my room with his arm around the king, he told me to find the queen and take her down to the basement because somebody had blown up the west tower. The king was in tears because he said that Clarisse had told him she was going up to the tower and that he thought she'd been caught up in the blast. I tried to reassure him that she wasn't up there but he was rushed off downstairs. I quickly ran back inside my room and told Clarisse what was going on, she was in total shock that she could have died if I hadn't made her face her fears and come into my room. I told her to quickly put something on, so she grabbed a shirt from the top of my drawer and slipped it over her body. It went halfway down her thighs, which covered everything that needed to be covered. I noticed that her outfit was hanging from the edge of the bed so I put it in my trouser pocket (in case she wanted to resume wearing it), grabbed my journal and then rushed her out the door. I pulled her along the hallway, down the stairs and into the ballroom where the cellar door was. I then opened it and motioned for her to go inside, she did so and I followed. It was very crowded down there; the king saw us coming down the stairs and immediately rushed over to inspect for any damage that may have been done.

He hugged her, kissed her forehead, shook my hand and led us to a corner. I sat down next to Clarisse on some wooden crates. He had his arm around her shoulder, which made me jealous because I couldn't exactly do the same down here, not with everyone watching.

He then said something that made my ears prick, "Clarisse, darling, what are you wearing? Is that one of my shirts?"

"Uh…yes."

"What are you wearing it for? Are you wearing anything underneath it?"

He lifted up the bottom ever so slightly, but she immediately slapped his hand away and smoothed out the material, "I'm wearing it because I happen to like the smell."

He sniffed it and I froze, "It doesn't smell like me, are you sure it's mine?"

"I'm not actually, the maids sometimes mix up your shirts with other peoples' so…"

Good, thinking Clarisse.

I relaxed myself and noticed that Paul was waving me over to him. I excused myself and went over to him.

"Where did you find her?"

"Who?"

"Her majesty."

"Oh, her majesty, I…I found her in the garden."

"And she was wearing that?"

"Yes."

"Joseph, you may not be aware of this, but I've noticed you wear the same type of shirt every day and that the one she's wearing is indeed one of yours."

"She was in the shower, alright, I was embarrassed about going into her bathroom to get her while she was naked, so I took off my shirt and let her wear it."

"You weren't wearing a shirt at the time I told you to find her."

"I put one on before I left."

"Her majesty wasn't in their suite at the time of the attack."

"I told you she was having a shower."

"In whose bathroom?"

"Okay, she wasn't having a shower."

"Joseph, might I remind you that a good working relationship is based on trust?"

"I know that, sir. Sorry, sir."

"So where was she really?"

"In my room, we were talking."

"Talking without clothes on?"

I gave him a quick smile and he patted me on the back, "It happens to the best of us."

He started to go into security details after that, which was a huge relief on my part because I didn't want anyone overhearing what we were really doing in my room.

I made eye contact with Clarisse and smiled. She was now wearing Rupert's jacket and talking to him about god knows what, so I decided to sit down and write my journal while waiting for this attack to die down. I can hear the police sirens outside and the guns going off, trying to shoot down the helicopter that dropped the bomb.

I think I have to go and assess the situation, being second-in-command and all. Ciao!

* * *

School holidays are over! That means possible slower updates. R & R.

Quick question: Who thought they were going to do it?


	18. Chapter 18

25/1/85

Okay, we caught the bad guy. Turns out that it was some guy who was hired by some other guy who remains a mystery. Apparently it was a plot to take over the crown, they thought that since Pierre wasn't going to be king and that Rupert is getting older they were getting closer and closer to victory. I kept my eye on Clarisse all night, checking to see how she was feeling, admiring her beauty, her choice of clothes. I liked the thought of her wearing my clothes and I still had her lingerie in my pocket. I waited until her husband directed his attention from her before asking her if she wanted it back and I was quite surprised when she said, "You keep it."

Wow, I get to keep her lingerie!

You know, I came to the realisation late last night that if I hadn't spent all that time looking for a condom, I would have actually gotten around to making love to her before they dropped the bomb or if she had told me that she was got the needle earlier.

I am such an idiot, a stupid, stupid idiot.

I was quite relieved when we were finally able to get to bed early this morning, because I was really tired. Clarisse went back to her suite with the king after I bid her goodnight, I am so jealous of him – he doesn't know how lucky he is to have a woman like her.

30/1/85

Clarisse hasn't come into my room since that night we were so rudely interrupted. I think she's scared that she might end up doing something she'll regret. There isn't any weirdness between us, which is always a good thing, but I feel that she may be slipping away a bit. She just seems more distant these days.

13/2/85

I've noticed that the king seems to be paying Clarisse a fair bit of attention lately, they get up early, go riding for about an hour or so, eat breakfast together, work together in his office, have lunch, do their own things (the only time I can talk to her in private, meaning out in the garden), eat dinner, then have an early night. They do this every day without fail. It annoys me because I'm jealous, jealous of him, jealous of them, jealous because she'll never be mine. I guess he's been spending time with her because she would have died the other week if I didn't invite her in. I am so glad I acted on my impulses; otherwise she wouldn't be here now. Isn't it just a huge relief when you find yourself in a situation like that? To know that you saved somebody's life, especially the person you love.

17/2/85

She came to me last night in a dream. I was sleeping in my bed and she flew in through the window and we made sweet sweet love until our bodies were sore. I thought it really happened, but then I woke up and she wasn't there, so I punched my pillow and said, "DAMN!"

And it was exactly how I imagined it – gentle, sweet, loving, pleasurable (VERY pleasurable) and oh so fine. I long for the day that she really does fly through the window to visit me again – or at least come through the door.

I haven't spoken with her for two days, it seems every time I go to talk to her, somebody else rushes up and beats me to her. I'm beginning to feel a little lonely, the boys in the security room don't have much to say, well not anything I'd find interesting anyway and I'm sure that if I tried to talk to any of the maids, they'd try to make a move on me. They're always doing that nowadays, I thought people were supposed to get less attention as they got older. They always give me looks when I walk past, the looks which say, 'Ooh I'd like me a piece of that'. It's starting to disturb me because I have no interest in any of them. The only one I'm slightly attracted to is someone called Chastity.

She looks the way Lauren used to look when she was 30. She's 37 now (same age I was when we met), sure has aged a hell of a lot. I saw her yesterday and the day before, I went to her room because I needed some…company.

* * *

Sorry it's short and BORING, but I got really really bored of writing this chapter and I want to move onto something else that I have in mind. 

A/N (facts):

I blew up the tower because I felt that you can't have a 30-year storyline without something big like that happening and I wanted to make it different than what everyone else uses. I also wanted to interrupt them somehow.

In the beginning I planned for Clarisse to not notice Joseph until he became head of security.

To explain the Clarisse and Rupert thing from an earlier chapter: the way I see it, if I was married to someone I didn't love, I'd still be willing to get physical with them if I wasn't allowed to go to anyone else.

I'm not familiar with the concept of "Spring break", we have two weeks of holidays every 8 weeks or so and about 10 at the end of the year, however I finish school for good in October.

I will not be having more holidays until July or something.


	19. Chapter 19

Skipping ahead a few months…

24/5/85

I spoke with my good friend, Clarisse today. I noticed her walking by herself with her hands clasped behind her back, so I started walking with her.

"Are you excited about your birthday?"

"No, not really."

"Oh why not? It's the big 5-0!"

"Yeah, it's something I don't want to be reminded about, actually."

"I know what you mean."

We continued walking, "Where's your husband?"

"Why do you care?"

"Security purposes of course."

"Of course," she smiled at me, briefly holding my hand and kissing my cheek.

"How have you been?"

"Oh you know, coping."

"With?"

"My age."

"Oh, what's wrong with it?"

"I came to the realisation that I'm already more than halfway through my life."

"Come on, you don't know that. You could live for another 70 years."

"Pfft, fat chance, how many 120 year olds do you know?"

"Well…there's uh…my great grandmother."

"I'm talking about people who are alive!"

"Oh none then."

She shook her head and stopped to sit down. I sat next to her and stared at her beauty – even though she was almost 50, she didn't look a day over 20. I started imagining myself holding her, kissing her and making love to her right there on the bench, but I felt that if I put my thoughts into actions, somebody would have complained. Instead, I moved a strand of hair from her face and she looked at me, smiling. I went to kiss her, but she turned away and all I got was a small brush of her cheek.

"Joseph, are you aware of our surroundings?"

"Yes, sorry."

"Good. Care to join me for a walk to the stables? I feel like going for a ride."

She gave me a seductive look and I asked, "What sort of a ride?"

"On a horse, of course. What were you thinking?"

We started laughing and walked to the stables.

It was quite smelly in there; it stank of hay and horse droppings. Clarisse walked in first and headed straight to the large horse at the back, I however stopped dead in my tracks when I saw what was hanging on the wall. I carefully removed it from the hook and snuck right up to Clarisse. She didn't notice me because of my great stealth, so she was quite surprised when she felt herself being lightly whacked across her behind by a leather whip. The expression she gave when she turned around was one of utter shock, she then understood the meaning behind it and grabbed another one off the wall for herself. We circled each other slowly and whipped the ground to show we meant business. She suddenly swang the whip, but I dodged it and I got her again. I chased her around for a few minutes whipping her every few seconds, then she stopped and turned around, "Drop it!"

"You drop yours first."

"No, you drop yours first, then I'll drop mine."

"I don't trust you."

"I don't trust you either."

I threw up my hands and dropped the thing, then she started chasing me. I managed to dodge all of her strikes but one. I fell onto a pile of hay, clutching the side of my face, as it hurt tremendously. She put her hand over her mouth and rushed over to me asking if I was okay. I watched her kneel down to my level, so I pulled her onto the pile. I then started kissing her, she was a bit reluctant at first because she was afraid that the horses were watching, but she soon got over that fear when I informed her that they were unable to register human activity. I ran my hands through her hair and gradually moved them down to her breasts. She pushed me away, then removed her blouse which came as a complete surprise to me because I thought I had frightened her. We resumed kissing and stroking each other in the hay for a few minutes, then we heard somebody rattling the lock on the door. I was literally thrown across the room by Clarisse when she heard the noise. She told me to hide while she put her top back on and attempted to remove all the hay that had gotten stuck in her hair. I chose the stupidest place to hide; I was in one of the stalls, right underneath a horse. I heard Clarisse talking to the man when he came in, he asked her what she was doing in the stables and she cleverly used the excuse, "I was going to go for a ride with Charley, but I felt too tired, so I thought I'd just hit the hay, haha."

I giggled to myself and then listened to the rest of the conversation. I heard the man excuse himself, so I waited for Clarisse to give me the sign that he'd gone.

I suddenly felt something very warm trickling down my back and onto the floor. I froze solid as I realised that choosing to hide under a horse was a very bad idea. A couple of seconds later, Clarisse quietly walked over and looked down at me, "Oh my word, what happened to you?"

She covered her mouth with her hand and started giggling.

"Are you laughing at me?"

She removed her hand and put on a stern face, "Of course not, I don't take joy in another's adversity."

Then she turned around and started laughing out aloud. I slowly stood up, opened the door of the stall and walked towards her, "You think this is funny?"

She shook her head and snorted out laughing again, "No."

"You think the fact that I'm covered from head to toe in horse urine is funny?"

She laughed even louder, I was sure the man would hear, but he didn't.

"Well I suppose you'd think it mighty hilarious if I did this!"

I tackled her to the ground and we started rolling on top of each other around the dirty floor, we didn't even care what was on it.

I gave her one last kiss and got up to walk to the door, she then got up and started dusting herself off.

She caught up to me and held my hand as we walked back towards the palace. She called me a naughty boy and we reminisced about our tussle in the stables. We also laughed about it over a cup of tea and some biscuits, that is after we went back to our separate rooms and had a long bath first.

Later on, she came into my room when I was about to take another bath and she immediately started fingering the buttonholes of my shirt. I asked her if she wanted to take a bath with me because even though I had spent one hour in it earlier, I was still convinced that I smelt bad. She thought it was an excellent idea so we undressed and went to the bathroom.

I lit a few candles along the bathtub and selected a wine from my liquor cabinet, not the wine she gave me all those years ago, a different one. I poured two glasses and lay in the warm water with her head arched back against my chest. I lifted her hands out of the water and folded them with mine, I then kissed her neck. She held my hands in mid air and started to speak, "My hands look so..."

"Beautiful."

She giggled slightly, "My feet…"

"Beautiful."

"My…"

"Beautiful."

She turned to look at me, "I'm so old."

"You don't look a day over 20."

"You deceive me."

"I only tell it like it is."

I received a kiss on my cheek.

"I'm going to be 50."

"I know."

"Do you know how scary that is?"

"I do, I'm also turning fifty."

"And what are you doing for your fiftieth birthday?"

"Exactly what I'm doing now."

"Oh? With who?"

"I don't know, what are you doing next November?"

"I may be indulging myself in sweet pleasures with a certain younger man in a tub not so far away."

"May be?"

"I might have other plans."

"Do you plan to have other plans?"

"Not at the moment."

She paused for a moment and softly kissed the tips of my fingers, "I'm scared, Joseph, I really am. I have two fully grown sons, a granddaughter on the way, the whole country observing my every move, soon I'm going to go through menopause."

"Don't worry about the future, live for the moment."

She relaxed into my chest and drifted off into sleep. We lay there until the water went cold, then I reluctantly woke her up and dried her off. She dressed herself and went back to her own suite because she was tired. I decided to do a bit of reading and writing my journal before going to bed, which is what I'm doing now. Think I might have another glass of wine.

* * *

There ya go, not as short as last time and not what I was originally going to make this chapter into either. Next chapter will have what I was going to make this one into.

FYI: Their birthdays are different from the actual actors' birthday in this. That is because everyone makes their b'days the same as they really are and I like to be different.


	20. Chapter 20

26/5/85

I came across a woman in the lobby this morning who looked like she was about my age, so I initiated a conversation and we ended up in a tangled heap on my bed within 15 minutes of my saying, "Hello."

I didn't know her name, she didn't tell me hers; it was just casual sex between two people. Why did I do it? Because she was beautiful, smart, witty and needed to kill some time. I didn't feel at all as if I was cheating on Clarisse because we've never actually discussed our relationship before. I still haven't told her how I feel about her and she's never once mentioned the word love to me, so I figured she wouldn't mind if I decided to have a brief fling with somebody else.

Countdown: 1 sleep to Clarisse's 50th. She's having a birthday ball much to her displeasure, her husband arranged it because he feels that it is absolutely necessary seeing as though she has reached yet another milestone in her life. The two princes are returning for the ball, along with his 8-month pregnant wife, Helen (I hope Clarisse will try and make an effort this time).

I encountered Clarisse once again while she was out walking. She seems to be slipping into a state that's almost like depression, but not quite so. She asked me if I'd just take her away to a restaurant tomorrow or somewhere else that she could just calmly and quietly celebrate on her own. I informed her that she was expected to be there so she smiled and decided to instead, find a way to act as if she's having a good time.

I told her I'd find some time to dance with her and that I'd constantly look for signs on her face which say, "I've had enough, get me out of here".

What I said to her was, "If I feel you're in need, I will not fail to come."

She thanked me and took my hand. I kissed hers and went off to do a last minute check on the security plans for the ball with Paul. They all seemed to be in order.

Later on, I was drawn to the gazebo by the sound of a beautiful voice, which(not to my surprise) belonged to Clarisse. She had decided to do a musical number for her party; she had a voice like an angel. I told her what I thought of her voice when she noticed me watching her and came over to say hello. She thanked me for my compliment and left for dinner, as did I.

27/5/85

Clarisse's birthday today – and what a disaster it was.

I was doing my usual rounds around the palace this morning and noticed that the door to the wine cellar had been left open, so I went to close it, but heard sobbing coming from inside. I carefully stepped into it and found Clarisse sitting on the floor downing a bottle. There were a few spilt bottles lying around her on the floor that she must have just taken sips of and tipped over. I walked over to her and bent down to take the bottle from her hand. She put her head on my chest and started shakily crying. I could feel her tears through my jacket. I kissed her head and asked her if she wanted me to take her away for the day. She shook her head and reached for another bottle, I caught her hand and kissed it. She stopped shaking and allowed me to carry her up to her suite.

I opened the door and carried her over to her bed. I'd never been in her rooms before, Paul was the only one who made security checks in there. It was a nice room, everything was trimmed with gold.

I noticed that the king was still in bed, so I lay her down next to him and kissed her again before leaving. I would have stayed a little longer if he wasn't in there, but since he was, I didn't.

After I left, I went down to the kitchens to get something to eat and met that woman again.

"Hello," I said.

"Good morning, your up early?" It was a question more than it was a statement.

"Yes, I'm always up at this time."

I sat next to her at the large wooden table and asked, "What's your name?"

She laughed, "It's Maddy. I suppose I didn't have enough time to properly introduce myself to you yesterday."

I smiled and took her hand, "Joseph."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Joseph."

"So tell me, what is it you are doing here at the palace?"

"I'm attending a ball later this evening. I've been invited to stay here for the week. So what is it that you are doing here at the palace?"

"I'm the deputy head of security."

"Oh really? Fascinating…"

Lauren entered the room and kissed me on the cheek, "Hey Joey."

I pretended to smile as she walked off to start work and then turned my attention back to the woman. Would you believe that Lauren (even after all these years) is still a kitchen hand?

The woman didn't enquire as to who Lauren was; I guess she didn't care either.

We had breakfast together then said our goodbyes, I didn't see her until later on

The ball began and I noticed that the king had entered without Clarisse, so I walked around the ballroom asking if anyone had seen her. I wasn't having much luck, so I asked the king where she was. He said that the last he saw of her, she was sitting at her dressing table, staring at herself in the mirror. I decided to wait until she came down. I excused myself from Rupert and was about to walk away, but he pulled my sleeve and asked me if I'd like to meet someone. I said, "Sure, so he took me over to where these three ladies were standing around talking with champaign glasses in their hands. One of them turned around and I noticed it was the same woman I had taken to bed the previous morning.

"Joseph," he said, "This is Madeline Chesterton, my mother in-law, Madeline, this is Joseph, my deputy head of security."

I raised both my eyebrows up so high, they almost hit the roof, then I cleared my throat, "You're Clar…her majesty's…m…mother?"

"Yes I am."

"But you look so young."

"Thankyou for your flattery, young man, Dr. Shale works miracles, doesn't he?"

She and the king laughed, I forced myself to laugh as well and then said, "Excuse me."

My breath caught in my throat, 'I slept with Clarisse's mother?'

She told me her name was Maddy, not Madeline. I didn't have time to curse myself properly, because at that moment, Clarisse came stumbling through the doors at the top of the stairs. She had the biggest smile on her face and the reddest eyes. I figured she'd been crying…but then why was she smiling?

"Hello everyone," she yelled from the top of the stairs.

Everyone turned to look at her. The music stopped and so did the talking. She held the rail of the staircase and slowly stepped down each step, being careful not to trip on them.

She somehow kept her balance, "I'm glad you could all…come here this evening. I'm delighted to…welcome you here this evening. How…are we all this evening?"

Everybody stared with their mouths open as she descended the last of the stairs. I walked over to her and asked her if she needed any help, she said she didn't and that I shouldn't worry so much. The king motioned for the orchestra to resume playing, so they did and he took Clarisse into his arms. I saw that he was talking to her and that a frown was forming on his forehead, so I waited until the end of the dance and then asked him if I could cut in for a minute. He let me, so I started dancing with Clarisse. She still seemed to be stumbling a bit, so I decided to make a further inquiry, "Is there something going on that I should know about?"

"No."

I studied her carefully, "How much did you drink?"

"I don't know, a half a bottle this morning, half a bottle before I came down."

"I don't believe you."

"I did, really I did."

I held her face in my hands and studied her eyes carefully, they seemed distant and lifeless, "What have you taken?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me!"

"Nothing!"

She relaxed against my chest, "Happy-pi…"

"What?"

"Happy-pi."

I grabbed her face and stared again, "Drugs?"

"Happy-pi…"

The dance ended and somebody else took her away. I decided to confront the king, who at the time was dancing with Madeline aka "Maddy". I asked if I could speak with him, so she went away for a moment. When I was convinced that nobody could hear, I quietly whispered, "I think she's taken something."

He was about to reply, but he closed his mouth when he noticed that Clarisse had appeared on the small stage with a microphone in her hand, "Greetings everyone, I would like to sing a…song for you all if…that's okay with you."

She put a tape in the tape player and pressed play, almost tripping over her microphone cord as she began to sing:

'_Listen,_

_Do you want to know a secret?_

_Do you promise not to tell?_

_Woah-ooo-oh-oh_

_Rupert,_

_Let me whisper in your ear_

_I am sick of living heeeere_

_You're sick of it too _

_Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo_

_Listen,_

_Doo da doo_

_Do you want to know a secret?_

_Doo da doo_

_Do you promise not to tell? _

Woah-ooo-oh-oh 

_Rupert,_

_Been cheating on you for years_

_Almost makes me fall to teeeears_

_Not in love with you_

_Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo _

_Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo'_

She started stumbling around again and fell right off the stage. Luckily for her, it was only a short fall and she wasn't seriously hurt. Everyone stared as I rushed over and lifted her into my arms. She was in tears and the fact that everyone was staring at her in disgust didn't make things any better. I carried her up the staircase while everybody gawped and whispered nasty comments to each other. As the doors closed behind me, I heard the music playing again and looked down at the teary-eyed beauty in my arms. She was fumbling with my bowtie. I didn't say anything and I couldn't exactly stop her from doing it because my hands were full, so I just let her untie it and let it fall to the floor. I reached her door and asked her to open it for me. She did, so I carried her through to the bedroom and set her down on the bed. I kissed her forehead and tried to pull myself away, but she pulled me on top of her and started kissing me. She undid my shirt buttons one by one and as soon as she undid one, I did it up again. I got to the last one and noticed that she was unbuckling my belt, "Clarisse, would you please…stop."

"You never mind me doing this any other time."

"But you're not you today!"

"Of course I'm me."

"Would you please let me up?"

I pulled her arms off me and put them by her sides, then tried to get up again. No such luck there, she had her legs wrapped around my waist.

It took me a whole two minutes to detangle myself from her and when I headed towards the door, I found her mother leaning against it with her arms crossed.

"Hello, Joseph."

I froze, "Madeline."

She walked slowly over to me and asked me to leave, so I waited outside the door and listened to what was going on.

I heard her shouting at Clarisse, "When are you going to grow up and start acting responsibly? Do you not remember anything I've ever taught you? You're supposed to be a well-refined woman who people look up to, but tonight, you were a drunken stumbling baffoon. And where do you even get off talking about things that should be kept private! What did I tell you about affairs? They happen behind closed doors and should bloody well stay behind them! And what are these, hmm? Happy Pills? What kind of stupid idiot are you? You're supposed to experiment during your twenties, not your fifties, for heavens sake! You are a disgrace to your own family, not to mention your country! I hope you're happy!"

She stormed out of the room without noticing me and stomped right back down to the party. I opened the door slightly to see if Clarisse was okay, but she wasn't, so I walked to her and sat on the opposite side of the bed, "Are you okay?"

She didn't reply. There were tears everywhere, on her face, her hands and the sheets. I stroked her hair and bent down to kiss her.

I stayed with her until I was sure she was asleep and then left. The party was over by 11, so I showered and went to check on Clarisse once more before going to bed. She was still sleeping. The king lay beside her, holding her in his arms and placing soft kisses on her face. It made me sad to watch so I left. I can only imagine what tomorrow will bring.

* * *

A/N:

In reference to an earlier chapter: Rupert didn't go to meet Helen because there was work to do in Genovia and he wasn't the one who disapproved of her in the first place. I made it this way because everyone always makes Rupert the bad guy and because Clarisse said that people thought it was her that made him give her up. Y'know?

Good news for people who like me updating (lol, aka most people): I have 4 days off in a row; Sat, Sun, Mon and Tue. I plan to finish the rest of this book I'm reading and start another one. Oh, and I have to do some homework, but I'll do that at the last minute :D

I think that's all I have to say…?

FYI: I'm Australian and the song Clarisse was singing was my re-made version of the beatles' "Do you want to know a secret" which is too cheery a song for this, but has appropriate lyrics.

Thanks for reviewing, keep them coming!


	21. Chapter 21

28/5/85

I didn't see Clarisse today; she spent the whole day in bed. I don't blame her though, last night was quite a night. I spoke to her mother this morning and somehow ended up back in bed with her. I know it was wrong, seeing as though now I know who she is, but I couldn't help myself, she looks so much like Clarisse. She's also really good in bed and she leaves right after we've finished. However, this time she didn't just leave straight after, we had a bit of a conversation first.

I said, "I can not believe you're Clarisse's mother."

"Is it really that shocking?"

"You look more like sisters."

"Thankyou, I do like to keep young."

"How old are you?"

"A woman never reveals her age."

"You can't be any younger than 65."

"I had Clarisse when I was 21."

"Well you look terribly young for a 71 year old woman."

"Once again, thankyou for the compliment."

I looked at her figure and decided that it can't be healthy to be that thin, "You should really put on some weight."

"I beg your pardon?"

"If you get sick, you're at a higher risk of dying. You should really put on some extra weight."

"Never. My looks are all I have and if I do happen to die, I'll go down in style."

I watched her brush her hair, "You're not close are you?"

"How do you mean?"

"With your daughter."

"We're close enough."

"I heard you yelling at her last night."

"Oh, she deserved that."

"How so?"

She slammed the brush down, "What sort of woman makes a complete fool of herself in front of all her guests on her own birthday ball? That's not how I raised her. Do you have children?"

"I don't think so."

She smiled at me (everyone does when I make that joke), "Well, if you did have a child and it make a complete ass of itself in public, then how do you think you would react?"

"I get your point, but still…could you please try to be nicer to her? She's been really upset lately."

She put her hand on my cheek, "Alright then, nicer…I think I can handle that."

"Good."

"I'm going to go see her now then, see you later."

She walked out the door and shut it behind her. I re-dressed myself and headed off to start my rounds and check on things. Nothing else exciting happened today.

29/5/85

Clarisse emerged from her rooms today. I came across her in the kitchen, she was picking at her food with her fork, but not eating any of it. I sat down next to her and stared into her eyes, she didn't acknowledge my presence. Her face was very pale and she wasn't wearing any make-up at all, she was just sitting there in all her natural glory. I spent quite a while just watching her, I wondered how long she had been sitting there. There wasn't any steam rising from her waffles, so she must have been down there for a while. After ten minutes, I decided to speak:

"Those waffles aren't just going to grow wings and fly into your mouth all on their own, you know."

She didn't say anything…did she know I was there?

"Hellooo? Is anybody home?"

Obviously there wasn't.

"What's wrong?"

I took the hand she was holding the fork with and brought it up to her mouth. It didn't open, so I used my other hand to hold her nose. I knew that eventually she would have to open her mouth to take a breath, so I waited and waited and finally, it opened. I tried to shove the fork into her mouth, but she turned her head slightly and the fork scraped across her cheek. I put my hand over my mouth and reached out to touch her face, but I thought it would be best not to fuss. Instead, I very softly said, "Sorry."

She didn't look at me, she just resumed fiddling with her food.

"Have you eaten anything today?"

She still didn't say anything! I got up and walked over to the fridge to find her something else to eat, I found exactly the thing – chocolate.

I placed it on the table in front of her and sat down to look at her again. The expression on her face didn't change, so I broke a piece off and opened her mouth to put it in. She closed her eyes and started chewing – that's when the tears came. She started sniffling as the tears rolled down her cheeks and she banged her head repeatedly on the table. My immediate reaction was to hold her, so I did and she cried into my chest. We stayed there for a couple of minutes, then I lifted her up and carried her back to bed. She didn't say anything, didn't move, she just lay there like a statue. I stared at her for a while and then went off to find the king.

He was in his office at the time, so I stood in the doorway and waited for him to get off the phone. I then led him to his room and found that Clarisse wasn't where I left her, she had gone. He asked me to find her, so I said I would and raced off. I knew she couldn't have gone far, so I checked all of the places that she was likely to be (the kitchen, the library, the lobby), but couldn't find her anywhere. I looked in the gazebo, but she wasn't there either. I then realised that she was probably at the stables getting ready to take off on a horse, but when I got there, I noticed that all twenty horses were in their stalls. I decided that she was probably on foot, so I mounted a horse and rode around the grounds in search of the missing woman. She wasn't at the lake, or any of her other favourite hiding spots, so I rode all the way down to the beach to see if she was there. Of course, she wasn't so I rode back to the palace in hopes that somebody might have seen her, but I asked around and nobody had! I was really frustrated and upset by that time, so I requested back up and then went to my room for a large glass of brandy.

Guess who was lying in the bed when I walked into my room? It was Clarisse! She was in my room for the whole three hours that I was out looking for her! She was asleep, so I carefully closed the door behind me and went to call off the search. When I returned, I noticed that she was violently tossing and turning under the sheets. I woke her up from what appeared to be a nightmare and held her in my arms; she was soaked in sweat. I asked her if she wanted to take a bath, but she still wasn't talking.

I started removing her clothes, but she whispered, "No."

I withdrew my hands and folded them on my lap.

Clarisse turned to face the window, "I am such an idiot. A stupid, stupid, idiot!"

"Surely it's not all that bad."

"Have you seen yesterday's newspaper? I made the front page!"

"I haven't had a chance to look at it yet. I've been in search of a young lady who disappeared without telling anyone where she was going."

"Queen of the Pills Spills!' Is what it said. Couldn't they have thought of something wittier like 'Queenspills'? Get it? Queen Spills/Queen's pills. Haha."

She laughed very loudly for a few seconds and then wiped the smile off her face, "Mother wants to take me home for a couple of weeks until this all dies down and I learn to be a better person. Do you know what it's like being under her control?"

I laughed, remembering yesterday morning when she tied me to the bedposts, "Yes I do."

She shot me a questioning glance, which made my eyes widen, "I mean, no, no I don't."

"She told me that she's really disappointed in me and that she's going to disown me if I don't come with her and let her teach me the correct way to act. Now I know how Philippe felt when I said it to him all those months ago."

She started crying, so I held her again, "I wouldn't worry about. It's only a couple of weeks right?"

"I can't even stand spending a couple of days with that woman telling me what to do, she's a monster with a horrifying plastic mask covering her face."

I knew that she was referring to the plastic surgery, so I allowed myself a short laugh and kissed the back of her neck.

"This has to stop, Joseph. I can't use alcohol to avoid my problems anymore, nor can I run off every time I become upset, or take pills to avoid the real world. Also…"

She took my hand, "I can't come here anymore."

She turned to face me, "You've been so kind in letting me come to you for comfort and support, but it has to stop. Sooner or later someone's going to catch us in here doing…god knows what and you'll lose your job and my family will send me into exile and…"

"That's not true…well, about the family part anyway. I came to check on you the other night and your husband was holding you and kissing you even after you announced to the world that you cheat on him…he doesn't care."

"Only because he doesn't love me, but that's not the point. I can't keep doing this to him. He's been nothing but the perfect husband and I feel that I owe him the decency of staying faithful to him."

"I understand."

She paused for a minute, "You weren't the only one."

She then kissed my cheek and left.

What was I not the only one of? Were there others before me?

I am not going to sleep tonight, that's for sure…

* * *

A/N: No, Clarisse's mother is not married in this. Divorced is what I was thinking.

Also, I too am wondering if she'll have Mia in Genovia, lol! Haven't given much thought to it :)

Did I answer everyone's questions?

R & R


	22. Chapter 22

30/5/85

This morning I walked downstairs and found Clarisse and Philippe's wife, Helen actually holding a civilised conversation. Clarisse was telling her about the boys when they were young and Helen was laughing and having a genuinely good time. She excused herself to go to the bathroom, so I walked up to Clarisse and smiled at her, "So you two have sorted things out then?"

"Well, sort of. She can be really nice when you get to know her."

"I told you!"

"We're having tea in the gardens after lunch."

"Tea? Wow."

"Philippe will be joining us of course."

"Aha."

"And Rupert."

"Aha."

"And mother…I don't want her there, I just know she's going to make fun of me and yell at me in front of everyone."

I held my hand up, "Don't worry about a thing, Your Majesty, I'll make sure she's not there."

"How?"

"Just don't worry about it."

"Well, thankyou then."

I left her and went to find Maddy, which I did; she was in the wine cellar with Paul pointing at the doorframe. I walked closer and heard what she was saying:

"Now you see this? It should have some kind of motion sensor along here so we can tell if my daughter has been trying to get in. And over here! Couldn't you at least put bars over the windows or something? We don't want her getting in and making a fool of herself again, now do we?"

She looked at her watch and placed a hand on his chest, "Oh I'm so sorry, I have to leave now – I have a lunchtime appointment. Thankyou for all your help and get that door put up as soon as possible, please."

She started walking towards where I was standing, when she walked passed me, I grabbed the end of her jacket and pulled her back.

"Oh Joseph, I didn't see you there. I'd love to stay and chat, but I have a previous engagement."

"I know, but there's something I want to show you."

"But…"

"It will only take a minute."

"Can't it wait?"

"No."

"Oh very well…"

I took her arm and led her up to the attic, she looked around as I closed the door behind us and locked it with a key that I carefully hid in my pocket.

"So what is it that you wanted to show me?"

"Oh, just this thing over here."

I quickly looked around for something to show her and found a large portrait of the king and his mother; it had to do.

"Look at this painting, it's really…nice."

She violently pressed her lips against mine and pushed me onto the floor, "I know why you really brought me here."

I was quite taken back by the fact that she just jumped on me; I thought she'd at least corner me against a wall first.

She pulled down my pants and quickly had her way with me, after that, I buckled up my pants, walked to the door and fiddled with the nob, "It's locked!"

"What do you mean it's locked? I've got a lunch appointment!"

"I'm sorry, I can't get the door open."

"Let me try."

She twisted and turned it, but it remained closed. She then found an old baton and started hitting it in hopes that it would fall off…it did. I stared in amazement as she whacked the knob right off the door and pulled it open.

"How the f…"

"Joseph! Shall we go?"

"Uh…uh…yes."

I became frantic – how was I going to keep her away? I'll tell you how! I picked her up and took her to my room.

"You're not going to let me go, are you Joseph?"

"No, madam. I am not."

"Well I'm sure they could go without me for a few more minutes."

"I think it will be a bit more than that…"

"Oh, Joseph!"

I managed to keep her held up in my room for the duration of the family lunch (she asked me to tie her to the bed, which of course I didn't object to).

I let her go about two hours later, she kissed my cheek, dressed herself and hopped off down the hallway. I collapsed on my bed out of exhaustion, three times in two hours is just too much for me.

31/5/85

Clarisse was happy to see me this morning, she came right up to me and said, "You kept your promise, how did you manage? "

"I made sure she was a little tied up."

See? I didn't lie to her…

"Well I'm glad. Thankyou, I had a wonderful time with Philippe and Helen. I didn't think I could come to like the woman, but look at us now."

"I'm very proud of you."

She smiled at me and asked if I'd join her for one last cup of tea and a chat before her mother took her away. I accepted and we had a nice quiet tea complete with cake and biscuits in the gazebo. As usual we talked of nothing in particular and laughed at the most non-humorous things. Fun times were these. I'm going to miss her when she's gone. I know she's only going away for a couple of weeks, but still.

2/6/85

Well, she left today. I could see the fear and sadness in her eyes as the car pulled her and her mother away. I had a word to Maddy before they left, a word this time, not sex. I asked her if she'd go easy on Clarisse and she said she'd see what she could do. I bid her farewell and watched them leave. I'm wondering exactly what they're going to be doing while they're away – Clarisse said "learning how to act responsibly". But Clarisse always acts responsibly; it was just that one night that she lost herself, it's alright to just lose it sometimes, I mean she was upset and tried to make her pain go away by swallowing a couple of pills – what's so wrong with that? It's not like she was hooked on the stuff. I feel sorry for her.

8/6/85

It's been six days and I've been missing her like hell, I've never realised it before but I really do enjoy her company. REALLY enjoy her company – the secluded strolls in the garden, the occasional stolen kiss…I look forward to seeing her every morning, even just a glimpse of her makes my heart melt and her scent…boy her scent sends my temperature sky-high. When did I become so sensitive? I'm going to stop now, I'm scaring myself…

10/6/85

Still missing her. I thought I saw her today sitting under her favourite tree, but I was just imagining things. Is this what love is all about? Missing the person so much that you start imagining they're right in front of you? How long will this go on?

18/6/85

God, I thought she would have been back by now, but no sign of her. I asked the king if he knew when she'd return, but he said he wasn't sure. He said that she would be away until her mother decided she was fit enough to help him run the country. He agreed with me that she didn't need further instruction and that it was just that one night that she played up, but apparently trying to convince Clarisse's mother of something she's already made her mind up about is a futile task. I wonder what she's doing right now…probably disciplining or beaten her daughter or something else I don't want to think about.

20/6/85

2 weeks since you went away,

So many things that I want to say.

I love you and wish you were here,

Come back and pour me a beer.

Lay down, I wanna stroke your hair,

Forget your worries and show me you care.

Oh great, I'm writing poetry now? I'm InSAnE with love…god, what has become of me?

25/6/85

I am so bored! She's been away for too long! What could she possibly be learning that takes 3 weeks to learn?

I resorted to spending time with Lauren today, somehow she's gotten herself pregnant again and there are over ten possible people who could be the father…ha, I'm not a suspect this time, thank god. She said she's going to keep this one (instead of adopting it out like last time) and raise it on her own. I offered her my help and support, which she gratefully accepted, I told her I'd be there this time when she's in labour. She says she thinks this man called, "Jonah" is the father, but she's not completely sure because in the last two months she has also had sexual relations with Harry, Bert, Lucas, Gerald, Jazz, Gary, Paul (would you believe?), Mark, Terry and Carlos. However, she says that with Lucas, Paul and Mark, she used protection. What a slut, of course I can't talk – I used to sleep with about four women every night when I was younger. Oh well, it's her life and her body so she can do what she likes with both.

Here's something I haven't done in a looong time:

Possible names E – girls:

Erin

Ellie

Elise

Emily

Possible names E – boys:

Eric

Ernest

Ethan

Edward

Haha…always keeps my mind occupied, I ought to write out a full list and give it to Lauren.

30/6/85

Still waiting for Clarisse to come back, however I won't have to wait much longer as the king informed me that she should be arriving late tomorrow morning, it's about time!

I know I won't be able to spend much time with her tomorrow, but seeing her is enough to satisfy me. I've been counting down the hours until she comes back, I'm even going to bed early even though I'm finding it impossible to get to sleep. I've been trying to master my artistic skills by drawing the two of us together, but so far I haven't had any luck. Everything I draw turns out either looking like some sort of abstract monster or a bunch of stick figures. I'd love just once to be able to perfect my drawing skills. I think I'll keep myself busy by drawing all night until I fall asleep.

31/6/85

Clarisse came back today! I haven't had a chance to speak to her yet, but there's always tomorrow. I did see her from a distance of twenty meters, but she was talking to someone else, so I couldn't exactly go up and enter the conversation. Maddy looks quite pleased with herself, I hope she treated her daughter with love and respect just as I requested her to. I caught Clarisse's gaze when she entered the palace and her eyes looked sort of…I don't know…vacant? Does that sound strange? She didn't smile at me or even look at me for long before she went upstairs. I decided to follow her up, but she was already in her suite by the time I reached the door.

2/7/85

Finally I spoke to her! People have been crowding her ever since she got back and I hadn't had the chance to speak to her. Finally I found her alone in the garden staring at nothing, just like the day I met her. I walked up to her and gracefully sat down beside her, "Good afternoon, Clarisse."

She tensed, not daring to look at me, "Good afternoon, Mr. Alexander."

I was surprised – was she toying with me?

"I missed you, I spent the whole four weeks waiting for you to come back."

"You shouldn't have bothered."

"Did you have fun?"

"Fun? Between my 8am to 8pm lessons on how to act like a proper lady and mother's four hour nightly lectures, I had no time for fun."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

We sat there for another minute before she spoke again, "I beg your pardon, is there something you wanted, young man?"

"I just wanted to talk with you."

"Oh, I'm sorry, look at the time, I really must be off…"

She stood up, but I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back onto the seat, "Would you mind letting go of me?"

"Clarisse, is there something going on that I should know about?"

"Do I have to remind you that you are an employee of this establishment and you are supposed to treat royalty with respect?"

"What?"

"You are Mr. Alexander, deputy head of security, I am your majesty, queen of your country. Please try to keep that in mind."

She got up again and I followed her, "I thought we were past all of that status bullshit."

"I BEG your pardon? Please refrain from using such language in my presence."

"What's happened to you?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"Last month we were naked together in the bathtub and now you won't even look at me, nor will you acknowledge that I am a human being who should be treated with respect."

"I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Yes you do!"

"I'm sure I haven't the faintest…"

"Yes you do!"

"Goodbye."

My eyes narrowed as I watched her disappear, "GOODBYE YOUR MAJESTY!"

What the hell did her mother do to her? It's like all the life has been sucked out of her! I can't believe she denied everything we shared, they were precious moments – how could she "forget" them so easily? I'm going to have to have a long talk with Madeline tomorrow.

* * *

Sorry it's very late, I had trouble figuring out where it was going and then my keyboard had an accident involving icy cold water so I had to wait for mother to buy a new one XD 


	23. Chapter 23

4/7/85

I talked with Maddy yesterday and asked her about Clarisse. She said that what happened at her house was confidential, I questioned her about Clarisse's strange behaviour, but she wouldn't give me any straight answers. We went for a walk around the gardens and ended up at my bedroom door.

For once I didn't feel bad about sleeping with her because of course, Clarisse and I aren't acknowledging each other now. I saw her today, walked straight past her and not a word was said. Normally we would smile at each other or say hello, but not anymore. She's changed. Changed for good.

Oh, I forgot to mention that Helen had her baby on the sixth of June. I spent so much time waiting for Clarisse to come back that I must have forgotten to mention it. Apparently she had Her Royal Highness Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi, Princess of Genovia on the plane on her way back to America – It must have been a real shock for the prince to return from the bathroom to find his wife in labour. Clarisse was upset because she didn't get to see her, I think she was expecting her to still be there when she got back from her mother's house.

I couldn't believe it when I was told what her name was – Amelia – the name I wanted to name my non-existent child.

10/7/85

Clarisse and I haven't spoken since our last encounter, I get the impression she's trying to avoid me for god knows what reason. I feel as if I just don't know her anymore, she's become distant and rude and nothing like the person she used to be. There's some sort of invisible ice-wall that surrounds her and makes her immune to expressing feelings or emotions. Apparently she's become a celibate – haha, Clarisse a celebate – I can't get over it. I mean, last month she was hornier than a rhinoceros and now she won't even touch her own husband, or anyone else for that matter. It's all about her image. What image? The Ice Queen with a heart of stone and a mind that knows not of other people's feelings? Some image…

21/7/85

Wow, some interesting news I found out today…I have a son! Who did I knock up, might you ask? Take a guess…you don't even need to guess, it was Lauren. Remember how I mentioned a child she had when she was 28? Well it turns out he was mine.

Lauren informed me that his adopted parents had been the victims of a car crash and that welfare suggested they find his biological parents, which wasn't too hard for them to do.

Lauren has agreed to quit her job and become a full-time mother, just think…in about 7 months she'll have two children to look after. She's moving into a quiet little cottage on the outskirts of town and is going to raise them there. I contemplated moving in with her so I could be near my son, but it took so long for me to rise to my current position as deputy head and I don't want to lose it, so I'll just be spending Sundays with them.

Samuel is his name. Samuel Damson. I don't particularly like the name, but it's too late to change it now. We're going down to meet him tomorrow morning; I'm looking forward to it, as is Lauren. Can you believe she lied to me all those years ago and told me I wasn't the father? I understand why, but I still would have liked to know.

I wonder what he looks like…I'm thinking brown hair and blue eyes.

Clarisse has to be the most boring person I know now, all she does is sit around all day looking beautiful. She gets up in the early hours of the morn, drinks tea for most of the day, reads books and visits the opera every now and then with the king. As it is my job to guard the queen, I am obligated to follow her everywhere and I get so bored just watching her sip her tea and flip through the pages of thick novels. My job has lost interest, but I can't leave it because it pays really well and I have to start paying maintenance to Lauren. I don't mind having to give her money each week; in fact it was my idea. I want to be a part of my son's life. Yay, I get to meet him tomorrow.

22/7/85

Brown hair and blue eyes doesn't even begin to describe my son. He's tall, slim, mysterious and likes to wear black. He reminds me of me.

We drove down today and picked him up. As soon as we were introduced I felt an immediate bond, he shook my hand and said, "Nice to meet you, sir."

Lauren bent down to his level and introduced herself as, "Mummy". He didn't really appreciate the remark because he needs time to get used to her before calling her mummy. Lauren said she rented a house last week, I wondered why she waited until the last minute to tell me.

I asked the king for permission to take the week off and he allowed it when I told him the reason why. He said something that I thought was interesting, "You may as well take the week off, I can imagine that watching my wife is not a very fulfilling job at the moment. Personally I liked it better when we used to fight, now she just agrees with everything I say. I'd give anything to get the old Clarisse back."

Funny, he has the same views about her as me.

Anyway, I'm staying with Lauren and Samuel in their house on the outskirts of town for the entire week. I'm going to spend quality time with my son and we're going to get to know each other. I have it all planned out, tomorrow we will play sports like baseball and kicking the soccer ball to each other, the day after that we'll visit the museum, the day after that we'll go to the theatre...so much I want to get through.

I'm having a hard time getting to sleep, as I always do when sleeping in a place I've never slept before. It's a three-bedroom house, so Lauren and I are sleeping in one room and Samuel is setting up his room in another. The third room will be for the baby when he or she comes along. It smells really nice here – much like Clarisse's hair…mmm…strawberries.

23/7/85

Sammy and I are getting along really well, he told me that his favourite colour is black, his favourite movie is "Psycho" (even though it's in black and white, he says), his favourite song is "Piano Man" and his favourite subject at school is science. Since we both feel uncomfortable about the idea of him calling me dad, I let him call me Joe instead.

25/7/85

I was sleeping quietly in Lauren's room last night when I heard the phone ringing. I picked it up and said very groggily, "Yeah?"

It was Paul, "Listen we have a situation here."

I wiped my eyes.

"The queen is no longer with us."

"Wha?"

"She's been kidnapped, Joseph."

My eyes widened, "Are you sure she's not just hiding?"

"Yes, we're sure."

"Did you check the lake? The gazebo? The tunnel under the library?"

"We checked everywhere."

"Oh god!"

"You're going to have to cut your holiday short, we need you here."

"I'm on my way."

I grabbed my gun, strapped it to my belt, kissed Lauren goodbye and took a quick look at my sleeping son.

It took me half an hour to get back to the palace. I arrived to find police cars all over the lawn and the guards huddled in a circle having a security meeting. I ran as quickly as I could to find Paul, he was in the king's office.

Allegedly, Clarisse disappeared early yesterday afternoon; she was spotted being dragged into a car by a man dressed entirely in black. I don't understand why nobody went up to see what was going on.

Anyway, there has been no word from the kidnapper yet, but we're ready to trace any calls. I'm worried about her, if I didn't take the week off it wouldn't have happened because I'd have been there to prevent it.

26/7/85

A note. There was a note.

I studied it carefully, _'Free the throne and your wife will be returned.'_

It was meant for the king, he received it late last night, or rather it was thrown through his office window attached to a brick. Luckily he was out to dinner at the time.

I haven't had any sleep over the last two days – I've been so worried. I hope she's alright. We're doing our best to find her, but so far no luck. I have a gut feeling that the kidnapper delivered that note himself and that he'll deliver another when the time comes. I'm going to sit outside every night with Bertie (one of the horses) and wait to see if he strikes again. I plan to discretely follow him, as he will most likely return to the place he's holding Clarisse.

27/7/85

8pm: Currently waiting for kidnapper to arrive, so far not a sound has been heard, not a move has been made. Perhaps he isn't coming…

9pm: Still no sign of anybody entering the palace grounds.

10pm: Saw movement – bird in tree (kidnapper?)

11pm: I'm bored.

12am: I am so bored.

1am: He's not coming.

2am-6am: Oops, fell asleep – has he come yet?

7am: Bugger it, I'm going inside.

4pm: Time to watch for kidnapper again. I've picked up my son and he says he'll keep me company tonight and watch for the kidnapper as well. It should give us time to bond some more.

6pm: No sign of anything yet. Sammy started asking me questions before.

"Who kidnapped the queen?"

"I don't know."

"What are we looking out for?"

"Mysterious figures."

"What's that you're writing in?"

"My journal."

"Wow, can I read it?"

I laughed thinking about all the things in there I wouldn't want him to read, like my feelings for Clarisse, "No."

"Why not?"

"Because there are some things in it that I don't want you to know."

"Like what?"

"I said I don't want you to know."

"I keep a journal, too!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, and you're not allowed to read it!"

"Fair enough."

"Do you love mother?"

I paused and looked him in the eye, "No."

"Did you ever?"

"No."

"I see. Have you ever been in love?"

I raised a questioning eyebrow, "You could say that. Aren't you a little young to be asking about this kind of stuff?"

"No, I'm almost ten."

"Alright then."

7pm: Still no sign of anyone.

"Joe?"

"What is it?"

"What are we looking out for?"

"You already asked me that…mysterious figures."

"You mean like that one over there?"

"Yeah, sort of, except that's just a security guard."

"I didn't know they rode horses."

"They don't."

"But that one's riding a horse."

"Wait a minute, that's no security guard…"

* * *

Okay, I wasn't planning to bring Sammy in til later, but I want to hurry this story along a bit more because I'm losing interest and want tojump to the year 2000.

Review!


	24. Chapter 24

I grabbed my journal and followed the man on the horse for about two hours until he finally stopped outside a cabin in the woods. He didn't see me watching him as he walked inside. I dismounted the horse and creeped up to the cabin, I saw Clarisse inside smiling and sipping a glass of what looked like red wine. I didn't understand why she was smiling at the man that had supposedly kidnapped her, but I found out later what was really going on.

I couldn't call for backup, because they have yet to make phones that you can take with you to places, so I decided to enter alone. As far as I could see, there was only one other person in that cabin besides Clarisse and I thought I could take him, but it turned out I didn't even need to.

I sidled the wall and slowly made my way to the door, it wasn't locked. I drew my gun and kicked the door open much to the surprise of the two inside.

"Freeze!" I shouted.

Clarisse smiled and stood up, "Joseph! What are you doing here?"

I didn't know what to think, "I'm here to…save you…"

"Oh, how noble, but I don't need saving."

"What?"

"Thankyou, Chester, you can go home now."

He bowed and shuffled outside to mount his horse. Clarisse indicated for me to sit in the armchair opposite her, so I retracted my gun and sat down, staring at her, "What's going on?"

"I'm glad you're here, Joseph, I want to talk to you."

"Are you just going to let him get away?"

"He's not a kidnapper, we faked the whole thing. Chester is my old school friend…we used to date."

"You FAKED a kidnapping?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I was bored. It's so boring not being able to talk to you, I thought that if I somehow lured you up here we'd have a chance to get to know each other again, you know, away from the public eye."

"Why didn't you just speak to me at the palace?"

"There's no privacy there and you know how the maids talk. I wanted to be in a place where it could be just the two of us."

"What about the note?"

"What note?"

"Free the throne and your wife will be returned."

"Pfft! That was to show the so-called reason behind the "kidnapping". Normally I would have thought of something more plausible, but I just couldn't be bothered."

"Do you know how worried everyone is?"

She grinned, "Very?"

I made a wtf face at her, "Was that your intention? To make everybody worried about you?"

"Of course it was. I needed to feel as if I was still special."

"Well you certainly proved that. You know I spent two nights out in the cold waiting for the would-be kidnapper to return so I could follow him and find you?"

She walked towards me and placed a hand on my shoulder, "That is so sweet."

"No it isn't sweet, it's a nightmare."

She slid herself beside me and started walking her hands up and down my chest; I tensed.

"Now that we're alone…"

"NO!"

"No, what?"

"Just…don't. Don't touch me like that. What is wrong with you?"

She licked the buttons on my shirt, "Whatever do you mean?"

I pulled her head up so it was level with mine and stared into her eyes, "What have you taken this time?"

"Nothing."

"You said that last time, what have you taken?"

"Honestly nothing, I've just had a few glasses of wine, that's all."

She attempted to undo my belt, but I grabbed her wrist and held it in the air, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? A couple of months ago you would have been stoked to have me do this!"

"But things have changed since then."

"Like what?"

"Oh, I dunno…you!"

"Me?"

"Yes you!"

"How have I changed?"

"How haven't you changed? You totally refuse to acknowledge me as a human being, you sit around the palace all day just reading and sipping tea, you pull stunts like this just to get attention…"

"Doesn't that tell you something?"

"Like?"

"Like I'm a bored trophy wife who's in desperate need of companionship."

I looked her in the eye and saw a glimpse of the old Clarisse, it was only for a second though, because she disappeared and reappeared as the horrible monster that was before me. She fully removed my belt and started kissing her way down my chest. I wasn't aroused, I didn't feel anything, I just wanted her to stop, "Is sex all you ever wanted me for?"

She gasped, "Ha! How can you ask me that? You're the one who's been obsessed with me from the beginning…how did it go again? Oh yes; 'She was about ten times more beautiful in person than on the television. I became captivated by her…'"

"You read my journal."

"I skimmed it."

"When?"

"That night I was waiting for you to come back to bed, you remember the night they dropped the bomb?"

"You were wrong to read it."

"Really…"

"That journal is filled with personal thoughts and feelings. Things I wanted to keep private."

"I know it's filled with things about me! I saw my name at least three times on every page, am I all you ever think about?"

"Can we end this conversation?"

"Are you embarrassed?"

"Of course I am!"

"So tell me…is this one of those situations where you just want to rip my clothes off and make love to me?"

"Definitely not."

"Want it to be?"

I looked at her in disgust, "You need help!"

I got up to leave, but she grabbed my arms and pushed me back down on the armchair. I struggled to get up, but she jumped on top of me and started ripping off my clothes.

"What are you doing, you psycho?"

She raised her voice, "Oh so when my mother does it it's alright, but when I do it I'm a psycho?"

"Wha? You said you only read up to the night the bomb hit."

"I didn't need your journal to find out about you two, she couldn't help but brag to me about the younger security man she messed around with."

"Oh god…"

"So why?"

"Why what?"

"Why her and not me?"

"Because she isn't married to a king!"

I silenced myself and watched the expression forming on her face – the face of pure evil, "Oh so this is what it's about? The fact that I'm married! What difference does it make?"

She got up and walked over to the door, I followed her, "It makes plenty of difference!"

"So you won't make love to me because a piece of paper told you not to?"

"Not just that. Look, Clarisse…your majesty…Clarisse, I made a promise to myself that I'd never take advantage of an intoxicated woman."

"And I'm asking you to break that promise."

"I'm sorry, I can't."

She paused and fiddled with the doorknob, "Well Joseph, your nobility has just cost you your job…and your freedom."

It took a moment to register. She opened the door slightly, but I slammed it shut, "You're firing me just because I won't sleep with you!"

"Oh that's not why I'm firing you, I'm firing you for abducting the queen."

"But that's not true and you know it."

"It would make sense though, the deputy head of security conveniently takes a vacation just before the queen disappears…"

"Oh god…you're going to frame me?"

"That all depends…are you still against spending the night with me?"

I walked up to her so that I was just inches away from her face, "What makes you think the police will fall for your little plan?"

"Let me think…oh! Because you're the strong security man and I'm the helpless and fragile old woman…"

"You are anything but helpless."

"I know that, you know that, but they…don't know that."

"You have no evidence that I kidnapped you."

"Perhaps not, but what about the evidence of abuse?"

She backed away from me.

"What abuse?"

She ripped her skirt and tore her blouse open, "What are they going to think when they find the queen in tattered rags with…," she punched herself in the stomach, "bruises all over her body?"

"I would NEVER hit you!"

"Don't be so sure, Joseph."

I stepped towards her, "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because it's fun."

"You're willing to risk my reputation just for the fun of it?"

She pretended to think for a moment, "Yes."

"Well, I guess I'll see you in court then."

I backed towards the door and opened it, she raced up to me and put her hands around my neck, squeezing with all her might. She had such weak hands it wasn't funny.

I stood calmly with my arms folded across my chest, "What are doing?"

"I'm strangling the life out of you!"

"Nice try, but if you really wanted to cause effect, you'd do this."

Quick as lightning I groped her neck with one hand, pinning her against the wall with a firm grasp on her windpipe.

She scratched at my wrists in attempts to make me drop her, but I was enjoying it too much to let go. I loved watching her squirm, though god knows why.

Just as she was about to lose consciousness, she grabbed the gun from my belt, closed her eyes and pulled the trigger. I dropped her immediately and grasped my knee, the pain was unbearable and the blood was running everywhere. I looked to the side of me and watched as Clarisse fell to her knees beside me with her hands on her throat, gasping for air. She crawled over to the sink and filled a glass with water, guzzling it down soon after. She refilled it and drank it down, then wet a towel and threw it at me. I appreciated the gesture, but didn't allow my gratitude to show. She got up and stumbled into the bathroom, carefully making sure I wasn't following her. I heard her turn on the tap and she walked back into the room. Suddenly I felt myself being dragged along the floor – I thought she was planning to drown me, but no, she wasn't.

Clarisse started pulling off my pants and I grew weary of her intentions (fortunately she left my underwear on, so I knew I was safe). She helped me into the bathtub and walked off to the lounge. The water fiercely stung my wound; it felt tremendously painful. I inspected the wound closely – it was disgusting, I could actually see the bullet. I knew it would have to come out, so I closed my eyes, reached inside and felt around for it trying desperately not to cry out in pain. It was lodged in my kneecap – ouch!

I couldn't help but scream when I pulled it out. Clarisse came running in and watched as I placed the bullet on the side of the tub, "Is there anything I can do?"

That was it! That was all she said! Not, 'oh, sorry for shooting you', just, 'is there anything I can do?'

I said slyly, "Well, you could run to the nearest phone booth, dial 666 and ask the police to come and arrest you."

"Don't be stupid…there aren't any phone booths for miles."

I bit my lip, "Are you sure?"

She nodded, "Are you alright?"

"Getting there, you?"

She gave me a faint smile and nodded again before retreating to the lounge. I looked at the water; I couldn't even see my legs because the blood had completely fogged the water. I needed to seal the wound, so I pulled out the plug and then pulled myself out of the bath. I dried myself off and carefully hopped to the cabinet, luckily for me there were bandages. I pulled them out and sat on a nearby stool. Clarisse came in again and watched me bandage up my knee. I was unable to walk, so she helped me to the couch and sat me down. She carefully elevated my leg and rested it on the arm of the couch, it made me feel slightly better.

I thought it strange that I hadn't been in the cabin for five minutes before my life had changed forever. I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to walk again…yeah, most likely I will.

Clarisse sat in the opposite chair and watched me cringe at the sudden shocks of pain that went through me. She was resting her head on her arm observing my every move, her face was adorable. It was the kind of face that says, _'I didn't want to do it, yet I had to.'_

She asked me if I wanted some liquor, so naturally I accepted and she poured me a very large whiskey. I gulped it down fast in hope that the effect would bring some relief to my pain. It did, so I had a few more and passed out.

The next morning, I woke up and found her lying in the bedroom. I had to hop around, which was very painful, but I managed to make it to the bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed and watched her chest rise and fall, the marks on her neck became visible when I pulled back the covers slightly. They were beautiful marks; reds, pinks, whites. I studied them carefully, moved a strand of hair away and kissed her neck. She was warm, tired and…oh so beautiful. I think it strange that even though she tried to kill me, I still love her.

After allowing her to lie in bed for half the day, I asked her to take the horse and ride it back to the palace or anywhere else that help was available. She apologized (finally) for shooting me and I apologized for strangling her. We made a truce and things have been pleasant ever since. She didn't go slandering off to the police, she just told them that the "kidnapper" had shot me and then ran away – they bought it.

The king wasn't as happy as I thought he'd be when he and Clarisse were reunited, but I think he felt more than satisfied later on that night. I honestly don't understand that woman – if she was so desperate for sex, then why didn't she just go to him in the first place?

When I arrived at the hospital, the doctor gave my knee a thorough inspection…I gave her a thorough inspection too, but that's not important. She said that I need to get a knee replacement, so I'm going to get that done while I'm in here. I have been given a whole year off (with pay) to recover and also as a thankyou for "taking a bullet for the queen". I think of it more as, "taking a bullet FROM the queen".

Sammy and Lauren came to visit me a few times. Apparently they're getting along well, which is a good thing. Sammy thinks it's brave that I "took a bullet" for the queen and he admires me for it. If only he knew the real truth.

* * *

Sorry if youse didn't like the blood and stuff, I just wanted them to have a physical fight where she shot him. I thought about it for DAYS how I was going put it in an argument. I thought it would be funny to hold Clarisse responsible for his knee-replacement. IMPORTANT: Unless I've forgotten something, I will be probably be advancing another year or so in the next chapter. Happy reading. Thanks for the reviews – keep em coming. 


	25. Chapter 25

12/8/86

I pretty much recovered from the operation within five months. I haven't seen Clarisse for a whole year because the last time I set foot in the palace was over a year ago. I collected my things and said a quick goodbye to her (a peck on the cheek). She wished me luck, what kind of luck I don't know. I had to stay in a wheelchair for a few weeks, then I was allowed to use crutches, then I had a cane and now I'm fine. It feels like nothing had ever happened with the exception that I can no longer kneel without causing serious pain.

Things that have happened this year:

Clarisse apparently moved out of her husband's suite and now has her own – handy?

She then went through menopause and locked herself away for three days.

The king got sick and then got better again.

Sammy lost a few teeth and started calling me dad and Lauren mum.

I spent a few weeks sitting on the sofa watching Monkee's re-runs because of my knee.

Lauren had her baby, it was another boy – Blake, my choice of name – and it turns out that Jonah is the father. We know this because the child came out with dark skin and the only man Lauren slept with who had dark skin was him. Blake is cute; he has these huge brown eyes and a small Afro.

A few months ago, I decided to propose to Lauren for fear that I might die alone, and she accepted. We married last month, but made up our own vowels so they had nothing to do with the words love or obey. It's not so bad being married to her because she seems to have matured up a little and doesn't sleep with every man she sees anymore.

In our marriage there is just one main rule: if one of us chooses to sleep with someone else, it gives the other rights to do the same.

It's a good rule because I often spot beautiful women sitting alone at the bar.

Philippe returned home a month after his daughter was born and reportedly avoided his mother for weeks. From what I've heard, he spent a lot of time crying – a lot of time.

That's pretty much all that happened in the past year.

15/8/86

Today Sammy turned 11; we bought him a bicycle, new shoes and a new journal (as he said he filled the old one). That reminds me, note to self: buy new journal.

We went on a family outing to the amusement park, but left Blake with Lauren's mother, as amusement parks are too loud for newborns. Sammy couldn't wait to go on the roller coaster and while we were on it, Lauren couldn't wait to get off. It was funny watching her face turn green, until she vomited that is. Because of the intense speed and the fact that we were sitting at the front, all of the people behind us copped the spray of carrots and peas that came out of her mouth. It was disgusting, yet highly amusing. She had to apologise to everyone once we got off, they were pretty angry.

After that we got her a bottle of lemonade and she started to feel better. Sammy insisted on getting a large bucket of fairy floss and since it was his birthday and since I'm such a good dad, I bought one for him. This caused him to get sick as well. We decided to call it a day and now I have the pleasure of looking after two sick people and a screaming baby.

All and all it was a fun day.

30/8/86

I received a letter from the palace early this morning, this is what it said:

'_Dear Mr. Alexander,_

_The time has come for you to return to the palace and take your former place as deputy head of security. If you do not wish to accept the position, please inform us within 24 hours of receiving this letter. _

_Yours truly,_

_His Majesty Rupert Renaldi, King of Genovia.'_

I must have spent at least ten minutes staring at the piece of paper before I scrunched it up and threw it on the floor.

I have my reserves about going back, if I don't I'll never see Clarisse again, but if I do, I'll be down to spending one day a week with my family. I think that if I did go back, Clarisse would probably toy with my emotions again, which would probably make me fully rekindle my love for her. I've had so much fun this year since I haven't been near her every day and I've grown accustomed to it. My son and I are the best of friends and I don't think I could cope only seeing him on weekends.

Either way it's going to be a difficult decision, I've already been up all night thinking about it. I've read the letter about fifty times now and my eyes are beginning to feel sore. Perhaps if I slept on it I'd have a better chance of coming to a decision.

31/8/86

I watched my son eat his breakfast this morning, staring at his features, the way he eats is so precious. I don't think I could bare waking up in the morning and not seeing him seated at the table with a bowl of cornflakes, searching for the mystery toy which supposedly comes in every box. I decided to ask him to shed some light on my situation.

"Sammy."

"Yes daddy?"

"How would you feel if you only saw me on weekends?"

"Are you and mum fighting?"

"No, it's just…"

"What? You can tell me. Are you in love with another woman?"

I smiled at how right he was, he was always right because he knows that all of my problems revolve around women, "It's not really…I mean…yes, that's exactly what it is."

"Oh…" He looked into his empty bowl.

"But it's a woman I can never have."

"Really? Why? Is she the queen or something?"

I looked at him wondering if he knew, but he seemed to have just said that as a joke, "Umm…she's just locked in a marriage and won't leave it."

"Who is she?"

"Her name is Clar…issa. Clarissa."

"Do you love her more than you love mum?"

"I told you I don't love your mother that way."

"Then why did you marry her?"

Good question.

"Can we get back to the matter at hand?"

He nodded and took his bowl to the sink, "Okay."

"So…how would you feel?"

He shook his shoulders, "I don't know, sad."

"That's what I thought."

"But if I would get to see you on weekends, I suppose it might be okay."

I got the feeling he wasn't being entirely honest about his feelings, much like his father.

"Alright, off to school with you, get your lunch and wait for me in the car."

He did as I said and I walked into the bedroom take a long look at…my wife. She was sleeping on the edge of the bed because Blake had taken up most of her side. I kissed them, then scooped the keys off the bedside table and walked out to the car. Sammy was in the driver's seat, which meant he wanted to drive the car out of the driveway, so I let him. He's a pretty good driver for his age, but it's not yet legal for him to drive on the road, so I took over. I dropped him off at school and kissed his forehead. He grabbed his bag and ran off to meet his friends.

I decided to go for a drive. I drove along the main road, down the countryside, past the palace…no I didn't. I stopped outside the palace. I figured a walk around might help me in my decision, I was wrong. I walked up to the gate and noticed Clarisse sitting on a bench sipping a drink, I hardly recognised her. She had cut off her beautiful, long, golden locks and all that was left was a neat little pile of hair on top of her head. She's still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, but she just looks so different. I pondered walking up to her, but decided against it and ran back to the car. I hopped in and stared at her some more, she looked bored.

After that I went about my daily activities and then went back to Sammy's school to pick him up. I had to attend a parent/principal conference because apparently he had gotten into a fight with one of the boys there and was going to be suspended. I managed to talk the man out of suspending him and Sammy walked off scot-free.

On the way home he didn't speak to me, I think he was afraid I would yell at him or something. I decided to speak up, "So he tripped you over and you knocked him out?"

He didn't say anything. I looked at his pouting face and directed my eyes back to the road, "If it's any consolation, I would have, too."

He turned to me and smiled. I put an arm around his shoulder, then retracted it so I could turn into the driveway. I stopped the car and held his arm, "Have you been thinking about us?"

And he said, "About you leaving? No."

I sighed, "Really?"

He threw his arms around me and cried, "I don't want you to go, dad."

"I thought so."

I told Lauren about the job and she said that the decision to accept or not accept is entirely up to me…she said she would miss me if I chose to go. She kissed my cheek and faked a smile.

I'm still pondering about what to do. I should have given them an answer already, but it's just too difficult. I'm expecting them to phone me up and I'm not going to know what to say because I can't just make an on-the-spot decision, these things take time. I'm torn between two people I love, one who returns my love and one who I can never be with, but can't stand to be without.

I can hear the phone ringing, Lauren's answering it…it's for me...

* * *

Anyone else notice I forgot to put a date on my last chapter? Well the date for it can be the 1/8/85.

Also, if you don't know what fairy floss is, I think it's what Americans call candy floss or candy corn or something (not sure).

Who thinks Joseph will go back to the palace? I've already decided the outcome of the decision and I want to start writing the next chapter now, but I have homework to do...

Review please and thanks.


	26. Chapter 26

2/9/86

I went to see Clarisse today, I figured that maybe if I saw how I felt when around her compared to my family, I might be able to come to a decision…I did.

I drove up to the palace gate after I dropped Sammy off at school and asked if I could see her, but the stupid idiots that guard the gates said that unauthorised personnel were not allowed to simply walk in. I informed them of who I was, but they still wouldn't grant me access. I picked up the car phone and dialled Paul's number. He came out a minute later and told the guards to give me a break. I thanked him and drove up to the palace.

I had a hard time finding Clarisse, she wasn't in the garden, or the kitchen, or anywhere else I looked. I asked someone where she was and they said she was in her suite, so I walked there and was announced by her ladies maids. She asked them to leave, so they did and I sat down next to her. She was the one who spoke first, "It's nice to see you…finally."

"I didn't know you wanted to see me."

"Oh I did, believe me. How are you?"

"I'm…fine thankyou, yourself?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "I can't complain."

She propped her elbow up on the back of the couch and stared at me. I felt awkward, so I decided to speak, "Nice suite you have here."

She nodded and looked around, "It is rather lovely, isn't it?"

"Hmm…and I like your hair, it's…different."

She rolled her eyes, "Do you really like it? I hate it! Mother made me get it done and I cried the whole time. It took me years to grow it so long and then she comes along and decides it needs to go."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"So, Joseph, how has life been treating you?"

"Very well, actually…I have a son."

"I know, he's adorable."

"You've seen him?"

"No, but if he's anything like you…" she stared sadly into my eyes, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"That's okay, you're entitled to your opinion. I think he's adorable, too."

"That's good."

I flipped open my wallet and showed her a picture of Sammy which also had me, Lauren and Blake standing in the background. Subconsciously I covered Lauren's face, I don't know why I did it though. Clarisse looked at the picture and smiled, "You're right, he's adorable. A miniature you…with hair."

We both laughed slightly at that one, if anyone else had said that I would have punched them. She started leaning closer to me and she kissed the side of my head, "So when are you coming back to work?"

"Actually I'm not so sure I'll be coming back."

The expression on her face was wiped off when I said that.

"Because of her?" She pointed down at the photo and moved my hand.

"It's not really just her, it's my whole family. For the first time in my life, I am happy."

"Well I'm glad someone is."

She looked away and I saw a tear roll down her face, "Hey, I'll come back to visit you provided those idiots that work for you let me through the gates and we can go out for coffee sometime…"

"It won't be the same without you here."

"I never knew you cared for me that much."

"Well…I…I…"

I kissed her cheek and looked into her eyes, they filled with tears, "Don't cry."

"I'm not crying."

She wiped the tears away with the back of her hand and walked to the bathroom, I waited on the couch for her to come out. I couldn't help but notice what looked like a pink book on the coffee table, so I picked it up and looked at the front cover, _'Clarisse's Diary'_.

At first I resisted the urge to read it, but since she wasn't coming out of the bathroom, I decided to skim through it as I remember she said she once did to my journal. There wasn't anything interesting in there, it was mainly her rambling on about how bored life is and how she wished she had real friends. There was this one page that caught my eye, it said, _'I wish he'd just come back to see me. I want to hold him in my arms, kiss him, ask him how he is, but I can't. I wouldn't want to call him and lose whatever self-respect I have left by begging him to drag himself away from his perfect life and force him back into mine. I just don't know what to do.'_

That's as far as I got before she snatched it from my hands and asked me what the hell I was doing reading it. I said that since she read mine, I was entitled to read hers. I asked her if the person she was referring to was me and she laughed, "Ahahaha hell no! Didn't you know the maids read this thing when they think I'm not looking? I wouldn't put anything about us in it, you silly boy."

"Then who?"

"Pierre of course."

I felt pretty damn stupid because I knew she was telling the truth. When she stopped laughing, she apologized and sat back down next to me. Then she told me how she sometimes writes certain things about the maids just to tease them and we laughed. I had such fun with her, until she kissed me. That's when everything became screwed up…

We were just sitting there laughing and enjoying each other's company when I felt her lips on mine. I pulled away and looked at her, "Your Majesty I feel must tell you I'm a married man!"

She sat back and smirked, "Married, Joseph?"

"Yes, for around about a whole month now."

She put her hand over her mouth and giggled.

"Is it that hard to believe?"

Her face went red and she burst out laughing, "Who did you marry? That girl who used to bring my meals or was it my mother?"

"Oh haha, very funny. As a matter of fact it was that girl, as you put it and her name is Lauren. She and I are very happy together, so you can stop making fun of us."

"I'm sorry, I just can't believe you of all people decided to tie the knot."

"I think I'll go now…"

"No, don't go! I want you to stay."

"No really, I have to…pick up my stepson from uh…daycare."

"I don't believe you. Sit down now!"

I did as she said and sat back on the couch, "So you married her…why?"

"Because I thought it was about time I settled down."

"I see. Do you love her more than me?"

"You know, I really should be off…"

I got up to leave and she stood and held my arms, "Do you?"

"You can't ask me that."

"I just did!"

"Well I'm not going to answer."

"Coward!"

"Cow!"

"Bastard!"

"Bitch!"

"Commoner!"

We were suddenly locked in a passionate kiss, arms wrapped firmly around each other. Neither of us planned to break it even though it felt so wrong.

In our heated passion, we somehow made it over to the bedroom where we immediately threw ourselves on the bed and started groping each other. We furiously attacked each other's lips with our own, causing them to swell and turn bright red. I smelt her hair – god, did I smell her hair – it was intoxicating, "Are you using a new shampoo?"

"Mmmhmm…"

"It's nice."

"Mmm…"

Even though it felt remotely impossible, she pulled my body tighter against hers. I heard her sigh and I grew intensely impatient – I had to rip her clothes off. Her jacket came off so easily that I didn't even have to touch it, her blouse required a bit more time and effort, her skirt I didn't get to though because I discovered a corset underneath the shirt.

I stopped kissing her and stared at it for a moment, "Why are you wearing one of these?"

"Because it's the only thing that doesn't make me look fat."

"You're not fat."

"Oh no?"

She reached behind her back and unlaced the garment, she was right – there were a few extra pounds there since the last time I checked. She lay flat waiting for me to say something, "So I suppose you don't want to make love to me now?"

"Like hell I don't!"

She smiled and laughed as I started licking her chest and sucking her neck. I loved hearing her groan at the mercy of my tongue, it was exciting, it was arousing, it was…time to end it there.

I stared at her body, at her face, at her eyes and immediately my whole life flashed before me; getting ready for school in the morning, getting beaten up by lunch, falling over in the playground, receiving my first kiss, drinking until the early hours of the morning, making love to my first girlfriend, watching my father walk out the door never to be seen again, travelling the world, coming to work at the palace, reliving high school with Dale, meeting Lauren, kissing the queen, realising the exact moment I fell in love with her, watching the expression on her face as our attempted love-making session was interrupted by a bomb, watching her walk back to her husband wearing nothing but my shirt, finding my son, foiling the queen's attempted kidnapping scam, strangling her to death, being shot by her, leaving her for a year, marrying someone else and then the time we had just spent laughing on the couch.

I came to the conclusion that basically every bit of unhappiness in my life was caused by her – the pain, the heartache, the humiliation.

And then I was brought back to that moment, lying on top of her, about to make love, seeing the look of excitement in her eyes…

"I'm sorry, I can't."

I rolled off her and walked out to the lounge scratching my head. She followed and asked what was wrong, "Am I too fat? Is my hair too short for you? Is that it?"

"No, I…I can't explain. I just don't want to be hurt by you anymore."

She threw on a dressing gown and tied it around herself, while I fixed up my collar and sleeves.

She raised her voice, "I never meant to hurt you!"

"So the strangling? That was just for fun, eh?"

"You know what I mean."

"I know jack shit about what you mean! I think hurting me is exactly what you were trying to do all along."

"Oh cut the crap!"

"No, I think I'm onto something there. Every piece of unhappiness in my life has been caused by you."

Her face grew red and she quickly changed her tone to anger, her teeth were furiously grinding against each other. I felt her hands around my neck, she was squeezing with all her might. It was slightly more painful than the last time she tried because it appeared that she had taken my advice on how to do it properly.

"Does lack of sex always do this to you?"

She retracted her hands and opened the door, shoving me out as she did so, "Don't you ever come back!"

The guards stared at me as she slammed the door and (I think) dropped down against it, locking it as she went – I can only imagine what they must have been thinking when they saw Clarisse shove me out of her suite wearing nothing but a dressing gown in the middle of the day, when they had just earlier seen her fully dressed.

I bit my lip and walked to the king's office, Paul was there with the king at the time. I cleared my throat to get their attention and they both looked at me.

"Joseph, are you here to resume your place as deputy head of security?"

I shook my head, "Sorry, but due to certain circumstances I can no longer stay on here."

Paul had a curious expression on his face, "Circumstances?"

"Yes, as you may know I have a family now and I don't think I could cope not seeing them every day. They need me and…"

"I understand," the king nodded.

"Sorry."

"We're sorry to see you go."

"Good luck, old chap."

They both shook my hand and I went to my room to collect whatever possessions I had left in there. It turned out that all that was left were a few items of clothes and the bottle of wine Clarisse gave me all those years ago. I pondered leaving it there, but I thought I'd take it just incase, I mean I've held onto it for so many years, what's a few more? I decided to write a quick letter to Clarisse just so I could tell her what was going through my head:

'_For the eyes of her majesty only._

_I feel I must explain something to you before it's too late. _

_You see, that little tantrum you threw earlier isn't the first one and is also why I can't stay here. You get too aggravated when you don't get your own way, you're like a child, grow up!_

_The point is that the only time I'm ever happy is when I'm with my family, however this also means that I'm only happy when you're not. _

_When you learn to control your anger and realise that us having a relationship that involves sex alone and nothing else is something I can't commit to, then maybe I'll think about the possibility of us being just friends. _

_All I ever wanted from you was something you didn't want and were (and still are) in no position to give. _

_Perhaps I'll see you around sometime.'_

I thought about signing my name, but if the maids were to read it, all hell would break loose. I also thought she'd understand who wrote it anyway.

After slipping the note under her door where I could still hear her sitting and sobbing softly, I took one last look around the palace and walked slowly to my car. I put my things on the passenger seat and walked around to the other side. I don't know how she got there so quickly, but Clarisse was blocking the door. Her tear stained eyes would have been noticeable to a blind man and she was still wearing the dressing gown.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"Friends?"

"Sure, why not?"

I hugged her and smelt her hair once more, "Do you want to meet for coffee sometime? Say the first Sunday of next month at Martin's Coffee Shop?"

"I'd like that."

"I thought you would, but only as friends, nothing more."

"Pfft, like I want to be more than just friends. What do you take me for?"

We stared into each other's eyes and I kissed her nose before stepping into the car and driving off home.

* * *

Ok, must go to bed now. God that was long, I hate proofreading. Thanks for the reviews, write some more! 


	27. Chapter 27

14/9/86

I had lunch with Clarisse the today and we've decided to make it a weekly arrangement. I felt quite disturbed that she had to have her bodyguard there (Jeff, the man who took my position as deputy head), but I soon got over it as I realised it was for the good of her person.

Clarisse and I are so good as friends, much better than we were as almost lovers. Today we talked about life, family, friends and the last thing we watched on television. She told me about how she misses having me around at the palace and that she wishes I'd come back but I told her I couldn't. She also admitted that I'm her only true friend and the only person she can really talk to. She seemed quite sad when it came time to leave, so I kissed her cheek and walked her to her limo, then said goodbye and left.

After that, I picked up Sammy and went to the shopping center. He wanted to "hot up" his bicycle, it now has spikey pedals and chrome wheels.

I've got a job interview next week; it's a bouncer job at the local nightclub. Pays about 150 bucks a night which I think is pretty alright. Of course that means my hours are going to be from 8pm-4am, so I'll have to re-arrange my sleeping habits and Sammy will have to ride his bike to school because I'll be asleep by the time he needs to leave. He says he's old enough to ride by himself anyway and has been wanting to for quite some time.

15/9/86

Okay…somehow the press managed to acquire a picture of me kissing Clarisse yesterday and there's this whole big scandal about it. She rang me and told me she'd take care of it though. Lauren asked if there was something going on because the papers had made up whole stories about it. They were things like "The Royal Affair" and "Man Puckers Up for the Queen". Stupid idiots.

24/9/86

Sammy rode to school today on account of the fact that I got the job! I was so happy when I got the call, as were the rest of the family. Lauren and I went out for dinner and left the kids with her mother (Penelope absolutely adores her grandchildren).

We went out to this fancy restaurant and ate their finest dish (duck bathed in lemon or something), it wasn't as good as they made it out to be, but it wasn't that bad either. After that we went out for a romantic stroll along the pier and kissed in the glow of the moonlight. I pulled her close to me and kissed her forehead, "Honey, I've been thinking…"

She looked at me, "Mmm?"

"How would you feel about disposing of 'the rule' on a permanent basis?"

Her face lit up and she smiled, "Oh, I have been waiting so long to hear that."

"You have?"

"Yes. You see, I haven't actually had the urge to sleep with other men for months now and..."

"Really? What about Benjamin and Lloyd?"

She shook her head, "I made them up just because you seemed so happy about finding those two women on the beach."

"I'm sorry, I had no idea that that's what you wanted."

"Maybe we should talk more often."

"Maybe we should."

I kissed her and we went home to make passionate love until we could make no more. I'm really warming up to Lauren; she's so mature and responsible now, she's also a really good mother. I thought about getting rid of the rule on the day that Clarisse and I almost committed two-sided adultery (aka: the second time she tried to strangle me), but only decided to ask tonight (instead of a few weeks ago) because I wasn't sure how she'd react. I think we're going to be much happier from now on.

27/9/86

I met with Clarisse again today, this time only for coffee, as she said she had another engagement. She totally freaked out when I told her about my new job, her face went all red and she started hyperventilating and choking on her cake. I guess it was too much for her to finally understand that there was no chance I'd be coming back.

After she'd regained her composure I told her that I wanted to meet with her next week so we could go and see a movie or something and she said she was busy. I then asked if she was busy the week after and she said she was. Then I asked her about the week after and she said she was busy then as well. I asked her when she wasn't busy and she said she didn't know. She told me that if she happened to get a free day, she'd call me. After she finished her coffee she excused herself and went to wherever she was going followed closely by the man who took my place on the security squad. I sighed and went to pick up Sammy, Blake and Lauren so we could go out for a picnic.

It was pretty fun, we went to the park, ate lunch, watched the kids play on the playground, bandaged up Sammy's knee when he fell and then went home. We had such fun.

30/9/86

Some guy pulled a knife on me today because I wouldn't let him into the club, so I grabbed it out of his hand and told him to fuck off. I didn't see him again after that. I kept the acquired knife because I liked the look of it; it is now sitting on the sink waiting for me to wash it. I don't know what I'll do with it – probably give it to Sammy when he's a little older so he can protect himself if he turns out to be a weak little nerd or something…he is doing quite well at school…

6/10/86

I haven't heard from Clarisse yet, it's been over a week and she still hasn't called. I pondered calling her but decided not to seem too pushy and needy - I'll wait for her to call me.

9/10/86

Lauren and I went out for dinner tonight again – we seem to be making this a usual thing – only, we went to a cheaper restaurant this time, one that Clarisse wouldn't be caught dead in. They cook one hell of a good meal for the price they charge, much better than the fancy restaurant we went to last time. I think I'm actually falling in love with Lauren – something I thought wasn't possible. She seems to have a matured sense of humour, because now when she says something funny, it's tasteful as well. I guess all that was standing in my way of falling in love with her was Clarisse and now that I realise I don't stand a chance with her I can move on. I love my life, I have a loving wife complete with kids and a reasonably sized house and I'm happy. Could there be a greater feeling?

15/10/86

Writing in my journal has kind of lost its touch because I'm so happy. I think things only sound exciting when I'm complaining about issues – Clarisse for one. She seems to be the hot topic, the only person who can bring my journal alive, that's why this is going to be possibly my last entry. I'm so happy that I don't need to write about how crap my life is, because it's not. I used to think it was but then I discovered the joy of love. I'm going to put this in my wooden memory chest and then put it up in the roof, only to be brought out again when I can't express my emotions to others. I will only write again if something happens like Clarisse contacts me – which by the way she still hasn't done – or if I become seriously ill or some other thing I feel the need to express in writing happens. Until then, Ciao!

* * *

22/8/90

Well, I promised I write if anything upset me and it has, I found out that my parents are dead and that they have been for quite a few years. Apparently my father died of testicular cancer in 82 and my mother went insane with pain from the death and killed herself accidentally by walking towards a "white light" that she saw in a "tunnel to heaven" which actually turned out to be a train running through a tunnel with its lights on. Well, that "white light" certainly did seem to take her to heaven if such a place exists (which I highly doubt).

I know I never contacted my parents after I left to travel the world, but I still should have been informed of their deaths.

I had to buy a new diary today because besides the fact that the other one is full, I couldn't find it. I looked in the box I remember placing it in, but it's gone. I have a sneaking suspicion that my wife has been up there lately, but I don't think she'd steal it and hide it from me.

15/9/90

I was putting Sammy's clean underwear into his drawer today and guess what I found? My journal! The little bastard had it all along! I asked him about it and he said that he saw me put it in the box in 86 and then retrieved it while I was at work. He also said he read it, but didn't understand much so he hid it under his bed for a few years and obviously forgot about it until now. He said he's in the middle of reading it and that he now understands a lot more since he's older. I told him he might as well finish reading it since he obviously already read it when he was 11. He's 15 now and is going out on a date tomorrow. I thought it was a bit late since I was dating by the time I was 13. He seems to really like this girl, too, apparently they've been friends for years and he finally worked up the courage to ask her out...she greatly accepted.

He's buying her a dozen roses and is going to take her to the finest restaurant (using my money of course), then he's going to take her for a walk along the beach. After that he'll walk her home, kiss her goodnight and reminisce about the evening as he strolls light-headedly home. So he's sort of going on a typical me and Lauren date, only without the making love at the end part…I think…

It's so exciting when your child is going on his first date, especially when his date is of the opposite gender (not that I have anything against gays, I just don't understand them).

23/9/90

Well, Sammy went out on his date tonight and I can tell it was a huge success judging by the smile on his face. He won't say a word about what happened, but I won't hassle him because I know what it's like to be hassled by your parents after your first date, "Oh how did it go? Did ya kiss her? Did ya f… her?"

So annoying.

It seems both of our children are growing up because Blake is starting school next year. I know there are going to be lots of photographs taken and I also know that there will be no space left on our walls to put them up. Hmm…

I forgot to mention that the club I used to work at shut down due to lack of interest and the fact that they never changed their image and were still stuck back in the 80s. So I'm out of work again and need to find another job soon, or Lauren could get one, or we could both get one. Whatever works, I think we should both get jobs because when Blake goes off to school, she'll have nothing to do during the day. I think I might talk to her about that now actually.

* * *

Obviously you can tell from my last story that I'm pretty much over reading and writing about the PD movies and have entered what I call "silly mode". I will however finish my two remaining stories (unless I die or something) and possibly quit after. If you find that I don't update anything within 4 months, you can declare me legally dead lol. By the way, I'm actually stumped at how to get this where I want it to go (the year 1997 or something, I think I'll just skip to it somehow), which is why I wrote all this crap. Stories are so boring when the people in them are happy. I was snoozing all the way through this chapter, but don't worry, it's just a fill in. I think my writing is getting worse now that I think writing this is becoming a chore. However, this may be only how I feel today. May feel differently about this in the morning.

P.S. This is still my favourite one of my stories.


	28. Chapter 28

3/10/90

I had the house to myself today, because Lauren took the kids to see her grandfather and I was too tired to go on that long drive. I received a few prank calls while she was gone, I'd hear breathing on the other end of the line for a few seconds and then the person would hang up. It happened about four times, each one longer than the last.

Speaking of phones, I decided to buy one of these new things on the market called "mobile phones". Finally they have been created, too bad they weren't around when I was working at the palace. I purchased one today – it weighs about half a kilo, so I can't exactly take it everywhere, but I'm sure it will come in handy some day. It's pretty big, much like a brick, black in colour.

Anyway, when they got back, I told Lauren about how the person kept prank calling me and she said, "It happens all the time."

Then I said, "Really?"

And she replied, "Yeah."

I thought it was strange that she'd never mentioned it before.

9/10/90

Well I got a new job, ironically as a bouncer at the same club that I worked at before it closed down. The new owners have brought it up to date with the times, so it should attract more business now. Lauren got a new job as well, except hers is during the day, she's a beauty consultant at the fancy make-up shop in the shopping center. I'm proud of her, she hasn't had a job in years.

27/10/90

I am so excited, my son asked me for love advice today. He came in when I was sitting in the lounge reading the paper and asked me if I'd take a walk with him. I said I would, so I finished off the article I was reading and put on my coat. We walked along the beach and he said, "Dad, I need to ask you something…"

"What is it?"

"Well, I was just thinking that since Catherine and I get along really well, we must be in love…"

I smiled and put my arm around his shoulder, "What is it you want to know?"

"How can you tell when you're in love?"

"Well, in the morning you don't need to drink coffee to force yourself awake because the promise of seeing her is more than enough to get you going, the smile on her face makes you melt inside, you can get lost in her eyes for hours at a time, breathing in her scent makes you higher than a kite…"

"Dad?"

"Yes, son?"

"I'm in love."

I kissed his forehead, "I'm so happy for you."

He picked up a seashell and threw it in the water, "That's not all I wanted to ask you."

"Really? Spill…"

"She asked me if I wanted to take the next step in our relationship."

"Which is?"

He gave me a strange look, "She wants to…to…"

"Make love?"

He couldn't say yes quick enough, "But I'm scared that I'll get her pregnant or I'll hurt her or something. We've been learning about it in school and it sort of put me off."

I laughed, "And did you also learn that if you act responsibly and use protection, the chances of impregnating her are slim to nil?"

"Yes, but we also learnt about what happens if it fails."

"Ah…well the odds of that happening are pretty low and even if you did happen to get her pregnant, I'm sure you'd make a great father."

He smiled, "I would?"

"Sure. Just like your old man."

"Thanks dad."

I kissed him again and walked with him to the car, "I think we should take a drive to the chemist."

"I think we should too."

It was only a four-minute drive to the chemist, but we still had a chance to talk further. He basically told me that he would talk to Catherine tomorrow and sort things out with her.

When we got to the chemist, I walked Sammy straight to the contraceptive aisle.

"Now these are what we call condoms, they're used to prevent STDs and pregnancy and are highly recommended, a 99 chance of success. Now these are large ones for people like me, so you'd probably be better off with these Little Champions ones."

I laughed and then looked at Sammy's face – he wasn't as amused as I was.

"This over here is what we call lubricant, it is used for easy insertion, but it won't prevent anything from getting through."

"Dad…"

"Here you have what they call a diaphragm, this is inserted into the woman's…"

"DAD!"

"Yes?"

"I already know all of this! Can you please just buy me some condoms and possibly the lubricant and take me home?"

"Of course."

The man at the counter gave me a strange look when I went to pay for the goods, I think he must have thought me and Sammy were…together…yuck!

We got in the car and drove down the street to another shop. I told Sammy to wait in the car while I went in, as he was too young.

I came out with a few copies of "Jugs", "Ralph" and "Hot Mamas". Sammy almost died of embarrassment when I handed him the paper bag and hopped back into the car, "Dad, I really don't need all this."

"Nonsense! All boys should have dirty magazines, just be sure to hide them from your mother."

He turned away from me and put his hand on his forehead, I started the car and drove us home.

28/10/90

I asked Sammy what happened when he went to school today, but he wouldn't tell me much, he just said that they'd sorted things out. He then asked me if she could stay overnight at our house tomorrow. My immediate answer would have been yes if my parental instincts didn't tell me to ask Lauren first, so I said, "You'll have to ask your mother."

"Aww…do you think she'll say yes?"

"If she doesn't, I'll take her on what she'll think is a second honeymoon, but is really a distraction so you can have the house to yourself."

"Thanks Dad, for everything."

I hugged him and sent him off to do his homework. I'm so happy for him, he's been so mature about his decision to sleep with someone he loves. If only I was like that when I was his age, sensitive, caring, in love. Oh well, you can't change your past.

29/10/90

Lauren thinks it's cute that Sammy's in love, as do I. She's given her consent to allowing Catherine to stay over. I asked her out to dinner so we could give Sammy some time alone with his girlfriend, so we went out, ate dinner, went to a dance hall, then came home at twelve. We left Blake with Penelope of course, but didn't give her any information as to what Sammy was getting up to when she asked us where he was.

Lauren and I came back to the house and made as little noise as possible, because Sammy and Catherine were obviously in bed sleeping...

We decided to take a bath together before going to bed. It was a nice relief after all the dancing we did. I lifted her foot out of the water and rubbed it with the sponge, she closed her eyes and smiled. I lifted the other one and did the same, then I tickled it which caused her to jump and splash about. We didn't make love because I could tell she was really tired, so I drained the water and led her to the bedroom. We went straight to sleep in each other's arms.

30/10/90

I woke up this morning feeling quite refreshed, so I got up and made breakfast, aware that Sammy and his girl were still in bed. I cooked bacon, eggs, sausages and tofu bacon because I wasn't sure what she liked to eat. They got up around an hour later and walked hand in hand to the kitchen. I noticed that their faces were red so I initiated a conversation, "Good morning, have a nice night?"

"Yes, sir."

"Please, Catherine, you can call me…Joe."

"And you can call me…Cat."

"Pussy? Haha."

"Ha, no, Cat."

I smiled, as did she before starting to pile the bacon onto her plate. She's quite a chubby girl, which goes to show that my son doesn't care about looks – a good thing. Her hair is brown as are her eyes and she has the cheeriest disposition I've ever seen. She seems like a very smart and witty girl, my son made the right choice in choosing her out of the whole bunch.

After she left, I didn't say a word to my son about his night. I didn't want to be one of those pushy parents who have to know every detail, I waited for him to tell me.

"Daddy, I am now a man."

"I'm very happy for you, son. How was it?"

He smiled, "It was the best feeling ever, seeing the expression of pleasure on her face, in her heart…"

I patted him on the back, "And you did use a…?"

"Yeah and the cream."

"Good, good. How many times did you two…?"

"Just once, I went for quality, not quantity."

"And you're still going to continue with the relationship?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know, it's just that some men…"

"Dad, I'm not like you, not when it comes to things like this."

"I know, you're smarter than I was. I didn't wait for love to grow before I…"

"Yeah, I know. Listen Dad, if you're not doing anything later, do you want to go for a walk?"

"How can I resist?"

He smiled and walked off to the shower.

* * *

Okay, so it was just last night that I was thinking those thoughts. I've rekindled my love of writing this story...but maybe that's just how I feel tonight…uh oh XD 


	29. Chapter 29

4/3/95

I got a call out of the blue from the palace today, they told me that Paul had taken a bullet for the king and died as a result of it. They then asked me if I wanted an invitation to his funeral, so I said yes and I'm now waiting for it to arrive in the mail. Apparently it is to take place next week.

7/3/95

I received the invitation today, it was so fancy and formal. I read the bottom line and froze, it said that since the king and queen will be in attendance, I must bring the invitation along with me as authorisation. The king and queen! That means Clarisse will be there! I'm not so sure I want to see her after all this time, I mean what if she's changed again? What if she pretends not to know who I am? What if she…doesn't even come across me? That would be both highly probable and convenient, which means I wouldn't have to see her. I hope I don't see her, I don't trust myself enough with her. You know I haven't actually thought about her for years? Well excluding the odd occasion when I'd seen her in the newspaper. Maybe I should talk to her though, find out why she never called when she promised she would. Oh bother, I'll just decide what I'll do on the day.

9/3/95

My little boy is getting married! He proposed to Catherine the other night at dinner and she accepted. I fear as to how it will turn out, they are awfully young and unsure of them selves…but who am I kidding? They're in love!

13/3/95

Paul's funeral was today.

He looked so frail and fragile in that coffin, like an old man who's just taken his last breath. I stared at him for quite a while, we hadn't spoken in years, but our friendship never diminished, unlike mine and somebody else's…

After the funeral we all went to the palace to eat. I walked along the buffet with my plate and reached for the pasta salad, that's when I spotted the huge diamond on her finger. She was reaching for the salad with her smooth hands and indescribable scented perfume. I didn't even have to look at her to know who she was. I cleared my throat, "Your Majesty…"

"Joseph…"

She gently took the spoon from my hand and scooped some salad onto my plate and then onto hers.

"Thankyou."

She was dressed in black, as was everybody else including myself, but there was something about her that I couldn't put my finger on until I noticed her waist. She'd put on weight. Of course, I didn't mention it to her, but I couldn't help but stare.

"You didn't call."

"I did, many times."

"No you didn't, I never got any messages from you when I got home from work."

"I know that, I never left one."

"My wife never mentioned you calling."

"That's because I never spoke."

I thought for a moment and realised something, "You're the prankster! You're the one who used to call and then hang up?"

"Can we talk about this in private?"

"Oh my god it's true. Why didn't you say anything?"

She put down her plate and dragged me out into the garden by my arm.

"I didn't say anything because I didn't want to have to speak to her."

"Why not? Were you jealous?"

"Certainly not! I just didn't know what to say to her! I couldn't just say something like, _'Hello, I'm ringing to see if your husband would like to go out to lunch with me'. _Also I didn't want to sound too pushy."

"I wouldn't have minded."

"Well I would have! Anyway, a few years later you did pick up," she paused for a moment and ran a hand through her hair, "and I didn't have a clue what to say, I thought it was too late."

I was unsure if that required a reply, "So how do you feel about coffee next Tuesday?"

"I'm sorry, I can't."

I looked into her eyes and realised for the first time who I was dealing with, the queen. Commoners aren't supposed to meet with queens for coffee, I'm amazed she even drank with me the first time.

"I have to go back inside now."

"Of course…"

I put my hand on the small of her back and led her back into the palace. Just before she reached the door she said, "One man falls and leaves another to rise."

She looked at me for a split second, smiled and then walked inside to socialise. I wasn't quite sure what she meant at the time, but I soon realised when I went inside and spoke to the king. He asked me if I wanted to take Paul's position as head of security, but I said I wasn't so sure and that I'd have to talk to my wife about it, he understood. I was surprised he remembered me after all those years.

When I got home I realised that I probably should take the job, but it would mean I would have to leave my family behind.

I spoke to Lauren about it just before and she said, "You should take the job."

I raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Well since Sammy will be moving out soon there'll be no reason for you to stay."

"Of course there'll be reason to stay, I love you."

"You've never said so before."

"I didn't think I needed to…can I trust that the feelings mutual?"

She hugged me and kissed my cheek, "What do you think?"

"Still think I should take the job?"

"I don't know, how often would I get to see you?"

"I suppose every weekend or whenever I can get time."

"Well I suppose that would be okay…they do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder."

I don't think absence makes the heart grow fonder, I mean, I was in love with Clarisse but when she didn't call I forgot about her.

"You're sure I should take the job?"

"It's a wonderful opportunity and I'm sure we could use the extra money. Besides, we hardly see each other during the week anyway, so why not?"

I nodded, "Why not indeed?"

14/3/95

After a long and tedious speech from the king about how happy he was that I accepted the position, I was asked to return as soon as possible. I've packed a large majority of my things already, but will need another day to pack the rest, as it's very tiring. Lauren and I are going to spend tomorrow night dining at the finest seafood restaurant in Genovia, walking along the beach in the moonlight, kissing under the docks…making love afterwards and falling asleep in each other's arms dreaming of the time we've spent together. I'm going to miss her, but at least we'll still get to see each other once a week or more. I'm wondering how this will affect our relationship, especially since I'll be near Clarisse again. I can only hope to god I don't fall back in love with her.

15/3/95

Last night was the happiest night of my life. After Lauren and I stuffed ourselves full with the biggest sea platter I had ever seen, we walked onto the pier where we danced to the music that played only in our heads. After that we walked along the shore, sand sinking beneath our toes, wind gently blowing through our hair. I kissed her, softly, passionately and endlessly. We made love on the sand and watched the stars sparkling together, giving us reassurance that everything was going to be fine. She fell asleep on my chest, her hair smelt of lemons. I breathed it in until I realised how cold she was, she was shivering in her sleep. I carefully lifted her up and carried her to the car, placing her inside and quietly shutting the door. She stirred when I recomposed myself and started the engine, but she didn't wake up. When we got home I carried her inside and lay her down on the bed, her slight snoring amused me. I removed my shoes and hopped in with her, wrapping my arms around her waist and falling asleep.

16/3/95

I moved back into the palace today, despite the fact that I had to leave my family, but they'll come and visit and I'll visit them. I was given Paul's old room, which is twice as big as my old one because it actually has a lounge. I officially start my duties tomorrow…I'm sort of looking forward to it.

I went for a walk around the grounds today just like I used to do in old times and just like old times, I saw Clarisse. She was sitting on the bench reading a book, I tried to force myself from walking up to her, but I simply couldn't.

"Good afternoon, your majesty."

"Hello Joseph, I see you're all ready to start work."

"Not quite, I have some things to unpack, but I should be done by tomorrow."

"Good."

She observed my actions, which were twiddling my thumbs and rocking back and forth.

"Would you like to sit down?"

I hesitated, "No thankyou."

My head told me to walk away, but my legs wouldn't listen.

"Is there something you wanted?"

"No."

"Run along then."

I tripped a little as I started to walk off and I swear I heard her giggle.

Later on, I rang up Lauren and asked her how she was going, she said she was fine and that Sammy (or Sam, as he likes to be called now) wanted to talk to me. She put him on and he gave a cheerful, "Hello dad!"

"Hi, son, how are you?"

"Not bad, listen dad, how would you feel about becoming a grandfather?"

"Cat's pregnant?"

"Ha, no. We've been talking about it though. When do you think is the right time to have kids?"

"I don't know, you're really asking the wrong person."

"Oh…Hey dad?"

"Yes?

"You know how you're the head of security at the palace?"

"Yes…?"

"Can you introduce me to the king and queen? I've never met anyone royal before."

"I'll have to ask."

"Thanks, I'll hand you back to Mum now."

Naturally, I asked Rupert, who now lets me call him by his first name, if he would hold an audience with him and he said he would. He is getting so old, I think he's about 75 now and should be retiring soon…

* * *

I hate it when people already know what's going to happen in my stories. I was already thinking about the Paul dying thing the other day and yes, the Sammy getting married thing as well. I guess I did make that a little obvious since he really loves his g/f. 


	30. Chapter 30

19/3/95

My boy met the king and queen today after he solemnly promised me he wouldn't mention anything he read in my journal. It started off a bit bumpy at first as Sammy didn't have a clue what to say and Clarisse just stood there gob smacked. I think she was surprised to see a similar version of me standing in front of her. Eventually when Sammy got into deep conversation with the king, I led Clarisse out of the room, because she appeared to have needed air.

"My god!"

"What?"

"He looks just like you!"

"I know, doesn't he?"

"You raised one…heck of a beautiful boy and he's so polite."

"Thankyou."

"Would you give my apologies to your son, I must get a drink and take a walk outside."

She stumbled off down the hall clutching her stomach, so I went back into the king's office and sat down – Sammy looked really happy. He saw me and almost screamed, "Dad, the king offered me a job!"

"Oh?"

Rupert stood up, "It's a chauffeur job, so it's not exactly full-time, but it's a job nonetheless and it pays a fair rate."

"Wow, congratulations Sammy," I turned to Rupert, "Thankyou very much, I'm sure my boy could use some extra cash."

"I'm sure he could, he tells me he's getting married."

"Yes, in the summer."

"Perfect season for it. I hope you chose the right woman, Samuel, you wouldn't want to be stuck with someone you don't love."

He allowed himself a quick smile, which soon faded to a look of sadness. I thought he was getting a little too personal, so I excused Sammy and myself and we walked out of the room to get some lunch.

It's going to be exciting having my son working close by, it will give us a chance to spend more time together.

23/3/95

Clarisse and I are back to being friends again, except I make sure I never touch her, unless I have to for security purposes, I never spend more than an hour alone with her and I never look into her eyes for too long.

We haven't been spending much time together, as my role is to protect the king and as hoped, I haven't fallen back in love with her. I spent last night at home with Lauren and the family. We played scrabble, watched TV, ate Lauren's much improved cooking and talked for ages in front of the fireplace.

After that we went to bed and made love. Lauren found my position as head of security quite arousing and she frequently told me. She wanted to try role-play, but I lied and said I wasn't up to it. My real problem with it was that she was sort of treating my job as a joke.

In the morning we went to the park and had a family picnic. Blake kicked the football with Sammy and Catherine while Lauren and I lay on the rug observing them and talking about what we had done over the past few days. We started kissing, but stopped when Blake ran up and said, "Eww, gross."

We laughed and broke away from each other. Isn't it strange how when people are young, they think a man and woman expressing affections is disgusting, but when they reach a certain age they can't get enough? It's just something I was thinking earlier.

26/3/95

I am amazed, I've been at the palace for over a week and Clarisse hasn't tried anything yet. I expected her to kiss me or come into my room late at night, but she didn't. She's acting exactly like a queen should act, not sleazy, not desperate, not anything. It's like the time she got back from spending that "rehabilitation" time with Maddy, who to my surprise is still alive. Clarisse no longer says anything that's out of line, she laughs at things that are supposed to be funny but aren't, she reads constantly and drinks a LOT of tea. Boring is the word to sum her up. She never talks to me about her personal life anymore, problems with Rupert, problems with her sons, problems with herself – she just absorbs everything that happens to her.

Our conversations have become solemnly based upon the weather and her eyes are as dark as an Antarctic night. It's as if somebody has sucked every last drop of human emotion out of her. She is now just an object who sits and reads, taking the occasional walk around the grounds with her trusty pooch. That dog seems to be the only thing keeping her sane, I've seen the way she looks at it. It briefly brings the colour back into her eyes.

Anyway, enough about her. Ever since I was titled Head of Security, the maids have begun to wink, touch and stare. Honestly, every time I pass them, they stare, wink and then discreetly brush my buttocks with their hands. There has to be some sort of law against it, I mean it was amusing at first, but now it's just ridiculous. I'm a married man! I have two kids! I'm almost 60 years old!

1/4/95

There's going to be a birthday ball for Rupert in a couple of weeks. Apparently he's turning 74. He looks terribly old when he stands next to Clarisse, but she does colour her hair so that must give her some sort of advantage.

At the ball, there will be about 100 guests, 400 finger sandwiches, 50 different plates of miscellaneous snack foods and 500 glasses of champaign. It's going to be one heck of a bash.

As Head of Security I get to join the party, but still have to keep a close eye on the king. I know Clarisse is going to be dancing with him for a majority of the night, so I hope she's not going to wear something I'd find attractive.

My job entails me to also organise all of the security details, which I have to go over with Rupert and Clarisse by the end of the week. I'm half done, there are just some minor things I need to get through, for example, who is at the gates, who is guarding the doors etc.

7/4/95

Rupert was very impressed with my organisational skills, as was Clarisse. They said I'm already almost as good as Paul was. I did spend a lot of time watching him when he was alive and I am a fast learner.

Clarisse asked me to take a walk with her afterwards, so I did and we talked about weather, politics, the garden and everything under the sun that bores me to death. I found myself excusing myself from her after only five minutes. I used to love it when she'd tell me about her thoughts and feelings, now I'm lucky if she even uses the word think.

Heres what our conversation today consisted of:

"Lovely weather we're having, isn't it, Joseph?"

"Yes it is."

"I was certain it would rain today, but there's not a drop in the sky."

"Mmmhmm…"

"I hear parliament are going to do something exciting."

"Wow…"

"Apparently they're putting up a fountain commemorating the Prime Minister."

"Ah."

"Look at the petals on this flower, they're withering up and dying."

I felt like saying, _"Just like you,"_ but I kept my mouth shut.

"The gardeners really shouldn't be so careless."

"_Maybe you should put some gloves on, get down on your hands and knees and do it yourself! It would bring some sort of meaning back into your life!"_ (That's something else I kept to myself.)

"Well, I'm thirsty, care to join me for a cup of tea?"

"No thankyou, I have some…things to do."

"Oh? Like what?"

"Well for one I'm going to…talk to…your husband about some security arrangements for the ball."

"But we just finished discussing them, they're perfectly alright."

"Well I carelessly forgot to mention one thing."

"Which is?"

"It uh…it doesn't concern you, see you later."

See what I mean? Boring!

I started walking back to my room and found my Sammy standing in the doorway. He was waiting for Clarisse because apparently he had to drive her to 'Les Masquite' for a dress fitting. I talked with him for a bit and then told him where Clarisse was. We said goodbye and went our separate ways.

10/4/95

I was introduced to a young lady today, she's the king's new assistant. She's quite pretty, looks as if she's in her mid 20s, but apparently she's 31. Her name is Charlotte. We talked for a while and found out we have a lot in common. If I weren't already married I think I'd probably try pursuing her. She's a very shy woman, all she would tell me about herself is that she graduated from college and took up a teaching job at a primary school, but she couldn't stop the children from misbehaving. She decided to give up and take a quieter job as a sales attendant at a perfume shop. She said she dropped a one thousand dollar bottle and was fired as a result of it. That's when she met Rupert. He was purchasing a bottle of 'Aurevoir 2' for Clarisse's birthday and offered her a job when he saw how upset she was.

That's practically all she told me about her life, but I won't ask because she appears to not want to talk about it.

I told her about my family and myself, and then we went for a ride on two of these mustangs that Clarisse has been raising. They're quite fast horses, we raced to the lake and back – she won, but that's only because I let her. The horses seemed to lift her spirits a little, I figure she must have had past experiences horses.

We set up a picnic in a clearing where we talked some more and ate our lunch. I had fun with her; she has a great sense of humour.

16/4/95

Tonight was King Rupert's Birthday Ball.

I danced with Charlotte all night and then walked her to her door afterwards. It was nice to be in female company for a change, especially since she talks about more than just the weather.

I spent a majority of the night observing Clarisse as she danced with Rupert. Her smile was so fake it made me sick. She was smiling only with her mouth, not her eyes – I felt like shaking her to death. I don't know what it is, but that "smile" simply aggravates me.

She was wearing an over the top bright pink frilly ball gown which covered everything except her face. I didn't like it, it was too…pink and very eye-catching (not in a good way).

Charlotte on the other hand was wearing a simple light green three quarter length dress, which revealed slight cleavage and was quite pretty.

18/4/95

I spent the day with Lauren and Blake, as Sammy was off with Catherine looking at property. I'm interested to see what kind of house they choose to live in. Sammy says that they've been trying to conceive a child – ooh, I'm possibly going to be a grandpa – but they haven't had any luck yet.

Possible baby names – boys F:

Fredrick

Frank

Frank (enstein)

Farrar

Possible baby names – girls F:

Fiona

Felicity

Fifi (ha!)

Facharda

I think it will be a beautiful child, just like my Sammy. Lauren thinks she's too young to be a grandma, but she's almost 50!

2/11/95

Sammy got married yesterday! I walked his bride down the isle and stood watching the ceremony take place. There were quite a few people there, I only knew 50 percent of them. That didn't matter though, I got to meet her family and that's all that counts. The ceremony went on for half an hour, the reception went on for one and a half hours and the after party went on all night. I got drunk and passed out in the middle of the dance floor, so I don't remember how it ended. All I remember was having fun.

* * *

1/1/96

(New years day)

After returning to my suite from partying at the New Years Ball, I found a message on my answering machine. It was from Lauren, she said, "Hey Joey, honey, I really need to talk to you. I can't talk about this over the phone, so will you come around and see me tomorrow if you're not too busy? Okay, I'm going to go now…so um…bye!"

I wonder what she wants…

2/1/96

She wants to see other people. Our marriage is that bad we need to see other people? I told her what I thought about that;

"There's nothing wrong with our marriage!"

"Joseph, we're drifting apart!"

"Hey, you're the one who told me to take the bloody job in the first place!"

"I didn't know it would be like this…"

"Nothing has changed, I still love you. We may not see each other every day but I still love you."

"That's not the only reason."

"What?"

"I'm worried you'll get attached to…to…to her again."

"Who, Clarisse? I can assure you I have no feelings for her anymore."

"I'm sorry, I don't believe you. I want to believe you but…"

"Why is it so hard? Clarisse and I are ancient history! We haven't touched each other for years."

"I'm sorry, I simply can't believe you have no feelings whatsoever for her."

"I don't! She's the most boring person in the world, I swear I don't know where she is these days."

"But if she was exciting again, you'd jump right on her and forget about me."

"I…"

She was undeniably right. Even though I don't feel anything for her now, I know that if she ever came and spoke to me about something other than the flowers in her garden, I wouldn't make excuses to leave. If she ever touched me, I wouldn't brush her off. If she ever propositioned me, there's a slim chance I'd say no…oh god, I am still in love with her.

"Lauren, I really think that our being apart is bringing us closer together."

"Well I don't! Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to come home to nothing but a couple of kids and an endless load of housework? To have to wait a whole week until you can finally have some male company that isn't biologically related to you? I've put up with it so far, but pretty soon I'm just going to snap. I need a man, a man who can take all the pain away from being virtually a single mother."

I nodded and swallowed the forming lump in my throat, "Then if that's how you feel, fuck whoever you want! Why should I care, I'm just your husband!"

I grabbed my coat and slammed the door behind me. I guess this means I'm free to pursue Charlotte, if only she hadn't already found herself a boyfriend…I am so pissed now that I didn't make a move on her.

* * *

A/N:

Thankyou for your kind words, Jen. I find it an accomplishment that I have 30 chapters and over 50,000 words. I hit two milestones with one stone. Haha.

Rebecca - Sorry, I didn't mean hate as in hate, I just prefer people to be surprised by my ideas…however, I do appreciate you trying to help. I bet you'll never guess how Philippe dies :)

Anyway, thanks for your reviews, time to write another.


	31. Chapter 31

21/3/99

Lauren and I have totally grown apart. We still see each other on the odd occasion, but that's only when Sammy and Catherine have family dinner parties and we're obliged to go. I don't like it how sometimes she brings dates, I mean come on, technically we're still married!

She's been seeing Jonah (Blake's father) for a while now. He no longer works at the palace because a better opportunity came along – the opportunity to father a child. I don't blame him though, I'd like to spend as much time as possible with my child if I were him, even if Blake is a bit of a man whore. Ever since he turned 13 he's been interested in sleeping with as many women/girls as possible. I condemn his behaviour, he's much like I was as a boy, doesn't care who he hurts. I'd like to have a word to him about it, but apparently it's not my place to say, after all I only fathered him for the first ten years of his life!

Sammy and Philippe get along very well, they have a lot in common. Philippe is envious that Sammy's family approves of his wife and often tells him so. I feel sorry for the man, it must be terrible living so far away from the love of your life.

The two go everywhere together, they shop together, get haircuts together, drink beer and watch the football game together. Sort of like best friends.

Rupert keeps telling me that ever since Clarisse went into her "nothing" stage, she never wants to touch him anymore. I feel sorry for the man, because he can't exactly go and find some random woman off the street to sleep with like I can, and even if he could I'm sure he wouldn't because he's an honourable man.

30/3/99

Charlotte broke up with her boyfriend after a long five years and is in a state of depression. I tried to take advantage of the situation by holding her and telling her that everything was going to be alright, but then I started thinking about how wrong it was, so I just leant her a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on. I don't think I will ask her out, she doesn't seem to be my type...also the fact that I'm twice her age doesn't help much either.

* * *

15/5/99 

Rupert died last night, which was a real shame because we had become really great friends. The only funny thing about it was the way he died. The papers read, "King Dies on the Job". I heard the episode last night when I was lying in bed, because my suite is directly next to his.

Clarisse and Rupert were making love, she was screaming as she tends to do during their love making sessions, but her screaming quickly turned from screams of pleasure to screams of fright. I opened my door to see what was going on and was surprised to see Clarisse running into the hall wearing nothing but a sheet. The look on her face was of total shock and horror. I walked up to her and asked, "What's the matter? Why are you screaming?"

She pointed a shaky hand towards the door, "He's d-d-d-dead!"

"What?"

I ran through the door to where the bedroom was and turned on the light. He was lying naked on his back with (yuck) no sheets on. I ignored the disgusting smell of old man love and cigars and placed my hand on his neck. There was no pulse, he was dead. Clarisse walked carefully up to him and let the tears fall from her eyes. I placed a hand on her back and drew her into a hug. The sheet she was wearing gradually slipped down to the ground, so I tried not to disrespect her by observing her naked body. She clutched onto me for dear life, then I heard some of the staff knocking at the door asking what the matter was. I let go of her to pick up the sheet and wrap it around her body. She sat on the couch with her head in her hands while I answered the door and told the people that the king was dead. The shocked expressions on their faces quickly turned into smiles when I told them how he died. They tried so hard not to laugh, but some of them couldn't help but let out giggles. I asked them to leave, so they did.

Clarisse looked upset, really upset. I walked over to her and held her some more, she didn't speak. I asked her if she wanted to have a shower or a bath and she asked me to fill up the bathtub for her, so I did as she said, then came back.

"Your bath is ready. Do you need me to help you into the tub or…"

"I'll be fine, thankyou. You can leave now."

"Alright. If you need anything, you know where to find me."

She nodded and wiped her face. I walked to the door and watched her slowly make her way to the bathroom and shut the door. I made my way back to my own suite and lay down on my bed, taking it all in – Clarisse had let me hold her for the first time in years.

I stared at the ceiling for an hour and heard light knocking at my door. I put on a pair of black jeans and answered it. She didn't say anything, she just walked straight past me and jumped into my bed. I wasn't sure whether to follow her, sleep on the couch or just stand where I was.

She moved to one side of the bed and pulled the covers over her head. I took that as my sign to climb in beside her. I turned out the lights and felt the bed shaking lightly, she was sobbing. I put my arm around her waist very wearily just in case she decided to slap it away. I kissed the back of her neck, goosebumps formed almost immediately. She didn't say anything, which I guess was due to her being upset and not wanting to sound like the fragile old woman she was becoming.

I smelt her hair – that took me back. She was so young when I met her, well not really, but younger. I remembered how exciting it was when I saw up her skirt for the first time, when I walked in on her while she was waiting for her husband in his office wearing nothing but that damn sexy lace outfit (which I still have by the way), when she wore it for ME years later.

Clarisse left my suite early in the morning and went back to her own after kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to be asleep. I guess this means she still has feelings for me.

They took Rupert's body out of his suite early this morning, he's going to be buried in the royal family's tomb next week. Pierre is catching the next available flight back to Genovia to comfort his mother and brother. I have to arrange security details for the funeral and make sure all three royals are not travelling in the same car. So far Philippe will be travelling with Julian (Shades as he prefers to be called), he's the newest deputy head of security, Pierre will be travelling with Yan, his bodyguard and Clarisse and I will be driven by Santiago, who conveniently doesn't speak a word of english.

I'm having a hard time with the rest of the details, but I'm sure I'll get them done by the end of the week.

Clarisse has had to take on a lot of new responsibilities, mainly answering letters, signing things, organising funeral details – Philippe is helping her to get things sorted out.

18/5/99

Pierre came today and as soon as Clarisse saw him she broke down into tears. I suppose he reminded her of his father, he really does look so much like him, grey hair, blue eyes.

I was doing some thinking earlier today when I went down to the kitchens to get breakfast. Now that Rupert's out of the picture, Clarisse is free for me to pursue! I know that sounds sort of selfish, seeing as though I really liked the man, but I fell in love with Clarisse long before he and I became friends. Of course I will wait a while for her to get over the death, but as soon as she stops wearing dark colours, I will make my move…so I should only be waiting a couple of months.

20/5/99

I finished all the security details for the funeral this morning, so I went to Clarisse's office to clear them with her. When I got to the door I heard her talking to someone on the telephone, she said, "…well I don't know, how soon can you get it here? Alright, I'll put the money in a briefcase and discreetly pass it to you under the table…then you pass me yours…"

I decided to knock on the door.

"Hang on a tic, someone's at the door," she raised her voice a little, "Come in, Joseph."

How did she know it was me?

I opened the door and closed it behind me placing the security brief on her desk. She was facing the wall with the phone in her hand. She turned her head to look at me and smiled, her hand pointing at an empty chair. I sat down and she resumed her conversation, "Yes I think I can handle that…I'll see you on Tuesday then? Okay bah-bye."

She put the phone down and sat opposite me on the other side of the desk, "Sorry about that."

I didn't dare ask what the call was about and to whom it was, even though it did sound strangely suspicious, so I cleared my throat and pointed to the file on the desk.

"Oh yes of course, the brief."

She opened it and flicked through it, "Well, this seems to be in order. Good job."

"Don't you want to read it properly?"

"No, I think I trust you enough by now to know your work is always up to standard."

"Thankyou, your majesty."

"Is this all you wanted?"

"Are you busy?"

"Flat off my feet."

"Oh, okay then, I'll eat lunch with somebody else."

"I'm afraid you'll have to."

I do enjoy Clarisse's company now, she's become much more cheerful since last month, though I don't know why. I guess she just got sick of being a boring person.

I am so curious as to who she was on the phone with. She said "I'll put the money in a briefcase and discreetly pass it to you under the table". What did she mean by that? Did she pay someone to dispose of the king? No, that can't be it, the look on her face that night was too real, I know when she's faking her emotions and she wasn't then. What could it be then? Is she being blackmailed for some reason?

On a cheerier note, since Clarisse didn't have the time to dine with me at lunch, I ate with Charlotte up at the lake. She seems to have found herself a new love interest, apparently he doesn't say much, which she thinks makes him more appealing. I'd have thought that would make him more unappealing. How's she supposed to get to know him? He's mysterious, she thinks, with blue eyes that sparkle brighter than the stars (her words, not mine). She says his name is Tom and that that's all she knows about him. Good luck with that.

23/5/99

Rupert's funeral is tomorrow, I'm not looking forward to seeing his 80 year old body lying in a coffin – very depressing. Clarisse seems to break down every time I mention his name, but whenever someone like Charlotte mentions him, she only gets a few tears in her eyes. Perhaps she feels that I understand her and that she can cry in front of me because I won't judge her or tell anybody. I lend a shoulder to cry on, which she seems to be using a lot lately. I know she's going to need my support more than ever tomorrow. Watching your husband of many years being lowered into the ground is something nobody ever hopes they have to witness. My heart will be crying for her tomorrow.

Clarisse took a "shopping" trip today, at least that's what she told me before we left. It turned out she was actually dining with a "friend". She asked me not to come, but I insisted, so she told me to wait in the limo. I secretly followed her in and watched her the whole time she was in the restaurant. I knew right away that this was what she was talking about on the phone the other day because she took a black briefcase in with her. I saw her sit down with the same man who she had faked a kidnapping with a few years ago. I saw them slide the briefcases to each other under the table. I felt like running over to see what was in them, but I knew I'd be fired if I did. When I saw her get up to leave, I quickly hurried back to the limo and stepped in. She came a few minutes later and put the briefcase in the middle of us, I stared at it all the way home, "I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long, I had some…business to attend to."

"So I see."

I decided to stick to rule one of 'Talking to Clarisse': Never question your monarch's motives (don't ask about the secret briefcase).

There were locks on it, combination locks – I figured they'd be easy to open, so I decided I'd try and open it when she wasn't around. No such luck, that briefcase never leaves her side. I asked her if I could carry it into the palace for her, but she declined. I waited to see if she'd leave it in her office while she went to dinner, but she took it with her. I decided that the best time I'd have a shot at it was when she was asleep.

That didn't work either, she heard me sneak into her room, so I faked a security check and left. I'm thinking about going in there right now to get it, but I'm afraid she'll catch me again and this time I wouldn't be able to make the security check excuse because I can only make one once every two hours. I think I'll just go to sleep.

Clarisse's birthday is in four days – I totally forgot. I should pop down to the shops and buy her a present.

* * *

Since you pretty much all asked, and since I'm dead bored of writing the stuff that you find interesting that I find remarkably boring, I decided to skip ahead to '99. 

Thanks for the reviews! Keep em coming.


	32. Chapter 32

24/5/99

The royal funeral was today. I went into Clarisse's suite late this morning and knocked on the door, she told me not to come in and that she would be out in a moment. A few minutes later she emerged wearing a knee-length black dress with black stockings, black gloves and red eyes. I figured she had been crying, "Don't worry about it, it will be all over in a couple of hours."

She nodded and we walked to the car.

As I stared at her sitting across from me, I couldn't help but wonder what happened to the briefcase - it wasn't sitting by her side.

I noticed she looked a little upset, so I moved my hand across the seat to where hers was resting and gently rubbed it. She looked at me and smiled briefly before retracting her hand and placing it in her lap. I looked at the driver through the rear-view mirror, I knew he was watching. He didn't say anything, but I knew he was watching.

When we arrived I helped her out of the car and into the church, I sat her down in between her two sons and watched from behind as they both held a hand each. The coffin was lying in the middle of the stage, I wondered what Rupert would be doing if he was alive. He'd probably be watching his funeral wishing he hadn't spent the night with Clarisse, or probably feeling glad to have died happy.

Throughout the ceremony I stared at the back of Clarisse's head wondering what was going on inside of it. I was half-expecting her to turn around and smile at me but she didn't. She never took her eyes off the coffin.

The time came for her to make a speech, it was short, but sweet, even if it was half lies;

"My husband was a great man and a perfect husband. He was always there for me when I needed him, always laughing and making jokes, I never once saw him frown. He spent his whole life making sure everybody else was happy, his subjects, his family, his friends. It's a great shame that the lord chose to take him away so early in his life, but we all know he's in a better place. Although we will miss him dearly, his spirit will forever live on in our hearts."

The whole church filled with loud clapping from the crowd. The whole time she was up there I was trying to keep myself from laughing, because I kept remembering the look on her face the night he died. I can only imagine the look of shock on her face when she first realised he was dead. I wish I could have been there.

She stepped down from the podium and took a seat, at which point Philippe got up and made a speech. It was pretty much the same as Clarisse's, but he used the word loving. After he made his speech, Pierre made one - same thing again.

After the ceremony had finished, I walked behind Clarisse and her sons as they paid their respects to the man in the casket. I took a short look at him and almost vomited. He smelt terrible – I guess I would too if I'd been dead for a week and hadn't had a shower, with my last activity being making love to my wife. Yes, I can imagine I would have smelt bad.

The day seemed to go on forever, I must have spent at least five hours staring at the back of Clarisse's head. I had to stand behind her at all times.

The burial was short, only an hour. It wasn't raining, but it was a cloudy day being winter and all. I managed to catch a glimpse of Clarisse's face as the casket was lowered into the ground. She looked as if she were in desperate need for a hug, but I resisted the urge to throw my arms around her and squeeze her.

Later on in the car on the way back to the palace, she put up the privacy screen and threw herself into my arms. I held her and kissed her face telling her it would be alright. She cried and cried until we reached the palace, which she then dried her eyes and re-applied her make-up before exiting the car. I stayed with her the whole time we were at the after party, just in case she needed me to take her away. She didn't. She spent the whole time out on the balcony staring at the grounds below, her precious flowers, her son crying on the bench in the gazebo. It was Philippe, I saw Sammy walk up to him to take him in his arms. It was sweet, but also somewhat disturbing because they were both grown men. Whatever…

I put a comforting hand on Clarisse's back and led her inside. She was so relieved when all the guests had gone home. We walked up to her suite and she told me to tell everyone not to disturb her. I asked her if she wanted company, but she shook her head and ran a hand down my cheek, "If I need you, I know where to go."

I watched her drift into the room, locking the door behind her. At that point I decided to check on her sons – they were fine. Philippe was with Sammy, Pierre was walking around the gardens…I decided to go to bed.

It was so cold in my room, much like a glacier. It wasn't snowing – it never snows here, but the temperature can go as low as 5 degrees Celsius. God, it's so cold I can't sleep, I think I'll take a walk.

25/5/99

My feet led me to Clarisse's bedroom window. It was on the second floor, and there weren't any lights on, but I could still see the smoke coming out of the open window. Wait a minute, smoke?

Yes, smoke. I immediately thought something was wrong, like a fire or something. I rushed inside and up to her suite – the door was still locked, but as it is my duty to carry a key around with me, I quickly opened it and ran inside. No fire, but there was a small but bright light glowing from her bed. It disappeared though when I got closer. I could smell a pleasant aroma.

"Shut the door!"

It was Clarisse, she was in the dark smoking.

"Shut the door!"

I quickly closed her bedroom door and stepped away from it, taking in the smell.

"Not that door, the main one!"

I ran to the main door and locked it, then I returned to her room. She was sitting on her bed with the window open, in a skimpy little sleeveless white nightgown that went down to the top of her thighs. It was quite sexy, but this wasn't a time for thinking those thoughts.

I shut the bedroom door, finally recognising the smell. I looked at her face, there were dried up mascara lines on her cheeks and eyes that were redder than a stop sign. On the bedside table was the open briefcase, I was finally able to see what was in it.

"Marijuana, Clarisse?"

"It's the only thing that's keeping me from crying right now."

"Where the hell did you all of that from?"

She took a drag and shook her head, "I have connections."

"Do you know how bad this stuff is for you?"

"Do you know how much better it makes me feel?"

She took another puff and I took the joint from her hand.

"I didn't know you liked this stuff, Joseph."

I put it out and threw it in the case, then I shut the lid and picked it up, "I don't and neither should you."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm taking this away."

"Oh no you're not!"

"Oh yes I am, do you know how much trouble you could get into if anyone found this? Your family would lose the crown!"

"Yes I know, which is why I'm keeping it safe in my little vault here."

She reached over to a painting on the wall and opened it like a door, sure enough it was a vault.

I backed away, which caused her to shout, "Hand it over!"

"No, I'm not going to let you abuse your body."

"I paid good money for that, now give it to me or you're fired!"

She ran after me and tried to snatch it from my hands, "Mr. Alexander, since I'm not one to argue, I'm going to give you three choices. You can either drop it and leave immediately, being sure to forget what you saw, sit on the bed and join me, or take it away and look for a new job."

I dropped the case and walked up to her, "If you fire me, I'll have you thrown in jail."

"If you try I'll have you framed."

"Oh I see, you're wearing the deceitful one of your many faces today."

She frowned and clutched my neck, I pushed her onto the ground causing her to hit her head on the table, "Don't you know you can't win against me?"

She started crying…I always let my guard down when she's crying…

"I'm sorry, let me help you up."

"Get out!"

I grabbed the briefcase and walked to the main door – she didn't like that. She jumped on my back and scratched at my face. I dropped the case and deliberately fell backwards onto the ground, crushing her instantly with the weight from my body. I turned around to face her, and she kissed me, "I am so turned on right now, Joseph."

I backed away, but she clung tightly to my jacket. I became enticed by the way she moved her tongue around in my mouth, the way she could act so evil and then turn as innocent as a rose in just a few seconds. I rolled over so she was on top of me, we continued tasting each other. Her mouth tasted of smoke and wine, it brought me back to reality.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked, standing up and backing away from her. She stood up, "What am I doing? What are you doing? Kissing a married woman! Is that really the proper way to act?"

"It doesn't matter, you're not married anymore! You're a widow!"

The word echoed through our minds and we came to the realisation that after all these years it would finally be right for us to give in to our desires – she was no longer married and I was separated from my wife. She looked at me for a moment and smiled, then suddenly our bodies came together, lips thrashing around violently like a hurricane, arms grabbing at anything and everything they could. We came to the bed and I practically threw her onto it then forcefully threw myself on top of her. I bit at her neck so hard I thought she'd bleed, she sighed so loudly I thought the whole palace would hear, but they didn't.

I only opened my eyes for a second to look at the time, but something else caught my eye - a photo of Rupert sitting on the bedside table. I suddenly felt a great guilt, like I was betraying him or something. I was taking advantage of his death by jumping straight onto his wife after I promised myself I'd wait a few months.

I stopped kissing her and rolled over onto the other side of the bed.

"What's wrong this time?"

I pointed to the photo and she looked at it, a tear forming in her eye. She lay her head back on the pillow and sighed. I looked at her and placed my hand on her cheek. She smiled and kissed me slowly and softly. I looked up at the ceiling, there was a crack beginning to form in the plaster. I soon found her head resting against my chest, so I smelt her hair and stroked it with my fingers. She was asleep within minutes.

I had a million thoughts running through my head at that point, the most urgent one was telling me to put the dope back into the safe and get the hell out of there. I slid her head off my chest and walked over to the middle of the floor where the case was. I gently picked it up and took it to the lounge. I opened it and looked inside. The smoke I had discarded earlier was still in there. I picked it up and held it to my lips, I didn't light it, I just remembered the last time I had smoked the stuff.

It was early July, I was 25. I lay in bed with a woman I had only just met at the bus stop, I took a few puffs of the thing and threw it out the window suddenly coming to the realisation that my life sucked. I apologised to the woman for taking advantage of her and left. On the way home I cried, you wouldn't have known it with all the rain falling down, but I was crying. I had spent my whole life using women for my own personal needs, not caring what they wanted. I collapsed and lay in the gutter like the piece of dirt I had become.

It was then I decided to give up my selfish behaviour and settle down, but it didn't happen until ten years ago. I regret all the years of living without a feminem influence, without a wife.

As I thought about all this, I found that Clarisse was re-lighting the thing. I breathed in and felt the sudden refreshing vibes run throughout my body. She snuggled up to me on the couch and started rolling another one for herself.

"You're quite good at that, your majesty, is there something I should know?"

"I haven't smoked this stuff in so long…"

"So why now?"

"I'm upset. The last time I ever smoked anything was when my great-grandmother died. It's a very pleasant way of getting over a death."

"I never would have imagined you to be the type of person who does drugs."

"Only very rarely. VERY rarely."

I took another long drag of the joint, "So tell me, I'm curious. You and this man…"

"Which man?"

"I can't remember his name…Lester? Fester? Pester?"

"Chester?"

"That's it."

"What about him?"

"What's the deal with you two?"

"I told you, we used to date."

"There must be something else…"

"How do you mean?"

"You've stayed friends with him for so long, why?"

"I don't know, he's been my closest friend ever since I can remember."

"Was he your first?"

"Are you talking about sex?"

I nodded, "Yes, madam, I am."

"As a matter of fact, yes, but don't tell Rupert," she laughed.

"I don't think he will ever find out, your majesty."

"No…no."

Her face grew sadder all of a sudden, "I think I've stayed friends with him for so long because I can't imagine not having him in my life. He keeps me in touch with my dark side."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Yes. If I didn't have that I think I'd go insane living in this place."

She looked around the room and ran a hand through her hair, almost singing her scalp.

"Do you speak to him much?"

"Oh yes, we talk to each other once a week on the telephone, he's not allowed at the palace."

"Why not?"

"He has a criminal record, if people saw me mingling with a criminal at my own home they'd get suspicious, rumours would fly."

"I see your point. Are you in love with him?"

"No. I never was, he was just always there for me. I loved him as a friend, but that's all."

"Good."

I didn't mean to say that out aloud.

"Good? Why is that good?"

I had to think fast, "Because…if you ever wanted to marry him, you wouldn't be able to. Not without causing a scandal."

"Yes, just as well then, huh?"

Not knowing the meaning behind my action, I held her hand and kissed it.

After two joints and a bottle of wine we found ourselves talking about the stupidest things;

"My hands are so funnyishy looking."

"Mmm…"

"Why do we have hands?"

"So we can touch people."

I demonstrated my point by running a hand over her breasts and she laughed, "My feet are talking to me."

"Ha. You know if mountains could talk they'd never shut up?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, same goes for rocks."

"Haha yeah. And dinosauruses. I once owneded a murder of sheeps and I gave one a sewing machine for its birthday and they all lined up to use it."

"You know what's a funny word? Ironic."

"Yeah, and convenient."

"Isn't it ironic that we both think the words are funny?"

"Sure is."

That's all I remember of our silly conversation. I fell asleep after that. I suppose if I weren't high I would have ended up in bed with her, regretting every moment of it.

The next morning I snuck out of her suite (after helping her deodorise the place) and went back to my own to change clothes and shower. I had the biggest headache, so I went down to the kitchens to get some coffee and found Clarisse there hunched over her breakfast.

"Morning…"

She didn't look up.

"Good morning."

"Oh Joseph, it's you."

"How are you feeling?"

"Not terribly good. Wine does not go well with…"

"I know. What did you do with it?"

"I put it back in the safe."

"I want you to promise me you'll get rid of it."

"I will."

"Good, that cannot happen again."

"I know."

I sat next to her and kissed the side of her head, there were no staff in the room, which was a good thing because I think they would have been a little suspicious that both of us were feeling under the weather.

Pierre came in a few moments later and saw us sitting at the table.

"Good morning, Mum."

"Hello dear."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm just upset about your father, that's all."

"Do I smell something strange?"

Her eyes widened and I heard her whisper to herself, "Shit, I forgot to shower," which she soon turned into, "I think one of the maids burnt something."

"Oh, alright. Hello Joseph."

"Pierre."

I felt an awkward silence forming, "Well, I must be off to do my rounds, excuse me."

I left them alone and walked off to start the day, even though it was almost already half-over (11:59am).

I spent the day just walking the grounds, checking on Clarisse every now and then. She seemed to look better as the day progressed. When the night came, I waited for her to come into my suite, but she never came. I thought she might be smoking again, so I went to check and she was fast asleep in bed with Pierre holding her from behind. It was a sweet sight, but I couldn't stand there all night watching.

I went back to my suite and am about to head off to the land of nod myself. Hopefully a good night's sleep will help me fully recover from the effects of last night.

* * *

As far as I can see, I'm allowed to post this chapter. I've read other fics where drugs were involved, not PD fics, but other fics and they haven't had their accounts removed. Does anyone else wish the ratings guide would give a decent amount of information on what you can and cannot post? 

Anyway, this was one hell of a long chapter, but I had heaps of fun writing it. Sorry if youse don't like them doing drugs, but I figured that if you were upset about someone dying it would only be natural to calm your nerves by any means possible.

I painted a picture of the painting that hung in the Genovian consulate (first movie). The one of Clarisse sitting down in that pretty orange dress. It doesn't look half bad, but I couldn't get the face right. Took about five hours (omg).

Review please. This chapter was done over something like a 6 hour period.


	33. Chapter 33

9/6/99

It's been almost two weeks since the funeral and Clarisse is still depressed. She told me she disposed of the briefcase and is now taking anti-depressants, however I don't think they've been working well. Pierre packed up and went home after Clarisse repeatedly informed him that she would be fine without him. Philippe has started bonding with her much more, which I think is something she really needs right now. I'm doing my best to help her through the tragedy, but there is only so much help one can offer without being too obvious.

She came to see me last night when I had just finished writing my journal and she was still there when I woke up. I was shocked, as normally she would leave in the middle of the night and go back to her own suite. She didn't try to get into my pants, which surprised me somewhat…all she wanted was somebody to hold while she slept, which I was more than happy to do. I still love the smell of her hair – it was banana scented this time – I sniffed it while she was sleeping (as per usual).

In the morning she told me about some of the funny things Rupert used to do like uncontrollably twitch his eye when she wore something sexy, hold onto her arm for dear life as the plane took off, pretend to snore while she was getting changed...

It made me understand why she was so upset about him dying, I never knew how close they were before, all I ever saw was how they ignored each other. When I first arrived at the palace all those years ago they continuously fought, which led me to believe they hated each other. I guess it was a cover up or a way of keeping their hands off each other during the day so they didn't do anything indecent in public.

Sammy suggested to Philippe that they start going rock-climbing together as a way to get his mind off the death of his father, he agreed. They're going to train first before tackling real mountains, as I suggested it would be a much safer idea. I want to do it too but I'm afraid my knee will give way. Boohoo.

11/6/99

Philippe has announced that he wants to wait a year or so before assuming the throne so he'll have the chance to find a new love to produce heirs with. I'm not so sure if he'll ever find another woman to love because according to Sammy, Helen is still number one in his heart. I really do feel sorry for the man, Clarisse should do something about it, like apologise for one since she's the reason he gave her up in the first place. Oh well, I suppose he'll meet up with her in a couple of years (when Amelia turns eighteen) as they planned. Clarisse started putting pressure on poor Philippe today, "You have to re-marry! Forget love! Find a wife! Produce some heirs for heaven's sake!"

I told her not to rush him, but she wouldn't listen. I think she's either desperate to secure the throne since there are only two heirs left, or she just wants some more grandchildren. I'm expecting her to start hassling Pierre soon to marry and have children, hopefully she becomes sane before that happens.

22/6/99

Sammy and Philippe had their first rock-climbing lesson today, I asked Clarisse for the day off so I could watch and she let me. Sammy seems to be a natural at it, I guess that comes from all the tree climbing he did when he was younger. Clarisse seems to have recovered from Rupert's death, but still continues to come into my room to sleep. It's nice having her in there, especially when we wake in the mornings and kiss each other softly, gently, knowing that no sex will come out of it, although we do sometimes allow our hands to slip under the covers to caress each other in more private areas. I love the time we spend together, it really is quite lovely to have a woman in my arms when I wake up, even more lovely since I'm finally allowed to "date" her after being in love with her for so long. I'm thinking of asking her to marry me, but I'm not sure how she really feels about me since she's never once said the words "I love you". I wouldn't want to be rejected and have weirdness between the two of us, I just couldn't handle it.

It has led me to thinking about what she's aiming for in our relationship. Does she want to be together? Does she actually plan to marry me someday? I have no idea about her, she changes her personality more often than she changes her underwear! I'm not even sure if I want to be with somebody like that – a snake, if you'll forgive me. God I am so confused with that woman, she's so frustrating. We'll have to discuss our relationship tomorrow or something.

23/6/99

Well I didn't get around to asking her anything because it didn't seem right, it was strictly business today. We talked about this upcoming ball Clarisse is going to be holding for all her old school friends, Chester included. Is it just me or is she always holding balls? Anyway, this is like a 45 year school reunion, she wants to show up all her old friends, enemies and acquaintances by saying things like, "Look at me! I married for money and look where I am now, reigning monarch! Bow down and stare in wonder!"

Then they'll say, "Oh how we love you. We're so jealous."

I'm actually wondering how many of the people are still alive. I'm also wondering how I'm going to react to seeing that Chester man again, I know I've never been formerly introduced and have never even talked to the man, but for some reason, I hate him. I guess it's because he IS Clarisse's dark-half and he does make her do bad things. Who am I kidding? I'm probably just jealous because she's closer to him than she is to me. Maybe I'm scared that she'll fall in love with him and marry him in ten years time when she has no obligations and…oh my god! I just thought of the perfect way to see how she feels about me without scaring her off or making a complete ass of myself!

24/6/99

I had the perfect opportunity to ask this morning and I took it. Even though she's over Rupert, she still comes to sleep in my bed…I guess she isn't used to sleeping alone yet, but wait a minute, she's been sleeping alone for years...

She was lying against my chest when we woke up this morning, so I kissed her and looked into her eyes, "Where do you see yourself in ten years time?"

That was it, our eyes were locked together and she was trapped, she had to answer, "Well...I…I haven't really thought about it."

"Think about it now."

"Okay…let me see…um…well of course I'll be long-since retired as Philippe is taking the throne next year, I'll…live in a house somewhere in town so I can still keep an eye on things without having my privacy invaded. Is that what you mean?"

"Sort of…"

"Give me an example then, where do you see yourself in ten years time?"

I wasn't expecting that – oh how I wasn't expecting that, "I think I'll also be living in town somewhere, I'll also be retired, but I'll be living with the woman who's occupied my heart from day one and I will no longer have to dream about being with her because she will be forever mine."

If she was wearing a smile before, it was long gone. All she could do was stare into my eyes, her body completely frozen on top of mine. It's obvious she knew that she was the one I was talking about, the one I'd been obsessed with ever since I'd met her.

"Clarisse…I…"

"Don't…just…don't say another word…"

She peeled herself off me and headed towards the door, staring into my eyes the whole time. I'd made a mistake – a huge mistake! She shut the door behind her and I couldn't help but bang my head against the bedpost thinking about what a stupid idiot I was. That confirmed it, she's been using me the whole time, I know now that all she ever wanted from me was a quick fifteen minute ride in bed. I have wasted my life on that woman, wasted my love…I should have never come back. I was so happy before I came back and now I'm miserable again because this woman I love has rejected me. I haven't seen her since, or rather I haven't talked to her since this morning and I don't plan to either. What do you say to someone who's just broken your heart? I know she didn't actually say she disapproved of my ten-year plan, but it was the look she gave me, it wasn't a happy face. God, I have to go over security details for the ball with her tomorrow, too.

25/6/99

She didn't say anything about us at all, she just went through the plans with me and then I was dismissed. Normally she would say, "Shall we adjourn to the garden for some tea?" But not today…

"Thankyou Joseph, these are excellent as always, you may leave now."

I bowed and left the room feeling more rejected than when I went in. She didn't make eye-contact with me the whole time I was in there, not even when I greeted her by kissing her hand. She's angry I think, why else would she not invite me to tea? I'm being ignored…I hate it how she can just pretend to forget all the things we've ever been through together.

29/6/99

We spoke last night – finally. I couldn't handle us not speaking on friendly terms, so I barged into her suite at 10pm when she (unbeknownst to me) was changing for bed. She was standing in her underwear, not attempting to cover herself up, not saying anything until I put my hand over my mouth.

"Is there something you wanted Joseph, or do you walk in on every woman who's trying to get changed in her own private suite?"

"So sorry, your majesty."

She slid her silky white nightgown over her head, "I should think so."

I uncontrollably stared at her face, she hadn't yet removed her make-up, "Is there something you wanted?"

Just you…

"No, I just wanted to…talk with you," I looked at her maids who were staring at me in disbelief, "in private…"

She clapped her hands together, "Alright, everybody out, you're dismissed!"

They bowed and walked out nudging each other and whispering things I couldn't hear.

"Sit!"

I did as she said and took a seat on her bed, she sat next to me, however a few inches away, "You have five minutes before I jump into this bed for the night, ending all lines of communication, so make it snappy."

I didn't know what to say, I'd come to her room to talk with her, but I didn't have anything to talk about, "Lovely weather we've been having lately…"

"I know."

"I like what you're doing with the garden…it's very…pretty."

"I know."

"That's not what I came here to talk about."

"I know."

"It's about the other morning…"

"Yes, I know."

She took my hand and rubbed it with her thumb, "What about the other morning?"

"Did I say something out of line?"

"Why ever would you think that?"

"Because you've been avoiding talking about it."

"I haven't been avoiding talking about it, it just hasn't come up in conversation."

I had to admit, she was right, but still, "You've been avoiding me. We only seem to speak when there's business matters at hand."

"I haven't been avoiding you, I have a ball to plan! You can't expect me to spend every minute of the day with you if that's not what my work entails."

"You're right, I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No, I think you were right to speak what was on your mind, I'm glad we had this talk. Now if you'll excuse me I really must get some sleep."

"Goodnight then, your majesty."

"Goodnight Joseph."

I started walking towards the bedroom door when it hit me, "Wait a minute, you have been avoiding me! You're doing it now by sleeping in your own bed."

As she slid under the covers, I noticed the look of utter shock on her face, "Do you mean to tell me that you think that since I haven't been sneaking into your room at night I must be avoiding you?"

"Is there any reason to think otherwise?"

"Joseph, the reason I haven't come to see you is that as you may have noticed, my husband has been in the ground for a matter of weeks now and I have come to terms with the fact that he is gone."

"But then why-"

"Ah, let me finish. I only came to see you afterwards because I wanted some male company and you're the only male in this god awful place that I actually trust, apart from my son, that is."

She was smiling slightly at me, "Does that clear everything up for you?"

I nodded.

"Good, then perhaps you'd like to join me."

"Do you mean sleep with you? I mean sleep in your bed…with you…"

"Naturally, what did you think I meant?"

"Nothing."

I stripped down to my underwear and climbed into her bed, I was astounded by how many unnecessary pillows and blankets there were. You could sleep fifty people with the amount of superfluous sleepwear on that bed.

I pushed all but one pillow on the floor and lay down next to my queen. She put an arm around my waist and rested her head on my chest. I decided that since I was on a good roll I would attempt to talk about something else I had on my mind – our relationship/friendship/whatever the hell it is, I wanted to find out.

"Clarisse…"

She was falling asleep already, "Mmm?"

"That wasn't all I wanted to talk about."

"Well, you'll have to save whatever else you have to say for another night."

"Why?"

"Did I not say you had five minutes to communicate with me?"

"But…"

"Did I not say that?"

"You did say that…sorry."

"Good, now go to sleep…"

I closed my eyes, but just as I was about to fall into a deep sleep, she finished her sentence, "and I want you out of here by 6:30…sharp. Might I suggest you leave a little earlier?"

My eyes flew open, "I thought you said the lines of communication are no longer available."

"Don't be a smart…"

"What?"

"Nevermind."

I silently giggled to myself before drifting off to sleep.

I was glad we worked things out, but I can't help but feel I was manipulated somehow…damn, I always think of something to say after the conversation has ended, this time it was about what she said before she left the room the other day, "Don't…just…don't say another word…"

That seems somewhat suss to me, but I won't dwell on it since it's quite late now. Goodnight.

* * *

A/N:

God you are fast at reviewing, aserene. I posted the last chapter and within a couple of minutes it had been reviewed by you, I admire your dedication.

I was asked a few chapters ago whether or not I think Joe was a womaniser and I've been forgetting to answer, so yes I do believe he would have been one.

I've stayed up too late writing this (it's a schoolnight). I'm so tired and I still have to have a shower.

Also, yes I do realise this chapter is damn boring, but it's one of those annoying, yet necessary fill-in chapters or whatever they're called.

Thanks for reviewing! Goodnight (well, technically morning now) everybody!


	34. Chapter 34

2/7/99

Clarisse held her reunion ball tonight, oh how I wish she didn't invite him…

Chester, I'm talking about. I finally "met" him…

About three hours after the dancing started, I noticed he was dancing with my girl and I became extremely jealous. That wasn't the worst part though, he whispered something into her ear and I saw her smile and hold up her finger as if to say, "Just give me a minute".

He walked out of the ballroom, so I started dancing with Clarisse myself, "You look absolutely ravishing tonight my dear."

She blushed, "Thankyou…would you mind if I sat this dance out?"

"Of course not."

I dropped her hands and watched her walk the same way Chester had before. Naturally I decided to follow, she walked all the way up to Rupert's old suite and went inside. I wondered what she was doing in there, so I went into my own room to see if I could hear anything. Eventually I heard laughing and something banging against the wall – I think it was the bed. After realising what was going on, I became so enraged with jealousy and hate that I almost ripped my pillow to shreds.

About ten minutes later the noises stopped, I listened to see if I could hear anything else, but all I heard was the door being shut. I decided to wait a couple of minutes to see what happened next. I heard him walk past my door and then I heard her walk past a couple of minutes later. It was then I decided to leave my room and go back down to the party. I positioned myself against the wall and watched as she resumed dancing with him, red faced. They were smiling at each other with adoring eyes – it made me sick. As they continued dancing and acting like nothing had happened, my anger grew and grew. That's when it happened – I marched right up to him and punched him in the face.

He fell back into the crowd and I jumped on him and started beating the crap out of him until he bled – I was eventually pulled off him by Julien (shades) and Kirk. Clarisse wasn't too pleased with my actions, she told me to go immediately to her office and wait until she arrived. I knew I was in for it, the look in her eyes was furifying. I stomped my foot and started walking away, looking behind me to see Clarisse on her knees observing the damage I had done.

My hands were covered in blood, I was already regretting my actions. The man hadn't done anything wrong to me, except had a quick bang with a woman he didn't know was my…girlfriend? Or lover? Well, whatever she is, he didn't know about us. I had no right to hit him without an explanation. I am such an idiot.

I hesitated to open the door to Clarisse's office, even though she wasn't even in there, I kept telling myself, _'Walk away, get out of this hell-hole'_, but noooo, I didn't listen to what my head was telling me.

I sat down in the chair directly across from where she would later be sitting. I was shaking, I was scared because I already knew what she was going to ask me and I knew I didn't have any answers to give her. I anxiously awaited her arrival, wondering what punishment she would give me; the noose, the rack, death by a thousand cuts…

She came in 32.4 minutes later, I know this because I was looking at the clock the whole time thinking, _'enjoy this freedom while it lasts'_.

I was about to fall asleep when I heard the door slam shut, it snapped me awake instantly. I didn't look to see who had entered the room, I knew it was her because I could smell her beautiful perfume.

She stomped over to her side of the desk and slammed her hands down, "What the HELL was that about!"

She was absolutely furious, I didn't say anything. I knew she was looking at me, but I kept my head in my hands to avoid her evil glare.

"Well? You broke my best friend's nose in three places, I think you owe me the decency of an explanation!"

I felt a lump growing in my throat and tears started to form, I still remained silent.

"God damn it, Joseph, speak to me!"

I felt the tears leave my eyes and run down my cheeks, I didn't like her yelling at me.

"Oh, stop it, you're a grown man! Now will you please tell me what is going on?"

I wanted to tell her how I was jealous, how I didn't like her "cheating" on me, how I don't like the influence he has over her, but I couldn't stop myself from sobbing for long enough to do so.

"Are you going to sit there all night crying like a wimpy little schoolgirl or are you going to tell me what your problem is?"

She got up and walked over to me, slapping my face and continuing towards the door, "When you're ready to give me an explanation, you know where to find me. Until then you are suspended until further notice and you are to be confined to your quarters, only venturing out at night. Your meals will be brought up to you. Any questions? Oh! How clumsy of me, I forgot you're not speaking…"

She slammed the door once again and went back down to the ball, I repeatedly banged my head on the desk until I noticed a writing pad. Since my feelings are best expressed through writing, I figured I'd attempt to write her a note telling her why I did what I did, but everything I wrote seemed implausible.

I gave up and stumbled out of the room, heading back to my suite to watch the guests leaving from the chair by my window.

I saw Clarisse on the steps saying goodbye to Chester (the last guest), she kissed his bandaged face and watched him leave. She then put a hand on her forehead and turned around, looking up at my window and accidentally making eye contact with me. She wiped the smile from her face and smoothed out her dress before turning back to walk inside.

I took a long look at myself in the mirror and decided to take a bath. I stayed in there until the water got cold and then I decided I would try and sleep – I couldn't, I can't. I must have insomnia or something.

5/7/99

Being confined to your room is pretty boring when you know the reason you're in there is completely idiotic. If I spend one more day in this bedroom alone I think I will go insane. I've already started talking to the sink on a regular basis; he says that the tap leaks onto him on purpose just to annoy him. I told him he was being silly and that the tap is probably just dripping because it thinks he smells bad and needs a bath. Actually I made all of that up, but tomorrow it will probably become my reality – talking to the bathroom sink, is there anything more sad?

6/7/99

A note was slipped under my door today, it was from Clarisse:

'Either you tell me what happened or you can pack your things and leave. If you choose to remain silent, I want you gone by Friday.'

I screwed it up and threw it under the bed, how am I supposed to explain my actions to her? She wouldn't understand why I just walked up and beat the life out of him… Hell I don't understand why I did it either, I ought to apologise to the man, but I don't know how he'd react. For all I know he might be a maniac, or he might have friends from prison who are going to kill me for what I did to him! I'm getting scared…

7/7/99

Well, I'm fired…

She didn't exactly have the chance to tell me herself, but I decided it from the look in her eyes. I gathered up the remainder of my courage and dignity and walked all the way to her office, ignoring all the "Please don't hit me" comments from everybody I passed.

As I approached Clarisse's office, Charlotte came up to me and asked what was going on, I waved her away and pushed the doors open. She looked up from her paperwork with startled and questioning eyes, "Mr. Alexander, it's nice to see you've finally decided to crawl out of your hole and speak to the person who's party you ruined."

I didn't wait for her ladies maids to leave the room, instead I pointed my finger at her and shouted, "Can the snide comments, Clarisse, I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry. I heard you two fucking, got jealous, hit him, end of story."

Her mouth dropped, which I took as my cue to leave.

I've been hibernating in my room ever since. I'm going to leave tomorrow, no need to hand in a letter of resignation, after that episode I'm fired for sure. So far I've only packed half my things, but I will finish the rest tonight and leave early in the morning before anybody wakes up.

Uh oh, I can hear Clarisse at the door…she probably wants to shout at me some more before I have a chance to leave…

(Later)

Alright, that's not what she wanted at all, "Joseph, we need to talk."

I let her in and she sat herself down on the couch, I sat in the armchair, "You were jealous of him?"

"How could I not be? You slept with him! I thought we were supposed to be…"

"Supposed to be what? We're not together, we're not lovers. I don't even know what we are."

"Neither do I! I've been wanting to ask for so long now but I could never find the right moment."

"So what you're saying is that you didn't know what we were, but became jealous anyway and hit a man you had absolutely no right to hit? Poor Chester spent the past few days trying to figure out what he'd done wrong. He was going to send some of his old prison friends to find out, but decided against it when I begged him not to."

So I was right – he was going to send someone after me…

"Joseph, if you get jealous about me sleeping with someone, you should consult me about it instead of resorting to violence."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"Obviously not! How do you know I slept with him anyway? Did you follow me or-"

"I was curious!"

"You pervert, you didn't see anything did you?"

"No, but that's not the point! I want to be with you."

"Pardon?"

"I want to share my life with you."

"I thought that may be the case, but why didn't you come out and tell me? I can't be expected to just know these things. You have to talk to me about them."

"I thought my feelings for you were obvious, the sleeping in the same bed thing, the intimate displays of affection..."

"But you can't just touch me a couple of times and expect me to believe we're in a relationship. A good relationship is built on talking to one another, not just mere physical."

"Well if I had known that, I would spoken to you sooner."

"I think you've learnt a valuable lesson today, Joseph. Here's another one, if we're to be secretly involved, you will not shout obscenities at me, especially when my ladies maids are in the room, you will not discuss 'us' with anyone but me and you will apologise to the man you so brutally harmed in your fit of rage. Any questions?"

I shook my head and she glided over to me, "Good."

She ran her hand down my face briefly and then she was gone.

I smiled for the first time in weeks and felt an overall pleasantness run through my body. She's mine! Clarisse Renaldi is my girlfriend! I am the boyfriend of the queen! Wait a minute, did she say secretly involved? Oh well, what does it matter, she's my girlfriend!

* * *

A little bit shorter than usual, but it's another fill in chapter – I just thought it was too soon to kill off Philippe. Maybe next chapter. Also, I almost forgot that I needed to do the whole 45th Reunion Ball, so here it is. I chose to add the fight because I thought it was a nice touch.

I just finished my proofreading and now I think this chapter is boring, but then again I find most of my own chapters boring.

FAQ:

Furifying is another one of my made up words.

No, Joseph is not divorced, he is merely separated as stated in the last chapter (I think).

Yes, some of my chapters (although short) do take a long time to write. This one didn't though, it was more like only four hours (not all at the one time though). A great way to waste time when you've got nothing better to do like me.

Thankyou all for your kind reviews. It's nice that youse didn't find the last chapter as boring as I did.

Time to review again! Hope I've answered all questions.


	35. Chapter 35

1/1/00

Happy new millennium!

Clarisse threw one heck of a good party last night, everyone got so drunk and Prime Minister Motaz passed out on the dance floor after spinning his wife around in circles - it was hilarious, Shades and I had to carry him to his car. I danced with Clarisse for most of the night, I got so jealous when anyone else went near her. Our picture was in the newspaper today – I think the press are on to us, they used the headline, 'Friends or Friendlier?'

There was a picture of us standing a little too close to each other, Clarisse brushed it off as a mere slow news day. I spent the night in her bed last night, because I noticed she was drunk and stumbling around the dance floor. I held her hand and took her to her room. She pulled me on top of her and lay down on the bed, kissing me wildly. I went along with it for a while, but when I found that she had removed her ball gown and my pants, I decided to end it there. She didn't seem to mind, she just held me for a couple of minutes and then passed out, I found myself in the land of nod shortly after her.

In the morning (early afternoon) I woke up to her kissing my chest, "Good morning, my dear."

"Good morning, darling."

She kissed my lips and lay herself on top of me, she was so nice and warm, I wanted to stay like that for hours, but she told me she wanted to get up and go for a walk with me. I didn't object to that, I just threw on my clothes and waited a few hours for her to get ready. Finally we ate breakfast and went walking around the grounds, she pointed out that the flowers were dying because of the summer heat, woah, that was so something I wanted to know…

New years resolutions:

Ask Clarisse to marry me.

Make love to Clarisse - marriage is an immediate predecessor (I will not make love to her without a marriage certificate).

Buy new leather jacket – as my old one is falling apart.

Buy engagement ring.

Actually TELL Clarisse I'm in love with her – not sure if I'd scare her off by saying so or not.

Spend lots of quality time with my family and introduce Clarisse to them as my partner.

Grow hair.

Get grown hair cut.

Things that have happened since I last wrote in my journal:

Sammy told me that I'm going to become a grandfather! How amazing is that? I'm so excited. I think they'd been trying to conceive a child for a whole year or so. Apparently Catherine is twenty weeks into the pregnancy (only twenty more to go). I'm going to have to go shopping and buy some toys and things for the new baby – I hope it's a girl; I haven't had the opportunity to raise a girl.

I decided that in order to see if Clarisse is really committed to our relationship, or if she's just using me, I'm not going to make love to her until we're married. I do realise that I need to get a divorced before I do so, but I will get one and I will then propose to Clarisse.

Clarisse's beloved dog died and she spent three days crying over it, she even had a proper funeral for it and buried in the Royal Family's Tomb – what…a…psycho. To creep me out even more she bought a new dog that looked exactly the same and even has the same name – Maurice. I stayed right away from her during that month, she was really starting to scare me.

That's all the important stuff that happened in the last months of last year.

5/3/00

I bought a ring for my beloved today, it's not as diamond-infested as the one she is STILL WEARING from her marriage to Rupert, but it will do for an engagement ring. It set me back a fair bit – it was $3,638 (I bought it off Ebay, but I won't tell her that part). I did save up enough to buy her a really REALLY expensive ring, but I'm not one hundred percent sure she'll even accept my proposal, so I decided to stick with the "cheaper" one.

19/3/00

Still haven't gotten around to asking Clarisse to marry me yet, I almost did today, but I decided not to because she seemed so happy and I didn't want to ruin the moment.

Philippe and Sammy climbed a real mountain this afternoon, Sammy said that Philippe almost lost his grip and plummeted to his death, but he didn't (it's something we're going to keep a secret from Clarisse).

4/4/00

I went into Clarisse's office late this evening because she was supposed to be having dinner with me, but when I got there I found she was on the phone, so I sat down and waited for her to finish. I kept making funny faces at her to try and get her to laugh, but she just bit her lip and turned the other way. I watched her backside sway from side to side as she listened to the person on the other line. Suddenly she stopped still, her whole body froze and she fainted, unfortunately hitting her head on the desk on the way down to the floor. I ran over to her as fast as I could to see what the matter was, but she didn't tell me because she was unconscious. I saw that there was blood dripping from the back of her head, so I picked her up and carried her out of the room. I ran into Charlotte and she asked what was going on, I told her I didn't know and then carried Clarisse to her suite. I asked the guards at the door to call the doctor, then I placed Clarisse carefully into one of the armchairs in her sitting room and went to get some water and bandages from the bathroom. She was starting to regain consciousness by the time I came back, "Phi…" was all she said.

"Are you alright, darling? What happened?"

"Phi…"

She kept her eyes closed – I figured she had concussion.

Charlotte came rushing through the door and stuttered, "J-J-Joseph, it's the p-p-prince."

"What about him?"

"He's..."

"What?"

"He's…"

"Breathe, then talk."

She took a deep breath and started again, "Philippe's dead."

"What? How?"

"The cords snapped, Joseph."

"Cords? What cords?"

"On his harness."

I suddenly remembered what day it was, Saturday, the day Sammy and Philippe were going to tackle the highest mountain in Genovia.

"Is Sammy…as well?"

"No, he's fine, it was just Philippe."

"Oh thank god."

So that's what the phone call was about…

Clarisse began to stir, I almost cried when I thought about how much it would upset her, "Oh I am so sorry, darling…"

I kissed her head and studied her face.

"Darling?" Charlotte inquired.

"Thankyou for the information, Charlotte, you can go now."

"But-"

"Now!"

Clarisse opened her eyes and stared at me, "Oh Joseph…I was having this terrible nightmare…they raised the price of red meat by ten cents…"

"What?"

"It was terrible…"

"I think you may have concussion."

"And potatoes…they went up by fifty…fifty!"

"Definitely concussion."

I bandaged up her head and kissed her, carrying her to bed shortly afterwards. I'm wondering what to say when she snaps out of her delusional state. Will she remember what was said to her on the phone?

I'll find out tomorrow morning, I'm going to stay with her in her suite all night until she wakes up.

5/4/00

Clarisse didn't remember a thing about last night, so I thought it would be best not to remind her. I asked her how she was feeling and she said she had a headache, because of this, she stayed in bed for half the day. I told the staff she wouldn't be working and that she was to spend the day in her room, they were quite happy because that meant they didn't have to do as much work. Later on, she asked me if I would go and get the newspaper for her, so I walked downstairs and picked one off the pile – surprise, surprise Philippe was on the front page, _'A Drop of Heir'_. That was harsh, I decided that it would be too soon to inform her of his death, especially that way, so I took the front cover off and brought the remainder upstairs to her. Clarisse was sitting up in bed at the time, so I passed it to her and prayed she didn't ask of its whereabouts, "Where's the front page?"

"Umm…it uh didn't have one."

"Really…I don't believe you. Go and fetch me another one!"

"There aren't any left."

"Then ask somebody if they'll give me theirs."

"What if they haven't finished with it?"

"Then drive down to the store and buy me one! I think someone on the staff has a few coins you could buy it with."

"Is it really that important for you to have the front page?"

"Yes!"

"Why?"

"I don't know, I just feel strange without it. Please go and get me one…"

"I can't just leave you here, you're not well."

"How noble…go and get it now!"

"It's just a front page!"

She slammed her hands down on the doona cover, "Do I have to go and get it myself!"

"No…"

"Good."

She folded her arms and watched me standing before her, "Off you go!"

I backed slowly out of the room and pondered what to do. With my quick thinking, I decided to find yesterday's newspaper and replace today's paper with the cover, but it didn't work, "Joseph, you do realise this is yesterday's paper, don't you?"

"What?"

"Look at the date."

"Oh, I am so sorry, I didn't realise."

"It doesn't matter."

I was so relieved when she said that, until she started flicking through it, "Strange…it has today's stories in it."

I put my hand on my forehead.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Something's going on that you're not telling me about!"

She threw the covers off and walked over to me, her face inches from mine, "Tell me very slowly now…what is going on?"

I couldn't escape her gaze, "Clarisse, I…"

"Yes?"

"I don't know how to say this, but…"

I put on a serious face, "He's dead."

Her eyes grew sad, "Who's dead?"

I knew that what I was going to say would bring her grief, so I decided to lie, "My son."

"Oh Joseph, I am so sorry to hear that. How did it happen?"

"He had a fall, a great fall."

"Oh dear…come here."

She held me in her arms and kissed my cheek, I thought that if that was how she'd react to my son being dead, I could only imagine what she'd be like if she found out it was actually her son.

"And I've been so selfish in ordering you around all day, this is your moment of need…"

She led me over to the bed and sat me down, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Can I put some music on for you?"

She walked over to the radio and picked it up, I realised that the radio always had news updates on so I quickly ran over to her and snatched it from her hands, "No, I don't feel like listening to music right now."

"Alright then, what do you feel like doing?"

"I think I might take a walk, you just stay here and…get well."

"Fine, I think I can find something here to amuse myself with."

"Good, I'll see you later then."

I wiped the sweat from my forehead and walked out of her suite, Charlotte came up to me as soon as I closed the door, "Is her majesty feeling any better? She has two-hundred letters waiting for her and thirty-five missed calls."

"No, she's not up to coming to the phone right now, or answering letters. The shock hit her pretty bad."

I don't know how I'm going to work this thing out, I haven't let anyone see her, nor have I let her have any contact with the outside world. I know she's going to find out eventually about Philippe, but until then…I have to keep her in the fairytale. God this is going to be hard.

I was so relieved when I met with Sammy later on, it could have been him that died instead. He told me the whole story – how he was climbing just above Philippe and he watched as the cords snapped and he fell to his death. Sammy said that while he was falling, he shouted, "I love Helen."

He said it was very traumatizing and that he needed to be hugged, it was a sad moment with my son, but I'm just so glad it wasn't him.

What am I going to tell Clarisse when she finds out I've been lying to her?

* * *

A/N: Yes, I can assure you that I'm quite aware that he needs to divorce her, don't worry though, he will soon.

No, they didn't say it was a car accident, that's just what pretty much everyone else says, because it seems highly likely. They didn't actually say anything about how he died, so I used my imagination to kill him off lol. What Clarisse said in the movie was, "Philippe was ready to be king…then the…terrible accident." She doesn't actually say what happened to him.

I can understand why you all wanted Philippe to die, I would too :D

By the way, I plan to put little to no movie dialogue in when I do get around to those movie chapters. R & R.


	36. Chapter 36

6/4/00

Oh god, I did the most terrible thing today, I'll be lucky if Clarisse ever speaks to me again.

I accidentally slept in this morning and Clarisse left her suite before I had a chance to stop her. Of course she found out about her son, got really upset and invited me into her office for a private talk. When I arrived I took a seat and stared at her – she had tear stains and mascara lines all over her face. I was going to hold her and apologise for lying to her, but she yelled at me before I got the chance, "SIT!"

I did as she commanded and watched her walk over to me and slap me across the face, "How dare you! How dare you hide my son's death from me! You had no right!"

"Darling I'm sorry-"

"Sorry just doesn't cut it! You told me nothing was wrong! You said it was your son!"

"I only did it to keep you happy, I hate seeing you depressed."

"Well Joseph you'll never have to see me cry again, you're fired!"

"Now wait just a second-"

"I can't believe you manipulated me into sympathising with you when it should have been the other way around."

"Can't you at least let me explain?"

"No! I've heard enough of your pathetically fabricated explanations!"

I raised my voice a little and stood up, meeting her gaze, "I lied once about something I thought you would have preferred not to know about!"

"How do I know that? How do I know you haven't been lying to me all along? About everything!"

"Clarisse I can assure you I-"

"And DON'T you DARE call me that again!"

"Oh? Would you prefer I call you incoherent?"

Suddenly she did something to me that was all too familiar, she tried strangling me again. Doesn't she know when to give up? Doesn't she know by now that she can't harm me with physical strength?

I grabbed her hands and pushed her onto the floor, "Alright, what's really the problem?"

"I'll tell you what the problem is," she screamed, while picking herself up from the floor, "Your son! It should have been him in that harness, not my beloved Philippe!"

That was just too much, I was able to tolerate her calling me a pathetic and manipulative liar, but to wish my son dead was another thing. That's when it happened; I slapped her. One light strike across the face and she was on the ground crying.

"You know what you are, Clarisse?"

"Get out!"

"A heartless bitch!"

She clutched the side of her face as the tears streamed down her cheeks, "NOW!"

She put her head in her hands and fell to the floor, I walked over and placed a comforting hand on her back, but she slapped it away, "Don't you dare touch me, Joseph!"

I kicked the side of her desk and stormed out of the room. I was so angry with her, but I feel so sorry now. I want to go back and apologise, but I'm not sure what she'll do, what she'll say, if she'll even speak to me...

I 'm wondering if she meant what she said when she told me I was fired, I need to talk to her.

7/4/00

I went into her suite late last night, just after I had finished writing my journal. It was very dark in there, so I figured she was asleep. I was going to leave, but I decided that I needed to talk to her then and there, so I whispered her name and walked over to the bed. The moonlight that shone through the window allowed me to see a figure lying in the bed. I sat on the opposite side and whispered, "Darling, are you awake?"

She didn't say anything, "Darling?"

I tapped her shoulder, but she didn't respond. I tried again and realised that what I was tapping was too soft to be a person, so I drew back the covers and to my surprise, I had been talking to a pile of pillows that were impersonating Clarisse, "What the…?"

I felt around the bed some more and turned on the lamp, she was nowhere to be seen.

I searched the entire suite for her, but she wasn't there. As I was about to leave, I heard a sound in the bathroom, _'That sounds like a noise,'_ I thought. I hadn't tried the bathroom because there was no light shining through the bottom of the door, so I walked over to the door and twisted the knob – it didn't open. I then tried knocking, but I got no answer. I tapped on the wood again, "Darling, are you in there?"

I waited for a reply, but I wasn't given one, "Darling?"

I tried twisting and pulling the knob at the same time, but it was a lost cause. My attention was drawn to her dresser and the hairpins lying atop it. With my excellent lock-picking skills I had the door open in no time.

I turned the light on and looked around for her, she was crouched between the sink and the bathtub, shielding her face from the light and from me. Something I noticed right away was the small white cylinder burning in her hand, bright, fiery, and pleasant - she had been smoking again.

"Clarisse…darling…I'm so sorry."

Her voice was husky and upsetting, "Go away…"

I took a step towards her, sensing the hurt and pain she was feeling, "Please don't come any closer."  
I stopped still, "I only want to talk."

"No, please just go away."

I stepped towards her and took her hand - she flinched. I placed my hand on her sore, red cheek and looked deep into her eyes. For once, I saw fear in them, fear which was caused by me, "God, I am so sorry…I didn't mean to…"

A tear fell from my eye and she watched it fall to the floor. I put a hand over my eyes and started crying like a schoolgirl.

"Joseph…"

I looked at her and noticed that she was crying too, her hand reaching out to touch me. As I continued looking into her eyes, I felt her lips pressing against my own and soon we were locked in a deep and passionate kiss. Not to ruin the moment or anything, but her breath was disgusting, it tasted of marijuana and wine, much like it did last year at around this time. I broke the kiss and drew her into my arms, "I am so sorry, darling."

She lifted the joint back up to her lips and breathed it in, shaking as she did so.

"I thought you said you were going to get rid of it."

In between sobs she managed to reply with, "I…was, but…I couldn't bring myself…to do it."

I kissed her forehead and picked her up, taking her into the bedroom. I thought she'd be more comfortable on the bed than she would in the cooped up bathroom. I hopped under the covers with her and kissed her lightly, my hands finding their way around her waist, pulling her closer towards me.

"Joseph?" She whispered.

I buried my nose in her hair, "Mmm?"

"This is hard for me to say…but I just want you to know…whatever happens…I love you."

I was shocked – she said the three words I had been longing to hear ever since the day we met, "Oh Clarisse…"

I started kissing her again, this time harder and more demanding. Her hands met behind my back, gently pulling me on top of her. I drew back for a moment and slid her nightshirt off, dropping it lightly onto the floor. My hands wondered up her sides and came to rest on her breasts, she shivered slightly and broke the kiss momentarily in order to catch her breath. I ran my lips down her neck to her collarbone and sucked at her raw flesh, every now and then she would sigh and increase her breathing. I made my way down lower, causing her to shake even more. She brought my head up to hers and resumed caressing my mouth with her own.

From that moment on, I gave in to all my morals and boundaries and just made love to the woman. I needed her at that moment and she needed me too, all I could think of was how she had finally admitted her love to me. It made me come to the realisation that I didn't need a piece of paper to tell me if she was committed to me or not, those three words were all I ever needed.

In the morning I woke up with the Clarisse impersonators in my arms, which were impersonating her once again. In other words, she had already gotten up and decided that it would be funny to put a bunch of pillows in my arms. I buried my face into them and smiled.

For the rest of today, I spent my time wondering the gardens in search of the perfect rose to give to my perfect rose. Of course, I couldn't find one of equal beauty, so I picked the prettiest one I could find and gave it to her when nobody was watching. She seemed a bit nervous when I went to kiss her, but she soon warmed up to it…at least I think she did.

9/4/00

Clarisse called me into her office today for a "chat". The exact words on the note she had sent to me were, _'We need to talk. Meet me in my office no later than twelve thirty. Clarisse.' _

"We need to talk."

My face went dull when I read that, I knew what "we need to talk" meant, I'd been through it with Lauren.

It took me a whole ten minutes of standing outside her office for me to actually go in, I was scared of what I thought she was going to say. I was right to be scared…

I walked in and kissed her hand as we sat together on the couch.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Joseph, about the other night…" She looked down at her hands, "I was mixed up."

"You're breaking up with me, right?"

"Not exactly, I just think things may be moving a little too fast."

"I agree, but..."

"Let me finish, please. I'm under a lot of stress at the moment with the death of Philippe, the changing monarchy…you, dare I say it. I don't want you to think I used you, because I didn't, I just wanted to show you how I felt, I wanted to be loved by you. I did mean what I said when I told you I loved you."

"What is it you're really trying to say?"

"We need to postpone our…relationship for a while. As you know, we have to fly to America in order to convince Philippe's daughter to accept the throne and as much as I want to be with you during that time, I just can't. I need to set an example for my granddaughter, what would she think if she knew you and I were having an affair?"

"It's not an affair…"

"Queens aren't supposed to have secret relationships with their employees."

"So lets not keep it a secret."

"I'm sorry, but that's not an option…the press add stress."

"I know."

"You're not angry with me, are you?"

"No, just disappointed."

She cupped my cheek, "When my problems fade, you shall appear."

Soon after she said this, she went into professional mode and filled me in on all of the details of the trip to America. She asked me to help her every step of the way and to do everything in my power to make young Amelia believe that taking the throne would be a change for the better.

The trip is going to take place in less than two months, because despite the events of last night, Clarisse is still depressed. There's a lot of security planning I need to take care of here and in America, because we're not taking any of our staff excluding Charlotte and I, we are hiring them from America. I'm not looking forward to this trip, because I just know it's going to add even more stress to Clarisse. I plan to stick by her the whole way through this thing and at the end, she shall be mine.

16/4/00

Clarisse has been spending her nights crying and her days working. I've been telling her to take a break from it, but she says that since there isn't anyone else to do the work, she must take it upon herself to complete it. How I wish she would take some time for herself.

A few days ago she suggested I go to anger management classes, which I thought was a fair idea seeing as though I sure could use it. I went to my first class yesterday, we all sat in a circle and told everyone why we were there.

I said, "Hello, I'm Joe and I'm a rageaholic."

Then the group replied, "Hi Joe."

"Why don't you tell us about yourself, Joe? Why are you here?"

"I have trouble controlling my hand, I hit people when they aggravate me."

"Okay, next person."

As we went around the circle, I realised that some of the other people had done far worse things than me – this made me feel slightly better. When it was back to the start, the group leader spoke, "Now what should we do when a person or thing aggravates us? We close our eyes and go to our special place, the place where nothing can go wrong. The place that makes you feel safe and secure."

I imagined myself making love to Clarisse the other night and suddenly began to feel calmer and relaxed. I thought it was a very helpful thing to do, so from now on whenever I get upset I will go to my special place and calm myself instead of hitting people.

18/4/00

My little boy became a father today! Catherine went into labour last night and had to have a c-section done, it took all night, but her and the baby are fine. Joseph is his name, guess who they named him after? Catherine's dad…oh and me as well.

I'm so happy now that I'm a granddaddy, I went in to see my grandchild early this morning, I love his little hands and feet. Holding that baby made me feel calm and relaxed, much like my special place does. I long for the day when we can do fun things together like playing sports and things like that. Of course it won't be for a few years now, but a man can dream.

31/4/00

The preparations for the trip to America are complete, on my part anyway. I'm not sure how Clarisse is doing, she has to organise for all of her paperwork and stuff to be sent over. Also, she has to arrange the flight over on Genovia One. That plane needs to be serviced before we fly on it anywhere. I'm not looking forward to the ride over, airplanes are not my cup of tea on account of the fact that they take too long to get where they're going and I feel safer knowing that if I were ever to become claustrophobic, I could go for a walk outside – not something one can achieve on a plane.

I think I may just sleep during the flight.

5/5/00

Clarisse seems to have gotten over the loss of her son, maybe "gotten" and "over" are the wrong words, "come to terms with" is probably a better way to describe it. She still gets teary if she sees his photograph or something he owned, but I assume that that will always be the case – it can't be easy to lose a son.

I think what made Clarisse happy again was the fact that her mother passed away after about sixty-five long years of tormentation towards her. She was over the moon when she got the phone call, it was the first time I'd seen her smile in weeks. I was in her office at the time she received the call.

"Hello?" She said, "Yes, this is she…what? No way!"

I saw her make a 'yesss' motion with her fist, "Oh yes…that's dreadful news…"

She held her thumb up at me, "Alright, thankyou for informing me…bye."

She hung up and threw her hands up in the air, "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

"Something wrong, madam?"

"No, everything's perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect!"

She collapsed on the couch and smiled wickedly, "This has to be the best day of my life."

"And why is that?"

"My mother's dead! The old hag finally carked it!"

"That's a terrible thing to say."

"Oh I knew you wouldn't understand, I know you had a soft spot for her…"

I blushed, "I did not! We slept together a couple of times, that's it!"

I was glad she was happy, but her happiness being at the expense of a dead woman simply disturbs me.

27/5/00

Happy Birthday, Clarisse. Yes, our shining beauty turned sixty-five today. I was planning to propose to her with the ring as a birthday present, but since she told me that we're on a break, I thought it inappropriate, so I just gave her a bouquet of roses. She loved it (she's a floral fanatic).

There was no ball held, because besides the fact that she didn't want one, we are leaving for America tomorrow.

28/5/00

I am currently on a plane on my way to America.

Clarisse spent the first five hours doing paperwork, five hours straight! I noticed this when I was trying to draw a picture of her as I seem to always do on our flights. She was straining and putting her hand on her forehead a lot, so I walked over and snatched the pile of papers off her lap, "That's enough for tonight, your majesty, you need to rest."

"I was just about to take a break…"

"That's what you said an hour ago. Come on, we're going to have some tea and cake and then we're going to try and get some sleep."

I took her glasses off and placed them in her handbag, I then led her to the culinary section to pick out something to eat. She chose a slice of carrot cake, while I chose a slice of chocolate mud cake. The airhostess brought us our tea, so we thanked her and started to "chow down".

Clarisse kept talking about how much she's looking forward to meeting Amelia, that's a good thing – she's enthusiastic, unlike fifteen years ago.

After we finished eating, I asked her if she'd play a game of chess with me, naturally she accepted. I beat her twice; in the first game I was able to get her in checkmate within six moves.

In the second game all she had left were two rooks, her king and her queen, so I took the two rooks and moved in on the queen. All she was left with was the king, and kings are easy to put in check. She decided that she didn't want to play anymore after that, so she dozed off in one of the comfy armchairs. I watched her as she slept – beautifully, elegantly.

We should be landing in about five hours, it's currently midnight according to San Franciscan time and it will take about three hours to get through customs and drive to the consulate. I remember it all from last time.

We should arrive at the consulate at around eight a.m.

* * *

Damn, I stuffed up the dates. I didn't take it into account that they actually stay in America for a few weeks o0

Philippe should have actually died in March or something, but don't worry, instead of changing all the dates from the past two chapters, I'm just going to change Mia's birthday to the sixteenth of July, but you won't even notice, since I'm going to change where it says the sixth of June in another chapter. Well, maybe not right now since it's twelve forty on a school night and I've already spent fifty minutes proofreading and need to sleep.

P.S: Guess which word I made up this time lol.

Would you believe my proofreading took me from 2518 words to 3407? Lol. So tired…need sleep…

R & R!


	37. Chapter 37

28/5/00

Finally we have landed, safely might I add? We're currently in the limousine on our way to the consulate. Clarisse and Charlotte have been staring out the window looking at all the people and sights and things. Oh great, Clarisse is starting to "comment" on peoples' hairstyles.

"Oh my word, Charlotte, did you see that girl's hair?"

"Which one, your majesty?"

"The one we just passed."

"Oh yes, I did."

"It looked like she had a birds nest on her head."

They both laughed, "Ladies, don't you think that's a little cruel?"

"Oh Joseph, do lighten up, we were only making fun."

I looked through the back window at the curly-haired girl riding a scooter, "Have you ever thought that maybe she wouldn't think so highly of your hairstyle either, madam and that it is inner beauty that counts? At the moment, your majesty, I think when it comes to inner beauty, on a scale of one to ten, you are a zero."

Charlotte smirked.

"And when it comes to spoiling my fun on a scale of one to ten, Joseph, you are eleven."

I threw my hands up in defeat, "I'm just saying that you shouldn't judge people by their appearance."

"I know that, but look at her! It's like she's never had a haircut in her life, nor has she ever heard of something we Genovians call a hairbrush."

I watched Charlotte cover her face as she laughed.

"And you, Charlotte are no better than the queen."

She stopped giggling and put her hands in her lap.

"Oh Joseph, do you have to be such a spoilt sport? I was merely pointing out that I don't like the girl's hair, it's not something that requires discussing."

"Then why bring it up?"

She folded her arms and continued staring out the window. I'm going to stay silent until we reach the consulate now.

Later… 

I can rest and relax now! We arrived about thirty minutes ago, but Clarisse wanted me to walk with her so she could take a look around. She isn't happy with the gardens, just because a few flower petals were on the ground and a couple of the plants were keeling over. She describes it as a mess, but I think she may be over exaggerating.

I'm in the same room I was in the last time I was here. It holds memories for me, like when Clarisse was drunk and I almost accidentally took advantage of her and the first time I woke up before she did. Good times.

I think I might just have a shower and go to bed, I'm much too tired to do anything else.

29/5/00

I had to check all of the security cameras and all the exit routes of the consulate because I don't fully trust the new employees with my lady's safety. The security system here is much better than the one in Genovia, much more modern. I will have to speak with Clarisse about updating the system when we get home. One thing I don't like about this place now is that they built an airport nearby for industrial use only and the planes fly over the building all the time. They aren't extremely loud, but they did keep me awake last night.

Would you believe Clarisse left it this late to call Helen and tell her that she's come for her daughter? I heard her talking to her on the phone earlier today when she called me into her office to go over some security plans. Apparently Amelia is coming over for tea tomorrow afternoon and Clarisse has invited me to stand in the bushes as a form of moral support. This will give me a chance to observe her and see what she looks like, I imagine she has blonde-hair, blue-eyes and the smile of an angel – like Clarisse. I could be wrong, however, because if she's anything like her parents, she'll have dark brown curly hair and eyes to match. Oh well, looks are superfluous when it comes to beauty as I've sad before, so it doesn't even matter. I'm very much looking forward to meeting this girl and I hope to god she's nothing like her occasionally psychotic grandmother.

30/5/00

Woah, I must admit I'm a little taken back – the girl Clarisse was making fun of the other day turned out to be Amelia herself. I didn't get to see the expression on her face when she found out, but I can imagine it.

I watched the girl drink her tea while Clarisse told her about her being a princess. I couldn't help giggling from my spot under the tree – she had made fun of her own granddaughter's hairstyle! I wish she was my grandmother…

Anyway, Amelia got scared or shocked or something and ran right past me, at which point I confronted Clarisse. She asked me to forget looking after her and focus solely on Amelia, much to my displeasure. I have to drive her around and make sure no harm comes to her, which should be quite a good experience because I'll have the chance to get to know her. Clarisse has been upset ever since she ran off; she thinks she's not liked. We had a conversation earlier about this over dinner:

"She hates me."

"She doesn't hate you, she's just in shock. How would you feel if your long lost grandmother came over and asked you to rule her country?"

"I don't have a long lost grandmother, all my grandparents are dead."

"I…that's not the point! It may just take time for her to adjust to you, I mean you can't just walk into somebody's life after fifteen years and expect them to accept you as family."

"What about you and your son? You two are stuck like glue."

"Perfect example. It took time for us to become that close and it will take time for you and Amelia to become close also."

She looked at me and smiled, "You're probably right. I should go over and see her right now and sort things out."

"Uh, somehow I don't think that's a good idea. Why not wait until tomorrow morning? Allow her some time to overcome the shock."

"Alright, tomorrow morning."

"Oh and try not to make snide comments about her hair."

She blushed and looked down at her plate, while I kissed her hand and walked off to deal with some security issues.

31/5/00

This morning I drove Clarisse to her granddaughter's house and was told to wait outside while she went inside to do some negotiating. Clarisse has this idea that she can buy her way into her granddaughter's heart, which I told her will not work. Nevertheless, she ordered for a second limousine in which I must drive around while protecting Amelia at the same time. And I was right, Amelia seemed to already know that she was trying to buy her love.

I was introduced to her today, she seems nice, but one think I disliked about her was the fact that she wanted to call me Joey. It reminded me of how Lauren used to call me by that name during the stage I now call her "annoying stage". I told Amelia to call me by the name the boys at home call me (Joe) and I think we now understand each other and are already beginning to bond. Strange I think, seeing as though she isn't actually my granddaughter. On our way to school we shared some jokes and I was introduced to her best friend, Lilly. She seems…um…well strange really is the only word to describe her...

As soon as I got back from driving the princess to school, Clarisse ran down the stairs and began the questioning, "Well? Does she like me?"

"She knows you're trying to buy her and I don't think she likes it. Perhaps you should leave it as is and wait for your relationship to blossom."

"How dare you tell me about my granddaughter!"

I paused for a moment, "You were the one who asked!"

"I…I…what did you find out about her?"

"She has a friend called Lilly."

"Is that it?"

"From what I gather, it is. Why not talk to her yourself? Do some bonding."

"I'm too busy, speaking of which, I have work to do. Thankyou Joseph."

After patting my shoulder, she walked back up the stairs and left me to be.

I have a feeling she's scared. Scared that if she gets too close to her granddaughter, she'll die on her. Ridiculous, I know, but that's probably the way she feels.

2/6/00

Clarisse is going a little too far with this whole buying love thing. I know that princesses are supposed to look pretty, but she wants to give her a full make-over. She's already decided what needs to be done to her, I'm not entirely sure how Amelia feels about it. Clarisse has a vision of what she should look like and won't stop until Amelia is a "perfect princess". However, she doesn't realise that by bonding, I didn't mean she should do girly things like give her a make-over so she's easier on the eyes, I meant she should just talk to her. God, she is no good with relationships, which explains why ours is up the creek.

Anyway, she's started a vigorous training schedule for the young princess, teaching her how to act royal. Personally I think it's a little soon to be going into that, but I'm trying to let her work things out by herself. She's asked me to teach Amelia how to dance on Wednesday, because she needs a male to dance with and as she's said before, I'm the only man she trusts. I don't think she trusts me as much as she says because she's going to be observing us so I don't move in on her or something – as if I would anyway.

6/6/00

Strange day, strange town.

Last night, Clarisse gave me an envelope containing a $1000 bill and a note, which said:

'_Joseph,_

_Please be a dear and pick up some size 7 black heels and a packet of tan-coloured stockings from 'Martina's'. I know what you're thinking, but no I'm sorry, they're not for you, they're for Amelia. Don't worry about trying to find the shoes I want, just tell Joanna that I sent you. _

_I appreciate you doing this, keep the change!_

_See you this afternoon!_

_Clarisse.'_

I went to the shoe shop and walked up to the counter, "Joanna, is it?"

"Can I help you, sir?"

"I'm here for my…uh…queen. I mean, Clarisse Renaldi sent me, she told me you were the one to speak to about a pair of shoes?"

"Rarrisse Ra-who?"

"Clarisse Renaldi…"

She looked at me dumbfoundedly.

"The queen…"

Still, she had no idea what I was talking about.

"Of Genovia…"

"Oh right, the European lady who called earlier. You must be Josie."

"Joseph!"

"Oh yeah, yeah. Well we have your order here."

She bent down to look under the counter and produced a box, "Here ya go, you want me to wrap em or are you gonna wear em?"

I frowned at her, "How much do I owe you?"

"Nine ninety nine."

I handed her the thousand-dollar bill and she gave me one-dollar change, "I thought you said they were nine dollars and ninety nine cents."

She leant over the counter and whispered, "Nine hundred and ninety nine dollars."

I put the dollar in my pocket and picked up the shoes, "Good day."

"Yeah, seeya Josie."

I paused, full of rage, but remembered what my anger management teacher said, "Happy place, happy place."

It calmed me enough to walk to the car, but once in, I punched the horn and drove off to pick Amelia up from school.

She decided to dress in the back seat, so she put the privacy screen up and I drove her to the consulate.

There were two hours before our dance lesson, so I spent them reading magazines and books. That's when Clarisse informed me that it was time to begin.

I was amused by Amelia's poor attempts to dance, she looked like someone who didn't know if she was coming or going. I have bruises on my chest and feet from when she slammed into or stomped on me. But as the dancing progressed, she got better and better. Good enough for Clarisse to dismiss. I thought that since she was free and I was free, we could have a dance together. The sort of dance that says, "I'm deeply attracted to you and I know we're on a break, but I don't see the harm in sharing a secluded moment with you."

I thought of how to begin, so I chose my words carefully and informed her that a change in her wardrobe wouldn't be a bad idea. She smiled, so I led her to the middle of the dance floor, staring into her eyes the whole time. We moved as one around the floor and at the end, we stood glued together on the spot, not daring to look away. I was going to say something, but she spoke first, "Did you have fun at Martina's? What did Joanna think of you?"

"She thought I was a transvestite."

"Ha! No she didn't."

"Yes she did!"

She winked at me and put on a serious tone, "No, she didn't."

It took a moment for it to click in my head, "You told her to say what she said!"

"I thought you could use a rise."

"You are a sneaky little-"

I leaned in to kiss her, but she turned away, "Joseph…"

"I know…"

"I have work to do."

"Of course, your majesty."

She leaned into me and lightly brushed her lips against mine, she then backed away very slowly, "Will I see you at dinner?"

"Try and stop me."

I watched her exit the room, before exiting it myself, I think she's starting to toy with me again – trying to make me think one thing when she means the other. Oh well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it.

8/6/00

Okay, Clarisse has waved her magic wand and Amelia now has a new look, one which is fit for a princess. I must admit it looks better, but I wonder if it will change the person inside. She didn't seem entirely happy about at first, as I expected, but she did warm up to it until her so-called best friend started yelling at her about it. I don't like this Lilly person, I swear I felt like throwing her out of the vehicle, but I reminded myself, 'Happy place, happy place'.

Clarisse has taken my advice and is now wearing colour again for the first time in over a year. I'm happy about this, even if I don't like her choice of clothing; I prefer it when she wears low-cut gowns and sexy lingerie, but if she dressed to suit my tastes, the whole world would brand her a slut, dare I say it?

She and I went to the beach for dinner tonight, we had a nice mixture of beef, gravy and vegetables. She kept on telling me that in Genovian restaurants, the gravy is never lumpy and the beef isn't impossibly tough. She then went on to tell me about how much she hates the country and how she can't wait to leave it. After that, we mainly talked about Amelia, I offered some more advice about bonding, which she now seems to be understanding. I long for the day when I can say to her once again, "I'm proud of you".

After dinner, we went for a stroll along the beach. We linked arms as we walked through the sand and eventually came to sit down. I stared into her eyes as she watched the waves crashing against the rocks. It was a cold night, I noticed as she began to shiver, pulling her jacket tightly around her and staring out at the ocean, longing for the day we return home. Oh god, I'm starting to sound like Amelia's next-door neighbour – he's a writer, he's taken a shine to me.

Anyway, as we were sitting on the sand, I noticed she was cold, so I leant towards her and attempted to kiss her, like she did to me the other day, but she pulled away and said, "Joseph, I'm cold."

"Would you like me to drive you back to the consulate, madam?"

"Not yet, I'm having a wonderful time just looking at the ocean, at the stars," she sighed, moving closer towards me, "would you keep me warm for a while?"

I opened my arms and she leant against my chest, "Do you know what the only good thing about this country is?"

I kissed the top of her head and groaned, "Mmm?"

"The fact that nobody knows who I am unless I tell them, there's nobody to judge me. We could lock ourselves in a passionate kiss in the middle of the street and the people here would consider it normal. There wouldn't be a photo in the newspaper about it the next morning, it would just be that moment."

"It was nice of you to share that with me."

She smiled and snuggled into me, almost falling asleep.

"Darling?"

"Mmm?"

"Have we finished our break?"

Her head shot up, "I almost forgot we were on a break, I must have taken advantage of the seclusion and-"

"You didn't answer my question."

She ran a hand down my cheek, "Not yet."

"I see."

"I'm sorry if you think I'm toying with you again, I don't mean to do it."

"It's alright."

"Shall we go?"

"You want to leave now?"

She nodded as I took her hand and led her back to the car.

* * *

Bedtime now!

Sorry about the VERY slow update, but I've been occupying myself with…um…adult movies at the moment :P

Oh and how cool is it – I can take screenshots of dvds! Meaning I can "capture" pictures from any scene of the PD movies that I want, which I've already started doing. It's cool.

R & R!


	38. Chapter 38

10/6/00

I've noticed that Clarisse and Mia (as she likes to be called) were getting along very well today during their princess lessons. They have finally taken a shine to each other, perhaps that make over actually did the trick after all. She told me that she thinks Mia is becoming a mature young lady and will be more than ready to take the throne when the time comes. I like how she's becoming close to her, it's what I hoped would happen.

In a matter of days, Clarisse is hosting a State Dinner. It is my job to introduce the Princess to important people and then I have to keep an eye out for uninvited guests. I don't get to join in of course because I'm only the help, but I can occupy myself with other things while they're eating.

11/6/00

Earlier today we were informed that Princess Amelia's secret had been revealed. Clarisse wasn't too happy about this, so she asked me to find out who let the secret out. It didn't take very long; I just called the few people we had been in contact with during our stay here and soon discovered that our good friend Paolo sold the story to the press. Clarisse was informed that there was a mass of reporters out the front of Mia's school, so she told me to meet her there, which I did. I helped her out of the limousine and led her into the school making sure nobody touched her or got too close – one can never be too careful when there are that many people around. I liked her outfit, it was very clean looking.

After I made Paolo explain his actions, I shoved him out the door and waited for further instruction. I noticed how uncomfortable Clarisse was with the vice principal, but was taken by surprise when she deceitfully asked me to take her away. I was stuck with her for a whole hour discussing security plans that I was making up as I went along and didn't plan to follow through. Usually I would be happy to speak to a woman for that long but this woman was too much of a suck-up for me to handle. I was quite happy when Clarisse tore me away from her when it was time to go. The woman was holding onto her arm begging her to tell her more about royal lifestyle. I could tell her a thing or two about royal lifestyle: it's not all it's cracked up to be, it stops you from having any sort of relationship, love isn't a necessity…

Hmm.

We took Amelia home for the day and continued on our way back to the consulate, Clarisse and I sat across from each other – she was first to speak:

"Thankyou so much for taking that dreadful woman away from me."

"Anything to make you happy, my queen."

"She just kept clinging onto my arm and asking about how it was to be royal."

"I know, I was there."

"So what happened when you two left the room?"

"I mentally banged my head on the table wishing for the day to end."

She laughed, "I'm sorry to hear that."

"I believe I am now owed a favour?"

"Oh you are, are you?"

"I think it's only fair."

"Alright, what is it?"

"I don't know, are you free this evening?"

She looked at me suspiciously, "Why?"

"I was thinking we could go out for dinner."

"We went out for dinner the other night."

"I know, but I want to spend more time in public with you, something we can't do in Genovia."

"We can't very well do it here either now, the people know who I am."

"Fine then, forget I asked."

I turned my head away from her and felt her hand on mine, "We could always spend the evening in the garden or we could make our own dinner…in the kitchen."

"You know how to cook?"

"No…that is, I haven't cooked in a while, but that can't stop me from trying again."

"Alright then, if I'll be there to supervise you, it's a date."

"As friends."

"Of course."

Later…

Clarisse can so not cook!

She tried making Goulash, something I thought would have been simple, but no, not for our queen;

First she cut her hand with a knife, delaying the cooking by an hour, then she burnt the onions, undercooked the meat, forgot to add flavouring and put a whole packet of cornflour in to finish the job. In the end you couldn't tell what was the meat and what was the "gravy".

It was fun to watch her being domestic for once I must admit, it made me think of her as…umm…normal.

After the Goulash, I suggested we make scones, but this time we did it together. After we put all of the ingredients into the bowl, she started mixing them together with a wooden spoon. When it was all mixed together, I took the spoon from her hand, placed it on the table, then took the formed dough out of the bowl and placed it on the bench. I then stood behind her and lay my hands atop hers, kneading the dough. I liked our hands pressing together on the dough, but soon I found that my eyes were closed and my head was resting on her shoulder. She was frozen, "Joseph."

"Mmm?"

"That better be a wooden spoon in your pocket…"

My eyes shot open – oops! I had no idea of how aroused I was from simply kneading dough with her. I wondered how long it took her to notice that I was unintentionally 'saying hello'.

"Sorry, your majesty, I didn't realise-"

I backed slowly away and carefully sat myself down on a chair - the closest chair.

"I didn't realise how attractive I was."

She turned to me and smiled.

"Believe me, madam, you are very attractive and I can't emphasise the word 'very' enough."

I grew tense as she started heading towards me, hips deliberately swaying from side to side, "Joseph," she whispered, sitting gently on my lap.

"Yes?"

She wrapped her arms around my neck and brought her lips closer to mine, "How long do the scones take to cook?"

My eyes shifted from her eyes to her lips and then back to her eyes again, "Fifteen minutes or so."

"Good, that should give me enough time to call the palace and see how Maurice is doing."

She stood up and continued with the scones, while I sat there bemused. What a way to ruin the moment - I hate that dog.

Twenty minutes later we were eating our scones in the garden, they weren't bad considering her history in the kitchen.

"How's your dog?"

"He's fine, thankyou for asking. Apparently he was caught whizzing on my favourite pear tree, I'll have to speak with him when I get back. And also he…"

I tuned out right there, I only asked the question out of spite, but she obviously didn't seem to notice that. She spent the entire evening talking about her dog while I sat there staring up at the stars.

"You haven't listened to a word I've said have you?"

"I listened to the first few."

She threw a scone at my jacket, it had cream and jam on it, "You naughty girl!"

A scone made its way into my hand and found itself flying through the air and landing on her neck, "You bad boy."

"A bad boy am I?"

I got up and lifted her into my arms. The cream was running down her chest, "Joseph, look what you've done!"

"I'm sorry, let me get that for you," I smiled and licked my way from in between her breasts, up to her neck.

"Put me down now!"

I put her feet back onto the ground, but I wasn't expecting her to grab my hand and lead me to a secluded corner of the garden, nor was I expecting her to throw me down and start kissing me.

"Clarisse, I know I provoked you, but do you have any idea what a break is?"

"Of course I do!"

"Would you care to explain what it is?"

"A temporary separation of two people."

"Do we look separated to you?"

She looked at our bodies and sighed, "No."

"So where do we stand?"

"Can't we just spend one night together and then go back to being on a break?"

"What do you think the point of a break is!"

"I didn't mean sleep together, I just want to lie against you and do some star gazing."

"So what you're saying is that the temporary separation is going to temporarily come to a halt for the night and then it's back on tomorrow?"

"Yes, you could say that."

"Then no can do."

"Oh…"

The look in her eyes was priceless, full of disappointment. This was my way of playing the field, my way of trying to get her to end our break sooner.

"I refuse to be your yo-yo!"

"I'm sorry I make you feel that way, I don't mean to."

"I know you don't."

"I told you that we would be together as soon as this whole thing is over."

"Yes, when it's over, not now. You change your mind too often."

"I can't help it! I've never had to deal with this sort of thing before, I'm confused! You know that!"

"I think that's enough arguing for tonight."

"Fine!"

I got up to leave, but she stayed where she was, "Goodnight, your majesty."

"Wait! I need to talk to you about something else."

"What?"

"A business matter."

"Go ahead."

"It's Mia. Now that the press know who she is, there's a high possibility that she's going to be swarmed by them at school. When you take her to school each morning, I want you to walk her into the building and after you've made sure she's safe, you will report back here. Is that clear?"

"As you wish, madam."

"And you will do the same when you pick her up after school, understood?"

I nodded and walked away.

12/6/00

Never have I been so bored in my entire life. Miss Mia asked me to stay with her today, so I had to oblige. She spent a matter of hours just sitting and staring out at the scenery instead of going to class. I had to keep myself occupied by playing basketball for hours. I scored a lot of hoops considering I had and umbrella in one hand. I was quite relieved when the bell rang.

In the car on the way home, she started questioning me:

"Joe, would you mind if I asked you some personal questions?"

"It depends on what they are."

"I just want to get to know you better cos I really like you, you're so much easier to talk to than grandma."

"What would you like to know?

"Do you have a girlfriend? I mean, I know you're not married because there's no ring on your finger-"

"I'm separated."

"Oh, things weren't working out? Was she having an affair?"

"We grew apart."

"Oh that's sad. Did you love her?"

"I did."

"And you never wanted to re-marry?"

"I'm working on it."

"Oh? With whom?"

I shook my head, "I'd rather not say."

"Do you have any kids?"

"Years before we got married she had a child, which at the time I didn't know was mine, and she adopted him out. We came into contact with him about ten years ago."

"What's his name?"

"Sammy."

"How old is he?"

"Twenty-five."

"Oooh, is he single?"

I laughed, "He's married, he's been in love with this woman for over ten years, I don't think he'd leave her for anybody."

"Aww…too bad."

"He has a son."

Her head shot up, "Really?"

"He's a few weeks old."

"I like to meet your son sometime."

"I could arrange that."

She continued asking me about my life, which I didn't mind – I just steered clear of conversation about Clarisse and I.

15/6/00

The dinner party went on as planned, I fulfilled my duties and spoke with Clarisse afterwards. She said that Mia ruined it, but in a humorous way. We laughed and joked about it and then went to bed, otherwise it was quite a boring day.

16/6/00

Clarisse surprised me today, she went out with Amelia to tour San Francisco - I was gleaming with joy when she told me where they were going.

I would have liked to have followed to keep an eye on them, but I thought they'd be safe enough…I was wrong.

They crashed the car! No one was injured, but they could have been. I could have lost my love, my reason for living! As soon as I heard I rushed frantically around the consulate waiting for her to return.

She came about an hour later, clutching her stomach.

"What's wrong? Are you injured?"

I lifted her up and attempted to carry her upstairs, she covered her mouth with her hand, "Did you have to do that?"

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

"No, you just made me want to vomit."

"I didn't know I had that effect on you."

"It's not you, it was something I ate, please put me down…lightly."

I did as she said and then followed her up to her suite, she ran straight for the bathroom and shut the door.

I could hear her throwing up, "Are you alright in there?"

She didn't reply – I guess she wasn't in a position to. Eventually she did come out, I held her around the waist and led her to the couch, "Joseph please, I'm fine."

"If you say so."

"There's no reason to worry."

"I have to worry about you, you're my responsibility."

"But I'm not hurt. I had a wonderful day, it was just that silly corndog."

"I see. So what did you two do today?"

"We went to this amusement place and had photos taken, see?"

She held out a small photograph and smiled.

"Beautiful."

"After that we went to the beach and I told her all about myself, my marriage to Rupert, my sons, the last time I was in this godforsaken country, my little Amelia and how she never had the chance to live in this world."

"You're still upset about that? It was years ago."

"I wanted that child!"

"I know you did."

"Let's not talk about it please, I'd rather concentrate on the live Amelia."

"Sorry."

"I managed to talk her out of a fine when she crashed the car. I think she likes me now."

"That's very nice to hear."

"She's like the daughter I never had. We've grown so close over the past few days."

"I've noticed that."

"I think I may even love her now."

"I'm very proud of you."

"Thankyou. Would you please tell Charlotte I'm not feeling at all well and to cancel anything I have planned?"

"Yes, madam."

She put her hand on my cheek and walked to her bedroom door, "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yes you will."

"Goodbye."

I lay back on her couch and sighed, tomorrow – what will it bring?

* * *

I had the hardest time writing this. Trying to figure out dates – I'm trying to make it as accurate as possible, which I will give up doing in the next chapter. I would've posted this last night but I had internet problems.

R & R.


	39. Chapter 39

20/6/00

Clarisse asked me to accompany her to the entertainment center that she and Mia went to the other day, so I agreed and off we went. When we got there, she went straight for the arm wrestling machine and put in a quarter, "Watch this, Joseph."

She put both hands around the arm and started wrestling with it.

"Cheater!"

She smiled and resumed her concentration, then she won the game, "Did you see that, Joseph?"

"No, for you see I was looking the other way when you said to watch."

She playfully slapped my chest, "No you weren't."

"Then why did you ask?"

She rolled her eyes, "Alright, your turn, Mr. Smartypants."

I grabbed the arm with one hand and won the game within two seconds.

Clarisse was slouching against the wall fanning herself when I looked up – I am one hundred percent sure she was turned on, which I later realised she was.

"Shall we play again, your majesty?" I asked, taking her hand.

Her legs shook as she walked, "No, I have a better idea."

Regaining control of herself, she led me over to the photo booth and pulled me inside. I felt her eyes on me as I put the change in, it was very cramped up in there – I had to put my arm around her waist in order to sit comfortably. She eyed my arm and looked up at my face, that's when the camera flashes started and that's also when she started pulling herself closer to me. Next thing I knew she was kissing me – violently.

"Clarisse!" I managed to say before her lips smacked down on mine again.

Her claws were out, digging into my chest, painful it was. I tried hard to pull her off, but there wasn't enough room. Eventually she stopped suffocating me and tried to undo my pants, that's when I was able to grab her hands, "Do you mind?"

She stopped and looked at me, "Oh, you're no fun!"

She recomposed herself and exited the booth. I did the same, but grabbed the photostrip first before chasing after her.

"Clarisse, wait!"

I grabbed her arm and turned her around, "Would you like to explain what that was about?"

"Obviously not, seeing as though I'm trying to get away from you."

"Do you want to get back together or something? Because you keep doing these things and confusing me."

"I don't know, I just really wanted you."

"And what do you think that means?"

"Probably that I'm unable to follow the rules of a break."

"And what do you plan to do about that?"

"I suppose I'll have to call it off."

"Good…and the press?"

"Don't have to know about us."

"Sneaking around, you mean?"

"Only for a little while."

I took her hand and kissed it, "If it makes you happy."

Later on we had lunch, played a few more games and decided to call it a day.

She leant against my chest with her eyes closed, she wasn't sleeping, just daydreaming. I took that time to observe the photos in my pocket:

No.1: Clarisse looking at me seductively and licking her lips.

No.2: Clarisse attempting to sit on my lap.

No.3: Clarisse parting her lips and bringing her head up to meet mine.

No.4: Clarisse with one hand around my neck and the other hand gripping my chest, lips completely covering mine and me in complete shock.

I laughed quietly at the photos and she looked up after feeling my chest vibrate, "What's so funny?"

"You are."

"Why?"

I held out the photos and allowed her to snatch them out of my hand. I felt her body start to vibrate too, "Are you laughing?"

"No."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not!

"What are we going to do with these pictures?"

"Burn them, I suppose."

She sat up and went through her bag, "Ah, here we are."

She took out a lighter and snatched the photos off me, "Bon Voyage, incriminating evidence!"

I snatched the lighter out of her hands and stared at her, "You always carry one of these around?"

"You always stick your nose into other peoples' business? Give it back!"

"What else do you carry around in your bag?"

"I really don't think it's any of your business."

"On the contrary I think it is, you are my responsibility."

She gave me an evil eye and started taking things out of her bag and slamming them onto the seat, "Lipstick, purse, mascara, eyeliner, pocket-knife, breath-mints, eye shadow and a gun, the same as any woman in a country like this would carry. Are you happy now?"

"All women carry pocket-knifes and a guns? May I ask why?"

"It's precautionary."

"Precautionary?"

"Yes, in case people like you try to hurt them."

"What? I don't go around trying to hurt women!"

"I beg to differ, I remember feeling you strike my face a couple of months ago."

"That was one time and I've apologised for that on several occasions. I only did it because you wished death upon my son."

"Which I did because you lied to me."

"It was for your own good!"

"Oh pull the other one. Did you think I'd never find out?"

"I don't know what I was thinking."

"Obviously."

"Can we just stop this conversation right here?"

"Oh? Are you scared you're going to lose the battle?"

"No, I'm scared I might do something I'll regret."

"Should I take the safety lock off my gun?"

I stared at her in disgust, "Who the hell made you the ruler of your country? Honestly…"

She put her hands on her hips, "I'll have you know I am a good queen."

"A good queen, yes. A well behaved one…no."

"Take that back!"

"It's the truth!"

"Alright, you and I are not together anymore. We're going on a permanent break!"

"I suppose I'm fired too? You know you've said that so many times it's lost all meaning."

Her face grew red and her claws came out again. I felt myself being pushed back into the seat as she jumped on top of me and started ripping off my shirt, "Do you have any idea how good you are at turning me on?"

"Oh, Cyclone Clarisse is back, is she?"

She dug her claws into my shoulders and pulled me onto the floor, "Clarisse, do you remember why we went on a break in the first place?"

She started scraping her nails down my chest, ignoring my comment.

"We went on a break because you thought things were moving too fast."

"Fascinating..."

"Don't you think this is going a little too fast?"

"You want me to slow down?"

"I want you to stop."

"You are such a frigid."

I removed her body from mine and sat back on the seat, looking out the window.

"And you are such a-"

She raised an eyebrow and stared at me as if she would bite my head off if I finished my sentence. I was going to end it with "two-faced bitch", but that look was so scary I decided to keep it to myself. The contents of her bag were spilt all over the floor, but there was an extra item that I didn't see before, a packet of cigarettes.

"You smoke?" I asked I picked them off the ground.

"Sometimes."

"I didn't know that."

"You wouldn't, nobody knows."

"I've never tasted it on your breath."

"That's what the mints are for."

"Why do you do it?"

"Usually it's because I'm either bored or stressed or..."

"I find it hard to believe you can get bored. I know I'm never bored when I'm around you."

"I feel the same way about you, except when you fight off my advances."

"I fight you off because I don't like being attacked by people who aren't thinking straight. It makes me feel as if you're just using me."

She looked at her palms, "I've told you time and time again I don't mean to do it, to be so aggressive. I just become overpowered by my hormones."

Hormones…blah! It's the drugs that overpower her.

"Perhaps you should try to control your...hormones."

"Perhaps I should."

She gave me a sad smile and ran her hand over my head, I could feel her ring – the ring I despise. The ring I know now she will never take off.

"May I ask you something?" I took her hand in mine and held it up to her face, "Why are you still wearing this? You're husband's been dead for over a year."

"You honestly want to know?"

"Yes, I honestly do."

"I like the look of it," she admitted happily to herself, admiring the ring in mid air, "It's so pretty, shiny, big."

"Is that the only reason?"

"I feel bare without it."

"Why not wear a different ring?"

"Because I like this one, weren't you listening?"

"Those are the only reasons you wear it?"

"Yes, why?"

"Never mind."

"Something's wrong, tell me?"

"Have you ever thought that you may still be wearing it because you have a special place in your heart for the man who gave it to you?"

"Joseph, I will always have a special place in my heart for Rupert, as I do all of the men I've been close to, but this ring is just so beautiful, I don't want to take it off."

"You really like it that much?"

"Yes, I really do."

"If I may say so, I think it's hideous."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's hideous! It's too big, too shiny, too…I don't know monstrous!"

She was flabbergasted, "I beg to differ, I happen to find it exceptionally beautiful. It reminds me of me."

"You? Which one, the evil you or the sweet and innocent you?"

"Don't be smart, I was referring to my appearance."

"Not your many personalities."

"I do not appreciate being degraded by you or anybody else, Joseph. Stop it at once!"

"Certainly, your majesty."

We didn't speak for the remainder of the trip, I stared out the window the whole time thinking about the many moods of Clarisse Renaldi.

Why I love her, I don't know. I think I must just be in love with the Clarisse whose mind isn't being controlled by drugs, the one who's caring and compassionate. Oh how I miss her.

24/6/00

I was asked by Clarisse to accompany her once again today, but this time she didn't tell me where we were going, unfortunately. If I had known we were going to the dress-shop, I'd have said I had more important things to do. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be though.

We arrived at 10am for a final dress fitting (for her, not me) and I had to sit there waiting while she slipped into a loose, green ball gown and watched the staff poke needles in it everywhere. I didn't like it, it was too lose, too green, too long-sleeved and it covered up everything.

When the staff went away to get some more material, I walked up to Clarisse and whispered, "Darling don't you think this outfit is a little…"

"What?"

"Umm…not you?"

"Are you saying you don't like it, Joseph?"

"No, of course not, I'm just saying…you're right, I don't like it."

"Well you don't have to wear it if you don't want to," she smiled.

I giggled slightly, "Can't you choose a different one?"

"Since when have you been concerned with how I look?"

"Since I'm the one who'll be admiring you all night."

"Oh will you? I'm sorry Joseph, but I can't change it now, there isn't enough time."

"There's plenty of time."

"Five days? I don't think so."

"Then tell them to rush!"

"Is it that important to you?"

"Yes, I want to see you looking and feeling your best."

She held my hands and looked into my eyes, "Well if you can find one I like more than this one, I'll think about it."

I smiled and placed a kiss on her cheek, "I'll be right back."

The store didn't have a large choice of dresses, or any that I liked for that matter, so I walked across the street to another shop and there it was in all its blue glory – the perfect dress. Light-blue it was, reasonable cleavage line, short sleeves, long wide skirt and tight around the waist - it was perfect.

I ran across the street and found Clarisse dressed in her "casual" clothes tapping her foot on the ground, "Where have you been? I've been waiting for a whole minute!"

I pointed to the shop across the street and grabbed her hand, "Perfect dress! This way!"

She ripped her hand out of mine and stopped where she was, "Would you mind slowing down!"

"My apologies, your majesty."

I walked slower and made sure nobody came too close to her as we crossed the street. Into the store we went to the dress I led her, "Isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?"

She looked at it with her hand brushing her chin, "Do they have it in a different colour?"

"I don't know, ask them."

We were approached by the manager of the store, he was French, "Can I help you, madam?"

"Yes, I'd like to enquire about this dress."

"What is it you would like to know?

"Does it come in green?"

"Cream? Yes."

"No I said green."

"Oh green? No."

"Red?"

"No."

"Orange?"

"No."

"Yellow?"

"No, this dress comes only in Cream, Chocolate and the colour you see here."

"May I be permitted to see the Chocolate?"

"She is right over here, follow me please."

Clarisse and I were walking two steps behind the man, so I whispered into her ear, "What's wrong with the blue?"

"Ha! What's wrong with the blue? I don't like it, that's what's wrong with the blue."

"I like it."

"Then why don't you wear it yourself, dear boy?"

"Because blue is not my colour, I like black. Besides, it's not appropriate for males to wear dresses at balls."

"So does that mean males are allowed to wear dresses in other places…like the bedroom?"

She laughed quietly to herself and looked me up and down, "I can just imagine you in a nice little pink number."

"Must you?"

"Do lighten up, Joseph."

The man stopped and pointed to a dress on a rack, "Chocolate, madam."

"Oh that looks absolutely lovely, I'll take it."

"Very well, size?"

She looked uneasily at me and whispered into the man's ear, I wasn't able to hear what was said. I don't understand why she didn't want me to know what her dress size was, I have after all seen her naked body on numerous occasions.

"I'm sorry, madam, we have one size lower and one size higher."

She bit her lip, "I'll take the higher one and have it adjusted to fit."

"Very well, that will be three-thousand dollars."

My mouth dropped, that's almost as much as I paid for the engagement ring I haven't yet had a chance to give her.

She gracefully pulled out her credit card and handed it to the man, who completed the transaction.

After saying goodbye, we headed back across the street to have the dress fitted. It took a whole hour to stick the pins in, so I passed the time by doing the quizzes in a woman's magazine.

"How long will your relationship last?" Was the title of the first one I did.

1. How long have you and your partner been together?

More than a month

More than a year

More than a decade

I wasn't quite sure which one to put as my answer. On one hand, Clarisse and I did share our first kiss well over a decade ago, but she was still married, so we weren't actually together. On the other hand, we officially got together over eleven months ago, but we've been on a break for the last two and rekindled our flame the other day. In the end, I picked "c".

2. How many times have you and your partner slept together?

We're still waiting for the right moment

Once or more

Who keeps score?

I didn't quite understand how they were defining "slept together", for all I knew it could have meant how many times have you and your partner shared a bed, in which case I would have picked "c" again. However, since I was doing a "How long will it last" quiz, I figured it meant sex, so I chose "b", meaning once.

3. Are you and your partner married?

No

We're engaged

Yes

"A" obviously.

4. Are you and your partner in love?

No

We're getting there

Yes

5. How physically attractive do you find your partner?

0-3

4-7

8-10

"C" was once again my answer.

That was the end of the quiz, I ended up with a score of 7/10. The result of that was, "They say true love lasts forever and you're obviously head over heels for your man, but remember looks don't count for much in the long run, as long as you both stay true, your relationship should last for years to come."

I smiled – I hope our relationship will last for years to come.

After I'd finished two other quizzes, Clarisse informed me that she was ready to go, so I grabbed my coat and led her to the car where she asked me about what I had been reading. I told her I was reading up on how to apply eye shadow without making yourself look beaten up. She laughed and fell asleep on my arm. I treasure moments like these where she's calm, happy and…normal. How I wish she would just stop taking her anti-depressants and her other miscellaneous drugs, they're seriously wrecking her mind.

* * *

When I said I was going to give up the dates, I meant I'm just not going to bother about making them extremely accurate, there will still be dates. But that doesn't matter now because I'm almost at the end of the movie, just the ball left to go and then it's the five year gap between the movies. I believe this story will end up being about 50 chapters long (omg).

Rest assured that the bottle of wine will make a second appearance eventually – I know exactly what I'm gonna do with it, probly not what you think, though.

Thankyou all for your kind reviews, I don't particularly mind if you think they're boring, I just like to know that people are still reading my story, but I do appreciate the long ones because they're really interesting to read.

R & R.


	40. Chapter 40

26/6/00

Clarisse told me that Amelia said she was going to appear on a television programme tonight, which she was excited about because she thinks her granddaughter needs to get used to public appearances. She told me to watch the show, but I did and Mia didn't show up. After the show, Clarisse came to my room and asked me if she missed her appearance while she wasn't looking and I told her that she must have been given the wrong date. She was quite disappointed because there was another programme she wanted to watch and she missed it because she was watching, "Shut Up and Listen".

I thought it was a very boring show because all that happened was card guessing. She's going to ask Mia about it sometime tomorrow.

28/6/00

We found out why Mia didn't appear on the cable show, she was at a beach party being manipulated by a young boy. It was much more serious than that though, she was caught practically in the nude on camera. Clarisse was furious when she read the paper this morning, she came straight to me (while I was still sleeping, might I add?) and told me to drive around and pick up Amelia before school. My eyes were heavy, but nevertheless I put on my pants and a shirt, grabbed a jacket and drove very slowly. I asked Mia if she wanted to stop for ice cream along the way, but she said she just wanted to get it over and done with.

I listened to the two talking and thought that Clarisse was being far too harsh. A friend of a friend told me some information that gave proof that it wasn't entirely Mia's fault, which I told Clarisse after she'd finished talking with Mia. She told me that after today I no longer have a responsibility to drive Mia everywhere or look after her since she has decided she doesn't want to be a princess anymore. It seemed a bit selfish to me that she doesn't care if her granddaughter is protected or not now that she's not going to be a princess, it's as if she thinks she's of no use.

I drove Mia to school afterwards and for once, she sat next to me in the passenger seat.

"My dear, I'm sure your grandmother didn't mean to speak in such a harsh tone."

"So you **were** listening."

"Yes, I was. She's just a bit upset because she's under a lot of pressure at the moment."

"Why can't she be like a real grandma? One that would offer sympathy instead of placing blame. One that wouldn't just jump to a conclusion. You know she didn't even ask me for my side of the story? She just believed what the papers said and went along with it."

"I'm sure she'll realise her mistake and come around."

"You think?"

"Sure I do."

"Why can't she be more like you Joe?"

"Because she doesn't possess the compassion of a gentleman such as myself."

She smiled slightly and kissed me on the cheek, surprising me a little as it was unexpected.

Slowly I pulled up along side the entrance to her school and stopped the car, "Are you sure you want to attend school today, young lady?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"I'll walk you to the door then."

As usual there were reporters surrounding the entrance, so I carefully made sure none of them touched Mia as I walked her into the school and hugged her goodbye.

When I got back to the palace, I decided that I needed to talk with Clarisse privately to tell her just how upset Mia was. She wasn't in her office, Charlotte informed me that she was having a massage in her suite, so I went there and waved the masseuse away, he then left the room.

Clarisse couldn't see me because she was lying face down on the table, so I decided to take over the duties of the masseuse. After squeezing some oil onto my hands, I carefully ran them up her back and started massaging her shoulders. Her skin was nice and smooth, I liked rubbing my hands along it and hearing her moaning. I wasn't quite sure how to start off what I wanted to talk about, nor did I have time to think about it because I heard her moan, "Lower."

I moved my hands down to her lower back, but apparently that wasn't far enough, "Lower!"

I tensed, but lower I went. I didn't go too far down, only an extra inch below her back, "Joseph, if I say lower, I mean lower!"

"How did you know it was me?"

"You wear far too much cologne, that's how. What are you doing here anyway?"

"I've come to talk about your granddaughter."

"Oh god, not this again."

"Clarisse she's really upset! She thinks you hate her."

She pulled a towel over her breasts and turned around to face me, "I don't hate her, it's quite the opposite."

"Funny way of showing it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You treat her like an object, like your using her to secure the throne."

"I have to act that way, one must think without using one's heart. That's why people prefer male rulers."

"But you need to think of her as family, she needs to be treated with care. Tell me, do you have any loving feelings towards her whatsoever?"

"Of course I do, I love the girl."

"Have you told her that?"

"No, but..."

"I think you should go around and talk to her."

She paused for a moment, "You're right, we'll see her tomorrow before the ball after we pick up my dress."

"No, you will see her, I will drive you."

"Fine. Thankyou. Now where were we?"

She lay back down on the table and put her head back into the head rest. I resumed running my hands up and down her back, it was relaxing. She started tensing as I moved onto her sides, she was fine when I moved my hands downwards, but when I moved them up towards her breasts, she would lie there shaking slightly. I wondered what the problem was, because usually she would be happy for me to touch her breasts. I decided to test her a bit more by massaging her hips, but she didn't flinch, she didn't shake, she just groaned my name. After I tried a few other places, I tried to find out what would happen if I massaged one side and not the other, that's how I found out what her problem was. She didn't want me touching her left breast, she didn't seem to mind about the right, just the left. I carefully slid my hand up under her arm in order to get a reaction and she bit me! She bit me! I decided to leave it at that, so did she.

I watched her roll herself off the table and put on a robe, then she issued me out in order to get changed. A horrific expression was on her face, as if she'd just seen a ghost or something. I'm honestly worried about her, she hasn't come out of her rooms since I left.

7/7/00

I am currently on my way back home from America with Amelia. I can't wait to see Clarisse.

The day of the Genovian Annual Independence Day Ball:

Stressful it was, I didn't even make it back to my own room.

It started at the tailors, Clarisse was on-edge because they accidentally ripped her dress whist altering it, so she spent roughly two hours abusing them before rushing across the street to buy an identical one which was one size too small. She said if it didn't fit, she would simply wear a girdle underneath. After we left the shop I drove Clarisse to Mia's house because she wanted to apologise and drop off Philippe's birthday gift. I thought it was sweet how she made up with her, I didn't actually see it, as I found myself being talked to once again by her next-door neighbour (who now thinks I am a spy), but Clarisse told me all about it on the way home. She said she hugged her for the first time and apparently it felt good. She said Mia told her she seriously didn't want to be a princess, but Clarisse thought that there was a possibility that she would come around. She went silent for a few minutes after our conversation.

Through the rear-view mirror, I noticed her running a hand along the side of her breast whilst looking out the window. She wasn't doing it as some poor attempt to seduce me, that much I knew, she looked sort of sad, upset and unhappy.

"Clarisse, are you feeling alright?"

She obviously didn't hear me, "Clarisse?"

Her hand fell into her lap and she looked at me, "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm…fine thankyou, Joseph."

I didn't question her further, I just continued staring at her eyes until we arrived back at the consulate.

I accompanied her on a walk around the place to check on last minute details and she seemed to become a little more cheerful, until she saw the garden. It looked "crowded" according to her, she didn't care for Charlotte's planning in the slightest. I think her exact words were, "That's what you get when you hire Americans."

Quite racist for a ruler, but I later realised it wasn't meant to be a personal attack, she just had other things on her mind.

At five o'clock Clarisse left and went upstairs to get ready for the ball. I decided to quickly change into my formalwear and wax my head before inspecting the ballroom, by then it was six o'clock. I started talking to one of the musicians who plays a violin, she told me about how she practiced the violin on the boat on the way over to the country. She said she became very fond of it, so decided to make it her professional.

That's when Charlotte came up to me and asked me why I hadn't left to pick up Mia, because she said Helen told her that Mia was waiting for me. I put two and two together and figured out that she was going to run away to avoid making a speech. I quickly grabbed the chauffeur, dragged him out to the car and sped over to her house. As it takes a good half an hour to drive to Mia's house, it was dark and raining by the time we got there. I saw that her car was missing, so I spotted the man next door and asked him in a spy-like way where Mia went. He gave me some vague directions, which in time led me to her. She was lying across the seat of her mustang being soaked by the rain when we found her. She was happy to see me and vice versa, I thought this would be a nice treat for Clarisse.

When we sat down in the car I asked her why she was coming back and she said it was because of her father, I didn't quite know what she meant by that and still don't, I guess it's a secret.

We arrived at the consulate in the middle of Clarisse's opening speech, I was taken back by how the dress looked on her. It was very tight and she seemed to have to move very slowly and carefully in order for it to sit properly, I think perhaps she should have gone for the larger size after all.

She was so happy to see Mia, yet shocked at the same time. My guess is that she wasn't expecting her to show up, because she wouldn't have had it not been for me. After she announced Mia's arrival, I helped her away from the podium and quietly commented on her gown, just one word – woah.

Mia made a long, boring, but meaningful speech. I only thought it was boring because I don't like speeches, I tend to tune out during them. I noticed Clarisse was a little bored with it towards the end, too, so she pretended to clear her throat to hurry it along. I loved watching the expression on her face as Mia announced that she would take her place as princess. She was so happy, I took that as my cue to fetch the tiara from the table. Very gently she placed it atop her head and Prime Minister Motaz sang the national anthem. Charlotte was asked to rush upstairs to fetch the cape, so she brought it down and I helped Amelia into it. The camera flashes went off and everybody was happy, it was sort of like an ending to a predictable movie.

Clarisse went with Mia to get her changed into a proper gown and they came back half an hour later. I spent that time chatting to the people in the ballroom and eating some snacks in the kitchen.

When the two entered the ballroom, we all bowed and stared in wonder. The music started up and Sebastian Motaz asked Clarisse to dance. I was quite jealous about this, so I waited a minute or so and took her away from him.

"My dear, I cannot express enough how beautiful you look in that dress."

She blushed, "Thankyou. Joseph, do you have any idea who that boy dancing with Amelia is?"

I smiled, "That's her best friend's brother. I think they're attracted to each other or something."

"Oh, how sweet."

We watched them head out to the balcony for a secret kiss and I mentioned to Clarisse that I had the same idea for her, she giggled and we continued waltzing around the floor for a few hours. She seemed really happy about Mia's choice to become a princess, "Do you have any idea how grateful I am to you for bringing her back here, Joseph?"

"No, why don't you show me?"

"Here?"

"Why not?"

"Because there are people around."

"Then maybe we should find somewhere more private."

It would have been a romantic moment if Mia's C.D didn't start blaring away.

"Maybe we should."

We discreetly waltzed over to the hall entrance and let go of each other, making sure nobody in the ballroom was watching. I waved the men at the end of the hall away and took her hand, she seemed a little shocked that I was expressing my love in public, so I pretended I just wanted to kiss it and she was happy again. We walked down another hall and stopped at her door, I opened it, looked around to see if anybody was watching and then ducked inside with her.

I sat down on the sofa and watched as she took her tiara off and placed it on the vanity cabinet. She arched her head back and ran her hand through her hair, then she removed her gloves, shoes and earrings and sat down next to me, laying her feet in my lap. There were stockings covering her legs, but that didn't stop me from sliding my hands up and down them. A smile came to her face and she closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation, "My feet are so sore."

My senses told me she was hinting for me to move to her feet, so I did. They felt very hot feet from all the dancing we had done. I didn't allow anyone to take her away from me during the ball, she was mine for the evening – I earned that privilege.

Slowly and cautiously I ran my hands up under her gigantic skirt and pulled down the stockings, she didn't seem to notice nor did she seem to mind.

"Joseph, do you know how happy I am right now? I'm partially stress free!"

"Partially, darling?"

Her eyes shot open, "I mean my biggest cause for stress has been relieved."

"Your granddaughter?"

She nodded.

"What else are you stressed about?"

"Umm…uh…the…flight home, that's it."

"Really? Why?"

"Because you won't be joining me."

"Why?"

"Because you need to fly over with Amelia in a weeks time when the school holidays begin."

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"When did you plan to tell me this?"

"Right now, I just thought of it."

"What if I don't want to?"

"I'll just have to convince you."

I placed her feet on the floor and sat closer to her, "How?"

She kissed my lips and threw her arms around my neck, pulling me closer to her. I slipped my hands around her waist and stood her up, her hands rested on my chest as I kissed her some more and attempted to find a zip on her dress. There was no zip. I attempted to lift the dress over her head, but it was so tight that it couldn't slide over her breasts, "How do you get this thing off?"

"Don't ask, it took three women and two hours to get it on in the first place, they had to sew up the bow so it wouldn't come undone," she laughed.

"You're trapped in there?"

"Afraid so."

"Can't I just split it open?"

"No! I want to keep this dress."

"Why, you're never going to wear it again."

"How do you know?"

"Because you, my darling, never wear the same gown more than once in a lifetime."

"If I did, the press would have something to say."

"Hmm."

I sucked her neck and attempted to pull the dress down over her shoulders, but it was just too tight. I gave up and resumed kissing her passionately, we ended up at the edge of the bed. I lay her down and moved myself on top of her, running my hands over her breast and having one brushed away. What was the deal with that? I asked myself. She allowed me to touch the right breast, but not the left, "Clarisse?"

"Mmm?"

"Is there a reason why I'm not allowed to touch you here?"

I pointed my hand at the 'no-access' area, "No, no reason."

"Are you sure? Because-"

"I'm sure."

"Fine then."

I proceeded to kiss her and caress breasts until suddenly I found myself tumbling onto the floor, "Ouch, Clarisse! What was that for?"

She rushed to my side and apologised repeatedly, "I'm so sorry Joseph. I lied, there is something wrong with me, I just didn't want you to find out."

She helped me up off the floor and sat me down on the bed, "What is it?"

She took a long breath, "When I was getting a massage yesterday, Gerald found a lump on the side of my breast and I have no idea what it is. I'm scared that it might be cancer."

A tear fell from her eye.

"Oh my god…have you booked a test?"

She shook her head, "I'm too scared to go, I fear that if I do I'll find out that my life is in danger."

"But it will be in even more danger if you just forget about it and it does turn out to be…cancer."

"I know that. You just don't understand what it's like to find out something like that growing inside your body."

I drew her into my arms and sat her on my lap, kissing her forehead, "Well whatever it is, I'll stick by you no matter what."

A sob escaped her mouth, "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."

"I wouldn't be surprised if you left, I can be so horrible to you at times."

"I know."

"Why do you put up with me?"

"Because even after all you've done to me, I love you more than anything in the world."

She broke our embrace, "You've never said so."

"Really? Well surely you knew?"

"I did know, it's just that I don't remember you ever saying those three words to me."

"I was sure I did."

"Joseph?"

"Mmm?"

"I liked hearing them."

The sparkle in her eyes seemed to be demanding that I say the words again, so I did, "I love you, Clarisse, I always will."

"Always?"

"Unless you totally turn into a psycho-maniac on me."

She playfully slapped me across the face, "I am not a…psycho-maniac, I'm a mentally challenged individual, but only during a full moon."

We both laughed and hugged each other again, falling onto the bed and kissing some more. We lay face to face with our arms around each other for most of the night just talking, laughing and occasionally crying. We didn't 'sleep together' in the tense meaning 'sex', we didn't even change out of our formal clothes. She really is terrified about that lump and so am I; I really don't want to lose her so soon after we've gotten together.

The morning after the ball:

To my surprise, she was still there lying awake in my arms and studying my face, "Morning, my love."

She smiled, dried up mascara lines cracking as she did, "Good Afternoon, Joseph."

It took a few seconds, but it finally clicked, "Afternoon?"

"Well we were up talking all morning."

"Mmm. I had a lot of fun."

"As did I, we'll have to do it again sometime."

"I'd like that."

We did end up doing it again, because-

The next night:

I snuck into her rooms and greeted her with a warm and passionate kiss. We spent all night talking (as it would be the last time we'd see each other for two weeks), and we spent an hour (early in the morning) making love. She wasn't being evil or anything and she didn't injure or hurt me in any way, she was being the Clarisse I fell in love with.

At five o' clock Charlotte knocked on the (locked) door and asked her if she was almost ready to go, "I'll be out in a minute."

Frantically she threw on some clothes and asked me to discretely leave the room at a time that pleased me. She backed up to the door after grabbing her bag and stopped, "Don't I get a kiss goodbye?"

"Of course."

I stood up and walked over to her, she was dressed completely in white, a change, I thought, from when we first arrived. I pressed my mouth against hers and spoke in between kisses, "Don't…forget…to make…an appointment…when you…get back…"

Sliding her arms tightly around my waist, she whispered, "I won't forget."

She ran her hand down my cheek and smiled at me before kissing me one last time and walking out the door.

I am anxiously awaiting her test results, if she actually took them, that is. I hope to god she's okay.

* * *

Well what do you know? It is possible to go through the movie without putting in any direct-speech movie dialogue. I don't think I put in a single direct line (said by a character) that was actually in the movie. That's how clever I am lol.

I think that while doing this, I noticed a fault in the movie. The beach party was held on a Saturday, but Clarisse is talking to Mia the next day and she's in her school uniform. Perhaps maybe she has to go to school on Sunday?

This is the longest actual chapter I've ever written. Took a hell of a long time too.

I'm looking forward to seeing my take on the second movie (haha) later on. I think I'll only do three to five in-between movie chapters, just so youse don't get bored.

Once again, thankyou for your reviews, more will be greatly appreciated.

Bai!


	41. Chapter 41

8/7/00

The princess and I arrived here at about 4:00pm yesterday afternoon. She was excited to see the country, "Wow, it's beautiful," were her exact words.

We had a few pleasant conversations on the way over, mostly about Clarisse, Rupert and her father. Oh and my personal life, too. She's now well informed of her family history, well what I know of it anyway, I decided to leave something for Clarisse to discuss with her. Of course I am dropping no hints that Clarisse and I have something going together, as she would probably drop me if I told anyone. No, we just talked about family history and the history of the country and stuff.

Strangely she told me about how romantic it was when she dropped Michael off home the other night. She said he kissed her and used tongue, then I said, "TMI!" and she laughed. TMI means too much information, something I picked up from her. I wonder how she'd feel if I told her about some of the stuff her grandmother and I get up to, she'd probably need to see a counsellor.

When we arrived at the palace, she marvelled at how large it was, "Oh my god!"

"You like?"

"Yeah I like."

"I'll show you around then."

"Okay," she smiled, walking towards it.

We linked arms and walked inside, greeting the guards at the door, "Oh my god, are they like those guards in England?"

"No, annoy them and they will take action."

She gripped my arm tighter and practically galloped into the ballroom.

"Welcome to the palace, your highness," Charlotte cheered, "I'll inform her majesty of your arrival."

"That won't be necessary, Charlotte," I quickly interrupted, "We'd like to surprise her if you don't mind."

"Oh, sure, she's in her office. Go right in."

"Thankyou."

I took Mia up the staircase, "Oh my god, look at the walls, they're like a wallpaper painting!"

"Yes, I have seen them before."

"Oh sorry Joe, you must think I'm acting like an idiot."

"You're excited, it's alright to be excited when it's your first time visiting."

When we reached the top and turned the corner, she stopped still and gasped, "Woah! Do all of these doors have rooms behind them?"

"Yes, there are over one hundred rooms on this floor alone."

"Woah!"

"Think that's impressive? The employee's floor has over three hundred."

"Wow! Are they all being used?"

"No."

"Is your room on the employee's floor?"

"No, it was when I first arrived here, but as I rose the ranks I, for security purposes, was given a suite near your grandmother's. Two doors over."

"When I own all of this, I'm going to buy scooters for everyone."

I laughed at that, Clarisse would disapprove of scooters.

"Well people can't be expected to walk along these long halls all the time, they'd get tired out!"

"They've managed for the past few hundred years."

"Well they didn't have scooters back then."

"Come, let's go see your grandmother."

I said that more because I wanted to see her, not because Amelia did. Guiding her down the hall she said, "Oh my god," a few more times, I had to get rid of her.

"Here we are, princess, your grandmother's office."

The guards opened the doors and I led Mia inside."

"Do they always open the doors when you walk towards them?"

"Generally, yes."

"Cool."

I turned around and saw Clarisse at her desk, scribbling something on a piece of paper with her glasses on the tip of her nose. I smiled, I can't remember the last time I was so happy to see her, "Your majesty, your granddaughter."

She looked up from her papers, saw Mia standing in front of her and ran over to hug her, "Mia darling, I'm so happy to see you. And you too, of course Joseph."

She released her from the embrace and smiled, I was expecting her to run over and hug me, too, but she didn't, "How was your flight?"

"It was great, thanks. Joe and I had lots to talk about, didn't we Joe."

Clarisse gave me a disapproving look, as if she thought I told Mia about us.

"Yes, we had much to talk about."

"Mia, would you like my ladies maids to show you to your room? It's just, I'm a little busy at the moment and-"

"Would I!"

She grabbed their hands and led them out the door, despite the worried looks on their faces. The door was shut behind them and Clarisse continued staring at me, "Well?" She asked. I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Well what?"

"What were you two talking about?"

"Family history."

"Nothing about-"

"Why would you even think I would tell her about us without asking permission first?"

"You don't know that was what I was thinking."

"Yes I do."

She leant against her desk, I stood where I was as she looked me up and down, "I was actually wondering why you're standing at the door instead of giving you queen a proper greeting."

Slowly I started moving towards her, "And what sort of greeting would that be?"

Our bodies were almost touching when she moved her arms around my neck and leaned back on top of the desk, pulling me down with her. The sensation of kissing her then was overwhelming, we hadn't been able to do that for a whole week. A leg flew around my waist, pulling my body closer to hers. Between kisses, I asked her if she'd gotten her test results back, but she didn't have a chance to answer because the doors suddenly came open and we broke apart.

Mia ran into the room screaming, "I love it, grandma!"

Clarisse brushed out the creases in her skirt and took a breath of air – how long had we been kissing, exactly?

"I'm so glad you do."

They hugged again and she asked her to lunch, I had the feeling she just wanted to get away from me to avoid answering my question and I was right.

Later on, I found her alone in the kitchens eating a snack and staring at the flowers in the center of the table. I kissed her neck, surprising her a little as she started choking, "Ack! Joseph! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Would you prefer I sneak up on you some other way?"

"No, just not at all."

"Are you in a grumpy mood?"

"No, I just don't like being surprised."

"I'm sorry."

She turned to me, "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I'm grabbing an afternoon snack."

I started going through the refrigerator, "Clarisse, I didn't get a chance to hear your answer before."

Momentarily, I looked back at her, then resumed rummaging through the fridge, "Clarisse?"

An orange, a banana and an apple seemed tempting to me, so I took them out and looked back towards Clarisse, but she was gone, "Clarisse?"

I sensed something was wrong, so I decided to eat my lunch, before confronting her later on.

For the rest of the day, I played the princess's tour guide and I grew so sick of her saying, "Oh my god" all the time that after I'd shown her the basics, I made an excuse and left. Spending too much time with somebody is never a good thing.

It was time for dinner when I finally got away, so I went to find Clarisse. She was in her office, working of course, with her ladies maids standing by the window. Slyly I walked up to her and asked, "Will you be joining me for dinner?"

She looked up, sort of shocked that I was in the room, "Umm…uh…not tonight Joseph…I'm…uh…dining with Amelia."

"Oh. Well I'll be on my way then."

I quickly walked out of the room and back down the hall to find Charlotte, she was in the ballroom, "Joining me for dinner, Charlotte?"

"Sorry, Joseph, I've just eaten."

"Oh."

I'm not one to eat dinner alone, so I decided to go to my room to 'surf the net' for sites about breast lumps. A majority of the websites I visited said, 'most lumps turn out to be not cancerous'. This information made me relax a little, it meant that Clarisse was probably not infected after all.

At 11:00pm I ventured out of my room and bumped into Charlotte again, "Good evening Joseph."

"Good evening, Charlotte, do you know if Clarisse has retired for the evening?"

"Yes, she has, about an hour ago."

"And Amelia?"

"If you count her being in her room admiring the bed, TV and room service, then yes, she has also retired."

"Thankyou, Charlotte."

That was good news for me, after a long wait I had the chance to see Clarisse in private. Skipping down the hall slightly, I stopped outside her door and attempted to go in, but the guards blocked my way, "Sorry, Joe. Her majesty has requested that nobody enters until morning."

I found this strange since she usually makes exceptions for her head of security, that's when I realised she was avoiding me.

"But I'm the head of security. I need to talk to her!"

"Sorry, she said nobody."

"Morning, you say?"

"Yes."

Leaning against the wall, I said swiftly, "I shall wait then."

"You're going to stand there all night?"

"Nope, just until twelve."

"Why twelve?"

"Because that's when morning begins."

They smiled and continued guarding the door, I felt quite proud of myself for finding a loophole in her orders.

I had no idea what Clarisse's problem was, had I done something wrong? Was she upset that we almost got caught together in her office? Was she unsure of how to act around me since we made love again? No, none of those were the case.

As soon as the clock struck twelve, I burst into her suite and shut the doors. She was in the bedroom sleeping, as I knew she would be. I removed my jacket, shoes and pants, then climbed into her bed and wrapped my arms around her waist. I knew she was no longer sleeping because her breathing was too fast, so I waited for her to say something.

"What are you doing in here, Joseph? The guards said-"

"The guards said you wished to be left alone until morning, look at the time."

She shifted her head and looked to the bedside table, "I meant sunrise."

"You weren't specific."

"Have you been waiting out there all night?"

"Just the past hour."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"Because I refuse to answer your question."

"Exactly. Clarisse is something wrong? Is it bad news?"

Feeling her shift around to face me, I brought my face closer to hers, "Tell me."

She let out a long breath and shrugged her shoulders, "I didn't go in for the tests and I've been avoiding you because I didn't want you to know."

"What? Why didn't you get them done?"

Her voice became squeaky, "I tried! I dialled the number, but when I got an answer, I hung up. I was terrified."

She held onto my arm, while I pulled her closer and kissed her forehead, "Is that the problem? You couldn't make the appointment?"

Hearing her head shuffling on the pillow was an indication that she was nodding.

"Would it help if I made the appointment for you?"

I felt myself being held tighter, "It might."

Her tears fell onto my face as I pressed my lips to her. She was shaking violently, I tried to relieve some of her pain by informing her of my findings, "Darling I was reading up on breast lumps before I came here and I found that not many lumps turn out to be cancerous, so you probably have nothing to worry about."

Her hand touched my face, "Joseph, my family has a history of breast cancer. All the women in my family had it, my mother had it, my grandmother had it, my great-grandmother had it!"

"That's how your mother died?"

"No, she stayed out in the sun too long and melted. Of course that's how she died, it's how they all died!"

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?"

"Because I knew it would make you worried. Now you know why I'm too terrified to get tested."

Her head moved to my chest, tears burning through my shirt, "Don't worry, I'll be right beside you holding your hand. I'll make the appointment for you, when are you free?"

"I don't want to die."

"And you won't. I'll call the doctor tomorrow and ask him how soon he can see you."

"What will Mia do without me?"

"Clarisse, you're not going to die yet!"

"And how will she learn how to be a proper queen without my guidance?"

I started lightly shaking her, "Clarisse! You are not going to die! Not yet! Okay?"

She nodded, "Okay."

We held each other close for most of the night, savouring what could possibly be one of our last moments together.

Hopefully we'll have many more years together - many, many more. I don't know what I'd do if she died, I don't even like to think about the possibility of her going. I've spent most of my life obsessing over this woman and I never want to let go of her.

9/7/00

It's nice to sleep in my own bed again, but it's not so nice not knowing where my love has gone. She disappeared after dinner telling Charlotte that she needed some "alone time" with herself. Earlier on, I called her doctor and set an appointment for 10:00am Tuesday (tomorrow). After I told Charlotte to clear Clarisse's schedule for it, I told Clarisse herself and she seemed surprised that I actually went out of my way to make the appointment. I made it quite clear to her that she must meet me in her office at 9:20am in order for me to escort her to the car, I will then be driving her there.

Amelia spent today meeting parliament members, Clarisse kept her eye on her, waiting for her to stuff up or something, but she didn't, she did quite well.

Clarisse did well too. Honestly I don't know how she can keep a happy face during all of these meetings and things when she has her own problems to worry about. I guess it must just take her mind off it. I haven't stopped stressing about her, what if she really does die and I'm left all by myself? What will I do?

10/7/00

Clarisse annoyed the hell out of me today. First she pretended to have forgotten about the appointment and then she tried to make me believe that it was scheduled for tomorrow!

I had to be gentle with her though because I know how scared she is about going in for the tests, but I just got so angry, especially when I finally got her into the car. She spent the whole time shuffling in her seat, saying, "I don't think Dr. Stelter will see me on such short notice."

And then I'd hold my temper and mumble, "Yes he will, he only has one other appointment for today and that's at five."

I observed her through the rear-view mirror, most of the time she was looking at the door handle. When we were waiting at the traffic lights to turn into the street the surgery was in, I looked at her again. She was taking off her seat-belt with a scared expression on her face, "Clarisse, what are you doing?"

The lights were still red, so I turned around fully and watched her open the door and exit the car almost getting hit by a four-wheel-drive as she crossed the street, "Clarisse! Get back here!"

I was going to get out and chase her, but I didn't have the chance to because the person behind me was beeping their horn. Quickly, I drove on and found a parking spot on the side of the road. The streets were so crowded on account of it being school holidays and I couldn't find Clarisse anywhere. I ran up and down every street looking for her, but it was a lost cause. My mind was racing – what if she gets hurt? What if a stranger who turns out to be a murderer picks her up? What if – there was no time for those thoughts. I had to find her and make sure she was alright. Her mobile phone (yes, she has one) was switched off, so that was no use, I had no way of finding her!

Charlotte was the first person I called for help, she said that if she showed up, she'd tell me. Next I called Dr. Stelter and told him Clarisse had done a runner, then I hung up and continued my search.

After searching through the town for almost an hour, my phone rang; it was Clarisse, "Joseph, is that you?"

"Clarisse? Where are you? I've been looking all over for you."

"I'm at the National Park."

"How in the world did you get there?"

"I walked."

"Alone?"

"Can you please come and pick me up?"

I ran my hand over my face, "Where abouts in the park are you?"

"The playground."

"Which one, east or west?"

"East."

"I'm on my way, stay where you are."

"Joseph."

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

I think she was expecting me to reply to that, but instead I hung up. How she managed to get to the park within an hour on foot was a wonder to me, it took me fifteen minutes to drive there and I was speeding!

Only once before had I been to the National Park, (with Sammy and Lauren), but I remembered it well enough to find the east playground without a map.

Clarisse was sitting on the park bench wearing her sunglasses and sipping on her drink. Discreetly, I walked up behind her and lay my hands on her shoulders. Under normal circumstances I would have strangled her, I wanted to, but I couldn't. She was upset, vulnerable. She seemed startled by my touch, but she stood up nevertheless to face me, "I'm so sorry, Joseph."

"Shall we leave, your majesty? I think it may be about to rain."

She looked at me momentarily while I directed my hand to the exit sign, then we started walking. Keeping five paces behind her, I noticed she was looking back at me and then quickly turning back in the direction she was walking in every so often until suddenly she stopped and turned around.

"Out with it!"

"Something wrong, your majesty?"

"I know you have something to say, so say it!"

"Whatever do you mean, your majesty?"

"That's what I mean! You walk silently behind me, you address me formerly, you're acting almost how a real security personnel should act!"

I didn't raise my voice for once, I just put on a mocking tone, "Is that not what I'm supposed to be, your majesty?"

"You know what I mean."

"Do I, your majesty?"

"Call me that again and you can walk home."

"Has the firing squad got a day off?"

"Joseph!"

"Yes, your majesty?"

She rolled her eyes, "I know you're angry at me, so yell! Don't keep it bottled up! Express yourself!"

I lowered my tone, "I am angry, I'll admit that, I do want to yell, but I won't because despite the fact that I understand how you must be feeling, this is hardly the place to start an argument."

"We'll fight in the car then."

She smiled slightly and then turned around and continued walking.

We didn't fight in the car as she suggested, although she was trying to start an argument, "I can tell you wish to discuss my behaviour."

"Umm…are you trying to make me lose my temper or what?"

"I just want you to get it off your chest."

Still, I kept the same low tone, "Alright then, I will. I think you were wrong to run out in the middle of traffic, you should have gone for the tests, you should have told me or Charlotte where you were going and you shouldn't underestimate my ability to hold my temper."

"See, doesn't that make you feel better?"

"Not as much as it makes you feel better about yourself."

It ended there, I didn't want to actually lose my temper, I was doing quite well maintaining it considering the circumstances. I wondered if she was actually trying to make me lose it just so we could have an argument, because that's certainly how it seemed.

When we got back to the palace, I stopped the car and turned back to her, "Clarisse, if you care about your health and your life as much as I do, you will allow me to reschedule your appointment."

She stared at me for a second and watched as I picked up the car phone, "If it makes you happy, you can schedule one for tomorrow at two."

"You have a parliament session at two."

"Well, better make it one thirty then."

"What if you're not back in time?"

"Twelve then, I don't care."

"Twelve it is."

As I rang the doctor and made an appointment, one of the guards opened the door and Clarisse stepped out of the car, Mia was there to greet her. I snuck inside and went straight for the toilet, as I had been holding my bladder for a long, long time. When I came out I went straight to sleep. I was awfully tired. I'd only been back in the country for a couple of days and already I'd been out on a royal goose chase. God she is a frustrating woman.

11/7/00

Today. What can I say about today? It was more of a goose chase than yesterday!

I woke up bright and early (7:00am), got up, showered, brushed my teeth and threw on some clothes, then I went to Clarisse's suite to see if she was in there – she was. Sleeping like a baby, I thought as I knelt beside her bed. It was unusual for her to not be up by eight, she must have been tired from yesterday's escapade. While awaiting her awakening, I ordered some breakfast and read the paper, nothing exciting in there. Twenty minutes later, a tray of bacon and eggs with orange juice and coffee arrived at the door. I thanked the maid and woke Clarisse. Tiredly she wiped her eyes and looked up at me, "Holy sh-"

"Shh!" I covered her mouth with my hand and released once she stopped squirming.

"Joseph, that is not a pleasant way to be woken up in the morning."

"What? Seeing my beautiful face shining right in front of you?"

"I didn't mean it like that, you just surprised me. How long have you been in here?"

"Twenty minutes maybe."

"Why?"

"I want to spend some time with you before you start your busy day. Are you hungry?"

"Now that you mention it, yes I am."

"Good, then you'll join me in your sitting room for breakfast."

"What are we eating?"

"You're favourite."

"I suppose I'd better get up then."

After breakfast, she started work in her office. I sat on the couch reading, I wasn't going to let her out of my sight today - I planned to follow her everywhere she went. Unfortunately she caught on to what I was doing when I followed her to the toilet and waited outside until she'd finished. She looked me over suspiciously, "Why are you following me everywhere?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Yes you do! Wait a minute, you're making sure I go to that appointment, aren't you?"

"Is that so wrong?"

"Damn right it's wrong! If I choose to go, I'll go."

I stayed silent while she walked out of the room, I only allowed her three seconds before I went after her. She ended up back at her office, shuffling through papers and grabbing her bag.

"Clarisse, where are you going? We don't have to leave for another two hours."

She turned around and pushed me, "No, I don't have to choose to if I want to leave or not for another two hours."

"It's for your own good!"

"I know, but I haven't prepared well enough for depression yet."

"Who says you're going to fall into depression?"

"I say, because it happened to all the woman in my family when they found out they had breast cancer!"

I assume she would have cried had we not been in the middle of the hallway, but since we were, she just kept walking and ended up at the kitchens. She poured two glasses of orange juice and handed me one, since I was thirsty, I drank it, only to regret it later on.

Ten minutes to eleven, my bladder became weak. I already needed to go beforehand, but the orange juice was the icing on the cake, I hadn't been to the toilet since seven thirty. Finally, while I thought Clarisse was engrossed in her work, I snuck off to the loo and when I came back, she was gone. I asked her maids if they knew where she went, but they said she didn't say. I then asked everybody I bumped into if they had seen her, even Mia. She gave me an interesting reply, "I've seen grandma for about six hours tops ever since we got here, what makes you think I've seen her today?"

Even Charlotte didn't know where she was. I spent a total of three hours looking for her, I looked in all the rooms she was likely to be in, the stables, I even checked the bomb-shelter, but she was nowhere to be seen - I panicked. Finally I decided to check all the secret tunnels and passages and at last, I found her. She was sitting on the ground in the tunnel under what used to be the west tower – her solace.

She was stressing, I could tell by the cigarette that burned brightly in her hand and the fact that she was sitting on the dirty ground with her knees pressed up to her chin. Her attention was drawn to me and although it was dark, I could see her rolling her eyes, "Oh god."

She flicked the ash of the cigarette onto the ground and blew smoke out of her mouth, "You found me, let's give you a medal."

"I won't deny that I deserve it."

"What are you doing here?"

"You're late."

She raised an unconcerned eye-brow and took another drag of her cigarette, after which I pulled it out of her hand, "This solves nothing."

"Would you please stop suffocating me?"

Her words were filled with pain, I could see the sparkling tears on her face.

"Clarisse," I calmly said, holding her face in my hands, "How long are you going to keep running from this? Making excuses? All I want you to do is go in and find out if there's something wrong. Postponing it will cause serious complications if there does happen to be something there. I don't want to wake up one day and find you gone, I don't want to lose you just because you refuse to see a quack. If I lost you, I don't know how I'd survive. This isn't just your problem, it affects me, too. And Mia, you can't leave her now, not after you've just gotten to know her. You and I both know she needs your instructions and also she needs you to keep the throne warm for a few more years while she prepares to take over. Come on, Clarisse, you are the most special person in my life right now and I care about you so much that I'm willing to give up my days chasing after you instead of doing something constructive. Please, make the right decision, darling, it's for your own good."

Tears rained down her face more than ever before, I decided to leave her there to think. I know she stayed there for a while after I left because Charlotte said she only made the last few minutes of the parliament session. I feel I've done everything in my power to get through to her, except of course, physical strength, but I won't resort to that. It's all up to her now.

* * *

Oh no, we didn't get to find out what's wrong! Lol.

God, my chapters just keep getting longer and longer. Do youse think they're too long, or are they better this way?

I understand what you mean by the movie being retarded – it has a stupid, stupid storyline. For some reason though, I like it more. Could it be because Clarisse and Joe get together in it? lol.

I think that's everything covered.

Thanks for reviewing, it's that time again.


	42. Chapter 42

14/7/00

Clarisse gave me quite a scare yesterday – she ran off again.

I went to see her in the morning again, but she wasn't in her suite, nor was she in her office. Charlotte said she'd left early and didn't tell anyone where she was going. I didn't understand why she neglected to tell me where she was going, it's my duty to look after her and know where she is at all times!

As I stormed off down the hallway I decided not to go on another royal goose chase, instead I spent all day pretending I didn't care and then talked to her upon return.

I was informed of her arrival at noon, so I quickly skipped to her office, went inside and dismissed the maids, Clarisse was sitting in her chair looking up at me with a smile.

"Hello Joseph, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I want an explanation."

She stood up and motioned her finger at me, "Come here."

"What?"

"Come here."

I took a few steps towards her desk and stopped still, she came around to my side and slipped her arms around my waist.

"Clarisse, this isn't an explanation and you know it."

"Is my being happy an explanation?"

"Perhaps if you gave me detail as to why you are happy."

"Touch me here."

Suddenly my hand was on her breast and she was smiling, "Clarisse if you're trying to seduce me-"

"It's gone!"

"What's gone?"

"The lump."

My eyes widened, "Are you serious?"

"Yes it turned out to be just a cyst, the doctor drained it on the spot."

"Oh my god! I am so relieved."

I wrapped my arms around her and momentarily lifted her off the ground, I then looked into her eyes and kissed her, "What made you decide to go?"

"I finally came to my senses."

"Nothing to do with my little speech then?"

She touched my face and resumed kissing me. As usual, it didn't last long as the doors burst open and Mia came skipping in. Immediately we broke apart, "Grandma, can we do something exciting today? Like seeing the sights or something. Or rock-climbing?"

I saw her tense, I guess the word 'rock-climbing' dug up memories about Philippe, "Rock-climbing? I don't think so darling."

"Come on, grandma, I wanna at least spend some time with you while I'm here."

"Oh, I didn't mean-"

"It's okay if you're busy or something, I can find something else to do."

"No, I'd love to spend some time with you. Maybe we could…go shopping or-"

"Cool, can I drive?"

"But your mustang hasn't arrived yet."

"That's okay, Joe showed me a bunch of cars in the garage, he said I can drive one of them."

Clarisse crossed her arms and gave me a mean look, "Oh did he now?"

"Yeah, so if it's alright with you…"

She turned her attention back to Mia and looked at me again, "Alright, you can drive the hatchback, but..."

"Thanks grandma!"

She ran out of the room before Clarisse had a chance to finish, "Alright Joseph, explain why my car is going to end up at the auto repair station."

"I thought you wanted me to show her all aspects of the palace."

"I did, but-"

"Isn't the garage an aspect of the palace?"

"Yes…it's just…I rid myself of one load of stress and you dump another on my shoulders."

"My apologies, I shall thoroughly question your motives in the future."

"We'll talk about this later, drinks in my suite at eight. We're going to have a private celebration."

"What are we celebrating?"

"Good health."

I kissed her hand and smiled, then watched her walk to the door, "Are you coming with us?"

"For protection?"

"Yes."

"Do I have to? Shopping isn't really my thing…"

"Get the car and meet us in the lobby in about an hour."

"As you wish."

"Thankyou."

"Clarisse?"

"Yes?"

"I'm very proud of you."

"I wouldn't have gone if you didn't push me."

We met up an hour later in the said area and I looked Clarisse up and down. She'd had another one of her many wardrobe changes per day, I liked this suit though, it was a nice pink number. I smiled at her and kissed her hand, "Pretty in pink. My dear you look positively edible."

Widening her smile, she whispered into my ear, "Later, Joseph. Are we ready to go?"

"All set, your majesty. Where is the princess?"

"I'm right here Joe. So what are you two waiting for? Get in."

I attempted to open the door for Mia, but she did it herself as usual, Clarisse however, accepted my offer of helping her into the back seat. I jumped in the front with Mia and told her how to work the car, she seemed to get the hang of it…eventually. Altogether I think she must have stalled it twelve times before we exited the never ending driveway!

Shopping with women is not something I like to do on a regular basis, especially when I have to sit there reading women's magazine. Actually, come to think of it, I'm starting to enjoy reading about 'how to manually give myself a fulfilling orgasm' and I'm finding that '10 ways I can tell my partner I'm pregnant without giving away the secret that he's not the father' is becoming extremely useful. Okay I lied, I just like the quizzes. They're so informative and interesting and I always score high on them. Luckily nobody has ever caught me reading these magazines and I hope they don't – I'll be laughed at and teased. Mia spent about three hours straight trying on dresses and miscellaneous clothes. Obviously she's taking advantage of Clarisse's over-enthusiastic attitude towards paying for everything she asks for. I assume Mia is trying to milk her for as much as she can get before she has to go back to America and resume buying things with her own money. Clarisse didn't spend quite so much on herself, she mainly just commented on what Mia was picking out, but if she saw something she liked, which wasn't very often, she would purchase it. I was so relieved when Clarisse walked to where I was sitting and asked me to escort them to lunch. We had this nice meal at her favourite restaurant and then…god help me…more shopping. Mia was on a spree! It wasn't just clothes by then, she was going for CDs, DVDs and anything else she could muster. I think my love ended up spending over $20000 on her; I don't even spend that much in a year! Eventually I stepped in to say something, "Princess, don't you think you have enough possessions to last until the end of the holidays, or more precisely, the end of the year?"

"Well…I don't know, I do need a new hat."

"I'm sorry, we don't have time to acquire the desired item. Your majesty, I think you have dinner guests coming this evening?"

"Yes of course, the Motaz family. Mia I'm so sorry, we have to go now."

"Oh…are you busy tomorrow, grandma?"

"I…don't know…Joseph?"

"Flat out."

"The day after that?"

"Mia, you must learn this piece of information I'm about to tell you now while you're still young. When you're queen, you can't spend every day doing fun things, it's a lot of hard work."

"Your grandmother is right."

"Aww…are you free tomorrow, Joe?"

"NO!"

I think I said that a little too loud and quickly, "I mean, I have work to do also."

"Well I'll just have to stay at the palace and admire my new belongings."

"You do that. Shall we leave, your highness? Your majesty?"

"Joe, do you have to be so formal?"

"Forgive me, princess. Right! In ya get, guys, we're gonna be late for dinner!"

"That's better."

Clarisse giggled at my choice of words while Mia got back into the car, "Ready for another bumpy ride, Joseph?"

"Now that you mention it, I would rather walk."

"Ha, me too."

We reluctantly stepped into the car, which was a fairly difficult task, as the car was full of Mia's shopping bags, and then we drove home. During the trip, I heard things crashing around in the back when Mia hit the brakes too hard - I'm glad it wasn't my car, I'd have killed her.

At 8pm I went to Clarisse's suite and took off my jacket, dumping it on the floor. The bathroom light was on, so I opened the door and walked in. Clarisse was in there soaking in the tub with a glass of wine on the side and soft music playing in the background. I closed the door and walked over to her, she had her eyes closed and a big smile on her face, "You're looking very cheerful this evening for a woman who's just spent a day's salary on her granddaughter."

"Why wouldn't I be happy? She likes me."

I bent down and kissed her forehead, "The water looks warm."

"Are you asking for an invitation?"

"Are you offering?"

She smiled and touched my face with her soapy hands - that was all the answer I needed. I removed my clothes and slipped into the water with her. It's quite a large bathtub, at least twice the size of mine, which is pretty big. She swam over to me and leant against my chest, then she lifted my hands out of the water and looked at them, "Does this seem familiar to you Joseph?"

"A few days before your fiftieth birthday, I haven't forgotten."

"Mmm…I was so much happier back then."

"You weren't happy then Clarisse, I don't remember ever seeing you truly happy back then."

"Yes I was, Rupert was alive, Philippe was alive-"

"Your mother was alive."

She laughed, "Yes. God I hated her so much."

"I know."

"And you slept with her!"

"Must you bring that up?"

I noticed a sponge floating in the water and picked it up, rubbing her stomach with it and running it over her breasts.

"You know I feel that everything in my life went downhill after Rupert died."

That's a great way to make a guy feel loved! Implying that you were happier with your first husband instead of the love of your life, "Everything, darling?"

"Yes. After the funeral I started acting up badly, I drank, I smoked, I fought with you, I stressed! And then the cancer scare…"

She started shaking, but then calmed down, "And now everything is perfect. I'm happy again, I'm me again."

"You were always you, Clarisse."

"Really? You think so?"

"No, I just thought I'd say something comforting, to suit the mood."

She tilted her head to look at me and placed a kiss on my chin. I caressed her neck with my mouth and felt her lean back further and groan, "Would you like some wine?"

"No, thankyou. I have my natural high right here."

After giggling, she turned serious again, "What was the happiest day of your life?"

"I don't know…I'll have to think about it. What was yours?"

"Most people say their wedding day was the happiest day of their life, but not mine. Royal weddings, although beautiful, go on for far too long are become very boring very quickly. The happiest day of my life was the day I found out I had finally conceived a female child, but then the terrible accident."

"The miscarriage."

"Of course you remember, it was your fault!"

"How was it my fault? You were the one racing off on a horse when you were twelve weeks pregnant!"

"You were the reason I was running away!"

"No, you were going to run anyway, I just followed to make sure you were alright."

"No, you were-"

"Clarisse! I don't want to argue about this."

"Then don't."

I continued bathing her with the sponge while she lay against me moaning. Then a tear escaped her eye, "I wanted that child so much."

"I know you did."

"She was going to be my little Amelia."

"Mmm."

"She would have been twenty-eight this year. Oh well, I have my granddaughter to compensate for my loss."

"Children tend to bring joy."

"Does your boy bring you happiness, Joseph?"

"He always has."

"When was the last time you saw him?"

"I don't know…a month maybe."

"I haven't seen Pierre for almost a year, he couldn't bear to coming back to the country after Philippe died."

"It's strange how much we miss our children."

"Mmm…it's a pity you and I didn't meet before I married Rupert. With your stern body and my superb looks, we could have made one heck of a beautiful child."

"I would have loved creating a child with you, in fact I used to dream about the life I knew we could never have together, and then I'd wake up to reality and punch the pillow in frustration."

"You wanted to have children with me?"

"Oh yes. Lots of children! Hundreds even!"

"Hundreds? If that were even possible, my darling, I'd have been extremely worn out."

We both laughed and squeezed each other tighter. At that moment I wished I could turn back the clock to when I was eighteen. If I had met her at that age I would have married her and had babies with her and we'd be happy forever and ever. If only…

"So Joseph, have you thought about what the happiest day of your life was?"

"The day I met you."

"Sure it was…"

"Alright, I lied…I think I can honestly say the happiest day of my life was when you told me you loved me and then we expressed how we felt about each other."

"Joseph."

"Mmm?"

"That was a night, not a day."

We continued lying there talking for a while and then both fell silent as she slowly faced me and wrapped her arms around my neck. We looked into each other's eyes and gently resumed kissing. Soon after, we heard Mia knocking at the door, "Grandma, are you in there?"

Clarisse pulled away from me and sat up properly, "Yes I'm in here."

"Do you mind if I come in?"

"Actually I'd prefer you to stay where you are because...uh…"

She motioned with her hands for me to give her a reason, but I made the same motion back to her, because I couldn't think of anything.

"Because I was just about to get out anyway," she finally blurted out.

"Okay then."

Before getting out of the bath, Clarisse leant in really close to me and whispered, "Why didn't you lock the main door?"

"I forgot!"

"Make a noise and you're dead."

She wrapped a towel around herself and walked out of the room, careful not to let her granddaughter peek in. I stayed in the bath and listened to them talking through the paper-thin walls. After a few minutes Mia said something that really pricked my ears, "Oh yeah, by the way, why is there a leather jacket on your floor?"

And then Clarisse cleverly replied with, "It's your grandfather's old jacket, I like to wear it sometimes to remind myself of him."

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so insensitive..."

"It's quite alright. So Mia, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I just wanted to thank you for buying me all that really neat stuff today."

"Not a problem, you enjoy it."

"Thanks."

They talked for a while on different matters and then Mia asked if she could use the bathroom. I panicked, what was I to do? Hide in the shower? Climb out the window? Not necessary, Clarisse handled the situation, a little too eagerly I must say, "NO! YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE!"

But she cleverly managed to cover it up with, "I mean my waste depository centre isn't working at the moment, I must have somebody come and repair it, sorry."

"Waste depository centre? Toilet, grandma! It's called a toilet!"

"Well whatever you want to call it, it isn't working."

"That's okay, I'll just hold on until I get back to my own room."

"Suite, Mia! It's called a suite!"

"Night, grandma."

"Goodnight my darling."

I was so relieved when I heard the door close, I was able to move again. The water was beginning to get cold and my knee was sore from staying in the one position for so long. Clarisse walked back in and put her hand on her chest as she fell back against the wall in relief, "That was too close. Why did you have to leave your jacket in my sitting room?"

"I didn't mean to, that's just where I dropped it. I trust it's safe to move now?"

"Is the water still warm?"

"Freezing."

"Oh, you'd better get out then, wouldn't want you to catch a cold now."

"No."

As I stood up and shook myself off, I noticed Clarisse's eyes were fixed on my body, "What do you think you're staring at, your majesty?"

"I'm not staring," she smiled.

I walked over to her and pressed her up against the wall, "Oh yes you are."

"Do you blame me?"

"No, I am rather attractive."

"Shall we take this conversation to the bedroom?"

"Shouldn't I put on some pyjamas first?"

"No, you won't need them in there."

"I like the sound of that."

Taking her hand, I led her into the bedroom and watched her climb under the sheets, pulling them over her head. Thinking she was attempting to start a game, I decided to have a little fun with her, "Oh my, where did Clarisse go? Is she behind the curtains? No."

She giggled, but remained under the covers.

"Is she under the bed? No."

I twiddled my thumbs and pretended not to know where she was, "Where could she be? Perhaps in the cupboard? No, she's not there either."

Her giggling was becoming louder and more frequent, "Well, I just don't know where she could be. Wait a minute, what's this I hear coming from underneath the covers?"

I pulled back the sheet and acted surprised, "There you are!"

Joy spread throughout the room as I started tickling her and kissing her whenever and wherever I could, she seemed really happy. Even I was laughing, which is not something I do very often, I just had fun being with her knowing she's healthy now and isn't under any stress. She was able to thoroughly enjoy herself for the first time in months.

"You see my darling, this is the Clarisse I fell in love with."

The smile on her face softened as she kissed me, "I like being her."

"My dear?"

"Yes?"

"Promise me someday our love will be acknowledged."

It took her longer than I expected for her to answer, but she did tell me what I wanted to hear, "Someday, I promise."

That made me really happy, she agreed that we would go public. When? I don't know, soon I hope. I'd love to be able to walk into her suite without the guards giving me funny looks and wondering why I don't come out until morning. Mia was the only one, apart from the guards at the door, who managed to catch me coming out of Clarisse's suite this morning and she could not keep her eyes off my jacket – I suspect she's onto us, but if she is, then why didn't she say anything?

16/7/00

Amelia caught me sneaking out of Clarisse's suite **again** this morning, I was gently closing the door behind me and she just came up and yelled, "Hey Joe, is grandma awake yet?"

I almost jumped out of my pants, that was how Lauren used to greet me when I was up to no good, "No, she's still sleeping. What are you doing up so early?"

"I wanted to get to her before she makes plans for the day. I wanna spend some time with her."

"Your grandmother's schedule is always full. Why not make an appointment with Charlotte?"

"I have to make an appointment to see my own grandmother?"

"When your grandmother's the queen you do."

"God…hey Joe?"

"Yes princess?"

"Are you busy today?"

"Not really, why?"

"Remember you said I was going to meet your son?"

I totally forgot I had said that, "Oh! Right yeah. Today? I'll have to call him first and tell him we're coming."

"Kay. I'll just have a shower and get changed, then I'll meet you out the front in an hour."

"As you wish, princess."

After asking permission from Clarisse, I called Sammy and told him we were going to visit making sure he understood he was not to mention anything about Clarisse and I. Afterwards I went to get Mia – naturally, she wanted to drive there, so of course I let her. Much to my relief, her driving had improved since the other day, so I didn't have to grip onto the seat and tear it to shreds. We arrived at four and walked up the front steps, I knocked on the door and Sammy answered it. I was so happy to see my son after so long and just as happy to see my grandson.

"Dad! You're here!"

As I dragged him into a hug, he looked behind me and said, "You must be Princess Amelia, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, too, Joe's told me so much about you. And please, just call me Mia."

"As you wish, your highness."

After greeting everybody else (Catherine and Little Joseph), we all started talking and having a nice time. Mia and Catherine had a lot in common, they spent ages talking privately, they wouldn't even let Sammy and I know what they were talking about.

Little Joe has started smiling now, it's so adorable because he's got these big blue eyes and soft blonde hair – in a way he reminds me of Clarisse. I love watching my grandson, I spent half an hour holding him in my arms, studying his face and smiling while talking to Sammy at the same time. We ate dinner and once again I was left with Sammy and Little Joseph while Catherine and Mia were privately talking again. I assumed their conversations consisted of girly things like clothes, make-up and boys – I was right. Well about the boys part anyway, Mia told me on the way home that they were talking about her boyfriend, Michael. Apparently things aren't going as well as she'd hoped with him because practically immediately after they got together, she was shipped over to a foreign country (this one) on duty. He's supposed to be visiting Genovia with his sister sometime soon, but I'm not sure when. It will be a relief on my part though, because they're supposedly bringing Mia's car over, so I figure she'll spend her time wrecking her mustang rather than Clarisse's hatchback.

I'm not sleeping in Clarisse's suite tonight for a change, instead I'm in my own suite attempting to fall asleep, but not having any luck. I think I might try again now, so I'll say goodnight here.

* * *

This took soooo long to write! I had a bit of blockage and distraction for the duration. It's nice that youse like the longer chapters because sometimes I have heaps to write.

**Dinosaur, **what's up with the rawring? You do it to everyone, I've noticed, except one person.

**Jools **I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean by cancer being an infectious disease, I don't recall using the word infectious.

I did read up on breast cancer before I started writing, so whatever I've written is based on what I read from that particular website.

Anyway, hope youse enjoyed this chapter, I didn't particularly, but hey, it's my own writing – I know what's going to happen lol.

R & R!


	43. Chapter 43

18/7/00

Mia's boyfriend and his sister arrived in Genovia yesterday afternoon, just in time for her birthday. There wasn't a ball held for the young princess, instead I was given the duty of driving Mia, Lilly and Michael all over town as a birthday celebration. I didn't get to bed until three, but I did get a big thankyou – a kiss on the cheek from Mia.

I was soooo tired when I got back, because usually I'm in bed by twelve. Naturally I had a sleep in this morning, so I was up at ten, rather than seven. When I went to see Clarisse she asked me how it all went, but I said I didn't want to talk about it, which was the truth. Driving around town with three screaming teenagers in the back seat is simply irritating, not something a sixty-four year old man wants to have to go through.

20/7/00

Mia caught me, once again, sneaking out of Clarisse's suite yesterday morning, but she thinks I'm just there to make security checks. She almost caught us last night, too, but luckily all we were doing was snuggling on the couch watching a video. Yes, once again, I forgot to lock the door, but as soon as it opened we broke apart and I removed my hand from under her blouse. I think Mia was a little surprised at seeing me on the sofa with her grandmother watching a children's TV show – Sooty – where the main characters are puppets.

"Oh hi Joe, what are you doing in here?"

I cleared my throat, "Your grandmother and I are watching Sooty."

"Sooty? I love Sooty! What are you two watching that for? I thought you'd be watching the news or something."

Clarisse spoke next, "Sometimes people need to have some humour in their lives."

"Do you mind if I watch it with you? It's my favourite."

"Not at all, Mia. But aren't you supposed to be spending time with your friends?"

"Well Michael's busy updating his website and Lilly's downstairs trying to persuade your chef to cook an all-tofu meal."

"Ah."

So Mia sat down in between Clarisse and I, much to my displeasure, and watched Sooty with us. After about half an hour of watching Mathew and Sooty try to figure out who was stealing all their food, I noticed that Mia had fallen asleep on Clarisse's shoulder, it was beautiful. I stood up and admired them from a different angle, they looked so comfortable. Clarisse was smiling and staring at me, I did the same to her and whispered, "I suppose I'll be off now."

"Not staying tonight?"

"It doesn't look like I have much of a choice, does it?"

"I suppose not."

"Goodnight my love."

I bent down and kissed her, to which she replied, "Goodnight."

Observing the sleeping princess one more time, I walked out of the room and went to bed, happy that the two seem to be finally connecting.

22/7/00

Uh-oh she knows!

Mia, I'm talking about.

It all started when she asked me to drive her and Michael into town for a date…

As I was keeping a watchful eye on the road and what was going on in the backseat, I managed to overhear their conversation.

Mia started off by saying, "And grandma says that when I ascend the throne, I have to attend all these parliament sessions and stuff."

"Wow."

"And also when I'm queen, I have to let my head of security sleep in my bedroom, in my bed!"

My eyes widened and my breathing came to a halt, then all I could hear was Michael going, "Really?"

"Yeah! And we also have to take baths together, isn't that right, Joe?"

Suddenly noticing that I had accidentally swallowed my chewing gum and that it was stuck in my throat, I punched myself in the chest trying to cough it up and get myself to breathe, "I can…cough…assure you…cough…I don't know…cough…what you're talking about."

"Oh, I thought you knew? Oh well, I guess your memory isn't as superior as mine."

The chewing gum somehow found it's way out of my windpipe and onto the dashboard of the car. I didn't like the sarcastic tone of the two teens, they were very good actors, "So Mia, how do you know all of this?"

"Well Michael, it's just something I picked up after a couple of weeks of staying at the palace."

"Interesting. So who's going to be your head of security?"

"I don't know, I haven't decided yet."

"Well whoever he is, he's a lucky man."

They both stared at me, I could see this through the rear-view mirror, my patience was wearing thin. Luckily for me, the restaurant I was dropping them off at appeared and they exited the car, "Thanks Joe, have a good night."

"You too, princess."

They hopped out of the car in fits of giggles and walked into the restaurant. As soon as they were out of sight I spun the car around and started speeding back towards the palace. Picking up the car phone, I dialled Clarisse's number and wiped my face, awaiting an answer, "Hello?"

"Darling it's me, we need to talk urgently."

"About what?"

"I'll tell you when I get there."

"Why not now?"

"Because I need to tell you in person."

"Why can't you just tell me now? Is it bad news?"

"Just clear some time for me and I'll be there soon, alright?"

"Is something wrong with Amelia?"

"No she's fine."

"Oh thank god."

"Clarisse!"

"I know, I know, clear time. Got it, bye."

"Bye."

It took me less than ten minutes to reach the palace gates and five more minutes to reach the actual palace. When I arrived, I parked the car and rushed straight up the main steps, through the ballroom, up the staircase and down the hallway to Clarisse's office. The guards opened the doors and I walked in, dismissing the ladies maids.

Clarisse put her pen down and walked over to me, "What is it, Joseph?"

"It's your granddaughter."

"I knew it! You lied to me!"

"No. No! Look, she knows about us."

"She knows? Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Well I don't believe you, how could she know?"

"We haven't exactly gone out of our way to cover it up."

Her left eyebrow rose and she looked away from me, I guess she was re-thinking the past few weeks, "Oh god she does know."

"So what do we do about it?"

She directed her attention back to me, "I think we should deny everything."

"You mean lie?"

"Yes, we will protect my reputation."

"I don't think that's a very good idea."

"Oh? And what do you want to do Mr. Smartypants?"

"I think we should tell her."

"Tell her? Are you insane?"

"No, I really think it's the right thing to do."

"Oh sure it seems like the right thing to do at the moment, but have you thought about the future? It starts off with just her knowing and then it spreads around the palace and soon the whole country knows about us."

"But what's so wrong with that? What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid of losing my only secret, the one thing in my life that is mine and only mine. Everybody needs to have a secret and you're the only one I have left."

"Bullshit! What about your friend Chester? The drugs? The lump that was in your breast? I'm the only one who knows about them."

"Don't be obscured, the doctor knows about that lump and thanks to you my ladies maids know about Chester."

Guilt swept over me when she said that last part, "I can think of at least three people other than you and I who know about us, so it's hardly a secret either."

"Oh? Mia and…?"

"Her boyfriend and my son."

"Your son knows? You told him!"

"He read my journal a while back, but he won't tell anyone, I can assure you."

"Well it's not the point anyway, the point is what are we going to about this? Mia told me her nickname was Motormouth and do you know what that means?"

Before giving me a chance to reply, she yelled, "She's going to spread it around, she's going to tell everyone!"

"Which is why you should talk to her first."

Clarisse paused for a moment and looked away again, "How much does she actually know?"

"She knows we sleep together, she knows we bathe together."

"She knows that much?"

"I suppose when she found out one thing she started piecing the puzzle together."

"What exactly was this one thing?"

"I don't know, maybe you should TALK TO HER!"

"Well seeing as though it's our only option, we shall confront her about the issue."

"We?"

"Yes, we."

"What are we going to tell her? I still think we should just come clean and tell her."

"But what would she think of me?"

"She'd think you actually do care about more than securing the throne, that you have a heart after all."

"She thinks I'm cold?"

"She did, but I'm not so sure about now."

"I see. We'll go and see her when she gets back then."

"Clarisse, she's on a date. Do you really think she wants to spend the rest of her evening talking with her grandparents about their relationship?"

"Alright, we'll speak with her in the morning then."

"So tell me exactly what you're planning to say to her."

"What do you mean?"

"Pretend I'm Mia and you're explaining to her whatever it is you're explaining."

"I can't pretend you're Mia, you're a man! I've seen your genitalia!"

"Clarisse! It's role-play!"

"Alright! Hello Mia, did you have fun on your date last night?"

"Yes, grandma, thankyou for asking."

"Mia, Joseph tells me that you know something about us that you really shouldn't know."

"Really? What is it?"

"I was hoping you could tell me."

"Well grandma, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do! Now out with it!"

"Out with what?"

She looked angry and she drew out her claws, "Tell me what you know Amelia!"

"Clarisse! It's role-play! You don't need to become aggressive!"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

"I don't think you should behave like that in front of the real Amelia."

"No, it's probably best that I don't lose my temper."

"Good, shall we try again?"

We tried a few more times with different excuses, each one sounding less plausible than the last and then we went to our separate beds. I can't sleep. Honestly. Who would have ever thought something as simple as your girlfriend's granddaughter finding out about your relationship could be so stressful? It would be so much simpler if Clarisse was willing to tell the truth, at least to her anyway. I don't know what she's so afraid of, it's silly that she doesn't trust her own granddaughter. I've been lying here for thew past hour wondering what to say when we confront Amelia tomorrow morning, Charlotte informed her when she returned that she has a meeting in Clarisse's office at eight. I'm not looking forward to this meeting because I know something's going to go wrong, but at the same time I can't wait to see what happens.

23/7/00

It's quite unnerving to be walking down the hall at six in the morning to find your 'step-granddaughter' coming out of her boyfriend's suite wearing nothing but a dressing gown and pyjamas. Well that's what happened to me. I was strolling down the deserted corridor to the kitchen for breakfast and right down the end I spotted Mr. Michael Moscovitz's door being quietly shut our princess. It was like a total turn around, I'm usually the one to get caught by her! I decided to use the opportunity to my advantage, "Good morning, princess."

She seemed shocked to see me standing there with a huge grin on my face, "Oh Joe, what a surprise. Is there a reason why you're standing outside my boyfriend's room so early in the morning?"

"Is there a reason you're exiting your boyfriend's room so early in the morning?"

"I was making a security check, you know, it's the same reason why I always see you coming out of grandma's suite this early."

"Touché."

I had to admit, that was a clever answer on her part, already she's as good as Clarisse at making up phoney excuses – is that a good thing?

"Look Joe, I know what you're thinking and I have to tell you that Michael and I…all we did last night was talk. We lay in each other's arms and talked, oh and we also kissed a lot and he may have slid his hand under my shirt at one point and well…eventually we fell asleep…"

Her eyes seemed directed towards the ground and her smile was growing wider and wider. About five seconds later she was snapped back into reality, "But I swear on the crown of Genovia that that's all that happened."

Okay, I could have done without hearing that part about the kissing and the touching…

"Alright princess, I believe you."

"You're not going to tell grandma about this are you? Because I have more dirt on the two of you than you have on me. Anyway, it's not like Michael and I even did anything to tell her about and-"

"I'm not going to tell her, Mia, I can assure you that. I only wish to ask a favour from you in return."

"Mmm? What is it?"

"Don't tell anybody else about me and your grandmother, it's simple."

"Why not? You two are so cute together."

"That may be the case, but she doesn't want anyone to know about us, it would ruin her reputation."

"Why would it ruin her reputation?"

As a few maids appeared at the end of the corridor, I tilted my head, indicating for Amelia to enter the room across from Michael's so we could talk privately. Closing the door behind her she walked over to the fireplace and spread her hands out to the heat, I did the same.

"Mia, your grandmother thinks that if we take our relationship into the public eye people will talk, which is probably true."

"But not if you don't tell anyone about what you've been getting up to behind the bedroom and bathroom doors then shouldn't everything be fine? Eww gross, I just got a disturbing image of you and grandma naked in the bathtub."

I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore the comment, "Look you don't understand. The maids already think something's going, even if they don't know what it is, and they gossip like you wouldn't believe."

"Joseph? Exactly how long have you two been together?"

"Amelia I've already put my relationship in jeopardy by telling you this much, I made a promise to your grandmother that I wouldn't discuss it with anybody but her."

"If you tell me I promise I won't tell her you told me and I won't even tell Michael that you told me and I won't even tell Lilly that you told me. What I mean to say is I'll keep your big secret."

I watched her face light up as she said this, it was impossible not to tell her, "Well officially we got together early last July."

"So you've been together for a whole year?"

"Not exactly, we went on a break around three months ago and just recently got back together…I really shouldn't be telling you this."

"Why not? I promised I'd keep your secret and I do want to know more about my grandma."

"Her private life, you mean?"

"Well…yeah."

"You'd better not use this information against her, it's between you and I only."

"Hey! Joe! A promise is a promise alright?"

"Of course. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How did you know…about us?"

"I guess it started when I saw you two dancing at the ball, you didn't even give Mr. Motaz a whole minute with her before you took her away. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now that I think about it I guess it was just the first hint in a long line of hints towards finding out about you two."

"And the second hint?"

"When you two left the ball…cough…discreetly…cough…together and didn't come back, I started to suspect something. Don't think I didn't notice, it was the most suspicious thing I'd ever seen. The next hints came when I got here, I noticed that you two always seem to have these shocked expressions and red-faces whenever I come running into the room without giving notice, it's as if you've been doing something you're not supposed to be doing. Then there was the jacket, that's when I really started piecing it together. At first I thought that was just coincidental that you supposedly had the same jacket as my grandfather, but when I caught you leaving her room so early in the morning all those times I seriously began to wonder, but at the same time I reminded myself that you were probably just making security checks."

"So how did you end up piecing this all together? To find out indefinitely?"

"Remember the other night when we were watching Sooty and you thought I'd fallen asleep?"

"Ah…I see."

She shook her head and cringed her face, "I wasn't asleep. I heard what you two said, it confirmed my suspicions."

"Yet you didn't say anything?"

"What was there to say?"

"I see your point."

"Joe?"

"Yes."

"I hope things work out between you and grandma. I hope she allows the world to know you're together."

"Thankyou, my dear, so do I."

After I told her not to bother coming to the eight 'o' clock meeting, she excused herself to have a shower. I stood there for a minute warming my hands on the fire, wondering what I'd tell Clarisse. Mia had been most accepting of our relationship, I must say, I feel special to have her blessing. It must have been a little over ten minutes after our conversation that I decided to leave the room, the fire was so warm and inviting, I simply couldn't tear myself away.

On my way to see Clarisse, I bumped into Charlotte and had a chat with her for a couple of minutes as we sometimes do in the morning before properly starting the day, she said she found herself a new boyfriend and she thinks he's a keeper. She then asked me if I had found myself a girlfriend, but I avoided answering the question by telling her I was in an urgent rush to see the queen, which was true, I did need to see her before eight.

When I arrived at her suite, she was eating breakfast. I decided to join her and tell her about Amelia, but of course I had to lie a bit so I simply told her I was mistaken and that Mia didn't suspect a thing. Clarisse seemed quite relieved with my explanation, but also a bit peeved, I think her exact words were, "Joseph, sometimes you are so gosh darn paranoid. Find out the facts first before you start trying to make me believe something!"

That was rich coming from someone who was just last month yelling at her granddaughter for something that wasn't entirely her fault. What a hypocrite!

* * *

OMG! The Princess Diaries is going to be on the TV on Friday (8:30pm, Channel 7)! I am soooo taping it if I remember it's on. This is Aussie TV I'm talking about, btw.

This chapter took so long to write because I became stuck and my heart really wasn't into writing it. School holidays do that to you.

Q & A:

Dinosaur: What I meant was all I ever see you putting as your reviews are 'RAWR!' And what I meant by you not doing it to one person I meant that I've only seen you review one story without putting 'RAWR!' as the main contention.

Jools: I actually just copied the text 'most lumps turn out to be not cancerous' from the first website I found on google. But you're right, never mind.

Hope you all enjoyed reading.

Thanks for the reviews.


	44. Chapter 44

26/7/00

I haven't slept in the same bed as Clarisse for what seems like weeks, when really it's only been a few days. What I'm trying to do is become inconspicuous until Amelia leaves, as I don't wish for her to catch me again coming out of Clarisse's suite in the morning and teasing me about it like Lauren used to do. To be truthful, I haven't slept beside Clarisse since the last time Amelia caught me, and to my surprise I haven't been bugged by her teasing me about the times she did catch me.

For some unknown reason, Clarisse was avoiding me earlier, although I don't know why, she just took a glance at me as I was walking down the hall and walked straight into her suite without even acknowledging me or asking me in...strange behaviour, but then again when is she ever normal around me?

Mia will be leaving in two days time along with Michael and Lilly – she only agreed to stay for two weeks during the holidays and she's been here for almost three. I think she must be missing her homeland by now, I know I missed Genovia when we were in America. Her leaving isn't such a bad thing as I'll be able to spend my nights with Clarisse again without being hassled, but I'm sure I'll miss the girl. Throughout the last week of her holiday here in Genovia, Mia has been attending dinner parties with important people and meeting parliament members and all the counts and countesses. I can imagine she wouldn't have anything to talk about with them since she is a teenager and they'd be talking to her about stock prices and other adult topics she has no knowledge of. She must get terribly bored around them.

A dinner was held in honour of the princess and her friends at the Motaz's house this evening as a farewell from the Prime Minister and his family. Usually Sebastian would ask me to dine with them, but I think Clarisse might have persuaded him not to this evening.

I wonder why she doesn't like me? Is she still scared Mia will find out about us even though she already knows? I honestly have no idea! She's been acting weird all week, perhaps there's something medically or mentally wrong with her? I hope not.

After speaking with Harry and Barry (the two limo drivers) for a few hours, Clarisse, Mia, Michael and Lilly came out of the house and said their last goodbyes to Sebastian and his wife. They then walked to the limo and climbed in: Mia, Michael and Lilly in one, Clarisse in the other. Naturally I rode in the front seat of Mia's, as Clarisse for some reason doesn't seem to be talking to me. When we got home I bid Mia and friends goodnight and then started following Clarisse up the staircase. She walked all the way to her suite, gave me a disapproving look and then walked in, slamming and locking the doors behind her. What have I done? Honestly! I haven't forgotten anything! I haven't had an affair! And I certainly haven't done anything to upset her…I don't think. God what if I have and I don't know what it is? I'd better talk with her tomorrow.

27/7/00

"Clarisse?" I whispered as I slowly walked into her room early this morning and sat carefully on the bed, "Clarisse are you awake?"

She stirred, but kept her eyes shut, "Mmph."

"Clarisse?"

I gently pulled the doona away from her chest and ran my hand over her face, waking her slightly, but not quite, "Clarisse?"

A sigh escaped her mouth as she opened her eyes and stared at the table beside her bed, adjusting herself to the daylight.

"Good morning."

Her eyes widened at the realisation I was in the room, but she said nothing, she just took a deep breath and looked at the clock.

"My darling, I haven't done anything to upset you, have I?"

She dropped her legs out of the bed and raised an eyebrow, to me that was a yes.

"I have, haven't I? Would you mind telling me what?"

Still she didn't speak, nor did she make eye-contact or indicate in any way that she was pleased to have me there, "Tell me."

I watched her walk into her closet, she chose a grey suit to wear and a black scarf. Clarisse only ever wears grey when she's upset. Over the past few years I've learnt what every colour in her wardrobe means and have compiled a list:

Black means she's either mourning or feeling fat.

Yellow means she's either borderline happy or summer has just begun.

Light blue means she's either cheerful or pleasant.

Dark blue means it's strictly business/non-feminem.

White generally means she's either happy or content.

Pink means she's feeling very happy or very feminem.

Red means she's either feeling proud or is openly hungry for love.

Green means she's feeling unsure about something.

Purple means she's feeling fine.

Grey, as I said, is what she wears when she's upset.

And orange is a colour I believe she wouldn't be caught dead in, unless she were wearing a ball gown or one of the lighter shades of orange.

I also have a list of the types of clothes she wears, eg: Conservative, revealing etc and what they mean, but I won't list them.

This grey suit she was wearing was very conservative and it was grey, which meant she was really, really upset, yet she wouldn't tell me why. She wouldn't even speak to me or look me in the eye, instead she looked sideways at the wall and walked out of the room. Of course I followed her and asked her what was wrong, but she didn't tell me, she simply marched to her office and started the day. Her ladies maids and everyone else was in the room, so I asked them all to leave and then sat across from Clarisse, staring into her eyes as she signed her name at the bottom of a piece of paper.

"This is stupid, tell me what's wrong. I'm positive I'm the one you're angry at, but why? I've done nothing wrong!"

Her eyes were fixated on the piece of paper in front of her; she hardly acknowledged that I was there.

"Fine, when you get over this little hissy-fit you're throwing, we'll talk."

Deciding to stop trying to find out what was wrong until later, I left to do my rounds - I checked to see that the security cameras were in order, I checked on the men who were supposed to be watching them but were actually playing scrabble instead, I kept tabs on where the princess was etc.

Mia had been following me for a while before I noticed her, she wanted me to take her and her friends to the movies. The way she asked me made it hard for me to say no – she put on this cute little phoney voice and quietly whispered, "Joe, you know how you love me and would do anything for me?"

I became suspicious, "Yeees?"

"Will you please take Lilly, Michael and I to the movies? Grandma says I can't go without you."

Long story short, I agreed and off we went.

The movie we saw was called, "Castaway", it had this volleyball in it called Wilson and the guy talked to it as if it were a real person because he was going insane from living on a deserted island. I'm not quite sure if it was supposed to be amusing or not, but I found it thoughroughly entertaining.

On the way home I had to Listen to Mia and her friends shouting, "Willlllllsooooon!" out the windows repeatedly, it was funny for the first five minutes they were doing it, but it got old fast and I had to put the privacy screen up to drown out the voices. When we got back at four, I was anxious to see Clarisse, but nobody would tell me where she was and I couldn't find her anywhere! She wasn't in her suite, nor was she in her office, and she wasn't anywhere else I looked, so I decided to retire for the evening and I will speak to her in the morning…again.

28/7/00

Clarisse certainly is becoming quite sensitive in her old age – I found out what her problem was…

I went in to see her this morning, but like yesterday she was still asleep. Stroking her hair I looked on her nightstand, there was a photo album lying open so I picked it up, took note of what page it was on and turned to the beginning. As I leant against the head of the bed frame and observed the photos, I noticed how very neatly laid out everything was. She must have had a lot of time on her hands when she put all the photos in because it looks as if she's used a ruler to level them precisely. Anyway, the start of the album was filled with photos from what I believed was her early childhood – when she was about seven years old I'd say. It was the first time I remembered seeing photos of her as a girl, she was absolutely adorable…well in the photos where she was smiling she was adorable.

Half of the photos showed her angry, those were the ones which had her mother in them, which wasn't many. She looked very cheerful in the ones with her father, but her mother...well I guess she hated her all along. All of the photos in that section and the next were in black and white.

The second section of the album showed her as a teenager and guess who was in half of the pictures? Chester! Well I think it was him anyway…it looked a lot like him. In every photo they were either kissing or touching each other in some way, it disgusted me, I hate him so much!

There were so many photos of the two of them together, she must have cared for him very much and I bet she still does. The next section of photos were mainly of Rupert and their wedding day, oh and some of the two of them at public events – she didn't look happy in any of them except for this one photo where they were kissing. I'm guessing it was taken just after she gave birth to Pierre, because she was holding a baby in her arms with exhaustion spread across her face and long hair that fell down in all the right places. It looked as if the photo was taken without their knowledge, they looked so happy and cheerful. After flicking through photos of the boys when they were young and this familiar man I can't quite put my finger, I found a few pictures of me. That's sweet, she keeps photos of me. I don't think they were ones I actually posed for, they were mainly just ones of me sleeping, wearing nothing but a pair of black jeans. Other photos of me appeared to be taken while I was out walking in the garden and another was my resume photo from I think 1972…sigh….I had hair then.

It suddenly dawned on me that Clarisse must take photographs of me whenever I'm not watching, but I've never seen her with a camera. Hmm…this makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable, yet also somewhat flattered.

At the very end of the album was the strip of photos containing her and I in the photo booth in San Francisco, one of many times she's tried to seduce me and failed. I'd been wondering for a while what happened to those photos and it turns out she had them all along! Clarisse began to stir as I looked them over, giggling at the stupidity of her actions that day…a few minutes later she was wide awake. I'd already put the album back on the nightstand by then and turned it to the page she had left it on, which was a good thing because I don't think she'd want me looking though it. I don't think she'd want anybody looking through it, why else would there be a lock on the side?

Before she woke, I moved myself on top of her so to get her full attention when she noticed I was in the room. It worked; she opened her eyes after rubbing them and stared at me with her mouth wide open, she probably wondered why my body was lying atop hers so early in the morning. Noticing she was about to scream, I clasped my hand over her mouth, "Listen to me," I started, while at the same time holding her face so she couldn't look away, "Something is wrong and you're going to tell me. It's not a request, it's not an option, it's what I'm telling you to do. Now you will tell me what's wrong and you will give me the silent treatment no more. Understand?"

She bit my hand and tried to wiggle her way out from underneath me, but it didn't work, "Clarisse if we want to get through this you'll have to open the lines of communication."

"Get off me!" She mumbled as she once again tried to lift my weight from her body, I pushed her harder into the bed and stared her in the eye.

"Well that's certainly the most you've said to me in the past week, would you mind telling me why you're upset? I can do this all day if I have to."

Rolling her eyes she looked to the ceiling and stretched out her arms, yawning as she lay them down to rest beside her. I liked the look of the way she moved as she did this, if I weren't so curious to find out what was wrong with her, I'd have felt quite turned on.

"Clarisse?"

Obviously realising I was serious, she gazed tiredly into my eyes and shook her shoulders, "You want to know what's wrong with me, Joseph?"

I nodded, "Indeed I do."

"It's you!"

She tried to get up again, but I grabbed her arms and held them down on the pillow, "What about me? What have I done?"

A tear fell down her cheek, "You don't love me anymore…"

My stomach filled with butterflies, "What makes you think that?"

"You've been avoiding me!"

"Avoiding you? On the contrary, my dear, I have had an incredibly difficult time trying to get you alone."

"You haven't tried to get me alone all week, that's the point! I wait for you every night to come through that door to see me, but do you ever show up? No!"

I touched my forehead to hers and cringed my face, half laughing, half kicking myself at the realisation of her words.

"Why are you laughing? It's not funny!"

"Oh Clarisse…my dear, sweet, naïve Clarisse. I haven't been avoiding you, I've been keeping a low profile. Your granddaughter-"

"What about her?"

"She knows about us."

"Oh, so as well as avoiding me, you've been keeping me in the dark about the knowledge of my own granddaughter?"

"I told you, I wasn't avoiding you!"

"But you've been lying again."

I allowed her to escape by pushing me onto the other side of the bed where I watched her walk into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

"I didn't exactly lie to you."

"Oh? What would you call it then?"

I paused and walked over to the door, "Not exactly…um…telling you the truth."

"Lying in other words!"

From inside the bathroom I could hear splashing water, "I'm sorry, I wanted to protect you, to relieve some added stress."

"And you think you relieved it? It's doubled now thanks to you!"

"At least now you don't have to put up with it, Amelia leaves for America in four hours!"

The bathroom door slammed open and she came out patting her face with a towel, "Don't have to put up with it? I now have to live everyday with the constant reminder that she knows too much about my private life!"

"She doesn't care about your private life! She just wants you to be happy!"

"Oh pull the other one…"

"It's true, she said it herself!"

She threw the wet towel onto her bed and glanced at me, "Mia said that?"

I nodded, "Yes."

She didn't say anything after that, she just sighed and then got herself ready for breakfast.

I spoke to her later on as the plane took off, she needed comfort and support – she had practically just met her granddaughter and already they were parting. She leant against my chest in the limo on the way home and stared tiredly out the window, when we got home I put her to bed after giving her a bath and then walked back to my room. I can't believe she was upset just because she thought I was avoiding her! So she really does love me.

* * *

A very loooong A/N:

Okay, I haven't updated, because if you read the review I wrote, you'd know I was too scared to sign in because I have spyware. I didn't get a new hard drive, but I don't care anymore, nor do I think the spyware is as serious a problem now, so…

Anyway, in the next chapter I'm going to jump ahead to the 2nd movie cos I'm bored with all this fill-in chapter crap and I really want to get to the after Mia becomes queen part. I have lots of drama, action and car-thrashing plans – should be better than they sound.

I'm also changing my username to Naseka, because for quite some time I haven't liked the name Pokimon.

In reply to "Glitterbug47":

Since you took the time to write a very long, very well written review of my story (if I mau say so), I'm going to try not to be a smart-ass in my reply. I agree that it is one of the most unbelievable C/J story and yes, also that they are very much out of character most of the time, but that makes the story much more interesting for me to write. If I stayed in character all the time I'd be bored shitless! I feel that Joseph acting like a teenager adds occasional humour to the story and Clarisse's drug abuse is just something I wanted to put in to add realism and as Rebecca said a while ago it made it seem as though Clarisse actually cared for Rupert. In the first movie Clarisse did seem a little like a selfish woman to me, not attention seeking as I've made her out to be, just selfish because she seemed to be using Amelia to secure the throne. That's how I saw that movie anyway.

And in my story, she doesn't really 'sleep around', she just sleeps with people she knows, trusts and has feelings for - her ex, Joseph, Rupert and another person we won't find out about until later (you could probably guess who it is if you look hard enough).

The whole Joseph sleeping with her mother thing I thought would add a touch of humour and shock, and why would he sleep with her again after he finds out who she is? Because he'd done it before, why not again? In real life it is more likely to happen.

The screaming sex sessions are to be explained in a later chapter when 'all is revealed', I have had the chapter in mind ever since the first screaming sex session.

Anyway, Clarisse didn't say there wasn't any passion; in my opinion she just said they weren't in love. Fondness is just the step before love, which Clarisse and Rupert couldn't climb.

Anyway, thanks for telling me what you don't like about the story, I had fun reading and replying to it. I pretty much do agree with most of your thoughts, but I don't understand why you bothered reading every single chapter instead of stopping altogether. That was certainly a waste of ten hours. Oh well, your choice.

Thanks to everyone else who reviewed.


	45. Chapter 45

21/01/02

I cannot begin to express the joy I'm feeling right now.

Clarisse has agreed to come on vacation with me after a long year of my begging her to take some time off. As far as anyone knows, she's taking a one week long trip to Fiji to rest and relax on the hot sand of the beaches, far, far away from Genovia and away from work. No work means no Charlotte, which means it will be just her majesty and myself. The reason everyone thinks I am going with her is because she needs protection, even in a country that's never even heard of Genovia – how many people have? As her protector I must take refuge in a room inside her hotel suite, but I don't actually plan on spending much time in it at all, because I'd prefer to take the opportunity of sleeping in the same room as Clarisse without people standing outside the door becoming suspicious.

Clarisse is under the impression I asked her to come away with me because I wanted some alone time with her, which is the truth, but not the whole truth. The reason I asked is because, unbeknownst to her, I am going to make her my fiancée. For far too long I have been putting it off and now I found the perfect opportunity to ask. I can picture it now, a Fijian sunset, gourmet dinner on the terrace, desert, dancing closely, then I hand her the ring, she says yes and after five long nights of love-making, we return to Genovia and announce our engagement. I'm quite confident she'll accept my proposal because we spend practically all of our free time together, we more often than not share a bed, she always seems happy to see me and I her, we haven't fought or argued for almost three months – the last fight we had was of course her fault, because she refused to come to my private birthday dinner at my son's house. Long story short, she made up for it by throwing a ball for me at the palace and dancing with only me all night. It was great and it made me think she might finally want to go public, which I will soon find out if true or not.

02/02/02

Scary date, 02/02/02 – all the same number!

Clarisse still has no idea what I'm planning for this holiday, I on the other hand have been growing more and more excited every day. Once again I am 30,000feet up in the air with my lovely girlfriend sitting across from me, I'm trying as usual to draw her face and as usual am having no luck in perfecting her features, so I'm just going to give up now and read some of the magazines she's brought along.

I believe this flight is going to go on for quite some time, Fiji is exactly on the opposite side of the world from Genovia – the furthest place away possible, apart from New Zealand. Yes I think we're in for a loooong flight indeed, at least 24 hours I'd say. That gives us plenty of time to…talk or whatever.

04/02/02

Okay, we just landed a few hours ago and I am dead tired, as we were in the air for about 26 hours altogether I think. Clarisse slept against my shoulder for most of the time, while I sat there either watching her or reading the woman's magazines she brought along, which are disguised as real books. I scored a pleasing 92 percent on the quiz, "How much do you love your partner?"

Those things always make me smile.

I also read more about "how to please your man" and "how to tell him it's not your first time". Useless to me since I'm not gay, why Clarisse is reading it I have no idea, she probably just wants a good laugh.

When we arrived at the hotel two hours after we flew into the country, Clarisse almost fell asleep from exhaustion. She practically collapsed in the lobby, so I (tired as I was) had to hold onto her as she walked. Nobody recognised who she was which was a good thing, people just think we're a couple honeymooning together, I believe. It's not surprising they don't know her because they barely speak the same language here.

Our date is scheduled for the night after tomorrow, I've taken a look around town and decided that it's going to start off with the two of us dining together at a public restaurant, then dancing at a little club I saw on the way to the hotel, then a stroll along the beach where I propose and she accepts. After that who knows what will happen? We may go back to the hotel, we may spend the night on the beach…oh the possibilities.

05/02/02

Well I'm all rested now, refreshed and healthy. The chairs on the jet, although quite comfortable, are nothing compared to the luxury of a king sized bed and a woman for whom the word beauty was made. Instead of sleeping in my designated room, I of course slept with her majesty. If I had a pebble for every time we've slept in the same bed over the years and not made love, I would have one very long driveway. I can still count on one hand the amount of times Clarisse and I have actually made love, which I think is a good thing because it shows we're not just after each other's bodies.

Clarisse and I ate dinner in 'our' suite tonight and I sat there the whole time staring into her eyes dreamily, thinking, 'at this time tomorrow night you'll be my fiancée!'

She still doesn't expect a thing.

06/02/02

All is well…all went well…what I mean to say is I'm engaged!

This afternoon at about 4pm I asked Clarisse to start getting herself ready, as I knew it would take a little over two hours, so I anxiously waited outside the bathroom rearranging my jacket, figuring which was the best pocket to place the ring in and hoping to god she didn't come out wearing green or dark blue.

As I nervously stood outside the door twiddling my fingers, the clock struck 6pm and I watched eagerly as the door to the bathroom slowly opened and Clarisse walked out wearing the most beautiful dress I have ever seen her in. It was pink, which was a good thing because that meant she was in a very good mood, it was long, which meant she was in a very, very good mood and it was a low-cut V-neck, which meant she was expecting something later on. Come to think of it, it was kind of like the one she wore the night we first danced together, the night her breasts were larger than normal, the night I realised I was in love with her. It wasn't what I was expecting her to wear, something red or black would have been more appropriate for dining and dancing, pink is what one would wear to a ball. Damn those women's magazines, they've warped my mind! I'm a fashion critic!

Nevertheless, Clarisse looked beautiful, more beautiful than ever.

After commenting on the gown I kissed her on the lips and linked my arm in hers to escort her to the car (I took the liberty of hiring one yesterday). It's a very nice looking automobile – silver coloured, smoothed edges…I don't know very much about cars, except how to drive them, but this one was really nice.

I helped Clarisse into the front seat, drove her down to the restaurant, seated her at the table and ordered from the menu. Over dinner, we talked about various things, family, friends, relationships, us…a quite enlightening conversation, as she informed me she only realised she had true feelings for me a few weeks before she told me she loved me. Pfft…I realised a few DECADES before that!

To go with our dinner I asked for their finest bottle of red wine, which tasted quite nice considering I'm not the biggest fan of wine. Clarisse must have loved it because she drank three whole glasses, I only had one because I was driving. After dinner I helped her walk down the street to the club, but they were playing music Clarisse didn't approve of, so it was back to the car and straight to the beach. I started getting nervous as we walked hand in hand past all the people who were "moon-baking" on the sand, because they were all young people and Clarisse and I are old…I mean older, she'd kill me if I said old. For that time of night it was awfully crowded, people were everywhere! The most common were young couples feeling each other up underneath their picnic blankets. I made a mental note to prepare a blanket for the next time I'm planning a romantic evening.

After walking for a whole mile or so, I noticed Clarisse was stumbling, which I assume was the wine's fault and also mine for allowing her to bring the bottle along. Eventually we reached a more secluded area where I noticed there were three separate lumps under three separate blankets and they were all moving.

I wasn't sure how much beach there was left, so I pondered sitting her down there, but after observing the moving blankets a bit more, I decided it probably wasn't the ideal place to propose to a woman, especially since she said, "Joseph, is this the reason we're here?"

I replied with, "My darling, I can assure you I wasn't aware of the beach becoming a brothel after sunset."

She giggled slightly and took my arm as an indication she was ready to keep going. Walking further and further down the beach, we finally found a quiet, non-occupied spot. That's where I sat with her and made my already prepared speech:

"My dear, sweet, darling Clarisse," I read, "ever since I laid eyes on you I've felt a burning passion. You are the most beautiful, the most intelligent and the most strangest person I have ever met. I have (on and off) been in love with you for almost thirty years counting. We may have had our ups and downs, but I think we have something really special together."

She nodded for me to continue, I pulled the small box out of my right pocket and placed it gently in her hands, "What's this?"

I held my hands over it and spoke slowly, "Clarisse, will you do me the honour of becoming Mrs. Joseph Alexander II?"

I slowly lifted the lid of the box, which caused her to throw her hand over her mouth and stare in shock, "Oh Joseph."

I smiled and brought her hand to my lips, "I would kneel, but-"

"You want me to marry you?"

"I have for many years now."

She took a very long sip from the wine bottle and stared at the five-diamonded gold band, "Well I don't know what to say."

"Say yes."

She shook her shoulders, unintentionally swayed a bit and nodded, "On a night like this, how could I say no?"

I took that as a yes and threw my arms around her, happiness flooded through my veins and I felt like leaping around in the sand. I didn't though, instead I released her, removed the large rock from her finger, tossed it away and slipped on the ring I bought for her two or so years ago. I don't know where her former ring is now, I assume it's still lying in the sand on the beach, soaking up the moon rays. Bon Voyage, Rupert.

After she accepted my proposal we danced closely together as I sort of sung/hummed 'Once upon a dream'. Her head rested on my shoulder as we held each other tight and swayed around in circles. Later I noticed she seemed tired and even later than that I noticed she had fallen asleep on my shoulder. The next thing I noticed was the empty wine bottle, she had drunk it all by herself and passed out without me even noticing.

Even though it hurt my knees severely, I managed to carry/drag her all the way back to the car. We went past all the moving lumps under the blankets and all the young couples groping each other until finally we reached the parking lot. I had to restore some energy to my body before driving, so I took a powernap for fifteen minutes and I was ready to go.

It was a hard task to get Clarisse back up to the hotel room, but since she's paying six hundred dollars a night for the room, two concierges carried her up for me. They laid her down on the bed and left, leaving me to admire her beauty and kiss her goodnight, that is after removing her dress and pulling the covers over her. It's at that point I decided to write my journal, so here I am sitting as happy as can be, grateful she's agreed to marry me, unable to wait until we get back to Genovia. I'm going to be a Prince Consort! But most importantly, I'm going to be married to the love of my life.

07/02/02

Oh god.

I knew it was too good to be true.

Our engagement I'm talking about.

When I woke up this morning, I smiled to myself and buried my face in Clarisse's hair, causing her to stir and wake up, causing her to take in her surroundings, causing her to notice the ring on her finger, causing her to wonder, "I don't remember going to a vending machine. Where has my ring gone?"

I lowered my eyebrows suspiciously, "That is your ring!"

She fiddled with it trying to get it off, but it already seemed attached to her, "This isn't my ring, what are you talking about?"

"That is your ring, I gave it to you last night."

Finally it came off and she threw it against the wall, "That's not my wedding ring, it's one of those cheap plastic cheap twenty cent ones from the gumball machine!"

I couldn't believe she said that, I paid so much more than twenty cents for it! Sooo much more, "Clarisse, what's wrong with you?"

She got out of bed and started lifting up pillows, "What's wrong with me? My wedding ring is missing, I have a naked finger and I have a terrible headache, that's what's wrong!"

Her search led her to the bathroom, "Where is it!"

I ran my hand over my face and pulled the covers off, climbing out of bed and slowly walking towards her, "Clarisse, it's not here."

"What? What do you mean it's not here? Where is it?"

"You left it on the beach."

"Why would I do something like that?"

I stared at her in utter shock, "Because you don't need it anymore."

"Yes I do!"

"Do you not remember last night?"

Her hands were on her hips, "Of course I do, we had dinner and came straight back here."

"If that's what you think, then I'd say we have different opinions on what happened."

"Why, what's your version?"

"We ate dinner, we went to the beach, I proposed marriage, you accepted, you passed out, I brought you back here."

She blushed in a sad way and put her hands on her face, "I thought that was a dream!"

"I can assure you it was one hundred percent real."

"Oh…"

She dropped to the floor and put her face in her hands, "Joseph, I don't mean to hurt you, but I was drunk. I didn't know what was going on."

"What so you've changed your mind?"

Her eyes fixated themselves on mine, "I'm so sorry…but if it's any consolation I had a wonderful evening."

I felt so hurt by her at that moment, "Why?" I asked.

She looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"You don't want to be my wife. Why?"

"Because…"

"That's not an answer."

Slowly she made her way over to me and in one movement, took my hands and sat me on the bed, "Joseph, I can't marry you."

"Why not? Nothing's stopping you, you're not married."

"Joseph, I'm the queen, we forget that far too often."

"Are queens not allowed to marry?"

"Not the busy ones."

"Busy?"

"I spend so much time working, I wouldn't have any time for you. We'd just drift apart and I don't want to lose you."

"That's a bullshit reason and you know it."

"Trust me, it happened with Rupert. I used to get so annoyed when he didn't spend time with me, I often had to tie him to the bed just so I could ask him how his day was. I don't want that to happen to us. Also," she lowered her head, "I have a duty. As queen it's my duty to put work before love."

"Funny how only in situations such as this you remember you're queen."

"Joseph."

"Look I'm sorry I asked, I wouldn't want my feelings for you to interfere with your work."

I grabbed my trousers from the chair I draped them over last night and stormed off to my room with her tailing after me.

"Joseph, wait!"

She grabbed my arm and looked into my eyes, "I didn't say I never wanted to marry you."

"What, so maybe later on…"

"Maybe."

"Maybe? Great, and when you refuse again I'm left to wonder what could have been if only I hadn't waited."

"I can't please everyone, you know."

She left after that, probably expecting me to chase after her, but I didn't. I stayed where I was and punched the pillow in frustration. I find it implausible that she was so drunk that she couldn't remember saying yes to me. Perhaps she just said it because she didn't want to spoil the moment and then the next morning she decides to lie by saying she "forgot" just so she could save her reputation from being ruined by someone like me.

08/02/02

This morning when I woke up to check on Clarisse, I couldn't find her. I checked the whole suite, but she wasn't there, so I phoned the manager and he said he saw her getting into a limousine earlier. I took a wild guess as to where she was and after a ten minute drive down to the beach, I found out I was right. I walked all the way to the place we sat last night and spotted her crawling around on the ground in search of something, "What are you doing?"

Her voice sounded squeaky and upset, "I'm looking for my ring, I can't find it."

I must admit I'd never seen her in that position before, crawling around in the sand digging for gold. It wasn't something a queen was supposed to do.

Eventually tears started to stream down her face, but I remained where I was – it wouldn't have done me any good to get down on my bad knees and crawl about looking for something I'm glad to be rid of. The ring was not found, she spent two hours looking for it and eventually broke down and buried her head in the sand. For some reason I felt no sympathy, I didn't feel like reassuring her, nor did I feel like taking her in my arms, I just asked her when she wanted to leave.

Ever since we got back from the beach she's been quiet, she hasn't spoken, she hasn't eaten, she hasn't even picked up a magazine. She just sits in the chair by the window, smoking of course, and staring out at the beach, while I watch her from the couch thinking, "It's just a ring from your dead husband, get over it!"

I hate it when she gets into these moods, it's quite annoying because I get frustrated when she doesn't answer me or make eye contact. Well, if she's still like this tomorrow, I think I'll make myself scarce.

09/02/02

I seem to have spotted Clarisse's ring at one of the stalls in the market, I was just walking past looking for souvenirs to purchase and I spotted it in all its shining glory. Clarisse would have a fit if she saw how it was being presented – hanging from a bar held by a piece of string. I stopped my searching to stare at the ring that seems to be forbidding Clarisse from marrying me, and I thought for a moment about buying it back for her. Instead I decided to question the man, "Where did you get this?"

I pointed at the dangling ring and he replied, "You buy, tweny-fi, you buy?"

I cleared my throat and spoke clearer this time, "Where did you get this?"

"Tweny-fi?"

"I asked you where you got this."

"I find him, tweny-fi?"

"Where? On the beach?"

"Ya, on beach, I find him, tweny-fi?"

Deciding to leave the ring where it was, I continued my search around the marketplace. I find it amusing how that man was selling her ring for twenty-five dollars, seeing as though I believe it is worth at least one thousand times more, but he obviously doesn't know that.

This ring is haunting me now, I can't help but wonder if I should go and get it or not, or at least tell her where it is. On one hand it would make her happy, on the other hand it would probably lower my chances of ever getting her to fully commit herself to me. I don't understand why she's so attached to that damn ring, or to him, she wouldn't stay faithful during her marriage, but as soon as he dies it's all about "honour". I am so angry, mainly because the smell of Clarisse's cigarettes has leaked into my room indefinitely, but also because she's been doing nothing but sulking. It's a ring! JUST A RING!

11/02/02

Because of my growing frustration last night, I went downstairs to the bar and met someone.

As I walked up and placed my money on the counter, an already seated man tapped me on the shoulder. That man was Dale, my former arch-nemesis. Surprisingly he said hello and asked me to take the seat next to him, which I did with great caution. Forgiveness was what he wanted, he told me he'd been a prick and he was truly sorry, I accepted his apology and we had some drinks together. He told me of his family, I told him of mine, he told me he's here on his silver wedding anniversary and not thoroughly enjoying himself because his daughter is on the verge of dying from cancer. He's quite upset about it, he said it really makes you think about how precious life is. We talked for a while and he told me he owns a farm where they breed dogs and he said that to apologise for everything he's ever done to me he would give me one. Like that's going to make up for months of torture, oh well, his heart is in the right place - I think if we spend some time together we could become…friends?

Somewhere while he was talking I got lost in thoughts about Clarisse, how one day she'll be gone, as will I. It scares me, it really does. It makes me think I should reconcile with her instead of ignoring her, it makes me think that every moment together could be our last and I don't want to be angry with her in-case one of us does happen to die suddenly. Of course the chances of that happening are very slim, but you never know.

After five drinks and a coffee, I said goodbye to Dale and promised to meet up with him soon at his farm in Genovia. I feel somewhat happy that we met up, I'm more relaxed now and it really took my mind off Clarisse.

As I stumbled all the way back upstairs, because of the effects of the alcohol, I almost forgot what room I was supposed to go into. Luckily I fell over in front of our door when Clarisse was receiving her dinner from the room service man. She was staring at me with a disgraced look on her face, yet she didn't speak – she just took a drag from her cigarette and sat over at the table. After I managed to get myself up from the floor I joined her and watched as she ate her dinner making no eye-contact with me whatsoever. Eventually she took the cigarette away from her mouth long enough to ask me where I'd been, "Joseph, where have you been?"

"Out."

That's it, that was all that was said until we finished eating half an hour later, "Joseph I afraid I must inform you that I'm not leaving this island until I get my ring back, go and find it!"

I didn't like the tone she used with me, it was so demanding and cold.

"I did find it, some guy was selling it at the market."

Her eyes lit up, "And you got it?"

"No I didn't."

"What!"

She sounded angry, "You found it and you didn't bring it back to me?"

"No, it was out of my price range, I won't pay more than twenty cents for a ring remember?"

"Joseph…I need that ring."

"You don't."

"It's the only thing I have left to remind me of Rupert."

"Is that as well as, or apart from the palace, the paintings, the photos and his child. You remember your son, Pierre, don't you?"

She stood up and placed her hands on her hips, "Oh I understand now, you're jealous! Jealous of Rupert!"

"I am jealous of him, you didn't love him, yet you accepted his proposal the first time he asked. When I, someone who's loved you from the beginning, asks for your hand in marriage, you say no. So yes, Clarisse, I am jealous."

Her mouth opened to say something, but no words came out, all she could do was stand there, crossing her arms while I slid out of my chair and made a dramatic exit to my bedroom and fell asleep.

When I woke up a few minutes ago, I wasn't quite sure if we'd had that fight or not, usually when I get drunk I remember things quite well, but this I wasn't sure of. That is until I opened my eyes and watched as Clarisse quietly left my room, she must have been in here all night because from what I remember she was wearing the same clothes she was wearing last night.

**Still** 11/02/02

After lying in bed for half the day, I decided to make Clarisse's apparent depression disappear by going down to the market and buying her ring back from the man, but when I got there the man said he had just sold it. He pointed to a woman, so I followed her and watched as she walked into the public toilet – and that's all I watched until she came back out, I feel I must mention. When she did come out I said, "Hello, I'm sorry to disturb you, but I couldn't help but notice you bought a ring from that gentleman over there."

She looked me up and down a bit and replied, "What's it to you?"

"I was just wondering if I could see it."

"Oh no, no way. I've heard about people like you, I show you the ring and you make off with it as well as my handbag."

"Oh no, no, no, I'm not that sort of person I can assure you."

"How do I know that? I don't know you."

I decided trying to reason with the woman was a futile cause, so I dug out my wallet, "Here, I will give you twenty dollars if you show it to me and another twenty if it's the one I'm looking for."

"So I got something you want?"

"Not exactly, it's something that belonged to, or should I say belongs to my…boss. She misses it terribly and-"

"Alright, I'll show it to you."

"Thankyou."

"Fifty bucks."

"What!"

"You wanna see it or not?"

I thought for a moment, this woman was some sort of con-artist, "Fifty dollars? Forget it!"

My wallet went back in my pocket momentarily while I waited for her to reconsider, but she didn't, she just shook her shoulders and turned away, "Oh well, you don't wanna see it-"

I reached out and grabbed her shoulder, "Fifty it is."

She searched through her purse and I held out the note, "Here."

Snatching the money from my hand, she pulled out the ring and I observed it, "That's not it, sorry to bother you."

I turned to leave, but she caught my arm, "Hey, that's not the only one I bought."

"It isn't?"

Three more rings came out of the bag, one was somewhat familiar, "That's it! That's the one!"

My hand went back in my pocket, "Here, here's the twenty dollars I promised you-"

"Uh-uh, oh no. You give me a thousand dollars and I'll give it to you."

I was shocked, this was a very opportunistic woman, "A thousand dollars? One thousand dollars? You've got to be kidding me."

She looked at her watch and tapped her foot, "Do you want it or not?"

I subconsciously shook my head, "Yes!"

"Then gimme the money."

I reluctantly handed it over and took the ring from her hand, "Nice doing business with you, mister."

That was the low point of my day, being cheated by a woman…and not just any woman, she was a woman wearing a wide-opened blouse and a mini-skirt.

The high point of my day was when I got back to the hotel and dangled it on the end of a piece of string in front of Clarisse's face. She almost sucked up her cigarette and swallowed it when she saw her prized possession, "Oh my god!"

She put it immediately on her finger and turned around to hug me, "Thankyou so much, I'll never take it off ever again."

The words echoed through my mind, "Never take it off ever again, never take it off again, never…again."

Shaking my head in attempts to bring myself back to reality, I took the opportunity to smell her hair and instantly wished I hadn't, the last time she washed it was four days ago and she's been smoking non stop since then, and I'm sure not just cigarettes.

Anyway, the point of the story is that she's happy again, so no more complaining about her god-damned ring which I paid one thousand and fifty dollars for, no more asking me to buy cigarettes for her in the middle of the night, which by the way I absolutely refused to do. Life is just perfect. Per-diddly-erfect, oh except for one thing, this trip was a waste of time and money! And I don't think I'm "with" Clarisse anymore, another bad thing…is there an upside to this vacation? Hmm…only that we're leaving tomorrow…

* * *

A/N: Okay, I know I was going to go onto the second movie in this chap, but I decided not to cos I honestly think he would have asked her sooner and not just once. This took me like 5 days to write cos I kept either getting distracted, or I'd lose interest. Sorry for the slow update, last time I updated, my computer blew up the morning after and I had to get a new case n stuff, but yeah, to make up for it, this chapter is fricken long! And thankyou to all reviewers, I agree my story is better with them being out of character.

Lastly…OMG! It snowed today! (We haven't had any snow for fifty years). Of course it snowed everywhere BUT my suburb, which was a downer because I've never seen snow before, but I'm okay with it now.


	46. Chapter 46

14/07/04

Would you believe I accidentally left my journal in that hotel room over two years ago and I've only just recently gotten it back? Well that's what happened. It took me seven hours after we got back from that disaster vacation to realise I'd left it in Fiji, seven weeks for them to return my call, seven months for them to actually find and send it, another six weeks for it to get through customs, six days for it to get to Genovia, a whole year in the palace mailroom waiting to be sorted, four minutes for someone to deliver it to my office and up until tonight for me to find it amongst all the junk in there!

So what's happened in all that time?

After we got back to Genovia Clarisse went on acting as if things between us were normal and hadn't changed. She thought that the only reason I wasn't sleeping in her suite was because I didn't want to arouse suspicion, but after I spent a month avoiding her she began to realise we weren't an item.

I entered a state of depression after we got back, Lauren made it worse by coming to the palace and asking for a divorce. She said she found her "sole mate", who unsurprisingly turned out to be a doctor. She just loves bragging about these high-profile men she dates, she's serious about this one though. I ended up meeting him at Christmas, because Sammy and Catherine always have us over on Christmas day for lunch. As soon as I opened the door for them, she said, "Hello Joseph, how are you? Allow me to introduce my fiancée, Bernard," then she leaned in close and whispered, "he's a doctor."

So I shook his hand, chatted with him for a while and discovered he was quite a nice guy. Lauren sat there fondling him under the table all evening trying to make me jealous and I don't know if it was because I was lonely or because I may still have had feelings for her, but it worked - I was jealous.

I don't think I was still in love with Lauren at that time, but it still upset me that she asked for a divorce, it made me think that I'm no good to anyone as a husband. No wonder Clarisse doesn't want to marry me, nobody would ever want me. Personally I think I made a very fine husband when I was married, I always helped out around the house, always treated my wife with respect and was always a good father.

I almost killed myself the night she asked for our marriage to end, I fell asleep in the bathtub with a bottle of rum, a drink I later became very fond of. If my tap had been leaking any more than it was, I'd have drowned for sure. My depression lasted up until last year, when Clarisse and I got back together, which I will talk about later.

Sammy and Catherine had 2 more children, twin girls, whom they called Monica and Sherry. They dress them up in the same outfits, it's cute, but hardly individualising. My grandson, Joey, learnt how to crawl…and how to walk…and how to run right onto the road, getting narrowly missed by passing cars. He's not allowed in the front yard anymore.

Amelia has now visited Genovia 6 times and is about to graduate from collage, I'm so proud of her. I'm actually flying over to America (as I write this), to bring her back home. A few weeks ago Clarisse deemed Mia's suite inappropriate for a queen and decided to have it renovated, however since it took her three days to decide on which colour she wanted the curtains to be, and three weeks to get the designs all done, it isn't anywhere near finished. What she wanted was the room next-door to be a full walk in wardrobe with moving drawers and stuff, when I asked her what she'd been smoking, she just raised an eyebrow and said, "We are not amused. I actually got the idea from watching Mary Poppins, you know how she snaps her fingers and the drawers just slide open?"

I said, "Yeah, I know."

And that was that. She had a lot of crazy ideas for that room, in the bathroom she wanted curtains that closed when you turned the bath taps on and a shower that sprayed warm water when you walked under it. Very crazy (and stupid) ideas, which are not to be used or heard of again.

The men in the security room are all placing bets on when they think the suite will be finished, I – knowing how slow Rupert's cousin is at his job (bathroom renovations) - said the suite will probably be finished by September 29th and if I'm right, I'll earn myself a pool of $1,000! We each put $100 in a hat and then made the bets, the person who's closest to the date of completion without going over wins.

I met up with Dale a few times for drinks and every time I went, he asked me if I wanted to take a dog home, but I always refused because I wasn't quite sure what I'd do with one. I've never been a man who has a particular fondness for animals, but after months of hearing him say, "Take a dog, c'mon, take a dog," I finally became so aggravated that I just accepted his offer and called my new one-year-old black Labrador, Chloe. As soon as I got her to the palace she picked up a scent and followed it all the way to Clarisse's door, but I didn't want to go in because we weren't together at that stage in time, so I dragged it by the collar into my room. Dale told me she needed to go out for a walk every day, so that night I took her out for a walk around the palace grounds and started sniffing again - the scent was Maurice.

He was out walking with Clarisse at the time, who had stopped for a rest on the bench. She looked quite startled as I rushed by, chasing the dog, but tensed when Chloe stopped right behind Maurice and immediately started sniffing his rear end. He responded by doing the same to her and the rest, they say, is history. Those two dogs were, and still are in love.

Clarisse gave me a disapproving look, "What is this animal doing here?"

"It's mine, your majesty, an old…friend insisted I take it."

"Oh? I didn't know you were a dog person."

"I'm not."

"Would you like to – OH MY GOD!" I noticed her staring at the dogs, so I turned to see what the problem was and was shocked to find the two animals expressing their love for one another.

"Joseph, make it stop!"

"I would if I could, but I do not wish to disturb them."

"Don't be ridiculous! Just get your filthy animal away from my precious Maurice!"

I didn't like her tone, "You get your filthy animal off my Chloe!"

As I emphasised the words "your" and "you" our eyes met for the first time in months. It obviously didn't mean anything to her because she was too busy concentrating on her dog, "I'm not touching my baby when he's doing…that."

"Then I guess we have no choice than to sit back and wait for them to finish."

"But-"

I took a seat next to her and averted my eyes from her skin and the canines, she was the first to speak, "I don't know how they can do that out in the open…and with an audience."

"Yes, we all know how you feel about publicly expressing yourself."

I turned around when I said that and she just rolled her eyes, avoiding my attempts to extend the lines of communication, "Lovely weather we're having."

"A little cloudy though."

She stood up and dusted herself off, "You're right, and I think a storm is brewing, so I'm going inside, please return my dog when he's finished what he's doing."

On account of her being so cold towards me, I felt like I'd been rejected all over again. She didn't seem to want to have anything to do with me, but 4 months and 3 days later she changed her mind, yet again.

I was generally able to hold my composure during the daytime at the palace after we split up, but at night, in the privacy of my own suite I would drink my pain away and constantly wish I had someone. I wasn't sure where my life was going, back then it seemed like it was going nowhere. I had the most important job in the entire palace, I had achieved my life goal. I did contemplate leaving, but what would I have achieved by doing so? It would have just meant Clarisse won.

Lonely is how I felt throughout last year, several members of staff tried to fix me up with their friends and sisters, but I always told them I wasn't interested, which was the truth. Occasionally I did accept the odd pity date, but found I could never fixate myself on any of the women they'd selected for me, so my dates always ended before 8pm, instead of 6am the next morning. I don't recall taking any member of the opposite sex to bed while Clarisse and I were apart, it was just too hard to replace a 30 year long obsession with a 30 year old woman. The only company I ever took home with me was my right hand and a remote control. Which reminds me, last year I had a serious think about whether I was batting for the wrong team or not, because I wasn't finding any women attractive, mind you I wasn't finding men attractive either…except Shades maybe…kidding! But I just had to discover whether I was, you know, queer or not. So the way I solved the problem was by watching male adult movies and I was so absolutely disgusted that I decided I must be straight after all. That was without a doubt one of the most confusing times of my life.

Clarisse gave me one heck of a surprise a few months ago, I entered my suite one random Saturday night and started my ritual of downing a bottle of rum in the dark, then I noticed her intoxicating scent. That's when she walked slowly up to me and stared me in the eye, running her hand down my cheek, "I've missed you so much, Joseph."

Had it not been a dark and stormy night, I would never have said, "I don't wanna be alone anymore."

And I wouldn't have let the bottle fall to the floor and I would never have let her lips touch mine. I was just so relieved to be receiving attention from her after months of neglect that I didn't care what was happening. Our arms flew around each other, I kissed her deeper, never opening my eyes incase it was another one of those recurring dreams I'd been having. But it wasn't a dream, it was real. We spent hours lying on my bed kissing and holding each other, I did feel like going further than that, but I decided it was best not to.

In the morning she lay awake on top of me stroking my beard, her eyes were staring into mine with a deep passion, her mouth blowing cool air onto my face. Rubbing my eyes I thought I was dreaming, but I soon realised it was real, "Explain?"

She shook her head, "I can't stand us being apart any longer, look what it's doing to you, and to me. I'm lonely Joseph, I've been lonely for a long time."

I thought this was a strange thing to say considering I went into her suite once because I wanted to make up with her and she was in bed with Chester – yes, he's allowed at the palace now, much to my disliking. It was quite embarrassing to walk in on them, because she was sitting on top of him naked and laughing. It was doubly embarrassing because he noticed me, which caused her to notice me, which caused her to turn around, which caused much embarrassment for all. The smile was completely wiped off her face at that moment, "God, Joseph, don't you knock?"

My mouth momentarily stayed shut, I didn't know what to say, "I'm sorry, your majesty, I didn't realise you were…entertaining this evening."

"What are you doing in here?"

I thought of a lie and I thought of it quick, "Security check."

"Oh, can't it wait?"

"I've already been waiting long enough, your majesty."

She drew in a long breath and de-mounted herself from her former boyfriend. She then sat beside him, pulling the sheets up around her breasts and trying desperately to light a cigarette. No words were spoken after that.

I think that experience is basically what set off my depression, her so easily moving on and my being stuck with young women who aren't after anything but a good lay.

Anyway, returning to the story of how we got together, Clarisse said, "Did you miss me, too, Joseph?"

"You should ask my recycling bin, he's been coughing up empty rum bottles for the past year."

She smiled slightly, biting her lip, "I want you back in my life."

"You mean in the background?"

"For the time being."

"Well I've already lost my dignity, what else do I have to lose?"

I know I shouldn't have taken her back, but I was so lonely, so depressed and she obviously was, too. We've both been a lot happier since that morning and I no longer regret my decision to get back with her. She seems more mature when it comes to our relationship and she's a lot less stubborn, more attentive to my needs and pays me the respect I deserve. I don't drink excessively anymore, I have no need to, my girl's there in my arms practically every night, which defeats the purpose of drinking, because she was the cause of it. I'm so happy not to be lonely anymore.

Clarisse and I are not often intimate with each other, well not in that way, we hug, we kiss and we hold each other, but I never let things between us go below the waist. She'll have to marry me if she wants to go any further, which I'm hoping will happen very soon. I've been waiting for her to be the one to ask, but if she doesn't say anything soon, I'm going to have to take the duty upon my own shoulders. I think she will want to marry me now, because we're closer. She comes to Sammy's house for dinner sometimes and doesn't make a fuss about anyone seeing her there. I really think she will bring me into the public eye now, I hope she does.

So that's pretty much what happened to me since I last wrote in here.

* * *

Golly, that was all over the place, I had a hard time figuring out what went where. Please, please, please review! I need to know how many people are still reading this. I know of two so far. And thankyou to the people who did review the last chapter, I appreciate it.

Oh and btw the 2nd movie will definately be next!


	47. Chapter 47

15/07/04

One thing I forgot to mention in my last entry was that Clarisse and I had children…well technically as the result of our dogs being in love, they had puppies. I woke up late one night and heard my dog squealing, so I turned on the lamp, looked over at Chloe and Maurice's dog bed and was shocked to see these tiny little blobs of goo coming out of her rear. I wiped my eyes and realised she was giving birth. It was a strange thing to witness, as I thought both dogs had been de-sexed, but obviously they hadn't been. I did notice Chloe had been getting fatter, but I put it down to over-feeding, which obviously wasn't the case. Anyway, Maurice started barking, which woke Clarisse up, who became annoyed and threw her pillow at him. She missed though and buried her head into my shoulder moaning, "Make him stop, Joseph…"

Sitting up I whispered, "Clarisse, I think we just became grandparents."

"Mmm…what are you talking about?"

"Chloe's giving birth."

Her voice was drowsy, "Hmm…that's nice."

Her arm slid around my stomach, then she snapped awake, "What!"

Struggling to sit up, she looked over to the dog bed and shouted, "Oh my goodness!"

So we sat together and watched the 'miracle of birth', which was actually quite disgusting, but nevertheless interesting. I wrapped the seven little newborn puppies in my old shirts, because Clarisse didn't want to touch them, and we smiled at each other wondering what would happen to the puppies later on.

Eventually we decided to give the puppies away, Clarisse wanted to give them to old people, but since I've seen how old people treat pets, we gave them to sick children in need of company. Oh and Sammy wanted one for the kids, so they got one, too. Three days later, Maurice and Chloe were de-sexed. For a while there was a speculation about our dogs, which led to speculation about us. In the papers once, there were headlines that read something like, 'Who's Woofing Who?' And it had two photos beneath it, one of Clarisse and I, one of Maurice and Chloe. Clarisse thought it was all rather pathetic because I never consent to sleep with her anyway, which for some reason she doesn't mind.

Charlotte is taking care of my dog while I'm in America, I would have asked Clarisse to, but she can't even feed her own dog, let alone mine as well. I really wish she could have come on this trip with me, but as she said, it's only three days. Three days for me is far too long to spend away from her, she's practically my life. I'm not going to like it when we come back because Clarisse totally avoids me when Mia's around. The past two times Mia came was understandable because we'd already been avoiding each other anyway on a regular basis on account of not being together.

I hope she doesn't avoid me this time.

Princess Amelia is currently at a graduation party that absolutely must take place tonight, as she graduates tomorrow and then we leave straight after. I haven't had a chance to talk properly to her yet, but there's plenty of time for that on tomorrow's flight.

16/07/04

Congratulations are in order for Her Royal Highness Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi Princess of Genovia, who just graduated from college and is on her way back to Genovia to take her place as queen…eventually. I watched the ceremony and I watched her walk onstage to collect her diploma. Afterwards I had to escort her to the plane so she had to say a quick goodbye to everyone and we were off.

We shared a bottle of champagne to celebrate and then she went all quiet. I asked her what the problem was and she said, "Michael and I broke up last month."

I replied with, "I'm so sorry, princess. Might I ask why?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "Well we kinda grew apart last year when he was on tour and he said that since I'm going to rule Genovia I won't need him, there's no place for him there."

I had to think of something re-assuring to say to her, so I said, "He mustn't have been the right one for you, I'm sure you'll find someone else."

"But I really thought he was the one. He and I got along great before we slept together, then everything was just different and him being on tour didn't help."

I was a bit shocked to hear her admit that she slept with him before marriage, she's more like Clarisse than I thought, "So you're sad about losing him?"

"The funny thing is, I'm not that sad, I'm just curious as to what the difference between love and friendship is. I actually thought I was in love with Michael."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much, princess, high school romances never last."

"Then what does?"

I paused for a moment and patted her on the knee, "When love comes, you'll know."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I've been there myself. You'll know when it comes."

"Thanks, Joe. Speaking of love, how are you and Grandma going? Still together? I've noticed you two seem a bit distant towards each other the last couple of times I've been to Genovia."

My eyebrows hit the roof – she still remembers about us?

I spoke slowly, "Mia, your grandmother and I broke up."

What? It's the truth! Sure I may have left out the part where we got back together, but it's the truth. If Clarisse found out I'd been talking about her behind her back, she'd crack it.

"That's too bad, Joe. Was she not the right one for you?"

"Princess, I really don't want to talk about it."

"I understand. So how is grandma if you don't mind me asking?"

"She's well."

Mia and I talked for a while on different subjects before she decided to write up her journal. I felt quite tired, but decided to write in mine too, which is what I'm doing now. I think we just flew over the Genovian border, so should be landing soon. I'm not looking forward to the night after tomorrow, there's another ball - Mia's birthday ball. I gave Mia her present already incase I don't get to give it to her later. I bought her a pretty little necklace I picked up at the Genovian Jeweller for $450. It's sort of like a heart made of diamonds on a gold chain - she loved it - obviously she isn't as fussy when it comes to jewellery as her grandmother is.

Well, since the plane is about to land now, I'm going to sign off and inform the princess of our arrival.

Later…

After a long evening of watching Mia catch up with her grandmother, she finally left her alone and I entered the suite. Wrapping my arms around Clarisse's waist, I lifted her off the ground in excitement. She smiled and touched my forehead with hers, then allowed her lips to press against mine. Her scent was beautiful, intoxicating as always. Closing my eyes I deepened our kiss and pulled her over to the bed, laying her down and opening my eyes to look at her. Our lips broke apart long enough for me to say, "I missed you."

And for her to say, "I gathered that."

We kissed for about ten minutes and became exhausted, or rather tired since it was 12am and I didn't get any sleep on the plane. It was nice to be able to kiss her mouth and body, it was nice to just simply be there stroking her hair. I missed her so much.

17/7/04

Mia seems to be less depressed about this thing with Michael, which is good because it's her birthday ball tomorrow and she should be happy about being 21. I'm happy to have her here in Genovia, she's fun to talk to - she and I have some kind of an understanding of each other.

Clarisse cracked it with me just before. On my usual trip to see her this evening, I found her in her suite wearing tomorrow night's long pink spaghetti strapped dress. She was standing in front of the three mirrors in her change room staring at herself in horror. She turned around and started shouting at me, "Look what you've done!"

I didn't know what she was on about at the time, so I replied with, "What?"

"My dress! Look at my dress!"

"It looks fine. I've told you before that you're the only one who can see the invisible creases you're always going on about."

She gave me a funny look, "I'm not talking about creases, I'm talking about this!"

Pointing to her upper self, she raised her voice, "This!"

Finally I noticed what she was talking about. Red love-bites made last night by yours truly covered her chest, every inch of it.

I tried to contain my laughter, "I think it looks lovely."

She put her hands on her hips and stared at me, "Joseph, for once in your life will you please be serious? I am in a crisis caused by your bad sense of direction! What am I going to do about this?"

I noticed a bowl of toffees sitting on a nearby table and picked one up, "You could wear a different dress."

She snatched the toffee out of my hand and pointed it at me, "I can't wear a different dress, I've had this one picked out for weeks."

"Oh well then, I guess you'll have to umm…cover it up or something."

"Cover it up? Cover it up? How am I supposed to cover this up?"

Taking the toffee back from her and eating it, I replied, "Use your imagination. Personally I don't think it looks that bad, it's a symbol of my love for you."

She rolled her eyes and walked away from me, I sat on her couch with the toffee bowl and ate them until she came back and snatched them from me, "Why are you eating these? They're for Mia. I can't have her getting pregnant to that boyfriend of hers."

I stopped chewing immediately realising that the white center of the toffees were birth control pills, I spat them out, "I don't think you have to worry about him, Clarisse."

"Why, is he not coming?"

"They're not together anymore."

"Really? How do you know?"

"We talked."

She gave me a curious look and said, "You seem to know an awful lot about my granddaughter that I don't, is there something I should know?"

I have no idea what she meant by that, perhaps she's feeling jealous that I know Mia better than she does? I don't know.

I wonder what Clarisse is going to do about that dress of hers. I suppose she could pin it up so it covers her chest, or she could cover herself in foundation. It's a funny really, I seem to always interfere with her choice of gown.

18/7/04

The night of Princess Mia's Birthday bash…

What can I say about it? Clarisse didn't feel much like dancing because she stubbed her toe on a doorframe this morning, so I was left without a dance partner. She had something clever done to her dress to cover up the love-marks – pretty sparkling material draped over her shoulders and clasped at the back. I nodded my approval when she walked – half an hour late – into the foyer and held out her hand. She looked so beautiful. I kissed her hand told her she looked beautiful – she loves compliments.

Since she and I weren't dancing I had a chance to look around the party, I saw Mia "dancing" with lots of different men. It was amusing, as half of them were really bad dancers and didn't suit her at all. She must have been having a terrible time. There was one particular man who wasn't at all bad at dancing, in fact he was quite good and from the angle I was watching them at I'd say she's already forgetting about Michael.

The man Mia was dancing with looked somewhat familiar to me, but I couldn't quite place a name to the face. I asked Charlotte if she knew who he was, but she didn't, she just excused herself and ran to the bathroom. That Charlotte sure has been acting weirdly lately, I have a sneaking suspicion she may be pregnant, but I don't even think she has a boyfriend. Well I'm sure if she is pregnant, I'll be the first to know about it. She shares everything with me.

After the party Clarisse informed me of a new intern for the holidays, unfortunately that person happens to be Lionel, the Prime Minister's nephew. Why is it a bad thing might you ask? Because he's like a leech, never leaves your side, follows you wherever you go. I know this because every time I'm at a party where he's the guest, he stands next to me and asks about security and if he can have a job, which after a while gets very annoying. I've tried my best to keep him of the intern list and I've succeeded for about a year, but now he's on it and there's nothing I can do about it. I suppose I could talk to Clarisse, but she's the one who insisted he learn about security. Obviously she doesn't realise how much having him around will limit the amount of time she and I will be able to spend together. I am so not looking forward to his arrival, I'll enjoy my last few days of peace while I can.

20/7/04

Clarisse had to attend a parliament session this morning. I don't like it when she has parliament sessions because I can't make up excuses to go in and see her like I can when she's working in her office. She received some distressing news about Mia's future. Apparently someone brought up an old law and she has to get married within the next month in order to become queen. Excluding Sebastian, the parliament members seem to think Clarisse has been keeping the throne warm for far too long and should let someone of different blood take the throne – a man. According to Clarisse, Viscount Mabrey is out to get her, because his nephew is eligible to assume the throne and he wants power. Mia is really upset about this whole marriage thing because she protests against arranged marriages and it's quickly becoming one resort she may have to turn to.

21/7/04

Oh god, he's here! Lionel at my side all day, every day! He came early in the morning and has been following me around ever since. I fear he may be outside my door as I write this, so it's best not to write too loudly incase he figures out I'm awake and comes in to ask more questions. Seriously he has not left me alone all day! He even follows me to the toilet! I feel invaded! I can't even touch Clarisse or go anywhere near her while he's around. I must have a talk to her about him tomorrow if she's not too busy with this planning Mia's wedding business, even though she hasn't even gotten a fiancée yet.

Something Clarisse conveniently neglected to inform me about earlier is that she has invited Mabrey's nephew to stay at the palace...starting tomorrow. I have no idea why she invited him, or when she invited him or even how she invited him as the two of them have never met. I don't like the idea of having him come and stay, he wants to take the throne right out from under my girl and she's letting him stay to get free ammunition to use against her.

Note to self: Hang Viscount's nephew in courtyard.

22/7/04

I spoke with Clarisse about the whole Lionel thing, but she shrugged me off and pretty much told me to deal with it. I didn't like her not doing anything about him, it means I'm stuck. Trapped. I can't do anything with that guy around, I can't be intimate with Clarisse, I can't go to her suite at night, hell I can't even masturbate without him knowing about it. This experience could very well drive me insane.

After I talked to Clarisse, Lionel decided he wanted to speak with her, so I gave them a couple of seconds, noticed he was too close to her and pulled him away. I can't have some little seventeen-year-old boy hitting on my woman, it's disgusting and knowing her, she might fall for him. Eww.

Earlier on, Lord Deveraux arrived at the palace with his uncle, the Viscount, and had a meeting with the princess and queen. I immediately recognised him as the man Mia was dancing with at the ball, she recognised him too and stomped right on his foot. I was bewildered at why she did that, I'm guessing she fell for him and then found out he's trying to steal her crown. Yeah, that sounds about right.

On a cheery note, I earned myself $1,000 because I was the closest to guess when Mia's suite would be ready which was actually today. Yes, it's finally done! I guessed it would be done by the 29th of September and I was right. I think I'll spend that money on a present for my lovely girlfriend since I can't meet with her in person because of this leech following me around all the time.

Miss Lilly arrived from Berkley at about 6am – a nice surprise Clarisse planned for Mia. Lilly and Mia have spent the whole day talking and catching up on old times.

I haven't been able to talk to Clarisse lately because of this whole Lionel thing. I wish he'd just leave so I could kiss my baby or at least hold her hand. I'm not used to spending this much time apart from her, it only ever happens when Mia's here. If she'd just let everyone know we're together there wouldn't be a problem.

Right, that's it, I'm going to tell her. I'm going to come right out and tell her I want to be acknowledged. I don't care who's listening when I say it. If only I could figure out how to tell her. I want to sound forceful, but not too forceful, and I want to imply marriage, but not actually say it incase she gets scared and runs off again. Hmm…now how will I put it? I want you to publicise me? No. I think we should be together not only in private? No. It needs to sound sophisticated. I think it's time we take our relationship to the people? Oh bugger it, I'll think of something later.

23/7/04

We, (Charlotte, Mia, Lilly, Clarisse and I) all had a viewing session of possible husband choices for Mia. In my opinion, she didn't have much of a good selection, they were either too old, too young, gay or addicted to something or other, but one bachelor was as Mia put it, decent. He is someone I strangely have never heard of before, Andrew Jacoby. Clarisse has already called him and he's flying out from England right now to meet with the princess in hopes they may get to know each other and possibly fall in love. I don't like the idea of her having an arranged marriage, she seems so against it.

I figured out a way to spend time with Clarisse without Lionel interfering, I just dump him on shades. He needs to learn how to deal with interns since I've decided to retire with Clarisse and let him take over. Retiring with Clarisse is something I can definitely see myself doing. We'll take refuge in a nice cottage and live out our days enjoying each other's company. That is if she decides to marry me, which I sincerely hope she does. I don't know what I'll do if she says no. I'd probably leave and never come back cos I am so god damned sick of her rejecting me, or I'd attempt to find a new wife and forget about her altogether. Who am I kidding? I could never forget her.

25/7/04

Finally I've had some alone time with Clarisse! I actually spent the night with her without Lionel knowing. I told him that Shades had been acting suspiciously and that he should follow him around, so that's what he's been doing for the past few days. Yesterday Andrew arrived in the country and he and Mia have already been on their first "romantic" outing to the beach. Not so romantic seeing as though Clarisse called the media to view it. I decided not to go along in order to give Shades a chance to see what it's like to be the one in charge. And while he was doing that, I was visiting my son. Uneventful day it was, but I couldn't say the same about the night.

As I said, I had some alone time with my darling and she told me all about how she felt sorry for Mia.

We were lying in bed at the time facing each other and staring into each others' eyes. She was tearing, I think the conversation started off with her saying, "I hate this. What they're doing to her."

"Mia?"

She nodded, "How can they force her to marry someone she doesn't know?"

I slid my hand along her arm and whispered, "You're not exactly helping the situation are you? Besides, they made you do it, didn't they?"

"Not exactly. I was the one who arranged my marriage to Rupert."

I was shocked, "You did?"

She nodded, "I felt different to Mia back when I was young, I felt pragmatism, not loyalty was the way to go. I didn't care about finding love, I just wanted security, money and a nice place to live. I found that in Rupert and wedged my way between him and his fiancée-to-be. He was in love with her, but his parents didn't exactly approve. They approved of me, however, this caused the two to have a riff and as far as I know they never spoke to each other again. I didn't feel bad about it at the time, but I do now. Rupert's parents forced him to propose to me even though he didn't want to, so I accepted and we married. There was only one person I felt sorry for and that was Chester. He wanted so badly to marry me, but I turned him down when I met Rupert. He was so upset with me and the night before my wedding, we argued and I cried so hard. I don't think he understood I wasn't in love with him, or he wouldn't accept it anyway, and the only thing he could offer me was his amazing bedroom abilities and one-sided undying love. I still wonder to this day what would have happened if I had married him, I bet I'd have had fifty children and would be working as a stripper."

She laughed at that last line, "That was my dream once upon a time, could you imagine?"

I had to shift my legs around when she said that, I almost went hard imagining her as a stripper. I think she'd have been good at it – she sure knows how to wear sexy negligees and flaunt what she has. She can make any clothing article look sexy. Perhaps I should allow her to fulfil her dream by performing a private session for me. I know! I'll ask for a freebie for my birthday.

Strippers aside, Clarisse and I had a very enjoyable evening, she talked, I listened, I found out a lot more about her. She told me she's been proposed to seven times in her life by four different men, me included. What she wouldn't tell me is who the third person was, I guess it's someone not even I know about.

28/7/04

Mia must be getting along very well with Andrew, because the two of them have decided to marry. It was announced yesterday afternoon and already Andrew has left the country. I assume he's off for a last fling before being tied down, I'd do the same if I was getting married to someone I obviously didn't love. Clarisse seems to think Andrew is the bee's knees and that nothing he can do is wrong. She absolutely adores him and his parents. I don't understand why, they aren't that exciting.

I'm taking her on a picnic tomorrow, it's all been arranged. I asked Charlotte to pack a basket along with a rug and teapot. She doesn't know for sure who I'm taking on the picnic, but I can imagine she suspects Clarisse as I asked her to clear some time off her schedule. Well at least I know I can trust Charlotte.

29/7/04

Rumour has been going around at the moment that Mia and Lord Deveraux were caught in a closet together. Apparently Mrs. Kaut walked in on them when they were, as Shades put it, playing hide the sausage. I'm not sure whether to believe it or not, because for one, everything said in the palace gets twisted around and two, I don't think she'd do something like that in a place where someone could easily see her. Clarisse questioned me about it after our picnic, she was disappointed in Mia for acting so irresponsibly and not having the decency to sneak him into her suite. She obviously believes the rumours, she is so quick to judge.

Anyway, after the picnic we went walking together through the gardens and sat down in the gazebo. I planned the whole thing out, I told her what I was feeling and that I thought we should bring our relationship to the public and as soon as I said it, I instantly regretted it. The look on her face said it all, nevertheless I stayed strong, listened to her bullshit explanation and attempted a smile as she told me she'd think about it. God, what is there to think about? She's had her whole life to think about it. How many times do I have to prove my love for her?

I really doubt she'll say yes, yet I will remain confident up until she gives me her answer. What will happen to me if she doesn't agree? I'll go out of my mind and want to kill her! Well, this is it, the last chance, I've had enough rejection from that woman to last the rest of my life. If she says no, I'll leave and never come back and I mean it. She's caused me that much pain and wasted that much of my life. Why can't she just listen to her heart?

* * *

K I'm going to end that there cos I'm going out soon. Sorry this took forever to update, but when I was in the middle of writing this chap, my monitor karcked it. Then I went away on holiday and got back the day before yesterday. My mum had bought a new monitor by then. 

Kayjay, you're going to be waiting a long long time I think. This story isn't going to end anytime soon. Perhaps it will be done by the end of next year?

R & R.


	48. Chapter 48

30/7/04

I happened to catch a glimpse of the princess practicing her archery skills, or should I say trying to eliminate everybody in sight. I don't understand how the girl can have so much trouble shooting a bow and arrow, I can hit the bullseye in less than three shots. Oh well, it at least gave me my entertainment for the day. I'm just about to leave to see Clarisse to find out if she's thought about what I said, I think one day is long enough.

Later…

Obviously I was wrong.

I went to her office and asked her to go for a walk with me, so she said yes, I asked her about the "us" situation and she said she hadn't given it a second thought, which I translated into, "Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies."

How could she not have thought about it? Doesn't she ever think about me?

When I asked her how long she needed to think, she said I should give her room to breathe and stop spending every spare minute of my time with her so she would have a chance to think. Is that a sign of rejection? Her not wanting me around seems very rejecting. I wonder how much time she needs to think about it, well I'll wait for her to come to me, not the other way around. I've made the final move and now it's her turn to decide how it ends.

So now I'm stuck in suspense until she gives me an answer. Why does she not already have one? She's had thirty years to think about it!

I think if she did plan on bringing me into the public eye she would have told me by now instead of leaving me to dangle. God, I bet she's going to say no, but I shall still remain hopeful and confident.

2/8/04

It seems our princess has once again been causing mischief, this time in the throne room. "A chicken situation" I think is how Charlotte put it when she told me of the disaster earlier. I wasn't actually there myself, because it was another Shades training day, but Charlotte told me all about it. Apparently Mia was given live poultry as an offering from one of the Genovian citizens. She got it out of the basket only to chase after it seconds later when it jumped out of her hands.

I saw Clarisse after the session ended, commented on her beautiful, sparkling, virgin-white outfit and then continued walking – my idea of giving her space.

Tomorrow there will be an event I most certainly must attend, the reviewing of the royal guard. Usually I never look forward to these kind of things, but at the moment I need something to take my mind off Clarisse. I have been thinking about her non-stop ever since I saw her earlier, she dominates my mind completely, even interrupts my sleep. I need an answer…soon…

3/8/04

Yet another disaster for Princess Mia today caused by one Viscount Mabrey. Everything started off well, Mia rode in very slowly on her horse accompanied by the footman, I watched from the crowd, something went wrong and I had to act. I saw the footman pull something out of his pocket for a couple of seconds then Mia's horse went wild. I waited for Andrew to leap in to the rescue, but all he could do was stand there going, "Oh, ah," so I took it upon myself to rescue the princess. That didn't work out very well because I accidentally ripped off a wooden leg I never knew she had, causing her to shriek my name. After that she rode off and the ceremony came to an end. I decided to investigate the matter, so I went after the footman and grabbed him by the collar, "What happened?"

"I don't know," he lied.

The thing I had seen him pull out of his pocket was still hanging out so I grabbed it and held it up to his face, he was beside himself, "I…I…"

"I think we need to go for a little stroll."

Dropping him, not lightly, onto the ground, I grabbed his arm tightly and lead him down the gravel path, "Explain."

"That man over there paid me to scare the horse," he whimpered, pointing to the laughing Viscount, "It was nothing personal, at least not on my part anyway. I'm sorry…if I'd known…please don't fire me, I need this job."

By the time he was through saying that he was on his knees, I decided to take pity on him, "Alright, your job is safe for now, but if I ever see or hear about you consulting with that man again, I can assure you there won't be a job for you to even beg for."

Quickly I walked away with what I noticed was in actual fact a rubber snake. That's what was used to spook Sandy.

After that little incident I walked to the stables and found Lord Deveraeux giving my granddaughter-to-be a hard time, so I told Mia Clarisse wanted to see her and I was left alone with Nicholas, but not for long. The Viscount himself actually showed up looking for his nephew, so I asked Nicholas to leave in order for me to talk to him.

I told the nasty man that I didn't like what he was trying to do to my girls and he retaliated by bringing up my relationship with Clarisse, which I didn't take kindly to because he had no right to say it. The only way to react to a prick who says something about my girl is to threaten him and I threatened him so good he must have had to clean his underpants afterwards. When I was through talking to him I slapped the snake onto his shoulder and made a smooth exit. He shouldn't cause too much trouble now.

4/8/04

Clarisse actually asked me to join her in her suite for tea earlier this evening and gave me some news – there is to be a party. What I thought she invited me up for was to tell me she'd come to a decision about us, but she didn't, she just came right out and said, "I'm throwing a party."

"Why?" I asked, thinking it might be an engagement party for the two of us.

"Because I want to test Mia to see if she has been paying attention."

My heart sank once again, "Why all of a sudden?"

"Nicholas raised the issue of her not being at one with the people."

"And you're throwing a party because of it?"

"Yes."

"Right…when?"

"Next week. Tuesday."

"That doesn't leave much time to prepare now does it?"

"Why do you think we have party planners?"

"What sort of party is it?"

"Garden. I'll give you the details later on, right now I must get some sleep, I'll see you tomorrow morning, alright?"

Feeling that she hadn't quite said everything she wanted to say, I made an inquiry, "Was that all you wanted to talk about?"

She looked at me with a put-on puzzled face, "Yes, why?"

I shook my head and stood up, "No reason."

That was one of the most awkward moments of my life, staring at her waiting for her to say something she obviously wasn't going to say. Of course it wasn't as awkward as the time I walked in on her and Chester having sex, but it came close.

So now there is all of the security to be planned for the Garden Party, I think I'll just get Shades to do it because I really can't be bothered.

6/8/04

Clarisse is still dragging her feet with the whole answer thing, it's really starting to annoy me. I went to see her again this morning and everything she said had to do with business. As we worked through the party plans together, I felt I had to question her about the seating plan because she said this party is to allow Mia to mingle with people, yet she's seated her at a table with her closest friends and family instead of people she doesn't know. Some way to mingle. Clarisse shrugged her shoulders about it and said Mia would walk around and talk to people. I excused myself five minutes later so I wouldn't die of frustration.

8/8/04

STILL WAITING FOR AN ANSWER!

9/8/04

Garden Party today.

Let me see, it started off boring.

Continued to be boring.

Didn't get any better when Mia came walking up the garden path, dripping wet because, as I hear, she was fooling around with Lord Nicholas again. Mia hasn't yet talked to me about Nicholas like she would have when she was with Michael, but I suppose we haven't spent much time together. I would indeed like to know what's going on between them.

Now I don't know for sure what they were doing in the fountain together, but I was told they fell in. I would actually believe that because it's happened before, that fountain is cursed. At one of Clarisse's 'Strictly Family and Close Friends' parties, her cousin fell into that same fountain because he was drunk and he was severely injured because it's made of solid concrete. So after that Clarisse arranged to have it padded to prevent future injuries, which is a good thing for Mia, or else she may not have the ability to walk down the aisle in less than two weeks time.

10/8/04

Busy, busy month is all I can say. It's been nothing but outings, gatherings and in today's case, parades and parties.

Yes, once again the Genovian Independence day parade was on. Since I don't feel up to describing it, I'll just give you the gist of it.

Clarisse accused me of causing them to be late for the parade, even hough it was her who showed up late! Women…

Charlotte told me Viscount Mabrey was trying to cause trouble again by giving her an unnecessary explanation as to why he wouldn't agree to wave a flag, which she ignored.

Mia stopped a little girl from being teased and allowed every orphan at the parade to walk with her.

Mia has decided to use the winter castle as a children's shelter until they have enough money to get their own.

Mia had a party, which I stayed away from and instead went to my son's house for dinner.

Lots of action today indeed.

14/8/04

Okay, I have been waiting too long for Clarisse to come to me with an answer, so I am just going to abandon my original plan and confront her myself. If she doesn't want the world to know about me she can say it to my face instead of keeping me in the dark about it. I shall ask her tomorrow night.

15/8/04

Well.

I don't know what to say.

I'm through with her.

I hate her.

Never again will I take her back.

Never again will I kiss her tenderly.

Never again will I allow her to rip out my heart and crush it a thousand times before it hits the ground.

I'm through with her.

The evening started off well, I was out doing my rounds, walking past the ballroom and happened to spot Clarisse dancing all alone. I couldn't just let her dance with herself so I skilfully swept her into my arms and swayed with her. She seemed happy at first, but then I asked her about us and watched her facial expression change to a completely opposite. That's when I knew I didn't need an answer, it was obviously no. Before I almost went teary eyed, I pulled away from her and tried to escape the room as quickly as possible, but she caught me and used that same bullshit explanation she used on me the other week when she was trying to avoid letting me ask her in the first place. She said something about the monarchy, which I translated into, "Lies, lies, lies, lies. Lies, lies, lies."

I pulled away again and stormed back outside.

I'm so pissed off with her. I know Amelia isn't the real reason, it's something she won't tell me, something she won't let me in on.

I guess she never really did love me in the first place, she was just using me for sex. I have wasted my life! Do you have any idea how that feels? To wait around for someone for practically 30 years and then find out that person doesn't and never did want you? It sucks. It sucks more than anything I can imagine.

Charlotte knows everything of course.

I went the long way back to my room and saw her walking down the hallway, she caught my arm and said, "What did you say to her?"

I sighed impatiently, "What did I say to who?"

"Her majesty. She totally just had a go at me, what did you say?"

Rolling my eyes I groaned, "I didn't say anything, now will you please let me go back to my room so I can hang myself?"

"She dumped you, didn't she?"

I swallowed…hard, "Not to put too fine a point on it."

"I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Well if you do, you know where to find me."

I walked into my suite and shut the door, falling against it as I put my hand on my forehead. I needed to cry, to let it all out. And I did, I cried the hardest I'd ever cried before. Angry and rejected is how I felt, I wanted to kill her so badly and still do. I want to stab her until she has as many wounds on her body as she's caused in my heart.

When I'd regained at least a little composure I walked over to my liquor cabinet and opened the door in search of something to drink. Half of the bottles in there were empty from last time I had fought with Clarisse, I couldn't believe it had been that long since I last had a drink.

Shuffling through all the bottles of vodka and brandy, I found a familiar wine bottle right at the back – it was the one Clarisse gave me all those years ago. I stared at it for ages thinking about my life with her and wished we'd never met. I would have been much happier as a man-whore instead of a queen's yoyo. As I thought about how she's played me all these years I grew even more angry and threw the bottle with all my might against the wall, shattering it into a thousand pieces. The red liquid inside rained all over the floor along with the sharp glass shards, it was like a visual image of what's happening to my heart.

After the mess settled I reached once again into the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of rum. That first sip burned my throat, but I soon became accustomed to it, if I'm not used to pain now, I never will be.

I drained the half-filled bottle within five minutes, then grabbed another two and took them to the bathroom. The tub seemed to take forever to fill, I sat there watching the water rise until it rose too far and flowed over the edge.

Stripping down to my birthday suit, I fell into the cold water and put my head under to breathe it in. I couldn't really feel the cold, or if I did it wasn't bothering me. It was comfortable enough to lie there for two hours staring at the ceiling. I wondered what Clarisse was doing, probably sharing a joke with Mia or taking a walk with Maurice not giving a single thought to what I might be going through.

I think I almost fell asleep in there, I wouldn't have minded, I would have been able to stay away from Charlotte if I had drowned.

There was some unpleasantness between us when I finished my bath.

Stuff happened. Stuff I'm not proud of.

I decided to accept her offer of support, so I went to her room and as soon as I got there she took one look at my face and held me in her arms, soothingly rubbing my back. I cried on her shoulder realising Charlotte is the only woman in the world who doesn't judge me. She just takes me just as I am.

Something came over me as I held onto her, something strange that I had never felt before with her.

Desire.

I wanted her. I had often thought about what it would be like to undress her, but I had never actually wanted to until that moment. She was just so compassionate, so caring and well, she was there.

Slowly I pressed my lips against her shoulder as I cried onto it, but she didn't notice, she would have just mistaken my kisses for tears. Lifting my head up slightly, I moved my lips to her neck and slid my hands up her back, gently rubbing the zip on the back of her dress. She froze as I started pulling it down, kissing the revealed shoulder, I heard her squeak my name as I performed the act.

Groaning, I made my way from her neck to her jaw and found myself being thrown onto the ground, "Joseph!"

Frantically she backed towards the door keeping a sharp eye on me while reaching behind her back trying to zip up the dress, "Listen I don't know what you think I suggested, but I can tell you this isn't it! I thought you were different to other men. I was offering you shoulder to cry on, nothing else."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I…I just need to know I'm worth something."

Stepping towards me she smiled, "Joseph you're every girl's dream, I'm sure you're worth something to someone."

I sat up and put my head in my hands, continuing to cry, "I don't want someone else, I haven't wasted my life on someone else. I've waited for Clarisse ever since we met and now we have the chance to be together and she won't take it."

Cautiously she sat down on the couch and looked into my eyes, "These things have a way of sorting themselves out, maybe she just needs a push in the right direction."

I shook my head, Clarisse doesn't need a push, she needs a shove. A great big shove off the edge of a cliff.

After apologising to Charlotte repeatedly, I left. She said we should try to forget about what we now call the "unpleasantness" and work on just staying friends. I told her I was leaving at the end of the week and she said she'd be sad to see me go, but will keep in touch.

I'm going to fly to Switzerland to marry a Swiss girl and forget all about stupid royal pains in the ass who can't commit. I've always fancied the Swiss, there's just something about them that's so attractive. Oh and apparently they're really good in bed. Already I have booked my car in for a service, the drive there should take no more than ten hours driving at 120kmph, so I should arrive at my destination no later than 7am. I'm not going to speak to Clarisse, I've already written out my letter of resignation and thrown it on her desk – she wasn't in there at the time, I made sure of that. I'll be ready to leave this place as soon as I've packed my things and I'll never have to deal with her majesty the queen ever again.

16/8/04

It seems I'm not the only one having relationship troubles at the moment. Mia and Andrew were 'fighting' earlier because Mia spent the night with Nicholas by the lake. Mia thinks Nicholas set her up, but the Viscount's housekeeper told me otherwise. I haven't had a chance to tell her yet because every time I see her she's either with Clarisse or with someone else. It's not really my problem anyway, my problem is being here at the palace. It's all I can think about. I can't even get any sleep tonight and I have to be up bright and early for tomorrow's wedding. I'm going for a walk.

* * *

Where will Joseph end up? I already know, I've started writing it. R & R. 


	49. Chapter 49

17/8/04

Oh good, there's time to write up my journal before I have to escort Princess Mia to her wedding, so I'll start off by saying I'm in a state of shock and confusion.

Last night when I went for a walk with Chloe, she ran off after picking up a scent, so naturally I followed her out of the garden, past the stables, past the lake and through a bunch of bushes all the way to a small clearing in the middle of nowhere. Not even I recognised my surroundings, only the smell. Looking around I spotted Clarisse sitting on a concrete bench smoking a cigarette with her legs crossed and her head in her hands. My first instinct was telling me to hide, so I quickly jumped behind a bush hoping she hadn't seen me, but unfortunately for me she still has that instinct of knowing when I'm near.

Looking up, she spoke, "Either I'm hallucinating or I'd say somebody was trying to avoid me."

Knowing the game was up, I stepped out from behind the bushes, "Can you blame me?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head, then motioned for me to sit down, which I did with great unease. We hadn't spoken properly since the argument, so I was lost for words.

"You're leaving," she stated.

"What reason have I to stay?"

She looked at me as I turned away from her, "Mia needs-"

"This has nothing to do with your granddaughter. Nothing."

Lowering her head, she took a drag of her cigarette and whispered, "No, it doesn't."

"So what then? What is it? You keep rejecting me over and over, I think I deserve to know the real reason, not the unbelievable bullshit you keep infecting my ear with."

I looked directly at her when I said that, I wanted her to know I saw through her lies. All she could do was sit there and shake her head, "I can't tell you, it's complicated."

"If it's that you don't love me, then just come out and say it."

"It's not that I don't love you because I do. It's just, it really has nothing to do with you."

"How can it not? I'm the one suffering here."

"It's a long story."

"I have all the time in the world."

"I don't want to have to re-live the memories, can't you understand that?"

"Not until I know."

Clarisse tried to distract me by putting out her cigarette and lighting another. I pulled it out of her hands and ripped it apart, "Tell me."

"I can't!"

She stood up and started walking away, "Come, Maurice."

I stood up as well and grabbed her arm before she could get anywhere, "Talk to me, I need to know why."

Our faces were so close to each other that I almost tried to kiss her, but I kept enough distance not to. We locked eyes and after keeping that position for a minute, we reached an understanding. Cautiously I pulled her back to the bench and sat her down, she began to speak, "Many, many years ago before you came to work here, I started a long running affair with one of my employees. You may remember Baxter?"

My eyes widened, I did remember him, Clarisse's former bodyguard whose job I took. I never knew they were involved with each other, it never showed.

"Well ever since I was introduced to him I felt an intense attraction, a great desire, something I had never felt before. He was tall, strong, dark haired and had these bright green eyes you could lose yourself in. He was older than I by ten years. We lusted after each other from the word go, we often took walks together, kissed in private, shared his bed. Much the same as what you and I do, or used to do."

I was sort of becoming even more heartbroken than I already was when she told me about him. It sounded to me as if she really loved him and cared for him up until she said, "…then he told me he was in love with me and I didn't know what to say. I didn't return his feelings, not like I do yours. It was lust, but he simply wouldn't take 'I'm not in love with you' for an answer. He kept trying to pursue me even after I let him down and being the stupid girl I was, I kept going back to him. He's the best lover I have ever known."

For a moment I wondered if she meant the best lover she'd had at that point in time, but her words suggested he was the best ever - better than me. As harsh as I thought that was, it was nothing compared to what she later said which lowered my self-esteem even more - I'll write about it a little later, but for now:

"Just before you came to work at the palace, he asked me to consider marrying him, but I was still with Rupert at the time, so I told him I'd think about it even though I had already made up my mind. A few months later I went to his suite for our weekly get-together and he asked me if I had thought it over. I told him the truth, that I wasn't in love with him and couldn't possibly marry him, but he went crazy and tried to hang himself in the wardrobe. Luckily though, the beam broke and he came tumbling to the ground before he lost consciousness. I was scared of that wardrobe ever since, and of the room itself. I couldn't face it, I almost made a man kill himself."

I nodded my head realising why she never came to see me when I was in that room.

"After that incident I knew he could no longer work here, he was insane. I asked Rupert to fire him, giving the reason that I wasn't being properly taken care of and he was gone within a week. That's when I started coming to see you, I was scared he might come back and attack me. Of course that's not the only reason I came to see you, I'm sure you remember I was going through a lot of other things at that time."

"The miscarriage," I nodded, suddenly coming up with a curious question, "Was Rupert the father?"

She gave me a questioning look.

"Of that child. It's just that the dates add up and…"

Narrowing her eyes she stared at me, "Of course he was. I was always careful when I was with men other than Rupert."

"So when does this story get to the part where you don't want to publicly be with me?"

"You have to let me finish. When Baxter found out he was being fired he attempted suicide again by this time walking into oncoming traffic. He was in a coma for two years, then he woke up one day and discovered he'd lost the use of his legs. He became very angry and tried to attack the palace without success. Remember when we all woke up that morning all the windows were broken?"

I nodded, I did remember waking up to find the windows in the palace broken, but I had lost my journal at that particular time, so I never wrote about it. Not in detail anyway. "How do you know it was him?"

"I was phoned the next day. He said it was payback time. I knew that if I told anyone he set up the attack, he'd tell everyone about us."

"Blackmail."

She took a long breath and continued, "Five years later he attacked again. Remember when the library caught on fire?"

That was another thing that happened while my journal was missing, but I remembered it.

"He had someone shoot a flaming arrow through the window. He called me the next morning and told me he would attack every five years until I was either dead or as miserable as he was. I wasn't certain about whether to believe it or not, but when he blew up the west tower I was convinced. Remember when the bomb hit just before you and I tried to make love for the first time?"

Smiling, I nodded once more – an action I had become accustomed to during the conversation. So it wasn't a plot to take over the crown after all…she lied…again!

"I became very frightened after that, I knew he meant business."

She paused to catch her breath, then continued, "The next time he attacked, you weren't there. He cut the brakes on all of the limousines, but luckily for Rupert and I, they're always tested before we're allowed to use them. The next time he attacked, he tried to shoot Rupert from a distance, but noble Paul noticed and took the bullet for him. I never got over the guilt that he died because of me. If I had known Baxter would go crazy I never would have gotten so close to him."

She took a moment to light another cigarette, "In the year 2000 he killed my dog, well he had someone drown it in the lake because he didn't have the physical ability to do it himself being in a wheelchair and all. God knows what he'd do to you if we went public."

So that was it. The reason she doesn't want to go public, because there's a small possibility I'll be killed. I'm not sure whether to believe her or not, because she's lied a lot to me over the years, but I've checked my journal and a lot of the things she said really do add up.

Back to the conversation, I protested, "He wouldn't do anything, I wouldn't let him."

Shaking her head she replied, "Yes he would. He'll get you when you least expect it."

"Well then I'd prefer to take the risk rather than live without you by my side."

She turned to me, "Well I wouldn't. I don't want to bring you into this mess I created."

"Don't you understand that I don't care? I just want to be with you and if that means risking my life, then let me be the one to deal with it."

Clarisse opened her mouth, but no words came out. I stood up and started walking away, "Joseph."

I stopped and turned around.

"I still love you, Joseph."

"I didn't think it possible for a woman of your experience to love a man."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh nothing, just that for the past 30 years I've been obsessing over what I now know is the village bicycle."

She frowned, obviously not understanding, "What does 'village bicycle' mean? I don't believe I've ever heard the concept."

Rolling my eyes I turned back around and headed to the exit of the clearing.

"What does it mean, Joseph?"

Stopping to turn around, I noticed her standing right behind me, "It means how many other of your many ex-lovers are out there that I'd have to be aware of if I were to be publicly involved with you?"

Obviously she didn't like that remark because she slapped me right across the face, "I have only ever been with four different men, four!"

"Only four?" I replied, sarcastically.

"You can talk. You claim to have been with many, many more women than I have men, although I have been doubting your honesty."

She had me cornered with that remark, I'll admit I have been with considerably more women than she has men, but I'm a guy! It's okay for me to sleep around.

Alright, so it's not, but I'm no queen and Clarisse is. She was supposed to have stayed faithful to the one man.

I asked her curiously, "What makes you doubt my honesty?"

She turned away and started walking back to the bench, "You won't be happy if I tell you."

"Tell me."

"Well," she paused, "for someone who claims to have had a lot of sexual experience, it doesn't exactly show."

"You're saying I'm a bad lover?"

"Not really bad. Boring is more the word I was looking for," she admitted, sitting down, "And I'm not just saying that because I'm angry with you for that village bike remark. You actually are really bad, but I've never had the heart to say so."

"I've had high kudos for my performances."

"Well, not from me. Do you know you haven't once found my special spot? Nobody else had any trouble."

I fell silent at that moment, it's not easy to hear from the woman you love that you're bad in bed. I decided to defend myself…poorly, "You know you're not so fantastic yourself."

"Well I'm hardly inspired."

She put out her cigarette and lit yet another one as she crossed her legs, "Next time we make love, I'll be on top. Then you can feel what real pleasure is."

"What makes you think there's going to be a next time?"

"You always come back, Joseph."

It was undeniably true, I am always drawn back to that woman no matter what.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, Clarisse, but I can assure you there will be no next time."

I started to walk away once again, it was going to be my big dramatic exit, that is until she said, "I'll give you one thing Joseph, you're an excellent kisser."

Scanning for sarcasm, I realised she was being genuine, the smile on her face said it all.

"And you score high marks for presentation," she added.

"Well I am the only man I know who showers at least once a day."

The magnetic force surrounding her started drawing me back in and reluctantly I sat back down. We stayed seated for about ten minutes staring at the ground in silence, I was thinking about how she could possibly think I'm bad in bed, she was probably thinking about the next lucky man whose life she could ruin. Suddenly out of nowhere I just blurted out, "How am I boring? What do I do differently to other men?"

She stayed silent momentarily in order to take a puff from her cigarette, then she shook her head and said, "Truthfully, it all goes rather quickly. You practically rush through the foreplay and jump straight to the sex, during which you are too soft and care too much about not hurting me. You suffer from what I believe they call premature ejaculation, and a word of advice, just because it's bigger, it doesn't mean it's better. Does that answer your question?"

BOOM went my self-esteem. How cold does a person have to be to say something like that?

"Let me get this straight, you hate it when I make love to you?"

"I wouldn't say hate, it's just not as pleasurable as I'm accustomed to."

"Well I apologise if my inadequate performance wasn't up to the queen's impossibly high standards."

"Joseph…"

"I have been told by many women that my performance is above that of many others. Do you want me to prove it to you?"

Suddenly I found myself grabbing her around the buttocks and attempting to lay her down, "I'll prove it to you."

"Joseph don't…"

Quite violently I pressed my lips down on hers and started running my hands through her hair, much to her resistance. She half-heartedly kept telling me to get off her, but when I did, she pulled me straight back on top of her. I took that as a sign to continue.

So that's what happened, we made love on a concrete bench on a cold night with only her cloak and the heat from each other's body to keep us warm. I took note of everything she told me not to do and put it to the test. I made the event last for well over forty minutes and when we were done I collapsed on top of her, desperate for breath.

As I struggled to get as much air as possible, I heard her casually say, "Better."

Better! That was it! I put in so much effort and all she could say was 'better'. God, I'll never be able to please her, perhaps it's best we're to be parting at the end of the week.

Almost immediately after I caught my breath she was lighting up another bloody cigarette. I swear she'll end up with cancer if she keeps smoking so much.

My head rested beside hers on the bench, it was a very uncomfortable excuse for a pillow, but I really needed to rest after trying so hard to please her majesty. Shortly I fell asleep on top of her, too buggered to move or say anything.

This morning I woke up to a few drops of cold water splashing down on my bare back. It was only raining very lightly, but it was annoying since I wasn't fully awake at the time. Eventually it woke me up completely. I opened my eyes and looked at my surroundings wondering where I was, then I remembered the previous night. Carefully and painfully I lifted my head up and looked at the figure underneath me -Clarisse. I don't know how she could breathe with my weight on top of her, but she managed to stay alive, or so I realised when I noticed she was awake and staring up at the sky.

It was a hard task trying to separate our bodies, mainly because my muscles were sore and my skin was stuck to hers. Nevertheless I slowly peeled myself off her and sat up, clutching my head and realising just how much sleeping on that bench would take it's toll. I ached from top to bottom.

My clothes were scattered on the ground all around the bench along with hers, picking them up I realised they were wet. After I loosely dressed myself, I put my shoes on and started regretting sleeping with her when I promised myself I'd never go back. I don't know why I can't stop being in love with her, I never thought anything could be as hard as this. When I was tying my shoelaces she sat up and slid her hands around my waist, "Good morning."

I didn't say anything, I didn't know what to say.

"Sleep well?"

I still kept my mouth shut.

"Not happy I take it?"

"This was a mistake."

I stood up, not wanting to make eye-contact for fear that I'd cry.

"Well you may think it's a mistake, but it's one I don't regret. My back might, but I don't."

Pulling my jacket on, I started to walk away, feeling her eyes on me, "You are staying, aren't you?"

The meaning of that sentence wasn't clear to me, did she mean staying there with her or staying at the palace? Either way my answer to both was a simple, "No."

With that I left and returned to my suite at the palace to take a long shower. The warm water felt so good on my skin, I was freezing from spending the night outside in nothing but a woman.

I must have spent at least an hour under the shower just thinking about her - it really was a mistake.

I took a walk outside just before and saw Clarisse out with Maurice, she seems to have already gotten over everything as usual. That's just how she is. I stared at her for ages wondering whether I should really leave or not. I've come to think that if I did leave, I'd be right back the next day hungry for her, needing my fix. I hate her so god-damned much.

Well, I have to get changed now and collect the princess from her suite in order to take her to the alter where she will no doubt make the biggest mistake of her life. I feel about as sorry for her as I do for myself.

* * *

I have wanted to write this chapter for so long it's not funny. And now, four or five days after I started it, it's finished and posted. FYI: I am continuing this story and don't worry, aserene, I've put too much work into getting the dates in order to make an alternative ending. R & R! 


	50. Chapter 50

Still 17/8/04

Well I honestly don't know what to say. Clarisse has once again laid another surprise on me, but unlike the many other times she's surprised me over the years, this was by far a most delightful event. I'm writing this in her suite because she left to visit her granddaughter just a minute ago and I have about 10 minutes left in which to write what's happened to me since this morning. Today was supposed to be Mia's wedding day, but a slight change of plans ended it as mine.

When I reached the princess's suite this morning I found her staring at herself in the mirror with her ladies maids surrounding her. I noticed she looked a little off-colour, so I dismissed everybody and asked her what the matter.

"I don't want to do this, Joe," she practically whispered as I stood behind her.

"I know you don't."

"I'm not ready to be married."

"Nobody's forcing you."

"Yes they are. If I don't marry Andrew today my family will lose the crown."

I hung my head and sighed while she stared at me, "Don't you have any advice for, Joe? You always have advice."

"I'm sorry princess, but due to my own emotional inconveniences I'm unable to think straight. The best advice I could give you is if you can't join them, beat them."

"That's an odd bit of advice."

"Well I'm feeling odd. Are you ready to leave, princess? The wedding begins in an hour."

Her face went pale when I said that and she tried to reassure herself by saying, "I am calm, I am in control and I am ready."

She repeated the words as she stepped towards me about to take my hands, then suddenly she got an attack of cold feet and ran into my arms, "How do I get out of this, Joe?"

"You'll figure something out, my dear, you always do. And even if you do end up marrying him, then you'll know you've done a great thing for your country. Don't stress yourself out by the constant reminder that you're not in love with him right now, just give it some time and you'll see."

Shaking her head she cried, "Grandma told me love never grows under pressure."

"It did for me and my ex-wife."

"But it won't for me!"

"Well even if he doesn't love you, remember I always will."

"Thankyou, I know it's not the same kind of love, but thanks Joe. I love you, too," she sobbed once more into my arm before letting go.

"Come on," I whispered, "The time has come."

The ride to the church seemed to take forever. Mia sat on the edge of the seat, gripping the material of her dress, while I stared out the window thinking about you know who. I caught a glimpse of her climbing into a limo as I was escorting the princess out of the palace to our waiting carriage, she was wearing what I thought at the time was the most ugliest jacket I have seen her wear, excluding the one she wore the day after Mia's beach incident in San Francisco all those years ago. The dress she wore underneath however, was absolutely stunning. It was a lovely blue number with golden leaves printed all over it. According to my colour chart, blue means strictly business. At first I wondered whether she was wearing it to show me that last night was purely a business affair and nothing more, but that didn't make sense, so I stopped analysing her choice of clothing and the carriage took off.

After we were well outside the palace walls, I turned to Mia and held her hand, she was shaking, "I'm scared Joe. I am so, so scared."

I hushed her and held her in my arms kissing her forehead, "Don't worry about it, it will be all over within a couple of hours."

"I'm not talking about the wedding, I'm talking about what happens after the wedding."

"How do you mean?"

"The wedding night, tomorrow morning, every day for the rest of my royal life! How am I supposed to live with a man I don't love and have absolutely no physical attraction to? Andrew's a nice guy and all, but I'm not in love with him. At least with Michael I thought I was in love so it wasn't all that bad. But now that I've experienced what true love really is, I can't bring myself to marry Andrew."

"You're upset about Nicholas."

"Yes! I know he set me up and all and it was a terrible thing to do to a person, but for some reason, I still love him."

I felt I had a duty to tell her about Nicholas and how he didn't actually set her up, but then I thought about Genovia's future and decided to keep my mouth shut.

"I'm so confused, I just don't know what to do, you know? I mean I really don't want to marry Andrew."

"Princess, I'm going to say something to you and it's all I'm going to say on the matter until we get to that church. My dear, this is your life and only you can decide how you choose to live it. Today is about you, nobody else. Whatever you decide today should make you happy. You can't please everyone, so simply please yourself."

I wasn't sure if my words helped her, but I just couldn't stand her complaining about her life when I had mine to think about. I mean, at least someone had agreed to marry her and was going to go through with it!

I sat there for the remainder of the journey thinking about Clarisse and how she's like a virus. A walking, talking virus you can't rid yourself of no matter how hard you try. I thought about how much I hated her and how much I couldn't wait to leave the palace for good, but then we arrived at the church and everything changed.

Mia was gripping my arm so hard as we walked up the steps, so I told her to be strong, I reassured her that everything would be all right and I half-believed my words for a moment. Upon entering the church we were greeted by Clarisse, I looked away as she spoke to Mia and offered her support and comfort. Almost immediately after a warm moment the two shared, Clarisse went into business mode and asked, no, told her granddaughter to meet with her bridesmaids. She and Lilly went off somewhere privately for a while and I was left alone with Clarisse. Quickly I gave my apologies and informed her I was required elsewhere, which was a lie. I actually left to stand against the back wall of the church, where I then saw her walk down the aisle to take her seat.

It took 10 minutes for the ceremony to officially begin and I spent every second of that time staring at Clarisse. She knew I was looking at her, but didn't let it show, she just went on pretending she hadn't noticed me and that everything was fine.

While in a trance, I discovered that Princess Mia was talking to me, she told me she was aware of my plans to retire. I thought the only people who knew about that were Clarisse, Charlotte and yours truly. My guess is that the maids were the first to find my letter of resignation.

Since Mia presented the opportunity, and since I had been waiting for a chance to tell her, I told her about Nicholas and how he didn't set her up, which I think made her reconsider marrying Andrew.

After our little chat, Charlotte came up and told me it was time for the Princess to walk down the aisle. I still have trouble looking Charlotte in the eye because of what happened between us the other night, but she seems fine with it. I just can't forgive myself, I don't know how she can.

Anyway, Mia was halfway down the aisle when the wedding started to get interesting - she stopped and ran out the door. When she didn't come straight back, Clarisse followed her and as head of security, I followed Clarisse. I kept the obligatory short distance away and tried to listen in on what was being said, but to no avail. The conversation didn't go on for very long, as when I looked towards them, I saw Mia walking back into the church. Clarisse started following her, but stopped in front of me for a brief second. She looked at me as if I were in the way, which I thought was stupid since I was standing there first, but nevertheless I stepped to the side and glared at her as she re-entered the church.

I watched the bottom of her dress sway from side to side as she ascended the steps and I became quite infatuated. Her legs were really beautiful, so smooth, silky and sexy. Her behind swayed so seductively that I felt like reaching out to touch it. Had it been a warmer day I could have taken her right there on the steps, but I didn't because I snapped back into reality and walked back inside to watch the rest of the wedding.

Upon return, I saw Clarisse standing at the back of the church, hands clasped together, listening to Mia give a speech. I realised the Princess was standing up for her rights as heir to the throne. She was asking the members of parliament to abolish the marriage law and allow her to rule without a man by her side.

The entire audience was hanging on her every word until Viscount Mabrey stepped in and tried to pass the country off to his nephew. Fortunately for Mia, young Lord Devereaux burst in at exactly the right moment and saved the day, saying he didn't want to be the king. To cut a long story short, Mia made a motion to have the marriage law removed, it passed and everybody was happy.

Here's where the day got REALLY interesting.

Static started to sound in my earpiece and I heard the princess ask to speak to Clarisse. I can't really remember what exactly was said, but the next thing I knew Clarisse was asking me to marry her. I thought of a thousand smart-ass replies I could have given her and there were so many questions I wanted to ask. I wanted to yell at her, tell her what a bitch I think she is and after all that I wanted to strangle her, but I didn't. Instead I decided to get her committed first and then ask questions later.

So like any normal couple, we started walking up the aisle, Clarisse said something really cute that I can't remember because I was just so stoked to be walking up the aisle with her, and the archbishop was informed that we were to be wed. I could tell Clarisse was really excited and nervous - I liked that. She was exploring new emotions, facing her fears and not giving a damn about what her so-called friends thought about her marrying someone like me. Obviously she didn't realise how many people knew we were together prior to our marriage, because when the archbishop showed his joy that we'd "finally" decided to tie the knot, Clarisse went wide-eyed and blushed.

After the vowels, came the kiss. I stood practically frozen where I was, unsure of what sort of kiss was appropriate for a royal wedding. Clarisse knew though, thank god, and she slowly leaned towards me and pressed a very soft, closed-mouth kiss upon my lips. The only thing I could hear at that moment was the enthusiastic cheering coming out of my new granddaughter's mouth. Clarisse and I broke the kiss and stared at each other, we'd been avoiding making proper eye contact since I left her naked on the bench this morning, so it was nice to look at her beautiful crystal blue eyes once again.

Five seconds after we were officially made man and wife, I found myself being hugged by Mia, who had come to offer her congratulations and to whisper into my ear, "I thought you said you two broke up."

"Well I may have left out the part where we got back together, then broke up again. Sorry."

"Alright, I'll forgive this time."

"Thankyou my darling, whatever you said to her must have worked."

"Yeah. You realise now you owe me big time, Joey."

I ignored her Lauren-like comment and walked hand in hand with my new wife over to the desk to sign the papers that went with the marriage. Afterwards Clarisse and I walked back up the aisle and outside to the waiting photographers. We were almost blinded by all the flashes, so many people wanted to get a picture of the happily married couple. We stood there for about 10 minutes smiling and kissing (tastefully) while having our photo taken at the same time. Next came the carriage ride back to the palace. My arm was so tired when we finally arrived home, we had to wave to practically every person in the country. Clarisse was used to it, but I wasn't. I was used to standing behind her and keeping an eye out for suspicious activity, not waving to everyone.

When we were halfway back to the palace, I leant in close to Clarisse and spoke a single word into her ear, "Why?"

Her smile didn't disappear when I said that, that meant it was fake. She was faking a smile on our wedding day!

"Why what?" She asked, not moving her lips, but instead looking out at the crowd.

"Why now? What made you change your mind?"

"Can't we talk about this when we're alone and not in the eye of thousands of people?"

"When will that be?"

"Later, now be quiet please. We wouldn't want to cause a scene in front of this many people, would we?"

"Of course not," I moaned, sarcastically.

I watched her continue her waving to the crowd and eagerly awaited our return to the palace. Then finally, after another hour we arrived home. Every member of the staff was out the front waiting to greet us and offer their congratulations. They all wanted to either shake ours hands or stare in wonder. I stood there pinching myself to make sure it was real and when I realised it was, all I wanted to do was pick my new wife up, take her to her suite and make love to her. But since she shot me in the knee all those years ago, I had to survive by just holding her hand and pulling her along. I couldn't wait to get her alone. I wanted to ask her every question I've ever wanted to ask, I wanted to say everything I've ever wanted to say to her and yet I still haven't had the time to do so.

When we got to her suite, we found her ladies maids waiting in the dressing room. I realised then that we weren't going to get much alone time. They were there to dress her, and dress her they did. Why it takes an hour and two women to dress one woman is a mystery to me. Can't she dress herself anymore? I've seen her dress herself before, so why does she have two women to help her and why does it take so long? All she was wearing when they came out was a slimming black V-necked dress with no sleeves. How can it take so long to put that on?

Anyway, when she came out, I commented on her dress and waited for her ladies maids to leave the room, which they did…five minutes later…

"So?" I asked my wife, not wanting to waste any time.

"So," she replied, smiling and sliding her arms around my waist, "We have about twenty minutes left until we leave for the reception, what do you want to do?"

She started pulling me by the hips towards the bedroom, but I immobilized myself and said, "I want to talk."

"Ha! Talk? Why talk when we can do anything we want and be as loud as we want while doing it?"

"Because what I want from you are answers."

"Answers?"

"Yes. I will not lay a finger, or anything else for that matter, on you until I have answers."

She threw her hands up and sat on the sofa, crossing her legs, "What would you like to know?"

"What made you change your mind?"

A sad smile crossed her face, "I didn't want to suffer the pain of having you leave again. You've walked away from me so many times over the years and I thought this might be the final straw. I hate it when you leave me and I didn't want to lose you again. Remember how after I shot you, you left the palace and married that girl?"

"Clarisse, you know her name, just say it."

"I was so depressed that every night I had to cry myself to sleep. I thought I'd never see you again."

That almost made up for all the horrible things she's said to me over the years, for everything she's ever done to me.

"I didn't know you cared so much."

"I do, believe me. I love you with all my heart."

"I love you, too. Don't know why, but I do."

Her hand lightly slapped my chest, "Is that all you wanted to know?"

"I have other questions."

"How many?"

"Thousands. But I'll start with the main ones."

She lay back on the couch, waiting impatiently for me to ask, "Alright, shoot."

"Am I really that bad in bed?"

I couldn't help but ask that question, I had been dwelling on it ever since she told me I'm a bad lover. I just had to know whether she meant it, or whether she said it out of spite.

"Actually you are quite terrible, but that doesn't mean you can't learn."

"What do I honestly do that's wrong? I don't get it."

"I don't like it because you're always in control."

"We've only made love three times, Clarisse, you can hardly say always."

"That's beside the point. You're the only man in fifty years I've let take me in the missionary position. I don't like it."

My eyebrows hit the roof, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because it made you happy. Also, you analyse everything, but let's just leave it at that, alright? Tonight I will show you how I like to make love, that is if you're not too exhausted?"

"Shouldn't be."

"Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I must attend to my granddaughter. I want to congratulate her on her parliamentary victory."

She stood up and softly kissed my lips, then walked out the door. I haven't seen her since, but then it's only been a few minutes. Hmm…I'm getting as impatient as she is.

Well anyway, there you have it! That's what's happened since this morning and I am still trying hard to make sense of this afternoon's events. We're leaving for the reception in a couple of minutes when Clarisse gets back. I'm looking forward to it because it's taking place on the royal yacht, which was specially decorated for the wedding reception. I went there the other night to take a look and I must say it's looking absolutely marvellous. All the rooms have been re-decorated because everybody is staying the night onboard on account of the fact we won't be returning to port until morning. The master suite on the top deck has been painted three different colours – green, white and blue (the colours of the Genovian flag) and the curtains have the royal crest embroided on them. I think Clarisse had the room specially designed to remind Princess Mia of why she was marrying Andrew – for the good of Genovia.

If that was the reason the room was designed that way, then the design has gone to waste because now Clarisse and I will be spending the night in there. It is after all the honeymoon suite.

I'm looking forward to tonight, we're going to dance on the deck, enjoy a gourmet dinner, leave the party early and then start a long night of questioning. If I get through all my questions, I'll allow her to make love to me in whichever way she chooses. I'm so glad the press aren't allowed onboard, because they would probably ruin the entire evening.

Well, Clarisse just came back which means it's time to go. I still can't believe she's my wife, I am going to be so happy when I realise for sure this isn't a dream.

* * *

Yay, 50 chapters!

Sorry it took so long to update, I've been getting carried away with real life. This is not the end of the story, I still have heaps I want to write and have been waiting to write for months. Finally I can do so!

R & R.


	51. Chapter 51

The reception.

It took Clarisse an extra hour after she got back from Mia to get ready, I don't know why it takes her so long, she always looks the same. I know I've said this before, but women…

She and I were driven to the docks in a white limousine, which made light work of my masculinity because it had ribbons on the bonnet. Maurice came along with us, he sat on the floor being ignored by Clarisse, who was trying to seduce me. I found it funny that she thinks I'm bad in bed, but she's determined to have sex with me at any cost.

The ride to the docks took twenty minutes and I was relieved when we got out of the car, it meant I had space!

Clarisse took Maurice by his lead and led him up the ramp to the royal yacht, I had to link arms with her to make like we're a happy couple with no problems whatsoever. Nothing could be further from the truth. It was dark by the time we entered the dining hall and everybody had been waiting patiently for us to arrive. Clarisse and I greeted our guests and then walked over to our seats. She made a little speech that went something like, "Greetings dear friends, my new husband Joseph and I are so glad you could all be here this evening to celebrate our marriage. It means so much to us that you could all take the time from your busy schedules and celebrate the joy that is our love. To many of you, the sudden decision to wed came as a great shock, we realise you have many questions to ask and we will answer them all in good time, but tonight is a night for celebration, not interrogation. Will you please raise your glasses and join us in the celebration of the coming together of two unlikely soul mates."

Everybody did as instructed and raised their champagne glasses into the air.

"Oh and if you're prone to seasickness, you may want to exit the vessel within the next ten minutes, as we will soon be setting sail for the night and not returning until morning."

After the crowd started clapping, I leaned close to Clarisse and whispered, "How do you do it?"

Then she asked, "What."

Then I said, "Make up so much bullshit in such a short time."

She discreetly elbowed me (hard) in the stomach, then we all started eating.

After dinner we all went to the outside dance floor to dance under the stars to classical music. A selection of Bach, Mozart and Strauss was played including the first song Clarisse and I ever danced together to, 'The Emperor's Waltz.' When the orchestra decided to take a break, a DJ started up his machine and put on Conga music. There is no doubt in my mind that Clarisse requested it, at every party she holds she starts up a conga line – it's quite amusing and she's always at the front. I quite like conga lines too, because I'm always second in line. I guess she likes a change from her classical music every once in a while, there's no beat to dance to, unlike the conga.

At about twelve I noticed Mia standing alone holding onto the railing and staring at the waves rushing below. She looked sad and upset, I excused myself from Clarisse and walked over to her.

"For somebody who narrowly avoided an arranged marriage today, you certainly don't look happy."

"I'm fine, Joe."

"Why aren't you dancing?"

"Because my feet are tired and there's nobody here I want to dance with."

"Not even your own grandpa?"

"Not now, I have a lot on my mind right now."

I nodded my head and took a wild guess at what she was thinking about, "Nicholas."

Mia closed her eyes, "I haven't seen him since he left the church this afternoon."

"I'm sure he'll come back. A man always returns to the one who holds his heart."

"I feel so guilty for the way I've treated him."

"Don't dwell on it, princess, it's not worth loosing sleep over considering everything will turn out exactly how you hope it will."

"How do you know it will work out?"

I turned around and looked towards a smiling Clarisse, "Because I've been there."

Mia smiled and took my hand, "I think I'll have that dance now."

The princess and I danced together for only two minutes because Clarisse very rudely cut in. I didn't see Mia after that, I think she retreated to her room to write up her diary or something.

The party raged on until I think three in the morning, then everybody except Lord and Lady Devon left the dance floor. Oh and as usual, Sebastian Motaz lay passed out in the middle of the floor – Clarisse really needs to stop having open bars.

On a scale of one to ten, the party rated about seven on my chart, it was enjoyable, but nothing could top the New Year of 2000.

If being Clarisse's escort has taught me anything, it's to know when she's had enough and right then, she looked absolutely exhausted. I took one last sip of the champagne I was drinking and headed over to her, "Let us away, your majesty."

I held out my arm and waited until she took it before slowly leading her up the stairs to our top deck suite. I could tell she'd been drinking a little because she stumbled every now and then, but she wasn't drunk, just a bit tipsy.

She had the biggest smile on her face when I lay her down on the couch, she tried to pull me on top of her but I refused to allow myself to get into that position while she was intoxicated and while I was still a little pissed off at her.

I decided to get a drink for myself and walked over to the liquor cabinet, Clarisse became suspicious, "Alright, what is it?"

"What?"

"Something's wrong, what is it?"

"What makes you think something's wrong?" I asked sarcastically.

She sat up and clasped her hands together on her knees, "Well it's our wedding night, we're all alone in this beautiful suite, the whole country is expecting us to make love, yet you refuse to touch me."

"Have you not been paying attention to me today? I told you I won't touch you until we talk."

"This again…"

"Yes this again! I want to talk to you, hear all about your wonderful life. I want to know what your childhood was like, what your school days were like, what your love-life was like, what you're marriage was like. I want you to tell me things nobody else knows, painful memories, happy memories, things or people who were special to you. For god's sake just tell me something I didn't read on the Genovian Royal Family's website."

Clarisse stood up and held onto the couch to prevent herself from falling over, "Have you ever thought that maybe I want to know more about you? All I know is that you were born in a country I despise, got bullied at school, fought back, slept around with every woman who'd have you and then came to work here. That's not exactly a great deal of knowledge, at least you had a website to work off!"

"I'm willing to share my personal details with you."

She pointed at her chest and practically shouted, "I would be willing if you weren't so damn impatient! I told you to wait until I was ready, I'm not quite there yet."

"Well fine," I said, opening a bottle of whiskey and taking a large gulp, "We'll just keep our personal lives out of this marriage then, shall we?"

I took my bottle and stormed into the bedroom, she didn't follow me, instead she took a shower. I drank very little of the whiskey, I wasn't really in the mood for it, I just wanted something to ease my stress and send me to sleep. It didn't work, I was still wide awake when Clarisse entered the room half an hour later.

She came in quietly, tip-toeing into the room and sliding on a skimpy nightgown. I was faced the other way so I didn't watch her dress, instead I stared wide-eyed out the window. Neither one of us spoke, we just ignored each other as she climbed into bed and lay still, then…

Silence.

Not a sound was to be heard apart from the waves crashing against the yacht and the soft breathing of the woman next to me. I wondered if she was going to speak, it was after all, a time where words were absolutely necessary.

I was almost in the land of nod when she finally started talking, I was dead tired, but I listened.

"I was born Clarisse Moncella Preston, May 27th 1935 in Pyrus, Genovia. I was the first and only daughter of Madeline and Harold Preston, two high court lawyers from the suburbs. We lived at 32 Main Street with our pets Princess, a white cat, and Lucifer, a black Labrador. The earliest and most painful memory of my life was the day I came home from school and discovered my beloved cat was missing. I spent the whole afternoon looking for it, but didn't find it anywhere. When my mother came home from work she told me she'd taken it to the pound, I asked her why and she told me she was sick of finding its white fur on our navy blue lounge suite. She could talk, the bitch used to shed like a Persian."

I turned around to find her lying with her arms tucked behind her head, she smiled.

"On of the happy memories of my childhood was setting her hair on fire, it was like an accidental revenge. You see, one night there was a power outage and we were forced to use candles, when my mother came and tucked me in, I hugged her with the candle still in my hand. The smell was terrible, I was the first to notice it, not that I said anything about it mind you, I just sat in bed and watched fire grow. It spread as fast as lightning on account of the fact she wore so many chemicals in her hair. Screams were heard throughout the whole neighbourhood and panic ensued as she discovered it. I blew out my candle and pulled the doona over my head, giggling softly as I listened to her curse at me from the bathroom. The next morning was very hard for me, I had to keep myself from laughing at her partially bald head, "I'm not going to let you get away with this, Missy," she said, "You're grounded for life."

Then I in my oh so innocent voice said, "But mummy, dearest, it was an accident."

My father was kind enough to stick up for me, I heard them later on that night arguing over me. I started to hate my mother because she always made my father angry, he wasn't intentionally angry at me, but after speaking to her he'd be in a bad mood. I still loved him though, he was my favourite parent by far. Mother wasn't joking when she said I was grounded for life, it lasted well into high school. She would lock me in my room as soon as I got home from school and tell me to study. I wasn't allowed to go out with my friends, I was confined to my bedroom.

Not being able to socialise really took it's toll, nobody wanted to speak to me at school because I was what they called a 'Nerd' or a 'Teacher's pet'. Often at lunchtime I'd sit in the detention room and type up all my extra credit assignments on the typewriter while Mr. Baker dealt with his detention students. I never paid any attention to them, until one of them started paying attention to me. He was an older red-headed boy who seemed to get into trouble everyday, no prizes for guessing as to whom it was."

"Chester," I mumbled.

Clarisse closed her eyes and nodded, "He'd been in detention for a whole week before he started talking to me, he waited until Mr. Baker left, then sat next to me. Our conversation started off by him saying, "What did you do? Must have been something bad."

I stopped my typing and looked at him, "What do you mean?"

"Well you've been here for over a week, you must have done something bad to end up with a detention that lasts for that long."

"On the contrary, I am here of my own free will."

"Nobody comes to detention of their own free will."

"It's not detention, it's study."

He looked at me, disgusted, while I continued typing.

"You can't be serious? What are you? A nerd?"

"Nerd is a term used to describe a capable human being."

"What's your name, nerd?"

"Clarisse Preston."

"I'm Chester."

"I'd like to say it's a pleasure to meet you, but it's not. Why are you in here anyway?"

"I egged the principle's car."

"Why on earth would you do a terrible thing like that? It's vandalism, it's against the law."

"I felt like it."

Mr. Baker came in and Chester moved back to his own seat, thus ending our first conversation. I thought he was so pathetic, not the sort of person I should be talking to, yet the next day he spoke to me again and, well, I spoke back.

"You're in here again?" He asked, "Wouldn't you rather socialise with your friends?"

"I don't have any friends."

"Oh so that's it."

"What?"

"That's why you're in here every day."

I didn't reply.

"I feel sorry for you, you should hang around with me and the guys."

"No thankyou, if it's all the same to you, I'd rather study."

"Right, then I'll just have to deliberately get detention so I can visit you and persuade you to change your mind."

"You wouldn't."

"I would. I don't like seeing beautiful young girls waste away their youth."

I don't know what it was about him calling me beautiful, but I suddenly found myself anxiously awaiting his next detention.

He came in the following day and again waited until the supervising teacher left the room, before sitting next to me, "Hello again."

I stayed quiet and avoided eye-contact with him.

"What are you doing?"

"Extra-curricular mathematics assignment."

"Fun. Here's the deal, this is my last day of detention, you can meet me at the dining hall tomorrow at morning tea."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You and I are going to hang out with each other."

"I'm sorry, I have an English assignment due next month that I must finish tomorrow."

"You're a fucken geek! If you're in here tomorrow, I'm going to get myself a lunchtime detention."

I laughed at that, but tried not to let him see. He was so determined to get me to befriend him."

Clarisse smiled and rolled towards me, obviously seeing if I was still angry with her, I wasn't really, I was quite glad she'd decided to talk to me about her private life.

"I didn't show up at the dining hall at the said time, instead I stuck to the usual routine of doing my homework. He did end up deliberately getting a detention and we spoke again, he asked me to come out into the yard, I declined. The next day it was the same thing, as was it the next day and the day after that. He made sure he had detention every day until one day I decided to give in. It was far too hot to stay inside because air conditioning hadn't been invented, so I met up with him in the courtyard and he jumped for joy. We ate lunch together and talked about our lives, he must have found me extremely boring, but he didn't let on. I think he just liked hearing my voice. He told me a lot about himself and I told him about me, we seemed to get along well. We got along so well in fact, he asked me to the school ball. My mother was surprisingly excited about me getting dressed up and going to a ball, she said it would give me a chance to show off all the dance lessons she'd made me take as a young girl. She had one of our maids make the dress for me, I was a vision in blue. Chester liked my dress, he commented on it when he came to pick me up on his motorcycle. My father didn't like the idea of me riding on a motorcycle or going out with a boy, so he had a limousine with bodyguard to take us there and keep an eye on us. Chester didn't like the idea of us being watched, so when I was at the dance speaking to my teacher about the following week's assignment, he punched out the guy and took me outside. I asked him what we were doing in the night air and he told me he wanted to be alone with me. When I asked him why, he kissed me. For a first kiss it wasn't a very good one, I kept looking around to make sure the bodyguard wasn't watching because at the time I didn't know he was unconscious. Our kiss lasted for only a few seconds because I pulled away out of shock, "What was that about?" I asked, "Why did you do that?"

"I've wanted to kiss you ever since I met you. You're such a beautiful young lady, I don't know why you hide yourself away like you do."

He went to kiss me again, but I didn't let him, I said, "Please don't, I'm not ready for this sort of thing."

"But you're of age."

"I'm not that sort of girl.

He tried to kiss me again, but I pushed him away and ran, he chased after me for a while, but he was too slow and couldn't catch up. I ran all the way home despite the fact I shouldn't have on account of it being dangerous and far away, but I had to get away from him. When I got home my mother yelled until her lungs burst because of the state of my dirty, ripped and beyond repair dress. I'd never seen her more pissed off apart from the time her hair was on fire. Something strange happened after she went to bed, my father took me into the lounge and yelled at me, aswell. I wasn't used to him yelling at me because he'd never yelled at me before, he was the loving parent. Hearing my father raise his voice to me broke my heart, his yelling consisted of, "You shouldn't have come home on your own," and, "You could have been kidnapped…or worse," also, "You're never seeing that boy again," and the one that hurt the most, "I never thought I'd have to say this, but I'm very disappointed in you Clarisse."

After he said that he turned away and wiped his face with his sleeve, the thought of losing his only daughter must have brought tears to his eyes even though he'd never admit it.

I cried that whole night, I didn't like my father being angry at me, it's like it wasn't him at all."

Clarisse wasn't crying when she told me about her life, I would have expected her to cry, but she didn't. I guess she was on the verge of tears though because she asked if we could bring the conversation to a halt. She claimed to just be tired, but I wasn't so sure. She says she'll tell me more about her life later on, so I'll be looking forward to that, until then I shall sign off.

* * *

Ok, reason this was extremely late is because I had internet problems/other miscellaneous computer problems. When my computer was having these problems, I decided to type on my very old laptop, but when I'd almost finished this chapter, it deleted itself off the floppy disk and I had to type the whole f… thing again! It turned out better this time though, so it wasn't a complete headache. I would have had this finished last week, but since I no longer have school I have to work and I've been working long, long hours.

Anywho, R & R.


	52. Chapter 52

19/8/04

At 10am the yacht docked in the Pyrus Harbour, Clarisse and I were still sleeping at the time and were rudely awakened by Mia knocking on the door telling us it was time to farewell the guests. Clarisse used some very un-Clarisse like words and basically told Mia to piss off and let her sleep. I wiped my eyes and sat up, Mia knocked on the door again.

"Grandma you have a press conference in an hour!"

Clarisse's face cringed and she punched the pillow with her fist, that's when I tried to wake her and also when I obtained a large bruise on my arm. She must have been really tired, otherwise she would have been up in a flash.

Mia knocked once more on the door and I informed her that we'd be out in a minute, she left. I tapped Clarisse on the face and said, "Wake up."

She waved her arm and tried to attack me again, but I avoided it and got out of bed. Within ten minutes I was dressed, Clarisse wasn't, she was still sleeping, "You'd better get up, you know, we have to leave."

"Can't I have just one wedding where I don't have to have a press conference the next morning? Tell Charlotte to cancel it."

"Really? You'd rather spend the day with me than being interrogated by the press? Good, we'll have a chance to talk some more."

Her head shot up, "I'm awake!"

She got out of bed and grabbed a suit from the wardrobe, "Come along Joseph, we have a conference to get to."

I rolled my eyes and said to myself, "Great, she'd rather have an interview than spend our first day of marriage talking to me."

Five minutes later I was ready to go and strangely, very strangely, Clarisse was too! It took her less than five minutes to get ready which had to be some kind of record and she looked just the same as what she would have if she had taken three hours to get ready.

"That was quick," I announced, holding out my arm for her to take it, "Come on."

The press conference went on for quite a while and we were asked many questions, some of which we didn't answer because they were too personal. I managed to catch the television version of our interview with the press when I was waiting for Clarisse to finish up putting on her face cream for the night, it went something like:

"Your majesty what was it that made you decide to re-marry?"

"Love."

"Did you think it was too soon after your late husband's death to re-marry?"

"Absolutely not."

"When did you realise you were in love with your head of security?"

"I think two, maybe three years ago."

"Your majesty, how did you manage to run a country and maintain a relationship?"

"I almost didn't, I nearly lost both yesterday."

"Will you be changing your last name to Mr. Alexander's?"

"It's a possibility."

The next bunch of questions were directed at me, "When did you realise you were in love with the queen of Genovia?"

"I think twenty, maybe thirty years ago."

The crowd immediately started gossiping, Clarisse looked lost for words – I don't think she wanted anybody to know how long I've loved her.

"What's it like being married to a royal?"

"Ask me in a week."

"Do you think this marriage will be more successful than your last?"

"I really don't think that's anyone's business, I'm not the only divorcee in the country."

"What does your son think about his new stepmother being a royal?"

"I haven't spoken to him about it yet."

"What are your thoughts on Greenpeace?"

I turned the TV off and put the remote down, Clarisse came in a moment later and kissed me on the head, "Did I miss the interview?"

"Yes," I replied looking up at her.

"Oh well…did my hair look alright?"

"It was fine."

"Just fine?"

"Beautiful."

"Good."

I directed my attention to the blank TV screen and saw Clarisse's reflection, she was wearing a white robe and had a towel on her head, "Are you coming to bed?"

"I just want to sit for a minute."

"Suit yourself."

She came and sat down next to me on the sofa, then started running her hand over my head. She smiled and kissed my cheek, "What are you thinking about?"

"This room."

"What about it?"

"We don't have to live in it, do we?"

"Why, is there something wrong?"

I shook my shoulders, "It's not good for my masculinity, too floral."

Clarisse giggled slightly, "Joseph you mustn't worry about your masculinity, it's already gone, you've proved that often enough."

"Why, because you think I'm too emotional?"

"Mmmhmm."

Blankly I smiled and walked to the main door, she yawned, "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to get my motorcycle-print pyjamas and my journal."

She shook her head and giggled some more as I left the room. I did actually leave to get my motor-cycle print pyjamas and journal, but I also picked up a snack from the kitchen because I was hungry. I re-entered the suite ten minutes later.

"What took you so long? You only live next door."

"I went to the kitchen, would you like some chocolate?"

"No thankyou, I'm watching my figure."

I placed the box of chocolates on the table and took my pyjamas into the bathroom to change for bed. When I came out the chocolates were half gone and Clarisse was laughing like crazy at my outfit, "Oh god I didn't think you were serious. You are desperate to prove you're a man, aren't you?"

Rolling my eyes I crossed to the bedroom, she followed and put her arms around my waist, "You know there are other ways you can prove your manhood."

"No," I growled, placing my hands on her hips to steer her away, "I told you-"

"I know, talk first, love later."

She took my hand and pulled me into the bedroom, "Shall we talk here or in the sitting room?"

"You want to talk?"

"Yes, I believe it's my turn to hear about you."

"But we didn't finish talking about you last night, I want to know what happened."

"Oh yes. Uh, let's get comfortable first."

Clarisse sat on the bed and got under the covers, I did the same, "Where was I up to?"

"I think you father was angry with you."

"Oh yes, well the next morning I went to school as normal, but instead of going to the detention room, I climbed on top of one of the buildings in order to hide from Chester. I cried all through recess and 3rd period. I was so upset and couldn't stop thinking about how disappointed my father was with me. I tried the whole day to avoid Chester, but when the bell rang to go home, he found me.

"I am so sorry about last night, Clarisse."

I didn't reply, my father forebode me to talk to Chester and I didn't want to disobey him again.

"Clarisse, I said I'm sorry. You're not ready to have a boyfriend, I understand that. I guess I was just hoping I could change your mind."

He looked at me and noticed I was crying, "What's the matter? I said I was sorry. Are we still friends? Clarisse?"

I stayed silent for a moment and watched a black car pull up about a hundred meters away.

"Isn't that your Mum?"

I nodded, "I'm not supposed to talk to you."

"Oh so that's it."

"You got me into trouble with my father."

"I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."

"Because of you I'm too scared to go home and face him."

"Is that why you're standing here instead of going home?"

Again I nodded.

"So what are you going to do? Hang around the school all weekend until Monday?"

"I don't know."

We watched my mother get out of the car and look at her watch, all the children in the school were rushing out the gate and she was checking every single face for me. She gave up and leant against the car, I knew if I went to her then I would have had to suffer an ear bashing.

"You wanna go home with me?" Chester asked politely.

My eyes widened, I'd never been asked to go to anyone's house before, let alone a boy's, "Okay," I whispered as the sky started getting darker.

"Come on then, my bike's in the parking lot."

Taking my hand he started leading me to the car park, I stayed on the other side of him so as not to be detected by my mother. When we got to his motorbike, he placed a helmet atop my head and a leather jacket around my shoulders, he only had one of each, so he had to ride without protection. After trying ten minutes to get his motorcycle to start, it roared and he told me to jump on. As Chester and I sped off down the street, I watched my mother walk into the reception office, she was obviously going to make an announcement telling me to meet her somewhere, but little did she know I wouldn't show up.

Chester's motorbike went much to fast for my liking, I found myself screaming for him to slow down, but he didn't, he said he wanted to get home before it started to, and I quote, "piss down with rain". I hung onto him for dear life and cried into his blazer, then when we finally arrived at his house I jumped off the bike, hit him, then kissed the ground. He laughed at me and took me by the hand, directing me to look at the house, "Welcome to my world."

The house was sort of run-down, the shutters were falling off, as were some of the weatherboards, the windows were dirty, but it was surrounded by some of the most beautiful trees I have ever seen.

"It's not exactly the Genovian palace, but it's home."

Chester took me by the hand and led me inside, the floors were absolutely filthy and the walls had grease stains and food scraps on them. He led me to the kitchen and asked me if I wanted something to drink, but because the house was lacking in hygiene, I declined. He introduced me to his mother, who was face-down on the kitchen table, she didn't speak much - I think she was drunk or passed out. His father was an absolute bastard, he took one look at me and said in his Scottish accent, "You came too far out, young lady, the Genovian Palace is back that way."

By that time I was quite wishing I didn't accept the invitation to come to his house, it was the worst place I had ever been to. His room was the only thing I liked, the floor was relatively clean, the bed was the only one in the house that didn't have yellow, or white stains on it and his shelves were lined with action figures and pieces of bark from trees. I sat down on his bed when he told me to take a seat and he sat opposite on a chair.

"So what do you think of my humble abode?"

"It's terrible."

"At least you're honest. It may be a dump, but it holds some good memories for me."

I stood up and started touching things on his shelf, "Why do you collect bark?"

"I like it. The look, the smell, the feel of it. It's very calming."

I picked up a piece which looked like it came from one of the trees out the front, he said, "You can have that if you want."

"No thankyou," I replied, gently putting it back, "My mother would probably assume there's a bug in it and light it on fire."

He laughed, "It doesn't matter, there's plenty more where that came from. What kind of person is your mother?"

"A perfectionist."

"Oh, so to her this house would probably seem like something not even an animal would live in, eh?"

"More or less."

"If you want me to take you home-"

"No I'm fine. If it's okay with your parents, I'd like to stay a little bit longer."

"You could spend the night and my parents wouldn't care."

"My father's probably worried sick about me."

"Let him worry. He'll soon need to get used to the fact that his daughter is becoming a woman and can make her own decisions. If she wants to go to her friend's house after school, he should let her."

I sat back down on the bed and looked at him, "What if she wants to stay the night?"

His eyebrows hit the roof when I said that, "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Is it alright if I stay the night? I really, really don't want to go home."

"You'd rather stay here then go back to your million dollar mansion?"

"I would."

"Alright then."

Clarisse turned to me and closed her eyes, "Joseph I need a glass of water. Be a dear?"

I got up and went to the sitting room to grab a jug of water and a glass, I then went back to listen to the rest of Clarisse's story.

"So what happened that night? Did you sleep with him?"

She shook her head and took a sip of water, "No, not that night, the next morning."

That shocked me, she'd known him for something like two or three weeks before she slept with him?

"Chester spent the night sleeping on the cold, hard floor of his bedroom, I thought it ever so nice of him to give up his bed for me. I didn't sleep much, there were too many bugs outside making noises and there was a fly buzzing around inside the room. Plus I didn't like the odour that hung in the air, it smelled of…I don't know what. I think I managed perhaps ten minutes of uninterrupted sleep that night. The clock beside the bed informed me that it was only two in the morning and I suddenly found myself wishing I were home, warm and snug in my own bed. Chester's room was so cold I felt my toes were going to fall off, despite the many layers of blankets I had on. I could actually see my breath lingering in the moonlight whenever I exhaled, "Chester," I whispered, "Wake up!"

I leant over the edge of the bed and tapped him on the shoulder, but he didn't wake. "Chester," I said a little louder. He still didn't wake, so I started shaking him until he finally moaned and woke up, "What? What is it?"

"I want to go home."

"What, now?"

"Please?"

"It's 2am!"

"I'm cold and there's too many noises here and I keep getting eaten by mosquitoes and I can't sleep."

"Look what I have to sleep on, a floor without carpeting and only a single blanket to keep me warm, you have all those blankets and you're complaining?"

"I'm not used to it. Can't you please take me home?"

"Clarisse I can't take you home now, the light on my motorbike is dead. Now I can give you calamine lotion to stop the itching and earplugs to block the noise, but I'm afraid the only thing I can give you to warm up is my body and I'm sure you'll decline that."

"Not if I'm desperate."

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

Suddenly I found myself lifting up the heavy amount of blankets and allowing him to slip in next to me. He put his arms around my waist and tried to go back to sleep, I rolled him onto his back and rested my head on his chest. I felt warm for a moment, but not warm enough, so I pulled myself on top of him and hugged his stomach. I didn't have much difficulty getting to sleep after that until about five when I woke up to him rolling over in his sleep. The sun had just about started to rise and I felt slightly warmer, I studied Chester's face as he slept and came to the realisation that I was in a boy's bed with a boy who was asleep. I became curious at what lurked below the covers and decided to use the morning light to my advantage. Carefully I lifted up the blankets and pushed them aside, then I lifted up the front of his pants very slowly. It was the first time I'd ever seen a man's genitalia and I found them quite comical, they looked much different to what I had in my pants. I looked to see if he was still asleep, he appeared to be, so I lifted up the front of my pants and compared the two.

Suddenly I was given the shock of my life, "Is my package to your liking?"

I let go of his pants as well as my own and said, "I'm sorry, I was curious."

"Sexual curiousity is nothing to be ashamed of, provided you ask permission before looking down someone else's trousers."

I turned away from him and looked out the window, "I said I'm sorry."

"Do you like it?"

"I…don't know…I…"

"I liked yours."

I felt so embarrassed that I hid under the blankets, "You looked?"

"Sorry. You still want to go home? I can take you now if you want, sun's up."

"I don't feel like going home yet, though I really should."

"So you want me to take you?"

I emerged from the covers and said, "Not yet."

His father burst through the door at that moment and yelled, "Chezzy, I'm goin' to the shops, you want anything? Fags? Booze? Condoms, perhaps?"

"No thankyou."

"You're a wimp, Chezzy, a wimp!"

He stood at the door for a while watching me and I began to feel very uncomfortable, especially when he said, "You still a virgin, Chezzy? Or did you fuck this one?"

We were so embarrassed, I thought he wasn't a virgin.

"Chezzy's a real goody-good boy. He don't drink, he don't smoke, he don't fuck any of the broads I bring home for him. A real wimp."

"I have higher standards than you, Dad."

Relief washed over me when he finally left the room, I could not believe a father would tease his son about being a good boy. Chester said he did it all the time, putting him down for behaviour that should be rewarded.

"He always does that."

"But it's so wrong."

"I know. He just wants me to be more like my idiotic jailbird brother, the pride of the family."

"Your brother's in jail?"

"Yeah, he won't be out for a while. He stole a truck, tried to run over a black fellow, committed armed robbery and wound up in prison. It was my father's influence, I hope it doesn't rub off on me. I'd rather be like my sister, she married a politician at the age of 16 and got out of this place, had two kids, a boy and a girl. I never did see her again, only on the telly when her husband was accepting his political crown."

"You miss her?"

"Yeah, not as much as mum though, she was in tears because she wasn't even invited to the wedding."

I moved my arms around his waist and lay my head on his chest, "You know hearing about your family problems have suddenly made all of mine seem insignificant. Compared to you I live in a bubble."

"You'd better get out of here before it's too late or your bubble might just burst."

I remained lying where I was and listened to what I noticed was his father arguing with his mother, I think they were arguing about money or something. Chester stared at the ceiling listening too and rubbed my arm while I started kissing his chest through his shirt – I felt so sorry for him having to live there. As his parents continued to argue I moved my lips up to his mouth and after a short pause, kissed him there too. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me on top of him, then he slipped his tongue into my mouth, it felt strange, much like it did the first time he tried to kiss me, but I soon began to like it. Moments later his hands were lightly resting on my breasts, caressing them gently and sending shivers up my spine. I pulled back in shock, "Stop…"

"Sorry, I thought you wanted me to."

"I do, I'm just a little scared."

"Oh."

We started kissing again for about four minutes before I felt his hands returning to my breasts, I let him touch them, it felt good. I slid my shirt off to let him have the full experience, then I felt a growing in his pants. I removed his shirt and started kissing his chest, he rolled me onto my back and got on top of me. We kissed a little more and soon found ourselves pantsless and frozen, "You sure you want to do this, Clarisse?"

I shrugged my shoulders and pulled his lips to mine, we then resumed caressing each other.

"Shit," he said, "I don't have any protection."

"Do you think it'll be alright?"

"I don't know, I guess I can pull out."

I nodded and smiled slightly, I wasn't too educated in contraception, so I didn't quite know what he was talking about, but we continued. Our lips re-connected, our bodies were joined and we lost our virginity to each other. It surprisingly didn't hurt like it should have, he was quite a small boy and still is. The only difference now is that he's good at lovemaking now. I don't know what persuaded me to sleep with him that morning, I think it was either the fact that he was so gentleman-like to not have made a move on me all night, or the fact that I felt sorry for him. I don't know. It only lasted for about two minutes because he was so aroused that he released his essence a little early, quite like you do, Joseph."

"Thankyou, Clarisse, you just made the last shred of self-esteem I had vanish," I cut in.

"I am sorry, but it's your own fault."

"Nobody else complains!"

"Can you please let me finish the story?"

"Sure," I moaned.

"Good. After we'd done the deed we lay in each other's arms for a while and he repeatedly apologised for being too early. I told him it was fine, but he didn't believe me. Later on we did it again four more times and he got a little better, that's when his father came in. He was eating a bag of chips and standing in the doorway, he pointed one at me and said, "Clarisse Preston, right?"

I looked at him and nodded.

"You're in deep shit, missy, parents are lookin' for ya, ya know? Think you've been kidnapped! Sent the police, the fire brigade and everybody after you."

"Really? Oh god."

"Didn't look too happy when I saw em on the TV."

"They were on the TV?" I started panicking, "I need to go home."

"I can give you a lift," his father announced, raising his eyebrow and smiling.

"No, dad, it's fine, I can take her home."

"But I'm on me way to the pub."

"I can take care of her, okay dad?"

"Have it your way, sonny Jim."

His father observed the abandoned clothes on the floor and said, "Oh aye, I see what's going on here. You two fucked, didn't ya?"

"Dad get out!"

"It's nothin to be ashamed of, lassy. Listen missy, when you're finished with him, I'll let you have a go with me."

He stood at the door staring at me and licking his lips, that's when Chester got angry, "Dad, get the fuck out or I swear I'll kill you!"

"Bring it on, boy!"

His mother started dragging him out by the collar, "Peter, pick on someone your own size! He's your son for god's sake!"

We waited until their voices drifted away, then Chester turned to me, "Sorry about that, my dad always tries to start shit with me."

"He's a bit like my mother. They'd be perfect for each other."

"You think?"

I nodded and stared at my clothes, "I should go."

"Do you want to?"

"I have to. Thankyou for letting me stay and for being so gentle with me, I had a wonderful morning, despite the last few minutes."

"I did too."

He started kissing me and we ended up having sex another two times, then we got dressed and he took me home. I had him drop me off a little up the street so nobody would see, then I farewelled him and walked inside. Nobody was home, my parents and the maids were all out looking for me, it gave me a chance to shower and dress before meeting with them.

When they got home my father hugged me and kissed me and thanked god I was alright, my mother stared evilly at me and told me I wasted a valuable seventeen hours of her life. When asked where I was I lied, though I can't remember what I said."

Clarisse took my hand and caressed it with hers, "I think I'm now entitled to hear something about your childhood."

"But I'm really getting into your story, I want to know what happens."

"You'll find out once I know a little more about you."

Settling under the sheets I looked at her and put my hands behind my head, "Well I was born Joseph M. Alexander, November 5th 1935 in Miami, America, to parents Cameron Alexander and Jennifer Potter."

"What does the M stand for?"

"What M?"

"In your name."

"It doesn't matter."

"Tell me," she smiled.

"No, you'll just make fun of me because it will enhance your theory."

"What theory?"

"It stands for Mary."

Clarisse could not help but laugh at my middle name, I was used to it though, "All the kids at school thought it was as comical aswell."

"I'm sorry," she laughed, holding up her hand, "But you're right, it does make the theory that you were born a woman come alive."

Rolling my eyes I turned away and waited for her to finish giggling, "Alright Joseph, I think I can contain myself, go on."

"I started my life in a loft across the road from a brothel, when I was twelve I used to watch from my bedroom window at all the different types of men who went there and categorised them into four groups. There were the ones who wanted a change from their long-term partners, usually forty and over, the ones who were fat and unattractive, enough said, the ones who worked long hours and had no time for a relationship…and then there were the virgins. Watching the entrance of the brothel was one of my favourite hobbies, I even asked my parents to buy me a telescope for Christmas so I could try and peer into the windows, of course they thought I wanted it for stargazing. I looked through the telescope at all the windows on the second floor of the brothel, I would see the men undress the women, have their way with them and leave shortly after, I would also see some of the women being abused by unhappy customers. I used to wonder what it would be like to be with a woman, but I never had enough money to go over there, I was too young anyway. Come high school, I started presenting myself to the girls as a charming individual, but nobody was interested in me. It took a whole year before any girl would speak to me, then one day out of the blue a new girl came to the school and was seated next to me in class. Prudence was her name, she was bright, funny, beautiful and thirteen years old, I was hansom, dashing, talkative and also thirteen years old. We instantly became an item and were together for three days before she took me to the back of the library and had sex with me…I only lasted a minute."

"So nothing's changed," Clarisse joked - I was not amused.

"Prue informed the whole school of my performance and dumped me the next morning. From then on my name became, 'Quick Joe.' I hated her for that, I even changed schools because of it."

From the corner of my eye I noticed Clarisse giggling, "What?"

"That's…haha…that's a very appropriate nickname."

I sat up, "You know I really don't appreciate you teasing me about how long I can make love when I'm trying to tell you a story."

"I'm sorry," she laughed again, "I'll stop now."

"Good, because if you laugh just once more I'll-"

"I've stopped!"

"By the time I reached my eighteenth birthday I had slept with half the women in the area, including a small range from across the road, however I didn't spend a cent. That's my childhood in a nutshell."

"What did your father do for a living?"

"He was a car salesman."

"And your mother?"

"I used to say to the children at school: she sells sea shells by the sea shore. Which was the truth, she'd go down to the beach early in the morning to collect all the pretty shells that had washed up on the shore, then she'd clean them, make necklaces, bracelets, everything you can imagine and then she'd sell them to the Japanese tourists."

"Are you serious?"

"Of course. She used to take her table and tent down and set up shop in the sand. The business did surprisingly well until somebody else started up their own seashell-selling business and sold everything for half her price. My mother went broke and had to get another job or face living off my father's money, which she was far too independent to do. She eventually did get another job, it was close by, across the street in fact."

"She worked as a hooker?"

"For a while, my father didn't know about it, but one day he went there for change of woman and got paired up with her, they didn't speak for a whole month. Two weeks after the incident, she got a job at the supermarket."

"And how did that work out?"

"Quite well. She had a special job in the back storage room, exchanging sexual favours for job promotions."

"That's terrible."

"My father found out about it and the two of them separated for a while. I lived with my mother for one year, then my father the next, then my mother again, then just as I was about to go back to my father, they reconciled and were more in love than ever. They finally decided to get married."

"Your parents sound very strange."

"Indeed they were. Well I've finished my story," I announced, "Are we going to continue with yours or do you want to go to bed?"

Clarisse sat bolt upright and stared wide-eyed at me, "Excuse me? My story was, I believe so much longer than that. Why don't I get as many details?"

"Well my childhood was really pretty average, nothing special happened to me."

"But still…I told you so much more, I was talking for two nights, you were talking for two minutes!"

"Clarisse, I have honestly told you everything to know about my childhood, I don't think there's anything I've forgotten. Perhaps you could think of something?"

She shook her shoulders and said, "Well, did you participate in any extra-curricular activities for example, a sport?"

"Oh yeah, I played a lot of tennis. So much so, I ended up with tennis-knee and stopped. I was the best in the under 16's, I went to the district finals, the state finals and then the nationals, it's where I met my first long-term girlfriend. Her name was Marissa, she was fifteen years old, five-foot-seven, weighed about 60 kilos – most of which was in her breasts – she had blonde hair, blue eyes and the most luscious lips I've ever tasted. At first we were just friends, then she started flirting with me and slapping my buttocks whenever I walked past. I found that whenever I was playing tennis and she was in the audience, I would perform better, it was my way of getting her full attention. All the boys in school were after her, but she chose me to be her lover. We slept together about fifteen times over a period of one month, but she refused to be the one who had sole responsibility of contraception. Since no man wants to shower while wearing a raincoat, I told her if she didn't go on the pill I would leave her. The next week she told me she saw a doctor and went on the pill, so we continued our relationship for two months, then she broke up with me. I never saw her again. She gave me no explanation as to why she broke up with me, she didn't even say goodbye, she just dropped out of school and went into hiding. I still have no idea what happened to her."

"You're an asshole," Clarisse whispered to me in disgust, "She wouldn't go on the pill so you threatened to leave her? That's sick."

"I was young, I didn't like having to put a thing on every time I wanted to sleep with her."

"It's not our fault we're the ones who bear children, you men need to take some responsibility, too."

"Clarisse, it happened ages ago, I don't need to be interrogated now."

Crossing her arms, she sighed, "It's still wrong."

I made an exasperated sound, "Is there anything else you wanted to know or should we go to bed?"

"I think I'd rather sleep than hear more about your mistreatment of women."

"It's not as if I don't regret it, Clarisse, I've grown immensely."

"So you should have."

"You know I believe it's your turn to talk now."

She snuggled down under the covers and exhaled, "Tomorrow. I'm tired and want to go to sleep. Goodnight."

Leaning over her, I kissed her cheek, "Night."

So there you have it, that's the story of what was said tonight.

Clarisse has to work from 8am – 8pm tomorrow so I have to occupy myself some other way. She says we'll go on our honeymoon a week after Mia's coronation and we won't tell a sole where we're going. Clarisse wants to go to Paris, but I told her it's the obvious choice and that we should go to America. She thought I was making a 'sick joke,' but I was serious. I don't know why she hates it there so much, I can't even say "I think it has something to do with…" because I have no idea. She and I have decided on going to Frankfurt. It should only take an hour by plane, I look forward to it. Clarisse and I should have fully reconciled by then and if we haven't we'll know there's something terribly wrong with us.

Well I'm signing off here because I'm also tired and desire sleep.

* * *

Woah, it's finally over! (not the story, the chapter.) I had heaps of fun writing it. I hope you all had fun reading it. Review please. 


	53. Chapter 53

20/8/04

Clarisse was and already up and working by the time I got out of bed, she was filling out papers, replying to letters of congratulations and signing important documents. I walked into her office at about 10:30am after showering and sat in a chair opposite her. She didn't seem to notice me until her ladies maids left the room to give us some privacy.

"Oh hello," she smiled, pulling off her glasses, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I just came to see you, wish you a good morning, give you these…"

I handed her a dozen roses, eleven real, one fake.

"Thankyou my darling, but what's the occasion?"

"I just wanted to show you how much I love you."

She blushed and smelt the flowers, then took a good look at them, "Joseph I think you've been swindled! There's a plastic one in here."

Smiling, I prepared to make my cheesy statement, "Clarisse, I will love you until the last rose dies."

Her eyes went into thinking mode as she analysed what I said, then she smiled and whispered, "That is so sweet, thankyou."

Kissing her softly I felt an overwhelming urge to take her right there on the desk, but instead I smiled lovingly and mentally cursed myself.

"Are you busy?" My lovely wife asked.

"Not at present."

"Good then," she said picking up a pile of small gift cards and placing them in front of me, as well as a clipboard, "You can help me write thankyou notes to all of the people who bought us wedding gifts."

I pulled my chair closer to the desk and observed the two hundred odd gift cards, "We have to thank all of these people?"

"Of course we do, one cannot simply receive a gift and not thank the person who bought it, it shows a lack of gratitude!"

Picking up a card, I started to read, it was addressed to Mia and Andrew on account of the fact that they were supposed to get married instead of Clarisse and I.

Clarisse and I, that sounds so nice, I can't believe she finally married me after so many years…hmm…

Anyway, since it was addressed to them, I asked Clarisse why we were the ones who had to reply, she said it was because the gifts became our gifts. According to the list of gifts and who they were from that Clarisse had made, I was thanking somebody for a set of bath towels. The next few gifts on the list were bath towels as well! And the next few after that. Honestly, who the hell needs forty sets of bath towels? The fact that they were all white, except three, made the gifts even more superfluous than they already were. Oh well, it's the thought that counts. Most of the presents on the list had something to do with the bathroom, there were salts, bombs, bubble baths and would you believe, two shower nozzles.

My favourite of all the gifts we received was a small box. There's nothing particularly special about the box, it's just an ordinary light purple wooden box with two non-identical locks and keys (one key for me, one for Clarisse). The meaning behind the box is what makes it special, you're supposed to put it on a shelf in your bedroom and write messages on pieces of paper to put in it. The messages are supposed to describe your feelings, thoughts and emotions. Every night you're supposed to take the box from the shelf, sit on the bed with your partner and read what the other has written. The box can only be opened if both key holders are present. The box is supposed to help prevent couples from drifting apart, I think it's the best idea ever, Clarisse claims not to understand the meaning of it. When I told her my thoughts about it she said it would probably cause a significant increase of my female hormones and she would have full rights to declare me a woman. I can't help it if I'm more emotional than her, she just doesn't understand me.

Clarisse tried to convince me she didn't know who it came from, but I sense she does. I have absolutely no idea who could have sent it, but whoever it was, I'd like to thank them.

Anyway, back to this morning…

After we wrote 185 thankyou notes to people we either didn't know, or didn't like, my dear wife informed me that we were to have a portrait painted of the two of us together. Rather late of her to tell me at the last minute, she said she told me yesterday but I don't remember.

A professional painter called Pietre Leisare came to paint us, but he hasn't finished yet, it still needs colour, but it should be done by tomorrow morning. The pose he put Clarisse and I in was a very boring one, much like the one of she and Rupert hanging in the throne room, except it was me standing behind her, not him. According to Clarisse the painting isn't supposed to be interesting, it just has to show us in a royal state. She chose to pose in a sort of dull pink suit and made me wear a black one, I don't think the portrait will turn out nice, I should ask the man to re-paint one in the pose of my choosing.

Paintings aside, Clarisse and I used "the box" about an hour ago. I wrote a few things during the day, mainly, 'My legs are sore,' which referred to the portrait posing, 'Stop trying to seduce me,' enough said and, 'I want to talk." I'm not sure if they're the sort of feelings you're supposed to express, but it's just the beginning, I'm sure we'll figure it out soon. Clarisse laughed at the first two little notes I had written when we sat down to read them, but for the third one she didn't say anything, she just nodded and asked me not to read what she had written.

Despite her unwillingness to comply, I lifted the pink card and started to read, "I feel confused and puzzled as to what I should write for this, however I know it's important to you so I'll just write how I'm feeling right now. I'm glad we married, I'm glad everybody approved and I'm glad we've stayed together through good times and bad. I feel proud to have you as my husband as well as lucky. I'm so happy we sorted things out. Is that what I'm supposed to write?"

Lowering the letter I looked at her and smiled, "Yes, that's exactly what you were supposed to write, thankyou."

I allowed myself to kiss her softly and soon found myself groping her chest and attempting to lie her down on the bed, we were rudely interrupted by Amelia knocking on the door, "Joe? Are you in there?"

Clarisse attempted to ignore her granddaughter and pulled me on top of her, but the knocking sound really irritated me, "Yes princess."

"Oh, okay, can you come to the door please?"

I rolled off a red-faced Clarisse and listened to her whisper, "Joseph, why did you have to tell her we were in here? I was enjoying the intimacy."

"Clarisse, we have our whole lives to be intimate, can't it just wait a minute?"

She rolled her eyes and I got up to answer the door, "Good evening my dear," I said to Mia.

"Hey Joe. I was just wondering," she started before looking at Clarisse and biting her lip, "I was just wondering…"

"Wondering what, princess?"

Mia looked at Clarisse again and lowered her voice so only I could hear, "Could we go somewhere and talk privately? I have something on my mind and I can't talk about it in front of grandma yet and-"

"Of course we can go somewhere and talk, just give me a minute?"

Walking over to the bed, I told my wife that I was needed and she seemed a little jealous and annoyed. When Mia and I walked out the door, Clarisse had her arms crossed and was frowning slightly, I didn't know what to make of it.

I took Mia by the arm and started walking down the hallway towards the stairs, then I asked her what the problem was, but she wouldn't tell me until we were in private.

To cut a long and very, very boring story short, Mia was telling me about her plans for Nicholas - she wants to marry him, but he isn't anywhere to be found. She asked me to find him for her, but I declined and said I'd send out a search party. I just don't have the energy to find him myself, I'd rather spend my newfound personal time with my wife, admiring her beauty as she works…hmm.

Clarisse isn't allowed to know about Mia's plan to find Nicholas until he's found and engaged to her, I think Mia just doesn't want her to see that she's heartbroken or something like that, I don't know.

Anyway, when I finally got back to Clarisse, she was really pissed off. Her arms were still crossed and she was sitting up in bed with a book in her lap, "You certainly took your time."

"Did I?" I asked, removing my jacket.

"A suspicious fifteen minutes," she said, book marking a page and placing it on the bedside table.

"Suspicious?"

"You were with my granddaughter for fifteen minutes, what did you do in those fifteen minutes?"

"We talked, I can't tell you what about, but we talked."

Her eyes were on me as I removed most of my clothes and hopped into bed, "You just talked?"

"Yes, we just talked."

I put my arm around her and went to kiss her, but she didn't let me, "What do you think we did?"

Clarisse didn't reply to that, she just turned off the lamp and went to sleep. I don't know what her problem with me talking to her granddaughter is, perhaps she's jealous that I left her alone when talking to Mia? I find it hard to understand women sometimes, especially Clarisse, but I'm not going to dwell on it, I'm just going to finish up here and go to bed.

21/8/04

Well today was certainly a day of great annoyance.

First of all, Clarisse wasn't there when I woke up.

Second, she wasn't in her office when I looked for her.

And third, when I found her sitting in the library, she wasn't alone. She was with her good old friend…Chester.

The two were startled when I walked dumbfoundedly into the room, Clarisse sat pretending to smile at me as she secretly tried to hide a few tears in her eyes. Chester, or as I call him 'he', stood from his chair and held his hand out to me, "I don't believe we've ever been properly introduced to one-another. I'm-"

"I know who you are, another one of my wife's ex-lovers."

He pretended to laugh, but quickly said, "Yes and you're the man who finally snagged the woman of every man's dreams, especially mine."

Clarisse wiped her eyes and stood up, "Chester, would you please excuse us for a moment?"

He nodded and Clarisse dragged me out of the room, "What's he doing here?" I asked.

"He showed up this morning and told me he needed to talk."

"Oh so when he wants to talk it's fine, but when I try-"

"Joseph don't start!"

"What did he want to talk about?"

"You and I."

"Why? Is he jealous? Did he come here to break us up? To turn you against me? I noticed you were crying."

"I was crying because he was bringing up bad memories from the past."

"What sort of bad memories?"

"Rupert's and my wedding day, the time I fell off the back of his motorcycle-"

"What!"

"I don't want to go into detail now. I just want you to promise that while he's here you'll be civil. I don't want you two to argue about who I rightfully belong to, I don't want you to squabble, or get into a fight am I understood?"

"But what's he doing here?"

"I don't know exactly…"

It turns out he came just to make me look bad in front of Clarisse.

Seriously.

It all started at lunch…

We were sitting at a small square table in the garden, he sat opposite me, Clarisse sat on my right and Mia on my left. We began eating our lunch and making light conversation, but everything went downhill when he decided to kick his own chair. Everyone paused as they heard the small screech of the chair along the ground and they immediately looked at me as if I was the one who did it!

No less than two seconds after we resumed eating, he did it again, "Joseph are you having trouble controlling your body?" Clarisse asked.

"I didn't do it," I said bluntly.

He kicked his chair again and grinned evilly at me, while Clarisse and Mia stared in my direction, "I didn't do it!"

"Joseph, if you can't settle, then I think you should leave."

"I told you I didn't do anything!"

"Keep your voice down," she whispered rather loudly.

Chester leaned towards her and said, "It's alright, I'm sure he didn't mean it, he's just feeling a sense of unease."

I couldn't believe he would kick his own chair and then make some ass-kissing comment. He is so immature.

He stopped after that and I couldn't help but wonder what was going through Mia's head. I wonder if she knows who he is, who he really is. She's met him before, but I don't think she knows that he's the one who popped her grandmother's cherry, or that he's been in prison for whatever it is he did – I still haven't been told, but I think it was drugs. To Mia he's just a friend of her grandmother's, nothing more. If only she knew…

When dessert came, I looked under the table I pulled up the tablecloth because I thought I heard something under there, and to my horror, I saw his hand rubbing Clarisse's left knee – the one that was closest to me. I think what he was trying to do was make it seem like it was my hand touching her. I got so angry, but I kept myself calm enough to discreetly place a fork on my lap ready to stab his hand with it if I saw it touching her again. I waited long enough to make it not seem suspicious, then I grabbed the fork and thrust it as hard as I could into his skin. The sound of a woman screaming made me realise Chester had moved his hand by then and I'd accidentally stabbed my wife's leg instead.

She screamed, boy did she scream.

It must have hurt pretty bad because there was quite a lot of blood. Clarisse was so angry with me, she had to be cleaned up and bandaged, she's (by choice) refrained from walking for the next two days, so she's using a wheelchair and deliberately keeps crashing into my legs with it. She can't understand why I inflicted pain on her for no reason, nor can she forget it. I tried to tell her it wasn't my fault, I tried to tell her the truth but she wouldn't believe me.

Chester's sucking up to her more than he was before, he scored a lot of brownie points with her today, enough to score an invitation to an evening drink.

At 8pm Clarisse was in the shower on a special "cripple shower stool" and I was commanded to stay outside the bathroom door so she could yell at me some more while she bathed. I was silent the whole time, I didn't mean to shove that fork into her, but she just wouldn't understand so I didn't bother trying to explain, I just took all the shit she yelled at me.

During her shower, I heard a knock at the main door and opened it. HE was standing there with a large bottle of wine and a wicked grin on his face, "You're a very bad boy, Joey."

My muscles tightened when he used that name, but I once again had to control my anger. He handed the bottle to me and sat down on the sofa, "I still can't believe it."

"Believe what?" I asked.

"Clarisse. She never wanted to get married, never wanted children, at least that's what she told me. Now look at her, two kids, one of which is deceased, she's on her second husband, claims to be in love, but I just can't see it."

I walked over to the armchair and sat down, "You think I'm not good enough for her?"

"I don't think you're her type."

"What is her type?"

Letting out a long breath, he scratched his head, "Rich, powerful, well groomed, classy. She was destined for greatness. I'm surprised she picked you, really I am, Clarisse despises men with facial hair. Didn't you notice Rupert was always clean-shaven?"

"I never thought about it."

Chester took a cigarette from his pocket and lighted it, then relaxed back on the couch and stared at the ceiling, "So where did this all come from? How long have you two been together?"

"We've been on and off for approximately five years."

"Is that all?"

"I think it's a long time to not be married to someone."

He blew a large cloud of smoke into the air and sighed, "Do you love her?"

"Very much."

"And she feels the same way?"

"Well obviously she wouldn't have asked me to marry her if she didn't."

"So she's never actually said it then?"

"She has, infact, quite a few times. Look I fail to see where any of this questioning is leading."

He took a puff of his cigarette and put it out in the ashtray, "I just want to know if it's true, if she's actually found love."

"She has and I'd thank you not to interfere."

Closing his eyes, he faked a smile, "You know I used to think she was too heartless to love anyone, but it turns out she just couldn't love me."

The bathroom door opened and Clarisse (still yelling at me) wheeled out with a white towel wrapped around her. She saw her old friend and faked a smile, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realise you'd be here so early. Joseph, get Chester a drink will you? I need to dress."

I stood and cleared my throat, while Clarisse wheeled into her dressing room.

"Scotch," he grumbled as he rose from his chair, "God she looks good in a towel."

That remark angered me somewhat, I mean, Clarisse is my wife! Mine! It was nothing compared to what he said next, "Of course, she looks even better without."

My hands shook with rage as I poured his drink, and they continued to shake when he told me he enjoyed fondling her breasts at Clarisse's birthday party last year. I was so close to hitting him then, so close I had to swallow some ice cubes to cool me down. They didn't help because he wound me up some more and I couldn't restrain myself – I just jumped right on him and started thrashing my fists hard into his chest. I think he wanted me to attack him, I think he wanted Clarisse to come out and scream at me some more, I think that was his plan all along, to get in her good books and make me look bad. I hate him I really do.

Luckily for me I didn't cause too much damage and he agreed to keep quiet about my assaulting him, I think Clarisse must have asked him to be discreet. It wouldn't look too good for the press to see me attack a man after only a few days of marriage.

Anyway, as I was beating him, Clarisse screamed at me and told me to stop, but he was laughing so I kept hurting him until I got tired and stormed into the bedroom. Fourty minutes passed and Clarisse came in and told me to, "Get the fuck out."

It was the first time I'd ever heard her say that word, she spoke it quickly and stared evilly as I stood from the seat by the window.

"Clarisse-"

She raised an eyebrow as if she was interested in what I had to say.

"He was saying things about you."

Her hand flew up to silence me, "Joseph I asked one thing of you today and that was to be civil, yet you acted like a child, inflicted severe pain on me, fired up an argument with my oldest friend and when you got angry you violently attacked him."

"Because he-"

"I don't want someone like that sleeping in the same bed as me, you can find somewhere else to spend the night."

"If you'd just listen to me then perhaps you'd understand."

"There's nothing you can possibly say to me to excuse your behaviour, now will you please respect my wishes and leave."

I realised trying to reason with her was pointless so I left and am now back in my old room. It should only be for tonight, Clarisse seems to be making a habit of going to bed angry with me and waking up feeling sweet and caring. I wish she would believe me over him, she may have known him for longer but it doesn't mean he's not a liar. God I wish he would just die and go to hell.

* * *

OMG! Finally updated it! Sorry I've been really busy cos I've got a real job now and work really long hours. I'll try to post more often in future.

R & R!


	54. Chapter 54

22/8/04

This morning after I woke up from Maurice and Chloe liking my face, I looked around and found my wife sitting on the side of the bed. She didn't look very angry and I was somewhat relieved that she didn't have divorce papers in her hand. Maurice backed down and stepped on my genitals before jumping off the bed to sit beside Clarisse.

"If you've come for a morning bitch, then I'm not interested," I said turning away from her and attempting to go back to sleep.

I'm 97 percent sure she was offended by that because she elbowed me in the back and made me look at her again.

"A morning bitch? Well just for that remark I've decided not to tell you that I forgive you."

Rolling my eyes and groaning, I felt her get up and shout, "Come Maurice."

"Wait!" I grabbed her skirt and pulled her back, "I'm sorry."

"Oh are you Joseph?"

"Yes."

She sat back down, "In that case, I'll stay a few minutes."

There was an awkward silence.

"Joseph, Chester told me it was his fault."

"Oh it's about fucking time you saw him for what he is."

"Joseph mind your language."

This was a stupid thing to say considering she said that word just last night!

"So you forgive me then?" I asked.

"I forgive your anger, but I can't condone your actions, you behaved badly."

"Clarisse, I'm not going back to anger management if that's what you're about to suggest. As long as you keep that pathetic excuse for a human being away from me and away from you, I can control my anger."

Clarisse looked at her hands and sighed, I'd still like you to go."

"No, that's my final word."

"I wish there was someway I could force you to go, but there isn't."

She got up and walked to the door, "I have a busy morning, I'll meet you for lunch later."

"Okay."

Her sad smile as she walked through the door made me realise just how hard life must be for her. She has a duty to please everybody, but it's an impossible task. I'm going to be glad tomorrow (yes, tomorrow) when she's not queen anymore, it means she'll be free from most royal duties and she'll have time to just be herself…with me.

Chester had left the palace early in the morning, I think an hour before Clarisse came to see me. I was relieved that he wasn't there when I woke up, for it meant no complications, no arguments and nobody to avoid.

When I had my lunch with Clarisse, she didn't say much, she looked awfully drained and tired. She told me she hardly got any sleep because she was nursing her 'friend' back to health all night. I bet that means they slept in the same bed, god I hope for his sake he didn't touch her - I'll murder him!

The rest of my day consisted of reading, working out, walking, watching Clarisse work, buying new socks and discovering a dungeons and dragons club in one of the tunnels under the west wing. I didn't even know anyone in Genovia had heard of dungeons and dragons, let alone played it. I recognised some of the people there as gardeners and security interns. Oh and Shades was what I think is called the "Dungeon Master". Shades! Who would have thought it?

In the evening I ate dinner with my wife and she started talking about the coronation, I almost forgot that it was tomorrow because unless I'm making the security plans for something, I won't remember what day it's on. It doesn't really matter though because all I have to do is show up.

Later…

This evening when I entered our suite, I noticed it was very dark. White candles were lit everywhere, there was soft piano music playing in the background, the curtains had been changed from floral patterns to flowing red velvet, the fireplace was ablaze and I could smell a musky scent in the air. As I walked further into the room, I saw Clarisse standing behind one of the bed curtains. She was dressed in the same red velvety material the curtains were made of, which on her colour chart meant she was openly hungry for love. She looked very calm and relaxed when she walked up to me and took my hands, "Joseph, I know you want to wait a bit longer before we re-rekindle the physical side of our relationship, but I thought that since this is the last night I'm going to be queen we could forget about it and simply enjoy one another's company."

My hands slipped around her waist and I looked dreamily at her, "How many drafts did you go through before deciding on those lines?"

"Not one, it came straight from the heart."

I raised an eyebrow and she giggled, "Alright I went through two."

Both of us started giggling and I suddenly found myself giving into her. I wanted to love her and it was my last chance to make love to her as a ruler, after tonight, she's just a normal person…a normal person who just happened to be queen.

So we undressed, drank some wine, got into bed and had one amazing night. She decided to show me how she likes to make love and I have to admit, it is better. We couldn't get enough of each other, we made love over and over again until two in the morning and we then called it a night.

23/8/04

I'd like to announce that my granddaughter, Mia will now be known to the world as Her Majesty Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi, Queen of Genovia.

I'd also like to announce that her grandmother, Clarisse Moncella Renaldi Alexander is finally free after years of service to the country she was born in.

My happiness cannot be measured today, I have my wife to myself for a whole week and then afterwards we're going to start working on plans for our new house. Clarisse informed me that since she doesn't approve of 'resident grandmothers' or of herself being one, we're moving into our own place. I'm looking forward to seeing how our house will turn out, all I know at the moment is that it's not going to be small, that's for sure.

I suppose I should write down what happened today, being such an important day in history and all…

First thing in the morning I was woken to the bed sheets being pulled off my naked body, I moaned Clarisse's name and told her to put them back on, but my wish was not granted. It was a very cold morning and I was very tired, so I looked around to see where the blankets were and what time it was – 10am. My eyes fell shut again, but I noticed that there was a lot of noise being made, unbeknownst to me, there were about ten people in the room. Instinctively I covered my genitalia and sat up to take a proper look around – flowers were being changed, the windows were being cleaned and the lovely red curtains had been taken down to be put away for another romantic event. There were at least four people buzzing around Clarisse in the dressing room trying to get her dressed in her pre-coronation outfit, which is the technical way to describe the clothes she'll be wearing up until the coronation, where she will change into her formal dress.

Still covering myself up, I got out of bed and looked around for my clothes, unfortunately they were nowhere to be seen so I had to continue using my hand as protection from any wondering eyes while I walked over to the bathroom to find towels. The towels in the bathroom, along with everything else, had been sent out for cleaning, so I found myself resorting to running naked down the hall to my old room to find some clothes. Strange to say the only thing left in the room was the bed frame, as Clarisse had ordered everything to be moved into her suite – nice of her to mention that to me…

Again I ran stark naked back to Clarisse's suite and went straight for the closet where my best suit was waiting patiently for me to wear it.

Half an hour later I came out of the closet (no sarcasm please) to an empty bedroom where my wife was sitting on a freshly made bed with a small box in her hand. She smiled and motioned for me to sit down, "I have something for you."

"What is it?" I asked, accepting the box from her hand.

"Rupert gave it to me on our wedding day and it's been in my jewellery box ever since. I want you to wear it as a symbol of new beginnings and a welcoming into royal life."

_Great, a hand-me-down _I thought before opening the box to find a very royal looking, very red and gold brooch with a 'G' on it, "Thankyou, my darling," I said, kissing her forehead, "It's nice."

I was about to put it back in the box, but she practically shouted, "Aren't you going to put it on?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Yes I want you to, why do you think I brought it out of hiding? I want you to wear it."

Taking the brooch back out of the box, I attached it to my jacket, "Happy?"

"Yes," she replied before leaning back and admiring it proudly, "It suits you."

Forcing a smile, I stood up and asked her if she wanted to eat with me, she declined with the excuse she had some final documents to sign. I ended up eating with Charlotte even though I felt really awkward about it, and then I went to see the princess. She asked me how the search for Nicholas was going, but since I hadn't talked to anyone about it since the day I sent the team out, I had to lie and tell her we had a lead. She gave me a sad smile and asked if I would lend her an ear for a while. More or less she just wanted to tell me how scared she was about the coronation and how she had to grow up very quickly. I explained that I think she'll make a good queen once she's settled into her role. She went off to be alone.

Three hours later I went back to my suit and heard Clarisse complaining about her formal coronation dress. I hadn't seen the dress at that point in time, so when she came out wearing this beautiful long sparkly golden gown with matching long jacket, I was off in dreamland. It was a very nice looking dress and it had me momentarily lost for words.

"Clarisse, I…wow," I said when I came to, "You look so…wonderful, so royal…so delicious."

I started nuzzling her neck and for a moment she giggled, but that didn't last long because she sort of pushed me away and told me not to ruin her makeup.

"My darling I don't think I've ever seen you look more beautiful than you do right now."

She raised her eyebrows and smiled, "I beg to differ, I was more beautiful before these layers and layers of fat came along," she said, pulling at her stomach, "Don't you think I looked better?"

Smiling in amusement, I shook my head, "You're funny, you know that? The way you take what's supposed to be a compliment and turn it into a debate."

She pretended to look insulted, "It's…my job."

I turned serious, "Not for much longer, twenty minutes until you're no longer the most powerful woman in the country."

Her smile left as the words passed through my lips and she paused for a moment, "Joseph do you think Mia is ready? I mean REALLY ready?"

"I do and I think you will make a very fine resident grandmother."

Slapping my chest she turned away and made a 'pfft' sound, "You know how I feel about being a resident grandmother, Joseph and you know being one is the last thing on my mind."

"So when are we moving out?"

"As soon as our house is built."

"Oh great," I replied sarcastically, "So we should be out of here by let's say…next century."

The look on her face after I said that scared me, she must have felt too insulted to speak.

"Well you are doing the designs aren't you? It takes you six weeks to pick out which wallpaper to use for the toilet."

Clarisse was frowning so hard her lips had almost disappeared, she spoke firmly, "If I weren't so terrified of wrecking my manicure I would dig my nails into you neck here and now."

Backing away from her I pondered making an excuse to leave just to get away from her terrible gaze. Her eyes were so full of fury I thought she was going to explode, but when I informed her there were only fifteen minutes left to go and suggested we make love, the evil look disappeared. She seemed reluctant at first, only about getting her hair messy, but she gave in and informed me that should one hair be out of place, it was on my head. With Clarisse on top of things we managed to have the best lovemaking session ever, well that's how it felt from my point of view – she still insists she's had better.

My self-esteem level: -215.38

By the time we'd finished, Clarisse was running late for the coronation and she made herself even later by stopping to fix up the tiny little out of place hair on her head. She had to run straight down the hall as fast as she could to make it in time. I didn't follow straight away, instead I paced myself and arrived by her side just as the coronation was about to begin. I waved to Mia, who was looking very nervous and excited on the other side of the staircase, and she pointed down below to where none other than Nicholas was standing. I held my thumb up and she smiled, mouthing the words, "Thank you."

As she and Clarisse were about to descend the staircase, I noticed the hem of the golden gown had tucked itself into the back of Clarisse's underwear without her noticing. I was going to let her walk out and be totally humiliated, but I knew I'd never live it down, so I untucked it and she spun around with her mouth open, "What are you doing? Why aren't you down there?"

"I'm going, I'm going!"

Since I wasn't allowed to use the stairs I walk down every single day, I had find an alternate route to the first floor. The shortest route I could think of was running to the other end of the palace, going down those stairs and running all the way back. By the time I did that, the ceremony was almost over and everybody was singing the Genovian anthem. I took Clarisse's waist and stared lovingly at her thinking how lucky I am to be a part of their family.

After Mia was officially announced queen, there was an after party – dinner and dancing. We didn't stay for long, because Clarisse and I wanted to start our honeymoon ASAP.

So we left the party and walked out the front as soon as it hit 3pm. I was surprised to find a very small, very shiny, silver sports car waiting for us on the lawn. "Whose car?" I asked, hoping damn well it was going to be mine.

"Good, it's finally here," Clarisse smiled.

"You know this car?"

"I ordered it from Germany as my wedding present to you about two days ago. Next day delivery my a-"

"It's for me?" I quickly interjected, "I love it."

Clarisse smiled as I asked if I could take a closer look and she laughed when I noted the features of it.

"Electric windows, leather seats, air conditioning, power steering…CD player with surround sound and a subwoofer. Clarisse, this car is amazing! Thankyou!"

Okay, well it's not as amazing as it could be - it's only a two-seater, but hey the rest of the car makes up for it.

Clarisse had the maids bring our bags down and load them into the boot, there was hardly any room in the boot though, so Clarisse could only take two large suitcases instead of five. I told her she probably won't need many clothes anyway and to my surprise, she laughed even though her ladies maids were standing right behind her.

At 4pm after saying a proper goodbye to Mia, Clarisse gave a short speech thanking all of the staff for many years of loyal service, I thought it was a very nice thing to do and they seemed happy to be acknowledged for five minutes.

Afterwards we set off, Clarisse stared out the back window and watched Mia and Nicholas kissing passionately in the distance, "How quickly that girl moves on…what ever happened to Michael? They broke up a month ago and already she's with someone else?"

She watched me as I drove, but I kept my mouth shut, as shut as I could keep it to avoid shouting, "YOU WERE WITH ME FOR TWO YEARS AND I WALKED IN ONE NIGHT AND FOUND YOU FUCKING YOUR EX!"

How glad I was to be able to contain that and not start a quarrel, which would have certainly ended our marriage.

Instead of going to where we originally planned to go on our honeymoon, we decided to take a detour to France, but as we drove along some rocky mountain shortcut Clarisse had informed me was safe, our honeymoon temporarily came to somewhat of a halt. Since my lovely new car wasn't built for four wheel driving, or for that matter, mountain driving, both of my front tyres popped and we're currently stuck on sort of a cliff. Both our phones are out of range and because we didn't plan on travelling off-road, we didn't think to pack a C.B or C.V radio (whatever they're called). Clarisse seems quite calm considering our circumstances, but that's only because she's been here before…with HIM, the man I despise more than anything in the world excluding paedophiles. Clarisse said she used to come up here with him all the time as a teenager on his motorcycle and they'd sleep under the stars enjoying each other's company.

Yuck, I don't want to think about those two together, I've already seen it with my own eyes and have spent a couple of years trying to forget it…

Clarisse and I had a bit of an argument when I decided to go for help, she didn't want me to leave her there alone, which is understandable, but she didn't want to come either. That's why we're stuck up here, because she appears to not mind having to sleep on rocks and use the ground as her toilet.

I must say, it's actually not that bad.

It's nightfall and she's leaning up against my chest staring out at the bright lights of the city in the distance (Paris). From where we are it's a very beautiful sight, even Clarisse is enjoying herself.

So actually it's turned out to be quite a pleasant honeymoon night, apart from the fact it's starting to rain and I have to put my journal away before it gets soaked.

So I'll finish here and say a pleasant goodnight to all!

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A/N: Seriously, I apologize for the verrrry slow updates, I've got too much of an active life now that I'm working. Thanks for the reviews, everyone, much appreciated. Now it's time to R & R again. 


	55. Chapter 55

23/8/04

Last night after I put my journal away, Clarisse and I had another little chat, mainly her speaking of when she used to come up to the mountain with he who shall not be named, aka Chester – okay I named him. She said she used to sneak out of her house every Friday night and he'd pick her up around the corner and take her up to their special little spot under a pine tree. He'd carve their initials in the bark while she admired the view, trying to ignore the engraved love hearts…I really didn't want to hear any more about her ex-lover, so I changed the subject and asked her to continue telling me about her life.

"Well," she sighed leaning back in the car seat and staring at the raindrops sliding down the window, "What would you like to know?"

Shrugging my shoulders I said, "I don't know, something that has nothing to do with your dear orange-haired friend."

"Well I'm out of ideas."

"How about you tell me how you came to be the Queen of Genovia? Your relationship with Rupert. Where it all started. I know a little, but like everything concerning you, I assume it's all lies."

She snorted and turned to me, "You want to hear the truthful version?"

"Please."

"Alright then, where do I begin? It all started when Rupert's friend was falsely accused of sleeping with a minor, my parents being the best lawyers money could buy were defending him – Rupert was paying. My mother and father spent a lot of time at the palace and often had to take me along with them because they didn't trust me to be left alone in the house at age 18, well my father did, my mother didn't.

When at the palace, I was often left alone in the guest room with nothing to do, so I used to explore the place whenever and wherever I could. There were a lot of strange things to see and hear in that place, for example, when I walked past the maids I could hear them muttering about how the queen mother, who later became my beloved mother-in-law, liked everything to be cleaner than it could be. When I walked past all the empty rooms in the basement I used to shudder and hear voices, which I now realise were communication pipes leading from upstairs. I never liked the east wing, the west was my favourite, for it held a great and rare gem amongst it – Jacqueline (Jackie) Maree Victoria Renaldi – a.k.a: Rupert's mother.

I came across her on a cold winters day on my regular palace prowl, it wasn't the first time I'd come across a member of the royal family, but it certainly was more pleasant than the time I walked in on Rupert's Uncle in the bathroom. She spotted me standing in the doorway as I was sneaking past her suite, she looked pale and sick, yet she asked me to take a seat.

"What are you doing wondering around the royal wing?"

"I…I got lost, I couldn't find my way back to the main entrance."

"Lies, child, do not tell me lies. How did you get past the guards?"

I knew the game was up, so I told her the truth, "I threw a coin in the other direction to gain their attention, then ran through the door…you must not pay your staff well if they scrounge around for 50p."

Her laughter filled the room and she smiled at me, "You're a lovely girl, you know that? Such a pretty face, such humour and that dress – oh what taste. I'm in heaven. State your name, girl."

"Clarisse. Clarisse Preston."

"Oh, the lawyers' daughter. The very girl I hoped to meet, I didn't imagine you'd be so cheeky or have such superb looks…are you married?"

My eyes shot open, "Married? No, I've only just come of age."

"You're of legal age to marry?"

"Well yes…what are you getting at?"

"Sit down my girl," she screeched, grabbing my hands and forcing me to sit in front of her, "I have a proposition for you."

"Do I want to know what it is?" I asked.

She released my hands and leaned into her chair, "Most certainly you will. You see, my son, Rupert has gotten himself into a bit of a mess and I want you to help him get out of it. He thinks he's in love with somebody and is planning to marry her before next year."

"What does this have to do with me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well I was sort of hoping you could come between them, she doesn't want to be queen and she doesn't want Rupert to be king. He's seriously considering abdicating, but if he does, there is no Renaldi heir to rule. Can you imagine what will happen to the throne of Genovia if it's passed on to somebody not of Renaldi blood?

"Why it would be terrible, fatal even."

"How would you like to be queen?"

My heart skipped a beat, "Queen?"

"I want you to wed Rupert."

"Wait a minute, you want me to marry your son? Not possible, I can't marry a stranger, especially one far older than I. Besides I'm already seeing someone, so I'm sorry, but my answer is no."

I stood and walked over to the door, but before I could push it open, she spoke again, "Don't you care about the future of Genovia? Don't you love the country you live in? It will all go to rack and ruin if he continues his pursuit of this woman. You can help save it, consider it your duty if you must, to marry my son and keep the Renaldi bloodline alive. If that doesn't convince you enough to marry him, then think about yourself, it's not just the country you'd be helping, you'd also be helping yourself by assuring wealth and recognition for you and your future children. There are so many reasons why being royal benefits you. Imagine never having to lift a finger, never having to wash dirty clothes, never having to learn how to cook. You'll have a rich man to settle down with, a family that's raised for you, you'll have everything done for you up until the day you die. It's a wonderful life to lead, Clarisse, I enjoyed my time as queen and I'm sure you would too. Think about it, my dear, Rupert is a man, he's a King. Thousands of girls would love to be given the opportunity to wed him. I'm handing it to you on a plate, girl!"

"But I don't even have the opportunity, you said it yourself he's with someone. Besides, what makes you think I want all of that?"

She closed her eyes and slowly opened them, "It's what every girl wants. I can arrange a meeting for the two of you, all you have to do is show up, be the charming lady you are and he'll melt like butter. Think about it my dear, it could be the best thing that ever happens to you."

"But what if he doesn't-"

"Men love it when younger women – especially as young as you - pay them attention. Trust me, he'll fall at your feet."

"And if he doesn't?"

"Then you obviously haven't tried hard enough. Please help Genovia remain as we know it. Keep it the beautiful and civilised country it has been for so many years."

I stood at the door for a few minutes trying to decide what to do. I hadn't met Rupert, yet I was already pondering marrying him, he did after all have more to offer than any man who had shown me even the least bit of interest. Besides, I respected the Renaldi rulers and did not want their 500 year-long reign to end.

After I exited the room, I walked down the hall hugging myself and noticed a large door ajar. I looked through the crack and discovered it was none other than Rupert's suite. To my surprise he was in there, no doubt with the woman his mother had just been talking about. She had long, dark curly hair and very dark skin, beautiful long legs and a tattoo right across her lower back in curved letters that read _'Rupert'._

Obviously they had just made love because he was fiddling with his shirt buttons and she was facing him naked. I was going to give them some privacy by leaving, but they were fighting about something, so I couldn't help but stay and listen. They were fighting about the woman I had just met, obviously there was a mutual dislike between Jackie and…I think Fiona was her name. She was shouting at Rupert telling him his mother didn't like her because she was black and he replied by saying she just needed to get to know her better. She started screaming that if things continued to be unpleasant they would have to come to some arrangement of not seeing each other, he told her it would never happen and that he would follow her anywhere, then their argument came to a halt as he stormed out of the room. Luckily for me he was so angry he didn't notice me kneeling behind the door. After watching Fiona cry on the bed for a while I heard footsteps and ran as fast as I could in the other direction so as not to be seen.

Later on I went back to the guestroom and found a maid standing there with a white envelope in her hand. It was an invitation to Rupert's Birthday ball that Jackie had asked to be given to me. I knew she wanted me to attend in order to present myself to her son, so I accepted and went to my very first royal ball.

Jackie and I came up with a series of plans beforehand to get Rupert to take an interest in me, we had a plan A, the traditional plan B and a drastic, last resort plan C.

I still remember the dress I wore – I was a vision in gold, I looked like a princess. The guards opened the doors to the ballroom and I felt so special, so much like I belonged there. Rupert hadn't entered at that time, but his mother was there in a dress, which matched beautifully with mine. She gave me a nod of acknowledgement and turned her head towards the staircase where Rupert walked out with Fiona. She whispered something into his ear as they descended and he frowned at her. It was obvious they had been fighting again and since they danced the first dance together and no more, I thought it time to pounce.

Rupert hadn't been able to keep his eyes off me that whole night, I didn't know whether it was because my dress was blinding him or because I was always near his mother, but every time I looked at him he was staring at me and I couldn't help but stare back - he was a very attractive thirty-six year old man. We ended up dancing together and his unofficial fiancée was giving me nasty looks. She waited until we were close to her and then stepped on my dress causing me to trip and fall into Rupert's arms. She became even madder and ran out the door - he chased after her, but his mother pulled him back and told him he should never chase a girl, she then went on to say he should stay more focussed on his job and stop fixating on what she called his "whore". Rupert was incredibly angry, I think he would have slapped her had they not been in company. After giving Jackie the look of death, he proceeded to chase Fiona.

Later on Rupert came back looking exhausted and apologized for leaving me in the middle of a dance, he then took me in his arms and swayed me around the dance floor trying to forget about whatever had happened outside with Fiona. At the end of the dance he apologized again and went to stand beside his mother, who later on told me what was being said. She said their conversation went something like:

"Clarisse seems like a lovely girl, Rupert, why don't you marry her?"

"Because I'm going to marry Fiona. Who is she anyway?"

"The daughter of the lawyers defending your friend in his latest court case. Pretty, isn't she?"

"Beautiful."

"She just turned eighteen."

"Did she?"

"Perfect age for bearing children."

"Yes. Perhaps you could fix her up with one of your friends?"

Rupert walked away and joined the rest of the party, while I went to talk to Jackie.

"He's not very interested, I think it's time for plan C," she announced, quicker than you could say chips on Friday.

"Surely it need not come to that."

"I'm sorry, I thought you were serious about saving the country?"

"I am…it's just…I don't have much experience with matters of the heart."

"Who said anything about a heart?"

Taking a deep breath, I took a sleeping pill from my purse and went to do what I had to do – place it in his drink.

A few hours later I walked into Rupert's suite where he lay unconscious on the moonlit bed. I carefully removed his pants, jacket, tie, shirt and underwear, then observed how even more attractive he was without clothes on. Quietly I scattered my own clothes all over the floor, messed my hair up and climbed into bed with him. When morning came I woke up to him staring at me with a horrid expression on his face, he obviously though he had gotten drunk and had a one-night stand with me, which was exactly what I was hoping to achieve.

"Good morning," I whispered, running my hand through my messy hair and wiping my eyes, "I hope I wasn't too disappointing, your majesty."

His eyes widened and he began acting strangely, his forehead started sweating and he ran quickly into the bathroom to wash his face. I felt horrible for tricking him into thinking he slept with me, but it was the only way to save the country."

"Clarisse, if I may interject for a moment, how did that help to save the country?"

"Well if you'd allow me to explain, dear Joseph, you'll find out. You see, I returned to the palace the following week and lied to him, telling him I was pregnant with his child. He knew what scandal would come if the country knew he impregnated a women of only 18 to whom he wasn't married, so he tried to reason with me by offering a large sum of money to keep my mouth shut, but I refused and told him the only thing I wanted from him was his hand in marriage. He hit the roof and absolutely refused, until I mentioned Fiona's name and how it would ruin their relationship.

The next night he came to me and begged me to give up the non-existant child, but I wouldn't allow my plan to crumble, I told him I was going to have his baby and I was going to rule the people of Genovia at his side, or else I would have words with Fiona. Since he'd rather lie than admit to her he cheated, he told her he was going to rule Genovia with or without her by his side. Of course, she didn't want to be queen, nor did she appreciate his sudden change of mind, so she left the country and went to live in the states. Three weeks later Rupert and I were man and wife, though it pained him greatly to say 'I do' and 'until the day I die'.

I still remember the first words he spoke to me when we walked into the honeymoon suite on our wedding night, he asked, "How could you marry someone you don't know or love?"

And I replied, "You did!"

Then he said, "I was given no choice. I can't believe I once thought of you as an innocent little girl without a heartless bone in your body…I guess you really are meant to be queen. I hope your life is filled with the same mindless chatter and endless parties that drove my mother to a life of foul play and bitchery."

With that he left me alone.

Rupert had a hard time getting over everything that had happened and spent many nights sleeping in the room next to ours. He wouldn't touch me at all for the first few weeks of marriage, he wouldn't even kiss me goodnight or do anything to acknowledge my existence. He was angry with me for blackmailing him, but he was even more angry when he found out I wasn't pregnant.

Two months into marriage we had a breakthrough, he accepted that whether he liked it or not I was going to be a part of his life forever and nothing he could do would change that. He started showing slight signs of affection and would stay with me at night occasionally. At that point I realised I hadn't seen Chester since the day I was married, so I was happy to at least be intimate with someone, especially someone the whole country expected me to be in love with.

When Rupert and I made love for the first time I was frightened because, although I had gotten to know him a little better, I couldn't shake off the horrible feeling that I was with somebody almost twice my age. He was a fully-grown man - I was barely out of high school! Despite that, I had a marvellous time and continued to for over a month, until I became so at-ease with him that I told him the truth. Rupert wasn't happy, he called me a lying bitch, a whore and I think he said something about his mother being vindictive for putting me up to it. As much as I tried to apologize, he wouldn't calm down, nothing I could say or do would make him forgive me for making him give up the love of his life. I suppose had he not been so worried about the media, he would have divorced me as soon as possible and ran after Fiona, I know he wanted to, but it would have caused the biggest scandal ever.

After that incident, he ignored me for months on end and would spend all day working and all night huddled in a corner of our bed. Soon I discovered I was pregnant with Pierre and when I told him, he wouldn't believe it. He thought I was faking another pregnancy. I couldn't blame him though, I wouldn't have believed me.

When I began to show, he started trusting me, however he still wouldn't forgive me…until Pierre was born. His immediate love for the boy was obvious, you could see it in his eyes the way he adored him. Pierre made him so happy, happy enough to forgive and forget, to move on and to finally accept me as his wife and queen. We began living as if we were a happy family, he stopped thinking constantly about Fiona and he even started holding civil conversation with Jackie again."

"Quite a story," I stated.

"Yes," she replied, smiling weakly, "I could go on."

"Not tonight, darling, I'm much too tired. But thankyou for sharing it, I feel quite informed now."

"Talking about these things with you certainly does help deal with a few unresolved issues I have with myself, I've never told any of these things to anyone but you. I guess we have a sort of…spiritual connection."

My eyes widened – did she say spiritual connection?

"Clarisse, I think I'm starting to like you, you're being so…nice…normal…human."

Her eyes closed and she smiled, "I'm not looking forward to sleeping in this car."

"You should have bought me a panel van."

"A what?"

"Never mind."

There was silence for a while, we sat alone in the dark listening to the hard rain falling on the metal of the car. Had there been thunder I would have been worried about even heavier rain and landslides, but thankfully the sky cleared up and the rain stopped before it could happen. It was lovely being alone with my sweetheart up somewhere where there was no chance of anyone disturbing us, we hadn't had that for a long time.

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Again, sorry it's late. Thanks for reviewing, time to write another review thx. 


	56. Chapter 56

Still 23/8/04

Clarisse and I had to have been stuck on that mountain for at least twelve hours. The only reason we were saved is because I was having difficulty sleeping and walked down to the main road after she dozed off and waved down a car. I used some person's car phone to call for help and returned without Clarisse knowing I left her. Early morning we were found and escorted off the mountain to the nearest garage where we bought some very expensive, but high quality tyres and went on our way.

The car was quite filthy on the outside, despite the rain, so we went through the car wash. It wasn't one of those ones you see in movies where the car moves along a conveyor belt or something, it was one where you drive in, turn off the car and wait about ten minutes while a machine cleans, waxes and dries your car for you.

Clarisse must have been really bored because she spent a whole minute trying to tune the radio, then she gave up and jumped on top of me. It was very squashy and oh so squeezy trying to make love in that car, her head kept hitting the roof and I was dealing with the full body of her weight on my lap. I asked her why she couldn't wait until we got to a motel and she said because she thought it would be romantic…

Romantic?

She explained that the misty spray on the glass was like summer rain tapping on the window, the foamy scrub reminded her of how we take bubble baths together, the wiping of the sponges brought swimming jellyfish into her mind and the blow dryer caused her to think of a cool breeze blowing in from the west.

I commented on how poetic she was being, but in my mind I was asking myself why I married such a freak. She's been having weird personality changes ever since that blessed day when we married, she seems happier, more in touch with herself – more human.

Instead of going to France, we decided to simply stay on the border at a motel located in the middle of nowhere. We ate a nice meal, watched a few movies and had a wonderful bath together - the bathroom here is fancier than Clarisse's one at the palace! It has maroon walls, a chandelier, white laced curtains and a large bathtub trimmed with gold. Pretty much what you'd expect for six hundred bucks a night. The bedroom isn't as fancy, but it still beats the décor of our suite at the palace. We're planning on staying here for the whole week, but Mia rang earlier and said she's finding it hard to juggle a new boyfriend and her new job, so I wouldn't be surprised if she rang up and begged us to come home.

So I'm going to be spending the week waiting for that inevitable call beckoning us to travel back north and resume our royal duties.

For now, I am going to lay back in bed listening to my wonderful wife breathing peacefully beside me as she attempts to enter the land of nod.

24/8/04

Mia called us early this morning, but she rang to invite us to the opening of a new orphanage, I told her we couldn't make it. I don't want to travel back just yet, I want to spend some more time just lazing around, eating luxurious food, sleeping in a large comfortable bed, making love in it with Clarisse.

By late afternoon I was beginning to get bored, so I suggested Clarisse and I go and see a movie, she asked rather curiously, "A movie?"

"Yes, I hear there's a lovely cinema in town right next to a French restaurant, I thought it might be a nice way to spend the evening."

"Possibly…but my favourite television programme is on tonight."

"Then tape it!"

"…tape? Wouldn't that be considered illegal piracy?"

I shook my head and walked away from her laughing.

"Just be ready by seven and dress nice."

She straightened up her jacket and gazed at me, "Which movie are we to be viewing?"

"We'll decide when we get there, but I don't want to see a chick flick."

That was a lie, I do want to see a chick-flick.

People think that because of the way I act and dress I'm automatically into action/adventure or spy movies, but I actually prefer a good lovey-dovey feel good chick-flick.

As were driving up here yesterday, I saw a sign at the cinema saying they were going to screen 'Titanic' every night of the week for a whole week. Secretly I want to go and see it, but I don't want to let on, so I'm going to let Clarisse pick the movie then pretend to be disappointed when she chooses Titanic - her most favourite movie in the world. Nevertheless, I will "agree" to see it with her and we'll both be happy.

Well, I'd better get ready to go, Clarisse has just started on her face, so she's about two hours into her getting ready…only one more to go.

24/8/04 (after the film)

Tonight certainly didn't go to plan…

First off, Clarisse couldn't quite decide whether to change her blue underwear to black underwear…I said:

"Clarisse, I'm going to remove them at the end of the night anyway whether they're blue or black, so really it makes no difference to me."

Then she wanted to call the palace to see how her god-damned dog was doing, but I accidentally made her upset by saying:

"Hopefully it's dead in a gutter somewhere."

Then she wouldn't come out of the room after I apologized repeatedly and begged for forgiveness.

"It was a joke, darling, I swear."

And finally, when she did come out she wanted to drive the car, to which I simply replied:

"Over my dead body!"

All this before we'd even gotten to the cinema!

When we arrived at the Frenovian Cinema Complex, I asked Clarisse to pick a movie…she said, "Why don't we see that new car-chasing movie that's in no way different to all the previous car-chase movies? You should like it."

"Actually, I want you to pick something you would like, don't focus your attentions on me."

"Oooh! They're screening Titanic! But you wouldn't want to see that, would you?"

"As much as I despise that movie, if it would make you happy, I could very much oblige to go and see it."

"No don't be silly, I'll simply choose something else."

Clarisse must have gone through half the list trying to figure out what to watch, in the end much to my disappointment, she picked a horror film. I sat there the whole time shielding my eyes from all the bloodshed and guts that were being spilled all over the place. Clarisse, to my surprise, couldn't contain her laughter – she was the loudest person in the cinema, and the most embarrassing person to sit with. Halfway through, I walked out of the room and ran straight for the toilet. I felt sick from the sight of blood and vomited three times. After the movie Clarisse rang me and asked me "where the hell" I'd gone, I told her I was in the toilet feeling quite ill from the pop-corn, then I told her I'd be at her side in a matter of moments.

Later, we sat at a restaurant and had a look at the menu – to my horror, everything was in French. I attempted to translate the menu, but I couldn't remember any of the French language I learnt in the forth grade. I didn't want to offend anyone by asking what the choices were, so I picked three courses and waited thirty minutes for them to appear on my table.

"Bon appetite!" The waiter announced, pulling the lid off the first course, revealing raw meat with a side-salad.

"What on earth did you order that for, Joseph?"

"What IS it?"

"Raw beef and salad it looks like, I hope you're not planning on eating it," she laughed, bringing a full fork of grilled steak to her mouth.

"What am I supposed to do with it? Put it on my face if I get a bruise?"

She looked lovingly at me and smiled, "If Maurice were here, you could slip it under the table. When Rupert took me to an Asian restaurant on one of our anniversaries, I ordered something that he assured me was delicious, but turned out to be sheep testicles. He only told me what they were after I'd swallowed one – after that the rest went to my dog."

Giggling slightly, I focussed my eyes on Clarisse's bag and pondered emptying the contents of my plate into it. Shaking my head I knew that if I did do it, I'd regret it later, so I sat there poking it with a fork and trying to spread it out over the plate to make it look like I'd eaten some, but there was just too much damn meat!

I thought about paging myself and pretending there was an emergency, but I couldn't think of anything. Another thing I thought of doing was ringing the fire alarm, but that would have ruined dinner for at least fifty other people.

The waiter was the first (apart from Clarisse) to notice I hadn't eaten anything, "Something wrong, monsieur?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"You haven't touched your food."

"I'm…uh…I'm waiting for it to ah…cool down."

"Is too hot for monsieur? No worry, I get you another."

With that he took the plate and came back with…drumroll…

A practically frozen plate of raw meat.

"Great," I moaned, "Thankyou…ha…looks delicious."

Clarisse was covering her mouth and trying not to laugh at me, I took that as a go ahead to dump the meat in her bag.

I was staring at that plate for another ten minutes while thinking about how to get Clarisse to look away while I piled it into her bag, I tried the _'oh what's that thing in the sky?' _tactic to try and get her to look away, but she was too quick and I only managed to get a spoonful in it. My next plan was more successful, though I felt bad for the poor waiter. I tripped him up and let Clarisse attend to him while I stuffed the entire chunk of raw meat into her bag. We sat back down and apologized to the waiter, then wait for it…

Clarisse got up to use the toilet.

Seriously, couldn't she have gone before I settled on the idea of tripping the poor man over?

I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my chair, which wasn't built very well considering it collapsed from under me and gave me my kamuffins.

So all and all my attempt for a romantic night was a complete disaster, but I'm finally able to have some rest and relaxation here in our suite.

"Joseph," Clarisse just asked, "What is your dinner doing in my handbag?"

Uh-oh, I'm in for it now!

Night!

* * *

A/N: Shorter, I know, but it's either this or wait another few weeks. Review please! 


	57. Chapter 57

24/8/04, later on…

Clarisse wasn't very happy about me leaving raw meat in her purse, in fact she threw it at me and demanded I buy her a new one straight away, so I guess we're going shopping tomorrow…

Damn!

I hate shopping with her, she goes to all the high-class, high-priced shops, spends at least five grand in each, then afterwards she eats lunch at the most expensive restaurant she can find and I usually have to play the gentleman and pay the bill which is usually a whole week of pay.

Not looking forward to it…not looking forward to it at all…

25/8/04

As expected, the shop-a-thon went on for many hours, she spent well over twenty thousand, came home with a little less than ten items and I had to pay for lunch. Lunch didn't even taste that good and it especially wasn't worth the small fortune they charged for it. I wasn't even carrying enough money to pay, so I had to write a cheque and I hardly ever write cheques.

We could have just gone to the Tasty Fry and eaten a deliciously filling meal for the reasonable charge of twelve dollars for two! I think Clarisse takes after her mother in more ways than she thinks.

Onto a happier point, Clarisse said I behaved myself very well by not whinging all day so we spent a romantic evening together in the bath making love and speaking of times past. We ordered strawberries and chocolate, wine and candles as well as cherries and cream to enhance the romantic atmosphere. We lit scented candles all around the bathtub, turned the lights off and admired the way each others' skin looked bathed in the glow of the fire. Truly it was a magical evening.

29/8/04

How I love this blissful honeymoon.

Clarisse and I once again lay in the bathtub last night, surrounded by candles and musk-scented air. My arms lay lazily around her stomach, my hands caressing the soft soapy skin that covered her body. I was hardly paying attention to the words of love she was whispering in my ear, but I knew what she was saying came from the heart. The room was glowing a dark orange and our lips seemed to keep finding each other, neither one wanting it to end. I love these romantic evenings we've been spending together, it's been a nightly sort of ritual for the past few days.

I'm not looking forward to leaving this place, after all it has given me a great insight into my wife's feelings for me, but I'm starting to miss being home. I know it sounds strange to say that on my honeymoon, but I just had to say it. I miss my son, my grandchildren and indeed, my dog – not Clarisse's dog, just mine.

Charlotte called earlier on to see how we were doing, she was very apologetic for calling during our honeymoon, but she picked a good time to ring – late afternoon. She spoke of how well Mia is doing in her new role, she talked about this nice man she met at the local store, and she talked about some changes Mia has been proposing to parliament. Apparently she wants to kick out some of the old guys and bring in members of the female sex, something that has not been allowed in Genovia since the dawn of its birth. I'm not sure she'll get what she wants, however there is a slight chance now that Lord Palimore has declared his support for Queen Mia and is persuading the other members of parliament to support her as well. Charlotte told me that she will be applying for a position, which came as a shock to me, but not as big a shock as Lilly taking Charlotte's position should she get the job.

Anyway, enough about that, I'm going to end this here and then I'm going to spend the rest of the evening making love over and over again to my wife, then we're going to go to sleep, then one of us will wake the other and end up making love again. As I said before, bliss…

4/9/04

Alright, we spent a few more wonderful days here than planned, but we're leaving tomorrow. I'll have to pack my things. Funny…all I brought with me was a swimsuit and we haven't even been swimming…

5/9/04

Okay, we're still here.

When Clarisse was packing her stuff last night I sort of stood there watching her place piece by piece of clothing into her suitcase with a sad expression on her face.

"My darling is something wrong?"

Faking a smile she whispered, "I just don't quite want to leave yet, we're having so much fun."

Her hands stilled on the pile of clothes, "These past few days have made me so happy. I haven't been this happy ever since you proposed."

"You weren't happy when I proposed."

She smiled, "Not on the outside, but deep down I was jumping for joy."

"So the depths of your heart are still hidden. Wonderful."

I walked over and took her hands in mine, "Tell me something. Tell me something I don't know about you."

"Umm…I once cheated in a science test…well actually the teacher left the Periodic Table in full view of the class, but uh…hmm…"

Clarisse sort of trailed off when I rubbed her shoulders and kissed her neck, then there was a silence, a silence which I broke, "You know there's still a lot I don't know about you yet."

I flipped some of her packed clothes onto the floor and received a surprised look, "What are you doing?"

I took her waist and drew her closer, "I think we can stay another night."

So we did! And like all the other nights it was wonderful and made us not want to return even more.

Tomorrow we are definitely going home.

6/9/04

This has to be one of the most irritating days of my life.

First Clarisse asked if she could drive the car home.

I didn't want her to touch my silver beauty, so I told her I'd let her drive one of the cars back at the palace upon our arrival, but she wanted to drive then and there so we started arguing about it. She was yelling at me saying things like, "I paid a lot of money for that car, the least you could do is let me drive it."

And I replied by saying, "But darling, you haven't driven for so many years."

Then she would say, "I still remember how to drive – I'm not that ignorant."

Then I'd get another couple of sentences in, "I don't doubt that you can drive…it's just…despite its size, I love this car and if anything happens to it I'll be very upset."

Then she'd turn away from me and pretend to cry and I'd say, "Don't be like that."

And after all that, she'd ask again if she could drive home.

Round and round in circles, over and over again we'd have this same conversation.

Eventually I had to let her drive, stupid idea, I know, but she wouldn't hop in the car unless I let her.

Let's see, how can I sum up her driving…

Wonderful, smooth, expertise…no, I'd be lying if I said that.

Horrible, bumpy, no idea what the hell she was doing.

I think her starting off driving again in a manual was a very bad idea. Firstly, she stalled it. Then again. Then again, in fact she stalled it four times on our way out of the twenty metre driveway, then twice on the main road where cars were driving at 100kmph and had to break suddenly with little more than fifty metres stopping distance. When she finally did get above 30kmph she was shaking with fear because all the cars kept over-taking her. Her hands were stiff on the wheel and I told her to let me know when she wanted me to take over, but she didn't and I grew anxious. Every time she stalled at an intersection or a set of traffic lights, I almost cried thinking about the damage she was doing to the engine, I wanted to vomit so badly.

After an hour of driving, I asked her to pull over at the nearest service station. That was a very big mistake, because:

after I bought pills to numb a splitting headache I'd acquired from the stress of her driving, she still wanted to drive all the way home.

I jumped in the driver's seat before she could get back in, which made her get angry stop trusting me

c) because we made a big scene in a public place about who would be driving home.

Seriously!

It was all her fault. She started it by saying, "If you're driving, I'm calling the palace and getting them to come and pick me up."

"Don't be stupid, just get in the car."

"I'm not getting in the car with someone who disapproves of my driving."

"How could anyone NOT disapprove of your driving?"

That little comment made her angry and she started pacing towards the road away from me.

"Clarisse, you're making a scene. There are people around…well not many, but there are still people around. What do you think the press will have to say if they see us arguing in public?"

She abruptly stopped and faced me, "They'll think YOU'VE done something to upset me, which is the truth."

Turning towards the road, she held up her thumb and attempted to wave down a car, I grabbed her hand immediately and pulled her back towards the service station. She fought…poorly…to get me to release my grasp, but I was too strong for her and she ended up with what looked like Indian burns all over her arm.

She dropped all of her weight onto the ground and moved into a sitting position, her eyes obviously avoiding mine.

"I paid for that car," she sobbed.

"It was a gift!" I almost shouted.

I sat next to her and kissed her hand, she didn't seem pleased, "Look, I'll make you a deal. You drive to Pyrus, then I take over."

"No."

Clarisse took a deep breath and cleared her throat, "I just want Mia to see me behind the wheel when we get back. I want her, everyone, to know that I can still drive after all these years."

Taking in what she said, I also took a deep breath, "But you can't do it. Perhaps with a little practise yes, but at the moment you…well…you suck!"

"So teach me!"

"When we get back-"

"Now!"

I really didn't want to argue with her any further because someone was beginning to stare, so I agreed to let her drive. Big mistake. Big, big, big mistake.

Clarisse was driving a little better after the break we took, but ten minutes down the road everything went horribly wrong.

I wasn't paying too much attention to what she was doing because she had maintained an even pace of 50kmph, so I thought there was nothing to worry about.

I was wrong.

We were travelling along somewhat peacefully and suddenly out of nowhere – and I mean seriously nowhere – came a large, black, four-wheel-drive with no number plates. It looked as though it was going to overtake us, but instead of overtaking, it tried to run us off the road! I didn't know what the hell was going on, I remember it ramming into the driver's side door, pulling back and then ramming into it again before speeding off in front of us.

If I had been driving, I would have slammed on the brakes, turned around and then drove off in the other direction, but no, Clarisse just HAD to be the one behind the wheel. Despite my efforts to instruct her on how to deal with another motorist banging into the car, she kept driving and didn't listen to a word I said. I think she was overcome by the shock of being attacked and couldn't move her hands or feet. I looked over to her after the 4WD was out of sight and she was staring wide-eyed at the road ahead. The car was still moving, so I asked her to pull over, but she looked as if she hadn't heard me.

"Clarisse, pull over."

Still the car continued.

I knew the best thing to do was to grab the wheel and pull the handbrake, so I did and because it hadn't been taken out of gear, it stopped and stalled.

"What the hell was that!"

She didn't speak.

"Why didn't you brake? I told you to brake!"

Clarisse's breathing was heavy and her hands were still grasped firmly on the wheel.

"Why didn't you have enough common sense to brake and turn the other way?"

As I removed the keys from the ignition, I noticed she seemed a little distant, her eyes had not blinked the entire time and her body hadn't moved an inch. Shoving the keys in my pocket, I exited the car and after a brief pause…inspected the damage.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed, holding my head and dropping to my knees, "NOOOOOOO! MY CAR! MY BEAUTIFUL CAR!"

Okay, I'm going to have to control myself as I explain the damage, as well as take a deep, deep breath. Hmm…alright.

Dints. There were thousands of dints on the right hand side of the car, small dints, large dints, deep dints and light dints. My once shining silver beauty had turned into a crumbled wreck of metal, plastic and glass. The window was cracked, the panels well beyond repair, and what was left of the exterior was completely ruined.

I sat cross-legged on the side of the road staring at my car in dismay - I couldn't believe how much damage five seconds could do to a car.

Must have spent a good ten minutes staring at the side of my car before I decided to get up and see if it was drivable.

"Get out," I growled at Clarisse – she was still immobilised.

I fumbled with the crumbled door to try and open it, but it was like trying to pull a square block from a round circle. I went around the other side and unclipped her seatbelt.

"Move over, I have to see if we can get this thing home."

Her vacant expression told me that if I wanted her to move, I had to move her myself. So I did.

I (quite roughly) pulled her out of the driver's seat, sat her in the passenger seat, climbed over her, shut the door, then started the car. It didn't sound too bad, there was a rattling sound and a bit of a ticking noise, but I don't think too much damage was done to the engine.

When I released the handbrake I took off very slowly and stayed at 10kmph until I thought it was safe to go faster – it wasn't. As soon as we went over this tiny bump in the road, the back panel scratched the tyre and made a very offensive noise. I pulled over to the side of the road and climbed across Clarisse's lap to get out. Once upon a time in my youth I used to work as a panel beater, so I knew what I had to do, grab a hammer and bash the metal away from the tyre. Only problem with that is I didn't have a hammer. Instead I found an appropriate sized stick, stripped some metal off the car, tied it onto the stick with a pair of clarisse's stockings and started hammering away.

The "nature" hammer didn't work very well, but luckily someone passing by in their car noticed we were stranded on the side of the road and happened to have a hammer in their possession, which I exchanged him for my autograph since I'm now famous and my autograph is worth a bit of money. Within ten minutes I had bashed it enough to continue driving.

The panel still scraped against the tyre, but I drove slow enough to avoid it most of the time. Occasionally we would go over a bump that no matter how slow you drive over it, it still scrapes the tyre.

Anyway, enough about that.

Driving at a mere 10kmph was frustrating to me. I'm used to driving much faster than that because when I play limo driver to Clarisse, she makes me go about 20 km above the speed limit. Her excuse is that because of who she is she can weasel her way out of a ticket.

Halfway through the journey home, I realised that I had spent the whole time worrying about the condition of the car and worrying not a single bit as to how Clarisse might be feeling.

It hit me all of a sudden, like a bolt of thunder, "How are you doing? Are you alright? You look shaken up, do you want to stop somewhere and get a drink?"

Still, she wouldn't say anything.

"I'm sorry I sort of blamed you before, I know it wasn't really your fault."

I tried to lighten the mood, "Ha, funny way to end a honeymoon, eh?"

Her eyes stared in my direction and her mouth sort of hung open as if I'd just told a really bad joke. She turned back to the window and mouthed something that I couldn't hear.

"What did you say? Darling?"

Staring at the wedding ring on her finger she whispered, "I know that car."

"What car? The four wheel drive?"

"I know it."

My eyes widened, "You know it? Who was it?"

Clarisse shook her head and broke softly into tears, I decided to wait for her to calm down before questioning her again.

We arrived at the palace in about three times the amount of time it would have taken us to drive back if we weren't driving so slowly. When we drove through the gates everyone stared, the gardeners, the guards, the maids cleaning the windows…

I had never felt so embarrassed in all my life.

After I parked, I held Clarisse's hand, kissed her mouth for seven seconds, got out of the car and then helped her out.

Before we even had the chance to enter the palace, word had gotten around that we had an accident and as we walked arm in arm all the way up to our suite, we were given gob-smacked looks and everyone we passed asked us what had happened.

Neither one of us spoke a word before we entered the comfort of our suite.

As soon as we were alone I held her against me and rubbed her arms trying to warm her in order to make her comfortable so I could question her.

Lying her down on the bed, I felt somewhat guilty about asking her who was behind the wheel of that car, so I waited and waited, and decided I'll ask her tomorrow to avoid a possible argument tonight.

We've been home for quite a few hours, she's been sleeping for most of it and I've been staring out the window at the press who are trying to get through the gates to find out why the car is all battered.

As I said, it's been an irritating day and I want it to end, so I'm going to snuggle up next to my love and sleep.

* * *

Sorry for slow updates. Someone's always at my house that I have to entertain so I haven't much time for writing. Thanks for reviewing! 


	58. Chapter 58

9/9/04

It's been a few days since the accident and I haven't yet been able to get a response from Clarisse as to who was in the other car. Usually when I ask, she stays silent or makes an excuse to leave. She's been spending a lot of time working on plans for our new house, I think she's creating work for herself so she can move on with life and not think about the incident. The house is coming along nicely, but I feel it could use a few hundred less rooms.

Seriously, if I don't do anything about this, our house is going to be so big it's not funny. Already it has four bathrooms, seven separate toilets, twenty-two large bedrooms, two extra-large bedrooms, eight lounge rooms, four dining rooms, six kitchens, a mass of indoor swimming pools and I think five staircases. I'm going to try and cut it down by at least two thirds, I mean, to me it's sounding as if we're going to be running a resort! All I ever wanted for my retirement was a young wife, a small, but decent sized secure house and a nice car to drive around in. So far, I don't have a single one of those, Clarisse is older than I am, we live in an oversized-hard-to-secure palace and my car is a pile of crumpled metal.

The car is actually getting fixed right now, it's going to cost over twenty thousand dollars to fix the damage because I hadn't gotten around to insuring it before driving.

I don't want to talk about my car right now, it only upsets me.

So anyway, I'm not looking forward to seeing the final design of this house.

10/9/04

Last night after feeding my wife a couple of drinks, I seductively cornered her in the bedroom and held her hands above her head. I was so sick of trying to guess who was in that car that I wanted to find out by any means, "Who was it?"

Clearly her face was red from whatever drink it was I found on the shelf and fed to her, "Darling, who was in the car a few days ago?"

Angry lines formed on her forehead and she struggled to break free, "I don't want to talk about this."

"But if you'd just tell me-"

"No!" She forced her way out of my grasp and turned away, "It's best left at you not knowing and me not remembering."

"Why?"

"Because it just is. I want to get on with my life, not live in the past-"

"It's one of your ex-lovers."

Unable to see her face, but knowing what expression she was wearing, I asked, "It is, isn't it?"

Turning around, she faked a smile, "So what if it is? He's gone now."

"We don't know that. Your old friend Baxter could be right outside this window for all you know, god knows security's gone downhill ever since I quit."

She folded her arms and sat on the couch, "So what if he's out there? What are you going to do about it?"

"Track him down, lock him up-"

"Joseph I do appreciate your concern, but no. You must understand the seriousness of the situation, if he's captured, all my secrets will be out and my perfect reputation will be ruined!"

"Honey-"

"And don't call me that, I'm a person, not a desert topping."

"Clarisse, if you'd just let me-"

"This conversation is over."

With that she left and closed the door behind her, then stormed back into the room when she realised it was her bedroom and it was time to go to sleep. I've been up all night thinking about her, she's made some very bad decisions in her life when it comes to men, but not me, I'm the best decision she's ever made because I'm going to love and care for her until the day I die – that's a promise.

17/9/04

After only one week, we've managed to acquire a nice property down by the sea and are almost ready to start building, as the plans for our new house are almost complete. Somehow, using my knee as an excuse, I managed to cut the amount of rooms down so instead of being the size of two large mansions, it's only going to be the size of one averaged sized mansion. Clarisse has been skipping important things ever since she started on the plans, she skips meals, exercise, socialism and worst of all…sex - I've been untouched for a number of days and I'm becoming worried.

Perhaps things will be different when the plans for the new house are finished and she can take a break. Clarisse says as soon as the blueprints are done we're going to travel for a while, then arrive back at our new home. Personally I think it would be better if we stayed and watched it develop, but hey, if my wife wants to take me around the world, who am I to say no?

Oh great, she's arguing with somebody on the phone.

I think it's a tradesman.

"Well I'm sorry," she's saying, "But I simply refuse to believe that's how much it costs to build a measly fence…I don't care how wide or tall it is, it shouldn't cost that much!"  
Oh my god! I can't believe she's complaining about the cost of fences, but is more than willing to spend over thirty thousand dollars alone on the tiles of one bathroom floor. Where's her head at, I wonder? Anyway I have a feeling she's just looked at the first big ad in the phonebook, which is obviously going to be the most expensive one.

"Joseph, do you know how much money this fence is going to cost?"

"Clarisse, if it costs more than your bathroom tiles, I'll be surprised."

She's giving me a dissatisfied look, "It costs-"

"Clarisse listen, an acre of fence does cost a lot of money, especially if it's fancy. Now you can either agree to pay the full price or you can make the damn fence yourself!"

Startled, she stepped back a little, "I don't know the first thing about making a fence."

"Then just pay up! You can spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on the floors, but you can't give up a few thousand for a fence that will secure the property?"

She crossed her arms, "I just don't think it's worth it. How much work could possibly go into it? Honestly, I think it's ridiculous to…"

I just dozed right off there, couldn't handle listening to her whine, she's just so idiotic sometimes…

Anyway, I'm going to take it upon myself to arrange this security fence and all cameras which will sit atop it. Perhaps I should declare the yard mine and the house hers like all normal couples. Clarisse can decorate the house any way she wants and I can create a wonderful garden similar to the one I was hired to make when I first came to the palace all those years ago.

It's funny, but when I first came to work at the palace I had no idea I would ever end up married to my boss. I may have hoped for it, but never expected our relationship would go further than friendship.

30/9/04

Good news, I got my car back about a week and a half ago and it looks magnificent! Not as good as it was when I first got it, but they did one hell of a job on it. The only thing is I think we could have saved some money by just buying a new car instead of getting every single panel beated, but oh well, I'm mobile again! Some other good news is that after weeks of planning, our house has finally reached production stage. The foundations are currently being laid and all is going according to plan.

Sammy invited Clarisse and I, as well as Amelia over for dinner the other night to belatedly celebrate our marriage. With my blessing he also invited Lauren and Bernard, however Bernard did not show up.

The meal was lovely, we had curried lamb with rice for dinner and strawberry cheesecake for desert. Afterwards the children watched television in the lounge while us grown-ups sat around the table drinking and blabbing on about nothing. I was so engulfed in my glass of bourbon that I didn't even notice Lauren had left the table to stand alone out on the balcony, so when Clarisse was in the toilet and the others were in deep conversation, I went out to see if anything was the matter.

Slowly I walked up beside her and looked at the view below, "What are you doing out here? It's positively freezing."

Wiping from her eye what looked like a tear, she turned to me and smiled, "Yes it is rather chilly."

"You look upset, have you been crying?"

"No, I was just thinking about – never mind."

"Thinking about what?"

She sniffled, "Well, look how well our son is doing for himself, he has a wonderful house on the most sceneric cliff in Genovia, he's got a loving wife, the cutest kids…not to mention a great father."

"And a beautiful mother."

Blushing, she turned away, "He's so lucky."

"I know," I smiled, subconsciously putting my arm around her shoulder before retracting it again, "We raised him well, you and I."

The waves of the ocean below us crashed against the rocks and almost splashed water on us, we move back to the door a little.

"Joseph, have I congratulated you on your marriage yet?"

"You know, I don't think you have."

"Well I will now."

She looked adoringly at me and started tearing, "I am so happy for you."

Suddenly her arms flew around my neck and I found myself in an awkward embrace. After a short while, I could feel warmth sinking through my jacket and I realised she was using my shoulder as a crying post, "What's wrong? You can tell me."

Lauren pulled back and turned away, "You want to know what's wrong? I'll tell you. Yesterday I got fired from my dead end job, then returned home to find Bernard in bed with another man. He claimed he was one of his patients, but I knew better – what patient takes all of his clothes off just for an eye check-up?"

I tried not to make a joke of it, but couldn't help myself, "A hot one?"

Tears were pouring out of her eyes as I viewed the fine lines of her face and I must say I actually felt sorry for her. Suddenly all the times she's flaunted high - profiled dates in front of me at our family gatherings didn't seem to matter and I just saw her as someone who didn't deserve to have her heart broken – even though she did. She became very vulnerable out on that balcony as she spoke to me about Bernard. Never in my life could I have imagined him to be gay, he always seemed too…not gay. Well I guess it goes to show every man is a potential homosexual whether they like it or not. Ah!

Lauren cried in my arms for what seemed like forever, I should have just left her there on her own because whenever I'm upset I like to be left alone, however somehow I felt I had a duty to stay with her and support her through a tough break-up. Our time together ended when Clarisse saw us out there and the jealousy bug crept up on her faster than you could say the first syllable of the word 'Anger'.

Rudely, she interrupted and faked an excuse to take me back inside. She didn't speak to me about what she saw in front of everyone, probably because she expected she would make a scene, so instead she waited until we were in the car and halfway home.

"Why were you hugging her?"

"Who Lauren?" I asked, already knowing well before the conversation started that Lauren was going to be our main topic of conversation for the next week, "She's having a hard time at the moment, she lost her job. Oh and Bernard's gay."

Clarisse smiled, "What? But he's so…not gay."

"I know! That's what I said!"

"The poor thing, she must feel humiliated…not that it gives you the right to touch her."

"I was comforting her, that's what real people do."

"Does it flatter you that she still fancies you?"

"If I say yes will you give up on trying to get the better of me?"

Nodding, she folded her hands in her lap, "Yes."

"Then yes, it does flatter me, alright?"

Keeping my eyes on the road, I slowed for the traffic lights and my hand slightly brushed Clarisse's knee as I downshifted. It was a very simple, but intimate moment that seemed to instantly take her mind off Lauren.

From then on I noticed her knee kept moving closer to the gearstick while I drove, it must do something special for her having her knees rubbed – I'll remember that for a later date. Anyway, that happened a week ago and she's long since forgotten about that night so I can safely say all is well at the palace.

000000

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Almost 2 months since my last update. You can blame that on the fact that I haven't taken a single day off work, nor have I had any holidays this year. Mainly though, you can blame my lack of updates on my boyfriend who without fail, invades whatever little private time I have to myself each night.

Thanks for reviewing, they are the only things that make me want to update when I have the time and space. R & R.


	59. Chapter 59

11/11/04

Our house - in the middle of our street - now has a base to rest on. The concreters called this morning and informed us they had finished laying the foundations. I must say they got it done fairly quickly, although I think the two thousand dollar for finishing early bonus Clarisse mentioned may have pushed them to get it done faster. Clarisse offered it to them because she wanted "the boring part" to be over and done with so we could get closer to the decorating stage, which shouldn't be for another three months minimum. I went to "Number 3, Roscent Avenue" right away to inspect the job they had done, deciding to take Charlotte with me because she was the only person in the palace who wasn't completely busy.

We brought a very long measuring device with us, because I had this feeling Clarisse gave me fake blueprints, and I was unsurprisingly correct. The house was not supposed to be longer than one hundred meters, however when Charlotte and I measured it, it came to one hundred and ten meters. Almost automatically, I realised there was enough space for at least three more unnecessary rooms. My face went red, "Charlotte, get Clarisse on the phone for me please?"

Without question, she pulled out her cell phone and dialled the number, "I have your wife," she smiled, obviously loving to call Clarisse "my wife".

Taking the phone I spoke softly and told her about the concrete, "Clarisse, there is enough concrete for at least another six rooms!"

"Don't be silly," she replied, disgusted, "Did you allow for the veranda?"

"What veranda?"

"Dear, dear Joseph," she sighed, "Do you not recall discussing it? You said we'd have a wide veranda where we could sit on warm summer nights in each others arms gazing up at the stars? It's the first place we've decided to make love."

Not one word of that sentence was true, but I didn't want to argue, "Alright, if you say it's a veranda, I believe you."

"Thankyou," she said, hanging up immediately.

Later on we returned home to the palace, I was greeted by Chloe, my dog, and Maurice. It seems even though Maurice no longer has the ability to impregnate my dog, he still seems to be deeply in love with her. The two are always together, sniffing around for food, chasing the mice down by the stables, licking each others privates...

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if people were dogs - Clarisse and I in particular. I'm sure we would have gotten together a lot sooner because dogs don't seem to care if the public are watching their every move, hell, they'll mate in front of an audience if they have to!

I wish Clarisse hadn't taken so long to realise her feelings for me, if she had realised it at the same time I had, we could have eloped at age thirty-seven and had children of our own, grandchildren even! But then again, there would have been the whole issue of her already being a mother of two and having to leave the crown behind and being forever know in Genovia as their first royal whore. Perhaps her timing was okay after all...

I was quite surprised when I entered our suite this evening, the lights were dimmed down, there were candles lit, Clarisse was lying on the bed with nothing on except a skimpy maroon negliche and a positively stunning tiara. This was wonderful, I hadn't had sex in almost three weeks and here she was waiting for me in the most erotic setting I could imagine.

"I wondered where you'd gotten to, I've been waiting for over three minutes."

Instinctly, I removed my jacket and creeped forward towards the bed, "I've been waiting for three weeks, but you don't see me complaining," I smiled softly.

She grabbed my tie and sat me down on the bed, where I discarded my shoes.

"Would you care for some wine," she pointed to the bedside table.

"I'd actually rather be sober for this," I moaned, as I leaned over to kiss her neck.

Her eyes closed and she breathed deeper, "Oh I've missed this."

"If you didn't stay up so late all the time we could do this more often."

By now, all of my clothes were in a crumpled heap on the floor, I seized her waist and pressed my lips to her breasts, "We meet again, twins."

Giggling, she pulled my face up to hers and kissed me with her warm lips, then in one swift movement, pulled me on top of her and placed my hands somewhere I'd rather not mention. Her face lit up, her breathing gradually grew faster and she almost shouted my name as I kissed my way down her body, stopping only to remove the sexy lace thong she was wearing.

Moments later her nails were digging into the bed and she found it hard to control her voice. I'd never before heard some of the sounds she was emitting, they were new to me - groans that lasted longer than a few seconds, sighs that sounded almost relieving. At long last, I was doing something right!

It felt so good to finally make love to her, so good to release something which had been uncomfortably building itself up inside me for many weeks. Yes, as I lay almost out of breath between the cool sheets of our bed, I felt on top of the world.

That is until we finished and she revealed her alteria motive, "Oh and by the way, Joseph," she huffed, "I accidentally gave you the wrong housing design, silly me. There's actually three extra rooms on the first floor, no veranda like I said."

My blood boiled so fast I thought I'd explode, however, she'd tired me out so much during our love making session that I had little energy left to argue, "You...bitch," I puffed, "I bet you...huff...did it on purpose."

My breathing slowed a little after I sipped some water, "You knew I didn't want those extra rooms...but you put them in anyway. Why can't you just listen to me?"

Her head fell on my chest and she gave me a puppy dog look, "I just wanted an extra area to entertain. You're not mad are you?"

Rolling my eyes, I put my hands behind my head, "They better be the only ones."

Swallowing, Clarisse turned away and mumbled something so silently I couldn't make it out.

I can't believe she used her sexuality to break the news about her last-minute extra rooms - she is such a turn on sometimes.

24/11/04

Clarisse woke before I did this morning, she seems to have reduced her workload a little and therefore has more time to spend with me. We eat lunch together almost every day now as well as dinner, but never breakfast, because unlike her, I can't see the appeal of waking up at five in the morning. Our sex life is back on track as well, it did die down a little after the honeymoon but now it's in full life again and we make love at least three times a week. We've now passed that stage of getting to know each other as man and wife and fully understand each other's wants and needs. We've also become fully accustomed to sharing a room; Clarisse has four fifths of the wardrobe, I have the remainder.

Night time is something Clarisse and I hold sacred. It's the time when we either make love or talk about our day while I write up my journal and she does her needlework. Today was a busy day for me, I spent a majority of it consulting with fencers about a security fence for the new house. Then when I was about to give up, I recieved a call from out of the blue. Dale (the man I had a lot of trouble with when I first came to work at the palace but recently became friends with) rang to congratulate me on my wedding. He said he'd been in the Phillipeans looking for a wife and only just heard the news. He couldn't believe I'd snagged the most eligible bacheloress in the country. Anyhow, we got to talking about the house Clarisse and I are having built and also about the trouble we're having finding the right fence for the job and getting Clarisse to agree to pay for it. His voice was so excited when he heard the news, he said, "My daughter owns a fencing business! I could get her on the job if you like? She's real good, built all the fencing around the National Genovian Zoo. Only uses the best quality steel, she might even give you a small discount."

And I just could not believe what I was hearing, the NGZ had their fencing featured in a magazine once because they're not only fancy, they're highly practical, "She's hired!" I yelled without thinking it over, "She's got the job!"

So now we have a fencing contractor - big success!

When I told Clarisse she was over the moon, I think she just liked the word "discount". I told her we were to meet with Dale and his daughter tomorrow afternoon and she cancelled her lunch plans without question.

Clarisse was so happy she decided to take me out to a restaurant to celebrate the new arrangement and she paid for the food! The most expensive restaurant in Genovia and she paid the bill! She usually never pays because she considers it the gentlemanly thing to do, which means under normal circumstances I have to empty my bank account just to pay for two dinners.

Later on she and I had the best love making session ever - she was in complete control and actually started having what I believed to be an orgasm. I don't think she's ever had one before, not with me anyway, that is. Since it was an unexpected surprise to me, I had mine just as she was in the middle of hers. It was such an exciting experience to have her feel the same thing I feel everytime we make love.

Afterwards she lay smiling at me, red faced and breathing quickly. When she could muster up the energy, I recieved hugs and kisses and felt very proud.

25/11/04

Clarisse and I met with Dale and his daughter Kerri this afternoon, she's a lovely girl, doesn't look much like him though, thank god. I met his new wife too, she is possibly the most nicest person I have ever met.

Before we'd even knocked on the door it flung open to reveal a slender, forty year old woman with dead-straight, shiny black hair, gold earrings and a floral dress that hugged all the right places. I raised an eyebrow and smiled, thinking how beautiful she was.

"Yor magasty! Me so good to meet you," she bowed so low her head almost touched the floor, "My name Xiandaskalifa. You call me Xi ya?"

Clarisse's eyes widened, "Charmed, uh...Xi."

Xi took Clarisse's hand and kissed it, bowing again and again, "Me see you on TV. Very beautiful wooman. You make country good decision."

"Oh do I?" Clarisse laughed, "I'm so glad you think so."

"Come in, come in, Dayol and Kerri this way," she told us, leading the way up the hall.

We ended up at the lounge room where Dale and a gorgeous young woman with long flowy brown hair sat watching television.

"Dayol, your friend here, your friend."

"Joseph!" Dale jumped out of his chair, "Great to see you, buddy, I thought you'd never get here."

"Well somebody had to do a last minute touch-up on her face," I answered, looking in Clarisse's direction.

"One wants to look ones best."

Dale acknowleged Clarisse and took her hand, "Your Majesty, it's a pleasure to meet you once again. It's been a long time."

Dale looked at her with what appeared to be - dare I say it - desire. Clarisse stared back at him as if he had just said something offensive, "How do you do?"

Kerri came out from behind Dale and introduced herself, I must say she didn't look much like a fencing contractor, she was too...pretty.

Everyone sat down for lunch, all happy to meet one another. Kerri didn't appear to like Xi much, my guess is that she thinks Xi is a gold digger or something, which is sort of true I guess. Clarisse really seemed to like Kerri, especially when she discovered she was wearing the same perfume as her.

After lunch and a long discussion about life and the building and construction of the new fence, Dale and I went for a stroll around his yard. Dogs were running everywhere, he seemed to have at least three times as many as he did last time I visited, all of which were labradors.

"So you married Queen Clarisse. How did you get a woman like that?"

"Believe me, it wasn't easy."

"Did you do it for the money? You can tell me."

I was disgusted, yet amused at the same time, "If only I did marry her for her money, things would have been so much easier. Sadly, I'm a victim of love. How about you?"

"I'm a victim of lonliness. I spent thirty odd years waking up to see my wife's loving face staring back at me, then one day cancer got the better of her and now I wake up lonely. I loved her so much, Joe."

Shocked at his straightforward openess, I tried to say something reassuring, "But you're not lonely, you have Xi."

"Xi could never fill her place. I don't even love her, she's just here because I don't want to be alone!"

Although I felt very inadequate about hearing his thoughts on love, I thought he should let it all out, at least until I could refer him to a psychoanalist.

"I went to the Phillipeans with every intention of finding a new wife, someone to take her place. I found Xi in a hotel lobby and in exchange for a Genovian Citizenship she promised to cook, clean and do everything for me that a good wife should do. I thought it would make everything okay, you know? I thought she'd easily fill Gina's shoes, but she can't! No matter how hard she tries - and she does - she can't seem to replace the one thing in my life that I'm missing."

"Nobody could ever replace the one you've loved for so long," I whispered, not fully understanding what I was saying.

"I'm just so angry at Gina for dying on me."

Awkwardly, I patted him on the back and gritted my teeth wondering how I could end this conversation, "I think the girls are calling us," I lied.

We arrived back at his house and waited outside while Dale composed himself, "Thanks for listening to my whinging, it really helped."

Clearing my throat, I suggested, "Perhaps you should consider seeing a shrink?"

"Maybe," he looked at me expectantly, "You don't want another labrador, do you?"

Just as I rolled my eyes, I heared Clarisse laughing from inside the house, "...I really should introduce you to my granddaughter Amelia, she likes those so-called "corned dogs" as well."

"Really?" Kerri's voice replied, "Well then she'd be interested to know my husband owns the only shop in Genovia that actually sells them! You should tell her to send one of her maids down to get her one. They're the best, she'll love em."

Kerri and Clarisse seemed so totally engaged in conversation, that they didn't even realise we'd entered the room. Clarisse looked genuinely happy to be in her company.

When it came time to leave, Clarisse hugged Kerri and told her they'd catch up soon...wait a minute - catch up soon? Clarisse never "catches up soon" with someone she's just met!

Oh well, we started driving home and Clarisse turned to me, "That woman is the single most irritating woman I have ever met."

Thinking she was referring to Kerri, I protested, "I thought you liked her?"

"I do, it's just that she speaks half in english and half in jibberish! She kept bowing to me and kissing my hand for the first twenty minutes."

"Who? Kerri or Xi?"

"That Xi woman. My hand was completely drowned in saliva and she kept offering refreshments and food even though I was still full from lunch."

Taking this information in and processing it, I replied, "She sounds like the perfect host, why are you being so bitchy about her?"

"I don't know, she just seemed so fake."

OH MY GOD! I could not believe she said that! Clarisse has to be the absolute FAKEST person I have ever met. Sure she may wear a sweet smile and have a flawless reputation in the public eye, but I know the real Clarisse Renaldi, I mean, Clarisse Alexander. She's a grudge-holding, cigarette smoking, occasional drug using, slut! Not so much nowadays, but still she has the gall to call the nicest person in the world - Xi - a fake?

"I think she's sweet," I stated, rubbing my hand on her leg as I shifted gear, "Perfect even."

Clarisse's eyes narrowed, "Sweet? I don't know...there's something about her I don't like. Oh I know, she couldn't keep her eyes off you!"

I laughed so had I almost skidded off the road, "You think she has a thing for me?"

"Obviously!"

"I didn't even notice. Maybe we should invite her to dinner and find out for sure?"

Her hand flew quite hard onto my lap, "Over my dead body!"

Silence flooded the car as I tried to recall if Xi had actually looked at me the whole time we were there. All I could remember was her following around and worshipping Clarisse!

"Kerri's nice, I liked her. Very interesting woman, did you know she gave up hairdressing to become a dancer and then gave up dancing to become a fencer? And did you know that Kerri beat cancer?"

"I did know that, yes."

"And did you know that..."

Clarisse trailed off with several long stories about Kerri, she seems to really have a genuine connection with the woman. All I heard for half the trip home was Kerri this and Kerri that. Anyone would think she's in love with her!

"...she also has a daughter named Kelsey, she showed me photos, she's adorable, looks a little like Mia. By the way, Joseph, where do I know that man from?"

"Who, Dale?"

"Yes."

"He used to work with me in the palace gardens a long time ago."

She shook her head, "No, I know him from somewhere else."

Deciding to make a joke, I laughed, "He's not another ex-lover is he?"

Her lips tightened and she elbowed me hard in the stomach, "You're so insensative sometimes, Joseph."

"Well knowing you it's hard to tell."

Saying that earned me an even harder elbow in the stomach and also regrettably resulted in her legs staying shut this evening. Oh how I wish I hadn't said that.

* * *

So, so, so, soooo sorry I haven't updated this for over a year, but I only recently got the internet back and when you're a working adult with a boyfriend who's ALWAYS at your house, you have no time or privacy for writing. Hopefully I'll write another chapter soon. Please review. 


	60. Chapter 60

25/11/04 

"Joseph!" Clarisse called as she walked into the kitchen at lunch, "I remember!"  
Looking up from my paper, I asked, "Remember what?"  
"Where I've seen your friend before. It came to me when I was in the shower this morning."  
I motioned for her to continue her story.  
"About forty or fifty years ago I used to leave to window open in the bathroom while washed and dressed. I always had that unmistakable feeling that I was being watched. One day I looked in the direction of the window and saw the face of a man grinning. When I screamed, he quickly ducked and ran away, I'm positive it was your friend."  
Surprised by this, I laughed, "Well you did have a beautiful body."  
Clarisse frowned, "Did have?"  
Quickly, I covered myself, "DO have, I said, DO have."  
She sat next to me and picked up a fork, "Ever since that night I've made sure the windows and curtains were shut before removing my clothes."  
Interesting...I wish Dale had told ME she showered with the windows open so I could have had a perv as well!  
Mia interrupted our lunch and asked if she could speak to me alone, Clarisse seemed rather irritated that she wanted to speak to me and not her, but I left with Mia and we decided to take a walk through the gardens.  
"Joe, I've always asked you for advice when I haven't known what to do or how to act and I really appreciate the help you give. That's why I've come to you. See, Nicholas and I are getting...serious."  
Raising my eyebrows I nodded, "Oh, it's one of those talks."  
"Yeah," she said awkwardly, "When you and grandma were on your honeymoon we spent a lot of time talking together and he says he wants to take our relationship to the next level."  
"And you don't want to?"  
She shook her head and laughed, "No I do, I really do, I just wanted to know if it's okay to make love to him if we're not married."  
"Personally, I think it's great you want to express your love for each other, however, I don't think the public will see it that way."  
Saddened, she looked up at me, "So you're saying we should wait? I know it's probably what grandma would do, you know, the honourable thing."

...Clarisse? Do the honourable thing? HA!  
Right then I felt like telling Mia every little detail about her grandmother's secret life. The way she wasn't a virgin when she married, the way she continued to sleep with the man who popped her cherry before and after her marriage to Mia's grandfather as well as sleeping with her bodyguard and almost me...yes there is so much Mia doesn't know about her perfectly-reputationed grandmother, but unfortunately I'm not one to tell her.

"The honourable thing?" I asked Mia, trying desperately not to laugh, but not succeeding.  
"What? What's so funny?"  
Calming down, I said, "There is always the possibility of sneaking around."  
"Well you'd know all about that."  
"Excuse me, I seem to recall seeing you leaving Michael's room early one morning after having spent the night with him."  
"Which was completely innocent compared to what you and Grandma used to do," she nudged me, "And still do."  
I rolled my eyes, "Back to the point, you have my blessing to do as you please in your own home."  
"Thanks Joe, but what if Nicholas and I start sleeping together and the public find out about it? Or worse, Grandma! I don't think I can stand another lecture from her about my behaviour when I have tonnes of information to use against her but can't use because you won't let me!"  
"Only because I don't want her to kill or divorce me! Besides, if you're descreet enough then nobody will know."  
She snorted, "Yeah like how you were discreet..."  
"Don't patronise me."  
"Alright, I'll try it your way, but if Grandma finds out and lectures me about it, I'm going to fire my ammo right back at her."  
"Pleassse don't," I begged her.  
"Thanks for the talk, Grandpa Joe," Mia smiled, kissing my cheek.  
It feels strange being called Grandpa by Mia, yet also validating because it shows how much she cares for me.

Later...  
I am in a state of near complete relaxation. I've just taken a long bath where I listened to soft music and breathed in lovely scented bath essence. I'm currently reading one of my favourite magazines and am sitting in a very comfortable reclining chair. I would be completely relaxed if it weren't for my wife staring evily at me from behind her book. She's been looking up and giving me greasys for the past half hour. I don't know why, but I'm going to find out.

"What!" I asked, curious to know why she was being so cold.  
"Alright, Joseph, something's been irritating me ever since the day we were married, the first few times I thought to myself it's okay, then the next few times I let it slide, but now day after day it continues and I find myself completely irritated every time I see it and I need to get it off my chest."  
Unsure of what the hell she was going on about, I answered, "What? What's irritating you?"  
She stood up and walked towards the door next to the wardrobe, "The state of the bathroom after you've been in it!"  
My eyes widened with shock, "Is that all?"  
Her face went red, "Is that all? Is that all! Look at this," she growled through gritted teeth, "Mats and towels belong on hangers when you've finished with them, there should be more water in the tub than on the floor, the cabinet should remain closed if you're not using it, dirty clothes should be thrown down the laundry chute and the light should always be turned off when your done! Sheesh! I don't understand why you find it so impossible to keep a clean bathroom!"  
I felt like I had just been slapped across the face and shot in the knee...agian.  
"Clarisse, if it bothers you so much, why didn't you say anything earlier."  
"Because I thought the problem would go away."  
"It will go away in the morning when the maids come," I laughed - she wasn't impressed, "That's what maids are for!"  
"I just wish you would spend an extra two minutes cleaning up after yourself."  
"Is that all you wanted to talk about? The only reason you've been giving me evil looks all night?"  
She sat back down in her chair and picked up her book, marking the page she was up to, "Actually no. I want to know what's going on between you and Mia. You seem much too friendly with that girl."  
"What can I say? I give great advice," I boasted.  
"You aren't doing anything...morally wrong with her are you? Relation-wise?"  
"Are you insinuating that I'm sleeping with her?" I asked, feeling completely insulted.  
"I'm not stupid Joseph, I can tell something's going on. I mean the long walks you two take, the secretive discussions...it's all rather too suspicious."  
"Are you being serious or are you just playing a really bad joke? I mean what would make you even think I'm interested in your granddaughter that way?"  
"Well one does wonder when, first you sleep with my mother several times, then me, why not go for the complete set? It's a good thing I never had a daughter because I'm sure you would have gone for her, too."  
My temper wore very thin when she said that, I felt like slapping her so hard, I even raised my hand to do so, but somehow managed to control the urge. I wanted to strangle her until she was out of breath for even thinking there was something going on between me and our granddaughter.  
"You, Clarisse are a sick, sick, woman," I yelled, throwing my magazine at her feet and walking out into the hall, where I slammed the door so hard I heard a painting fall off the wall.  
I was so pissed off with Clarisse and her wild accusations that I had to go and destroy something, so I walked into the ballroom and grabbed the vase off the piano and slammed it into the wall. I felt much better after that, because it was one of her favourite vases and it was now smashed to pieces. Afterwards I decided to take a walk and cool off my remaining steam, fresh air felt good in my lungs and so did walking in the cool breeze. I walked for about twenty minutes, before returning to our 'love nest'.  
Clarisse was blankly staring at the television when I walked in, she looked up and took her glasses off, "Joseph I'm so sorry for throwing those accusations at you. Thinking it over I've been realising just how ridiculous it was to even think-"  
She stopped talking and walked over to me, holding my face in her hands, "Sorry."  
Clarisse kissed my cheek and walked into the bedroom, a moment later I switched the t.v off and went to join her, not because I forgave her, but because I wasn't going to spend the night on the couch.  
When I walked into the room she was sitting on the bed holding the purple box we recieved as a wedding gift, "I never did tell you who this was from," she smiled, "Joseph, Chester gave us this box."  
I was surprised when she said this, reason being because he seems to be trying to break up our marriage, not make it stronger.  
"He said that since I married you for love, not money, you must be very special to me. He gave us the box as a sort of peace offering."  
A peace offering? Yet, he continued to taunt me behind Clarisse's back after we recieved the gift. I think he only gave us that box to score brownie points with my wife, not to keep our relationship strong.  
Anyway, we each placed our keys in their locks and opened it up. Inside was a note from Clarisse adressed to me, I read it and put it down. Basically it was a detailed apology which described how remorseful she felt about what she said and also something it seemed she'd been wanting to say to me for a long time - how insecure it makes her feel to know I'm putting the same lovemaking tool inside her that I put inside her mother. She wrote about how much of a turn off it was to think about the possibility that I might be thinking of Maddy when I'm making love to her. Imagining she was her mother instead of my wife. She wrote and asked me how I would have felt if she had slept with my father when he was alive, had they ever met. I told her I would probably feel the same way she was feeling.  
The rest of her letter was just lovey dovey talk, which was so well written that I pretended to forget the reason I was so mad at her in the first place so we could drop it and go back to normal.

27/11/04

"Grandpa! Grandpa!"  
I heard as I walked down the hallway towards the kitchens this morning. Mia came up and jumped on my back, I told her to get off, not wanting Clarisse to suddenly appear out of nowhere incase she accused us of being "up to something".  
"Joseph," Mia screamed with delight, "Joseph I just had the most amazing night."  
I motioned for her to quieten down a little.  
"Nicholas and I..."  
"Do I want to hear this?"  
"I have to tell someone. We made love in my suite last night. It started with a kiss and led to touching, fondling and then nakedness and then-"  
"Stop!" I put my hand up, "I don't want to hear anymore."  
"But I haven't gotten to the best bit!"  
I started walking faster to avoid hearing what she was trying to say, but since she hasn't had a knee replacement, it was easy for her to catch up, "When we were in the middle of expressing our love for one another my legs went all tingly and started shaking and then boom!"  
"You know I really have to-"  
"I had an orgasm! Once with Michael I thought I had one, but obviously I didn't because this time I know I had one, isn't that exciting? It felt so wonderful, I never could have imagined-"  
"Alright, I get the point," I silenced her, "Congratulations."  
"Thanks, I can't wait for tonight."  
Just then Nicholas walked past and winked at her, causing her to smile at him and start biting the sleeve of her jumper.  
"Gotta go," she giggled, skipping away from me to join him.  
At that moment I had a couple of thoughts on my mind.  
Either Nicholas is a really good lover, or Mia isn't anywhere near as hard to please as her demanding, over-experienced grandmother.  
I swear it took at least ten lovemaking sessions for me to get Clarisse close to climaxing and Nicholas tries once with Mia and succeeds with flying colours! God I hate him.

* * *

Wow, 60 chapters! As I said, I get very little time to myself, let alone to write this. So sorry for the slow, slow, slooow updates. R & R please! 


	61. Chapter 61

15/12/04

Our fence is up! Kerri built and put it up within two weeks of signing the contract - that's fast! Now the men putting the up the frame of our house can stop complaining about the lack of security around their tools!

Note to self: Christmas is coming, need to go shopping.

Christmas shopping is so difficult, I know what to get my son and his family - a giant inflatable slide/jumping castle, I know what to get Mia - a pair of rollerblades to get her to meetings on time, I know what to get everyone else, Charlotte, Shades, my small circle of friends. Yes I know what to get everyone for christmas...except my own wife.

I was thinking perhaps I should buy her a bracelet or a watch, but I just know that when the time comes to give it to her she'll probably laugh and accuse me of buying plastic jewelery like the time we were in Fiji and I proposed for the first time. I still can't believe she thought the three thousand dollar ring I scrimped and saved to buy for her was a cheap twenty cent one from a gumball machine.

I was also thinking she might like a jumping castle, too, but then I realised she wouldn't be able to use it because of her back, so it would be practically useless. I also thought perhaps I could buy her something she really needs like driving lessons, however somehow I think she will be offended if I arrange some for her. She has to be the hardest person to shop for. Perhaps I should get her a portrait of the two of us together, I'll make sure it a better than the portrait of us that's hanging in the throne room. Come to think of it, that's a great idea. Think I'll start searching for someone to paint it right now!

16/12/04

Right, I've arranged for an artist to stay at the palace in order to paint a portrait of Clarisse and I together. His name is Leandr'e, I found him through a friend of a friend of mine and phoned him yesterday so he could come for an interview this morning. I reviewed his portfolio and it's amazing! He doesn't just paint from straight poses, he follows around and observes his subjects in order to get an idea of what they like to spend their time doing. He says when he sees the perfect moment, he freezes it in his head then quickly runs off to start outlining, then painting. Basically what that means is that I won't know what I'm getting until he's finished it. What an inspiring man.

The only thing I don't like about this man is his inability to discuss payment. I swear I asked him four times, "How much will this cost?" but I got no straight answer, he just kept telling me, "Eet depends on 'ow much time eet takes to find ze perfect pose."

And then I'd ask how much time it would take and he replied, "Every portrait eez different. First, I need to zee 'ow you interact with each ozuer."

So I don't know how much this guy is going to charge me and I find it worrisome.

I haven't mentioned to Clarisse that I've invited this guy to stay at the palace, I told Shades and Charlotte and that's all. I don't want to risk anybody else telling her what I have in mind for her christmas present.

17/12/04

Le'-andre has arrived, which I'm glad for because christmas is nearing and I have nothing to give my beloved wife as of yet. As soon as he got here he started acting snooty and I didn't like it. He complained about the room he was staying in, saying there wasn't enough light, then he complained about the quality of the lunch he was given by our five star rating chefs!

If he wasn't doing me a huge favour, I would so kick his boney ass out of the palace. I didn't stay long with him on account of him wanting to get down to work, he's set up his eisle already, but hasn't painted anything yet. He told me to go about my day and he would sneak around searching for Clarisse and I for inspiration.

I felt odd all day because I knew I was being watched and followed, yet whenever I turned around to see if Leandr'e was tailing us, I couldn't see him. He's either very good at hiding, or he's not doing his job.

Anyway, forgetting Leandr'e for a moment, tonight when I dined with my girls Mia mentioned something of interest.

"Oh Grandma, I forgot to mention my aunt Maggie and my great aunt Marissa are coming to Genovia for Christmas dinner. They're going to fly over from Texas on the 20th and I need someone to pick her up from the airport. Mia looked at me and smiled adoringly into my eyes until finally I said, "Alright, I will pick them up."

"Thanks Joe."

I wasn't even aware that Mia an aunt and a great aunty, I should be very interested to meet them. Mia says her (now deseased) grandmother, Harriet, was the oldest of two sisters. She married at age twenty, had Maggie when she was twenty-two and had Helen when she was thirty-nine, that's a huge gap between kids! Apparently she died shortly after eating something bad during a visit to Hong-Kong.

Mia says Helen, Patrick and Trevor are also coming for Christmas dinner, so that means...27 people and one screaming baby are going to be seated around the one table. Much to my dislike, Clarisse has invited her good friend Chester over to stay for a few days because he doesn't have anyone to share christmas with and I can't complain about it otherwise I'll be in her bad books and she won't let me touch her for a week.

I've been given a guest list, so far, the people I want there are:

Sebastian Motaz

Sheila Motaz

Marissa Motaz

Mia

Her mom

Her stepfather

Her brother

Her Aunt

Her great aunt

Clarisse

Me

Charlotte and the other three women in parliament.

People that I don't want there are:

Chester

Lionel

Nicholas (just kidding)

Lord Crawly and the other ten odd men in parliament who were invited.

I wish we could just have a quiet family dinner!

19/12/04

Hmm...I've done something bad.

Curious of why Leandr'e had yet to show any progress with my christmas present for Clarisse, I invaded his privacy. This evening when he was eating dinner in the palace dining room, I snuck into his room to have a look at what he had done. I dragged Charlotte along to keep watch at the end of the hall incase he came back while I was searching. So I snuck in, turned my torch on and had a look around, I saw three eisles set up, each had a large square canvas covered with a white sheet. Tubes of paint were spread out all over the floor, which was covered completely in more white sheets. The room looked such a mess. Clarisse would kill me if she found out somebody staying at the palace would keep a room looking like this. It was so messy.

Anyway, I walked quickly up to the first eisle and pulled the cover off, there was a greylead outline of two figures holding hands, I'm guessing it's supposed to be Clarisse and I when we were out on our afternoon stroll earlier today. The second eisle contained a half-painted portrait of what was obviously Clarisse and I hugging each other. I didn't get to see the last one because Charlotte called my mobile and told me sir Snobby was coming back from dinner. I panicked and tried to cover up the paintings, however I accidentally knocked them off the eisles. To make it worse I stood on an open tube of paint and it squirted up and went all over the paintings! Deciding to leave them there I bolted out of the room, grabbed Charlotte's hand and got the hell out of the south wing.

I feel so bad about possibly destroying a beautiful piece of artwork and I feel even worse for invading his room. The only good thing that came of this is that I know he's doing his job now.

20/12/04

I was out walking today and Leandr'e came up to me and said, "Last night, I recieved a message from ze gods! Zey knock over my artwork and say zey are not good enough! Now I must take more time to do zis."

If I hadn't felt so guilty I might have been pissed off with the snobby frenchman taking extra time (and money) to have my wife's present ready. I hope he gets it done in time for christmas, it's only days away! I'm feeling quite stressed about this, I have everybody else's presents except the one person who will kill me if I don't get her anything.

Clarisse seemed to notice how stressed I was, she gave me a full-bodied massage and an awesome head-j...actually, I should dress that up a bit - she gave me a wonderful full-bodied massage and a delightfully pleasurable oral extraction of my manly fluids. That sounds better.

Later on we made love in the tub and I released some more of my stress and manly fluids inside her. It was a very passionate evening, we'd never grinded into each other so hard before. I think Clarisse must be feeling stressed too about the upcoming dinner, I can't believe she still organises these things even though she's retired, it should be Mia's job!

Anyway I think christmas dinner will be very draining as well as irritating. I only hope I will be seated next to someone I like and can talk to, not those boring parliament men.

Only four days left to have her present ready, I wish he'd hurry up!!!

Marissa...where have we seen that name before? ;)

Short and boring because I want to move on to christmas dinner.

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD R & R!


	62. Chapter 62

21/12/04

Something irritating happened to me this morning, I had the decency to wake up at 2am to drive to the airport to pick up Mia's aunt and great aunt whom I've never even met and the stupid bitch treats me like I'm a piece of shit. When I arrived at the terminal I held up a plastic sign with their names on it, then two women approached me and asked to see my identification, then the older one looked at me as if I were the most vulgar thing she's ever seen! Then as I went to escort the two ladies by taking their arms, the older one (my age) slapped me across the face and said she could walk without assistance. I kept my cool and wished I hadn't volunteered to pick them up. The younger one, Mia's aunt Maggie, was not as rude as the other one, in fact she seemed quite intrigued to meet me. She said she'd wanted to meet me for a long time, though I didn't understand why, it's not like I've been famous for long. Marissa didn't approve of Maggie taking a shine to me, even in the car as I looked in the rear-view mirror I could see Marissa eyeballing her niece as she stared at the back of my head. It was the most awkward situation I've ever been in! I was so relieved when I got the two to the palace and passed them off to someone else.

I practically ran to Clarisse in order to wake her up and tell her about the craziness of my morning, but she was much more interested in getting some sleep rather than listening to my rantings. So my morning was quite unpleasant and the fact that I'm stressed to the absolute core about whether or not my painting will be ready by Christmas is making life even more difficult for me. I really don't want to have to find an alternative gift for my new wife because she is one of the hardest people to buy for! I can't get her jewelery, because anything I pick out wouldn't be expensive enough, DVDs are too impersonal and she doesn't watch them much anyway, clothing - enough said and any trinkets I buy for her would probably be thrown in a box never again to see the light of day. So if I don't get this painting done soon, I'm going to be in big trouble.

Another thing that's been eating me lately is the stress of our ever-growing retirement mansion on the beach. Clarisse keeps adding extra pointless rooms. I mean who has ever heard of a room being specifically designed for BLOWING YOUR NOSE!? Right now I don't think Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year.

After my terrible morning, Mia's aunt and great aunt were formerly introduced to Clarisse and I, Maggie (the younger one) hardly acknowledged Clarisse, she seemed more interested in being near me. Perhaps she has a crush on me or something?

Marissa (the older one) still stuck up her nose at me and was 'fakely' pleasant to Clarisse. Mia observed our meeting with a look of concern on her face, she calmly tried to bring light conversation into the group, but because her great aunt is such an unpleasant bitch, nobody had anything to say. THEN we had to eat dinner with them, which I don't even want to go into again because I'd rather forget about the fuss that was made over insignificant things and the kicks in the shin I received under the table. Luckily Helen had arrived just in time to calm the mood. I think I may find an excuse to miss dinner the next two nights and attempt to avoid these two ladies at any cost.

22/12/04

Today was officially the end of the year for the full-time members of the palace staff. I offered Charlotte a lift to the airport in order to:

a. get away from Mia's horrible aunts and

b. spend as much time with my best friend Charlotte before she returns to America for a month's holiday with her family.

I'm going to miss her, I always do at the end of the year - she's the only person I can really talk to.

She left a present for me under the tree in the ballroom, Charlotte always gives good presents - I wonder what it is.

24/12/04

Well life hasn't been getting any easier for me these past couple of days, it's Christmas eve, I have no present to give my wife in the morning because the stupid painter I hired has gone into hiding, Marissa is still the bitch from hell and something freaky happened to me earlier today.

How would you feel if a fifty-three year old woman whom you've barely just met came up to you and asked to be held? Because that's what happened to me! Maggie came into my private study when I was reading today and sat down. I was instantly on the edge of my seat wondering why this woman wanted to be in the same room with me. I didn't give her my full attention as she asked questions about my personal life, I merely thought of an excuse to leave, however when I tried to exit the room, she asked if I would just stay a moment to...hold her. She wanted me to wrap my arms around her and just hold her a bit. Initially, I objected, however when I realised I wasn't going to escape, I very reluctantly did as she asked. The whole thing felt wrong, I didn't know why she wanted to hug me, nor did I know why she wouldn't let go until I practically threw her off me. She had tears of joy in her eyes as she left, whereas I had a mind full of questions in my head.

I decided to consult Clarisse about it immediately after it happened, mainly because you can never be sure who's seen you do what in the palace and I thought the truth would sound best coming from me rather than twisted down through the grapevine. So I asked her opinion of what it was all about and she didn't hit me like I thought she might, she just sat there thinking. She couldn't quite understand it herself.

I wish this year would end immediately! I wish Christmas would be cancelled and I wish these weird relatives of the new queen would just get out of my life!

25/12/04

Christmas day actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I planned to wake up before Clarisse in order to find something I could give to her for Christmas, but I slept in as usual and she was in the ballroom along with everybody else while I was upstairs dreaming. I came down at about 9am and found every member of our extended family sitting on the rug with arms crossed looking quite angry with me.

"Where have you been? We've been waiting two hours!" Clarisse snapped at me, "Trust you to sleep in."

I stared at the dozens of wrapped presents under the tree, "Why didn't you start without me?"

"This is our first Christmas all together!"

Choosing not to argue, I simply said, "Merry Christmas," to everyone and sat down. Presents began circling the room, Mia's creepy aunts had their eyes fixed on me and I was quite disturbed. Not only did I have to share the same residence as these highly peculiar women, but I had to spend the whole day with them. Four presents were handed to me. They were a PlayStation 3 from Mia, a brand new watch from Helen and Patrick, a new journal made from real Italian leather and a Parker pen from Charlotte and a blue box with a set of keys in it from Clarisse. My face lit up when I saw them, last time she gave me a set of keys I ended up with a 300,000 dollar car, I wondered what she'd bought me this time.

When everybody else had opened all their presents, Clarisse turned expectantly to me with a smile on her face, "Well, aren't you going to give me my present?"

This is what I had been dreading for the past few weeks, I had nothing to give her and I had no excuse why. It didn't help my nerves that everybody in the room was staring at me, I tried not to make eye-contact with anyone as I stumbled to find the right words to get myself out of this. My wife kept looking at me, her smile becoming dimmer with every second that passed. Suddenly my eyes were drawn to attention by a large package I had neglected to notice earlier. A rectangular gift with red wrapping paper roughly wrapped around it. I hesitantly stood up and stepped over to it praying to god it was the painting Le'Andre should have had ready over a week ago. I gently lifted the giftag and read some corny message which was obviously not written by me, and I smiled with relief, lifting the package with great care. It was about 2 ft in height and 3 ft in length. I handed it to Clarisse and the smile came back to her face.

"You could have wrapped it a little better," she eyeballed me, "and it wouldn't have hurt to write the card yourself."

I thought this was stupid because for as long as I have known her - which is quite a long time - she had never ever wrapped her own presents or written her own cards.

She unwrapped it and immediately gasped, clenching her hand over her mouth. She pressed the painting against her chest before anybody could see it and rose from her chair, taking the painting with her. I followed.

When we were out of earshot, she whispered, "How could you give me something like this in front of everybody! Do you know how embarrassing it could have been?"

"What's the matter? It's a portrait of us! What's there to be-"

Suddenly she turned it around to face me, I was shocked and aroused at what I saw - Le'Andre must have been hiding in a cupboard or hanging around outside our bedroom window or something because he had painted a portrait of Clarisse and I making love. It showed us naked between silk sheets locked in a passionate kiss with our arms wrapped around each other. Nothing too pornographic, but erotic nonetheless.

"I like it," I managed to say before she slammed it against her chest and started pacing up the stairs.

"Yes it's wonderful, but it's hardly appropriate for a family Christmas."

"Alright, I'm sorry."

We reached our suite and went in. She removed the remaining paper from it and placed it on the sofa, stepping back to admire it, "Thankyou, it's lovely. Who painted it?"

"An idiot I'll be glad to see the back of."

She smiled and turned to me, wrapping her hands around my waist and kissing my lips, "Merry Christmas, darling."

We kissed for about ten minutes before I realised I still hadn't seen my present.

"So what's the deal with these keys?" I asked, holding them up.

"Oh! Would you like to see it?"

She grabbed my hand and practically pulled me through the door, leading me down the stairs, out of the palace and into the garage.

My heart was racing with excitement, what was it? I asked myself, a motorbike? A racing car? No, I looked around and saw a 32ft luxury Mustang with a huge red bow tie around it.

Okay, so it wasn't what I was expecting. A motorbike or another convertible would have been better, but I guess a boat's okay too. I mean I do own a boat licence, but I've never driven one before and I confess myself slightly afraid of travelling on water.

After I expressed my gratitude to Clarisse, I asked her if she would like to step on board with me. It was quite difficult for us two oldies to climb on board, but we managed okay and took a look inside. The interior was beautiful. There was a small kitchenette made of this nice looking wood as well as a table with a long cushy seat, a tiny little bathroom you can barely move in, a huge bed/couch in the stern and under the steps you climb down into the cabin is a double bed. I suggested to Clarisse that we test it out immediately, however she told me we had to get a move on, so I settled for a quick snog on the couch/bed.

Maybe the boat will come in handy, all I have to do is take lessons in driving it which I'll have plenty of time to do since I'm retired. Now I have to think of a name for it...

I tried not to stuff myself silly at Christmas lunch, but the smoked hams, roast veggies and cupcakes were so tempting. I know I should have left room for the huge Christmas dinner later, but when I see yummy food I can't help but eat it.

So all and all the day wasn't too bad.

At the moment I'm just sitting in my den and waiting for my girl to tell me to get ready. Clarisse has spent the last hour getting her hair and makeup done because apparently we have to go out tonight to see some kids dressed up as Christmas trees parading about. She says I was told about it weeks ago, but I don't remember.

Still 25/12/04

Finally got some time to myself after a mindblowingly hectic evening!

We all sat down to was promised to be a lovely dinner amoung family and friends, but what started off as a pleasant evening soon turned into a night of chaos and confusion.

It all started when desert arrived. Everyone was given a plate containing two pears, four grapes and seven cubes of cheese. I ate it all over the space of two hours and forty five minutes because I was extremely full after breakfast, lunch and the half a turkey we had each just eaten a few moments before. I was feeling just about ready to burst, so I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I really shouldn't have eaten that last piece of cheese because it fused itself with the rest of the contents in my body, not to mention the half bottle of wine I'd consumed. So it all mixed together and I felt quite ill. I lifted the seat of the toilet, stuck my head in and everything all came out. I must have thrown up a dozen times before I exited the "lavatory" (a posh word for loo).

When I did eventually come back out after an hour or so, "Great Aunt Marissa" was waiting right outside the door with her arms crossed.

Being the polite man I am, I said, "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were waiting. You do realise there are 472 other bathrooms in the palace you could have used?"

Her face crinkled up, "I'm waiting for you."

Slightly scared I asked, "Why?"

She grabbed the collar of my shirt and pushed me against the door, she had a lot of muscle for her age, "Do you recognise me?"

I looked up and down from her long white hair to her not-so-slender waist then her shoes, "Should I?"

"I remember you. The first man I ever loved, the first man that broke my heart. Though of course you weren't actually a man back in those days, just a boy. I see not much has changed."

Concentrating very hard on this woman, I did sense some sort of familiarity. I already figured out I must have slept with her sometime early on in my life, however since I bedded many women in my younger days - about four Marissa's - I was unsure of which one she was.

Releasing my collar, she slapped my face and shook her head, "Pathetic."

We went back to dinner and she glared at me across the table. Clarisse noticed how uncomfortable I was and held my hand under the table.

When dinner was over we all went to the town square and watched "The march of the Christmas Trees". It was really, really, really, really, REALLY BORING. I felt like my head would fall off if I watched one more kid trip over their own costume. I swear all they did was walk around in circles, then more kids would come out dressed in the same costumes and walk around in circles, then even MORE kids would come out in the SAME costumes. It was driving me insane. Eventually it finished at ten o clock and we were finally allowed to go home. Clarisse was so tired from having got up so early that she spent the journey home asleep in my arms.

When we got home I lifted Clarisse's sleepy head and kissed her all over her face until she slapped me away - she hates waking up to saliva on her face. We had a giggle and got out of the car, then headed up to our suite and made love four twenty minutes - she fell asleep half way through, so being a gentleman, I stopped.

My mind is everywhere, I had Christmas trees running around in my head and I was trying to remember at what time in my life did I sleep with Mia's stupid aunt. She claimed I was a boy back then, so I'm guessing I was somewhere between 13 - 17. But as I said, I slept with about four Marissa's when I was a teenager. If only I had kept a journal back then...

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K, again sorry I never write, never can be bothered. Thought I'd end this here so youse have something to read now rather than a few months time. Review please


	63. Chapter 63

First off, nobody will like this chapter. I am trying to finish this story, but I have no time or patience. So instead of dragging this out for another 12 chapters like I wanted to, I crammed in all in to one. It's either this or another 5 years of waiting. There will only be another one or two chapters left to write after this. Just want to finish it.

* * *

30/05/08

Wow, it's been a long time since I wrote in here and my has a lot happened. Perhaps I should explain what happened after a I left off.

The reason Mia's aunts were so interested in me became clear when after new years, 2005, they cornered me in my study and spoke what was on their minds.

"I suppose I should come clean," Aunt Marissa said bluntly.

"That would be a relief, then perhaps we can all try to get on?"

"No," she boldly stated, "Not until you apologise."

"Okay," I nodded, straightening up my jacket, "I'm sorry I slept with you?"

"Not to me, " she pointed at her sister, who shyly looked away, "Apologise to her. Every birthday, every Christmas, every easter you missed. Tell her you're sorry you never came to any of her school recietals, tell her you wish you could have seen her win the gold at the junior's marathon."

If possible, I would have said, "?" However, I just gave her a curious look and whispered, "You think I'm her father?"

The two of them were standing too close for my liking and there was absolutely no way to get around them, "I think you're quite mistaken."

Marissa looked at me, then at her sister, "The likeliness is uncanny."

"You're story is uncanny," I cleverly replied, "I never had children before the seventies, there's no way I – which Marissa are you? When did we meet?"  
"Age fourteen, we used to play tennis, remember."

"Oh," things became more clear, "That Marissa."

"Yes, and this is my...our daughter Maggie."

I didn't believe what she was saying, but on some level it made sense, "But - I had no idea!"

"I always wanted to meet my father," Maggie smiled as I began noticing similarities between our two faces.

"Allow me to expose our family history," Marissa continued, "You and I became the parents of Maggie at the tender age of 14 after you refused to wear a condom. When pregnant, my father moved us to a new town and hid me away until the baby was born, then my parents raised Maggie as their own. I still watched her grow up, gave her love and support and though we fought like sisters, I think she always knew the truth. Then when Maggie was seventeen, she made the same mistake I did and gave birth to Helen. My older sister, who was having trouble conceiving with her husband, agreed to raise Helen as her own. "

"You're a family who raises each other's kids?"

Marissa glared at me, "We all make mistakes."

At that point, I was sixty per cent sure she was lying, but after an hour of listening to her ramble on, I was beginning to believe she was in fact my daughter. No wonder she wanted to hold me that one time. So after she had said what she needed to say, I decided to speak.

"You do realise that if this leaks out, the entire family, yours, mine and ours will be completely ruined?"

"Which is why it must remain a secret."

"But if you're telling me, it must mean you want something? What is it? Money?"

Marissa slapped me quite hard across the face, "You're all the same. We don't want your dirty money. We just want an apology."

Maggie, having stayed very quiet during the entire conversation decided to speak up, "I just wanted to meet my father and have him know that I exist."

"She thinks the world of you," Marissa coldly interrupted, "Heaven knows why."

The two women were staring intently at me and I froze, was I supposed to apologise for a crime I didn't even know I committed?

"Marissa, Maggie," I held their hands, "For any pain and suffering I may have caused you, I am truly sorry."

I wanted to put a long list of things in my defence, for example, not being told i was a father until over fifty years later, but I decided to end it there. At that point there was an immediate change in Marissa, I saw her smile for the first time. We continued conversing for another hour and we became slightly closer. Maggie asked if perhaps she could call me sometime just to chat, or if she could write me and I said that would be nice.

So Christmas '05 wasn't too bad after all. I even drove my daughter and her mother to the airport when they went home and said goodbye.  
I can't say I actually formed a father/daughter bond with my newfound offspring, but I can say that she does write me every month and I send a reply. I know I can trust these people not to tell anyone else about their twisted family secrets, so life is well...or should I say it WAS well...

Moving on...

It took a long time for our new house to be built because Clairsse changed the design a few times while they were building, which they were not happy about, so instead of it taking three months to build, it took a good half a year. And when it was finally completed, there were even more rooms in it than there were on the blueprints! I was not happy at the time, but once we got settled and Mia bought me a segway to go up and down the hallways in everything was okay.

The boat that Clarisse gave me that christmas was a great present, but she never seemed to want to go out on it. We live right near the beach, but she was never in the mood for sailing, so i didn't use it much...until Charlotte invested her interest in it.

"You don't use it often, do you?" She asked, running her hand over the side when she was at our place once, "I can tell by how clean it is."

"Well," I replied, leaning on the side of it, "Clarisse never wants to go out on it."

"Such a shame. A nice boat like that and it never gets used."

And then I said something I would later come to regret, "If you like boats so much, you should come out with me sometime."

"Wow, really? That would be wonderful, we could go fishing and have a barbeque."

We began talking excitedly about it and pretty soon we had arranged an entire outing. Then Charlotte's face went dull and she siad, "Oh, but Clarisse..."

And I said, "Clarisse what?"

"It's just...she already thinks we have a 'thing' going on."

"She'll be fine. So next friday then?"

She gave me a look of uncertainty then smiled and nodded.

Later on when I told Clarisse of our boating plans, she was quite lost for words.

"You and Charlotte?"

"Yes."

"In the ocean?"

"Yes."

"On a boat?"

"YES."

"Alone?"

"Yes."

She stared at me for a minute, possibly searching my eyes for answers, then smiled and said, "If you want to take Charlotte fishing, who am I to stop you?"

Then she did something unusual, she took my hand and squeezed it quite hard, "I trust you."  
So I nodded, kissed her and left the room.

I thought it was very trusting of Clarisse to allow me to spend time alone with an attractive woman on a boat. I expected her to be jealous and outraged at the thought, but she handled it well. So Charlotte and I went out and fished and ate what we caught. It was a great day and we had a lot of fun. Then we agreed to try and go fishing every week, which we did. Just two friends enjoying each other's company and talking about our spouses.

After only a few weeks, we noticed we were constantly being followed. Everytime we would locate a new fishing spot, this other boat would follow, but stay a hundred feet away. One day I noticed they had a camera with them and I waved and told Charlotte to wave as well. Later that night we were on the news being accused of adultery. At the time I had Clarisse in my arms, so I felt the need to jusify myself, but before i could speak, she had shushed me and told me to keep watching.

Next her face appeared on the screen and she was laughing off the allegations, saying there was no way we could be in a relationship. She had told me on the television everything she needed to say, but I continued defending myself anyway.

"It's ridiculous for them to think there's something going on. If I were to have an affair, I certainly wouldn't be waving to the cameras or displaying her on the deck."

"Joseph!" She seemed angry after hearing about this all day, "I know you're not having an affair with Charlotte. She's quite happy with her new beau. I've been hearing about this all day and I don't need you to convince me when I already know you're innocent-."

So I dropped it and never mentioned it again.

On new years eve, Clarisse actually joined us on the boat along with Nicholas and a five week pregnant Queen Mia. You can really only comfortably fit five people on it, so we didn't invite anybody else. Lots of other people were out on the water as well to watch the fireworks display. As soon as the clock struck 12 that evening, the huge display started crackling away in the sky and we all sat out on the deck and watched in awe. Mia hugged Nicholas, I hugged Clarisse and Charlotte just sat there looking up.

When we sailed back to shore, Mia, Clarisse and Nicholas sat in the warmth of the cabin area while Charlotte sat as usual in the passenger seat. It was difficuult to see anything in the dark, so I concentrated hard on the sea ahead.

"What a wonderful evening," she smiled, "Oh, I forgot to say happy new year."

Leaning over and placing a light kiss on my cheek, she laughed, "Happy new year," then went to join the others. Now I'll admit she was a little bit tipsy at the time, but I couldn't stop thinking about how nice it was when she kissed me. When she did it I sort of swerved on the water which caused them to complain a bit down below, but I got us home safely and it was a great night we all had out on the boat.

After new years, I didn't ask Charlotte to go out again for another few weeks. I don't know why...perhaps I knew somehow what would happen when we did go out again. When I finally did ask her she seemed more relieved than a dog who had just bitten its owner and escaped punishment. So we went out, we caught some fish, then went inside for a cup of tea. As I put the kettle on, she placed the teabags in the cup and got the milk out. Suddenly we both turned to each other at the same time and there was this huge awkward silence. Neither of us moved, we just stayed facing each other. Then I noticed she was inching closer, so for reasons I don't understand myself, I inched closer as well. Now I really don't know why it happened, but we managed to lock ourselves in a possionate embrace. It started with slow kissing, then proceeded to move on to a heated mix of lust and desire which went on for about ten minutes with slight breaks in between. The next few minutes after that were socially awkward. I felt guilty because I love Clarisse, but i also felt excited because Charlotte is so much younger than me and she's beautiful and smart. I started shaking uncontrollably, but she steadied me and placed a cup of tea in my hand. We sat making light conversation for the duration of the tea drinking, but when it finished, I said, "We've got enough fish today, perhaps we should go back."

Disappointedly she whispered, "Oh, if you want to."

"We can stay here if you like," I said much too eagarly.

"No if you want to go, that's fine."

So we went back to shore and she jumped right into her car and drove off with only a quick, "Goodbye."

"Shit!" I banged my head against the steering wheel on the way home, "Shit, why would I do that? Charlotte's going to hate me now!"

I called her from the car, but just as she picked up, I got pulled over by the cops and they charged me for talking on my mobile phone while driving. So I called her again, but she didn't answer.

When I got home, Clarisse hugged me and kissed me and said, "You're back early."

I held up the bag of fish and struggled out of her arms, "Got enough."

"Charlotte gone home?"

I nodded and attempted to smile at her, but I felt so guilty I couldn't even look at her.

That was the first of many awkward greetings I would recieve over the next ten months, because after that incident, even though it took a while, Charlotte went out on the boat with me again and gradually we ended up in a full-blown affair. I felt guilty every time I was with her, but I also enjoyed it. Charlotte had never had children, so making love to her felt amazing. And although I was still madly in love with Clarisse, I realised I loved Charlotte too. And it's not like it was something that just happened - it happened over several months.

To make matters even harder to bare, Charlotte became separated from her partner and Clarisse just happened to think it would be a great idea to stay with us for a while.

"Great," I tried to seem excited, though it was torturing me, "When is she coming?"

"She's on her way."

'Lovely,' I thought to myself, 'My wife and mistress under the one roof.'

Charlotte was staying in one of the many rooms of the east wing. It was nowhere near our room, which I was greatful for. For the eight months that she was there, I didn't touch Clarisse. Sure I'd kiss her and tell her I loved her, but I couldn't bring myself to make love to her. I felt as if I wasn't worthy of her love because of what I had done,but in another way I also felt as if I were cheating on Charlotte. And that if she walked in, which never would have happened, she might be upset.

My resistance to touch Clarisse didn't go unnoticed, "Have I done something wrong?"

I trembled, "No."

"Are you sure? You never seem to want to be near me anymore."

I held her shoulders and whispered, "I love you," then kissed her lips and gave her a long hug, "I've loved you since the day we met. What is it, forty years now?"

Smiling, she wrapped her arms around my waist and swayed with me. I did notice that as soon as we moved into that house she calmed down dramatically. No more psycho-Clarisse, she was just, excuse my choice of words, normal Clarisse. Perhaps that's what drove me to Charlotte? Being with Clarisse in her relaxed state may have been causing me boredom?

Whatever it was, it happened and I ended up in this awkward situation of living with my two loves. And because Clarisse was doubting my love for her, one day when Charlotte went out shopping, I took my wife to the bedroom and made love to her. It felt good because even though I had all the women I wanted under my roof, I never actually could bring myself to make love to one while the other was there.

The following week, Charlotte and I babysat Mia's new son, Prince Gerald. He was such a cute baby and Charlotte and I couldn't help but realise this. We went all googly-eyed and soft. Then she went all quiet and sad.

"I'm never going to be a mom," she whispered, almost in tears, "I'm 44 now and I've never been married. I don't want to be 50 when I start having kids."

Somehow - I don't know how, but - that lead onto a conversation about her wanting children. Now I'd like to make it known that I wasn't then one who suggested this, but apparently I was the only suitable candidate for the father. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but when after a few boat outings she fell pregnant, Clarisse became suspicious. She was constantly observing our behavioural patterns and giving me the evil eye whenever i would look at Charlotte. She knew as well as I did that Charlotte had not been seeing anyone, nor had she been going anywhere with anybody apart from me. So how could she be pregnant?

Clarisse came to me in the lounge one evening when Charlotte was out and shook her finger violently at me, gritting her teeth, "If that child is yours-"

I was quick to object, "It's not!"

Then she continued to shake her finger a little longer before storming out.

When Charlotte was four months pregnant, it began to show, and because Clarisse was out to lunch with her friend, I sat on the couch with Charlotte and felt her stomach. Our baby wasn't big enough to kick at that stage, but was still exciting to know that something of mine was growing inside her. It felt very rewarding to finally be there for one of my kids. Out of the three children I've fathered, this was the only one I was there for from the beginning.

While I was feeling Charlottes stomach, Clarisse happened to walk through the door and saw us. I retracted my hand and stood up, "Clarisse, you've got to come feel this."

She walked over to me all cheery leaving her friend Chester at the door. The next part came unexpected as, instead of feeling Charlotte's stomach, she slapped me hard across the face, then told Charlotte, "You've taken advantage of my husband and my hospitality. Get out of my house right now. "

She wasn't yelling or screaming, she was quite calm.

"But...what about," she touched her stomach.

"Don't worry, its soon-to-be-penniless father will be joining you shortly."

Charlotte stayed pinned to the couch until Clarisse raised her voice, "OUT!"

Then she scuttered to the door while I tried to calm Clarisse down, "Don't you touch me! Don't you dare touch me ever again. You think I didn't know? I'm not as stupid as you think I am! How could you? She was our friend! I can't believe you would just trade me in like that."

"I'm sorry!"

"Sorry you got caught!"

Tears fell uncontrollably from my eyes, "I love you, Clarisse!"

She mimicked my tears, "This is why Clarisse Renaldi never falls in love! How could you hurt me like this?"

"You cheated on your first husband with three different people!"

"And that's supposed to justify your behaviour? Just get out!"

Chester then interfered and escorted me to Charlotte's car, leaving Clarisse to be by herself inside. She poked her head out the door to take one last look at me, then I never saw her again.

And that's the way it ended between Clarisse and I. I regret almost everything that happened that year, from taking Charlotte out on the boat that time we first kissed to knocking her up and getting thrown out of my home by the love of my life.

Clarisse took me for everything I had, which after fifty years of saving my money, there was quite a lot - to me. My lawyers were rubbish compared to hers, she got my car, my boat, my house in new york that I thought only I knew about. Everything I ever owned went to her. That's when I realised the full extent of my mistakes and wished to god I had never been unfaithful.

I needed to go back to work, but nobody in Genovia or the surrounding nations would hire me and our baby was nearly due. So there we were, no home, no money and very little clothing. We were living in Charlotte's car, sad and depressed. I was never angry with Clarisse for taking all my money, I only blamed myself. If I were in her shoes I would have done the same.

With the last of the money Charlotte had in her bank account being spent on hospital bills, I decided to call Mia for the first time since Clarisse kicked us out. At first she seemed reluctant to even be speaking to me, but as I explained how far up shit creek we were, she began to feel sorry for us. She gave me a night watchman job at the palace out of pity and arranged for us to stay in this cabin in the woods for free. I was very grateful for her doing this for us. The only thing she asked was that I didn't tell anyone she'd helped us out.

We were so relieved to get into the cabin. It may only have a wood heater, but it's a lot warmwer than spending every night in the car. In the time I've had to think about the past year, there's one thing i realised, that I wasn't IN love with Charlotte. Now that we're living together, I realised she's not as fun as she used to be. I know it's not her fault because it's hard to make fun when you're living in a car with no job and no money. But she doesn't excite me anymore and I wish to god Clarisse would take me back.

The only thing that makes me feel better about this whole situation is cradling my baby girl in my arms. I was there for the birth, I was there when we decided to call her "Jessica" and I'll be there for her until i die.

So I guess in a way not eveything that happened during that time was a complete disaster...if only I could turn back time.


	64. Chapter 64

5/8/08

I miss Clarisse, I really do. I tried to call her yesterday, but she's blocked my number. I wanted to apologise to her again and again until she forgives me, but alas, it was not possible. I drove past her house on the way home, it was about 7 streets out of the way, but I just had to be near her. I stood outside the gates and listened to the sounds of the place I used to live. I could hear the feint sound of music coming from the house and there were two cars parked in the driveway - perhaps she had guests?

I noticed my car wasn't there, I'm guessing she's sold it because it reminded her of me. Or she could have given it to someone, I don't know. I watched the window and noticed two figures dancing around; my immediate reaction was that she's moved on. I felt sad thinking about her having someone else take my place, even though everyone in the country knew I'd replaced her. I really really want her back. I don't care about how much I've lost, only who I've lost. Then most irritating, yet charming woman in the whole world.

6/8/08

Clarisse.

Clarisse.

Clarisse.

Can't get her out of my head.

10/8/08

I've noticed that the citizens of Genovia haven't been staring at us much when we're out shopping anymore. It's a big relief, because when you've done something terrible to a much loved former monarch, people tend to whisper horrible things about you behind your back. Hang on, whisper isn't the right word, they yell at you, call you scum. At one point we didn't go outside for a whole month. They called our daughter the "Demon child" at one point, which was painful because she's just an innocent little baby who knows nothing of her adulterous conception.

But now things are looking up because it's been a while since Clarisse threw me out and people are starting to get over it. I think pretty soon the restaurant chefs might stop spitting in our meals. Fingers crossed.

Until this afternoon, I hadn't spoken to my son in ages. He was one of many people who did not condone my behaviour and therefore refused to speak to me. If there is one thing he would never do, it's cheat on his wife.

Anyway, I saw him at the liquor store when I was buying the usual bottle of scotch and walked up to him to say hello, but he grunted then turned away. After a few minutes of telling him what a bad person I was and how guilty I felt, I managed to talk him around and he's agreed to let me see my grandchildren again. So we're going around there tonight and he can finally meet his baby sister.

Maggie contacted me when she heard the news I was a father again, like everyone else she was not happy with me for what I did, but she was intrigued at having a new sibling and asked if she could be kept updated on the progress of our little baby. I told her I'd be happy to send her some photos of Jess, so I did and she said she was the most beautiful baby girl she'd ever seen.

Charlotte says she's nervous about seeing my son again, last time they met, Charlotte and I were just two friends who never thought anything would come of our friendship. Now she's the mother of our illegitimate child and scared to death of what will come of the evening, despite my best efforts to persuade her it will be fine. The thing I love about Charlotte is that, unlike Clarisse, she doesn't plan which outfit she is going to wear three weeks in advance, she just picks something out of her closet and puts it on and still looks stunning. Though I must admit that she has gotten a little bit body conscious since she gained a fair bit of weight during the pregnancy. But she's still a very attractive woman and I tell her that every day.

Oh well, guess I'd better start getting ready.

12/8/08

Dinner with my boy and his family the other night went...sort of okay. They weren't very warm towards us, but they did like the baby. Catherine was holding her for most of the time saying, "Oh wouldn't it be nice if we had another one?"

And Sammy would say, "We've got enough!"

Then one time he said, "We're too old," and then there was silence for a while because I am nearly 73 years of age and just became a father. God it sounds sick when I put it like that. I have a 60 year old daughter, and a 6 month old. What's the matter with me?

But otherwise the evening went fine. I'm sure with time things will get back to normal, but for now we shall take baby steps.

When we were at Sammy's house, they had the television going and the news update was on. I hadn't been paying attention to it until the newsreader mentioned Clarisse's name. All I heard was "suffered a heart attack and died just moments after accepting the proposal", and then my mind filled with bad thoughts. I shifted in my seat, unsure whether I had heard correctly. Nobody said anything and I didn't want to ask what happened on the news update because for some reason I thought it would be much better to not look as if I still care about Clarisse or what happens to her. I wanted to get my phone and look it up on the internet, but I'd left it at home. So as soon as the opportunity rose, I said to Charlotte, "We'd better get little Jess home to bed."

And we left. The drive home was frustrating, I couldn't help but think about poor Clarisse dying and my not being there during her final moments. It's a good thing I wasn't driving because my mind would have been everywhere but the road. So I just sat as a passenger with my hand on my seatbelt ready to bolt from the car and into the house. Charlotte looked at me funny as I exited the car like lightning and I just grinned and said, "I really need to pee."

I then proceeded to thumble with my keys before getting the right one into the lock and turning it. I forced open the door and dived for my phone, taking it into the toilet. I sat down and touched the internet icon, then pressed news, then waited. As soon as her face came on the screen I nearly cried. But after reading the headline, I felt at ease, "Former Queen loses new fiancée."

Letting out a sigh of relief I put the phone down and closed my eyes. I felt so much calmer knowing she was safe. I sat on the loo for nearly ten minutes thinking about all the things I wanted to say to her. Then I thought back to the news broadcast and how it said "died after accepting the proposal", so I picked up my phone again and started reading and it turns out she'd just asked this man to marry her. Then it showed a picture of him and I thought, 'You bitch...'

Because the man that haunted our marriage had been proposed to by my former wife. Funny, I asked her to marry me on no less than two occasions and was rejected each time. Then this prick moves in on her after I leave and she proposes to him! At this point I felt upset and angry and just plain hurt, so I got up from the toilet and pulled opened the door. Charlotte was on the other side of it holding our baby, "Something wrong, Joe?"

"Everything's peachy," I lied, "Just going out for a bit."

I walked to the front door and grabbed the keys out of the tray then left. I started up the car and drove off. I don't know why I needed to go there, but I somehow felt I needed to see her. When I arrived at the front of Clarisse's house, I got out of the car and just stood there. It wasn't the first time I had stood out there watching, listening, but it was the first time I'd actually attempted to enter. I pushed the button on the intercom and waited for a reply, looking solemnly at the camera. I wanted to hear her voice and I would do almost anything to see her, so I pressed the button again and listened. A man's voice answered.

"Sorry Joe, can't let you in," said Shane, one of the security men.

"I know," I replied, "Thought it was worth a shot...how is she anyway?"

"We are not at liberty to discuss that matter."  
"Fine."

I continued to stand there and shuffled the dirt with my shoes, then my phone started to ring and I answered it. Shane was on the other end, "Look, she's been copping a lot of media attention at the moment; we don't need them catching you hanging around out the front. It'll just escalate."

"I understand. I just wanted to know if she was alright."

"She's upset, but she'll be alright. Please don't press the intercom button again, she does have access to it you know."

"Yeah sorry," I went silent for a second, "She is coping, isn't she?"

"Goodnight Joseph."

I must have stood out there for an hour before realising how long I had been gone and decided to head back before I got in trouble with the missus. When I got home Charlotte greeted me at the door and said, "Did you hear the news?"

And I faked a confused look and asked, "What news."

Then she told me all about what was going on with Clarisse and asked me my feelings about it, but I remained silent, because even though it's obvious I'm still in love with Clarisse, I try not to let her know that.

I thought about Clarisse a lot when we went to bed - well more than usual. About how she must be feeling, about how I could find a way to speak to her, since I can't reach her phone. But most of all I thought about the days when she loved me. How I wish I could live those days again, yet it's not possible. The only time I can be with Clarisse is when I'm asleep, in my dreams. And she is...every single night.

14/01/09

We received an invitation to my great, great grandson's first birthday party in the mail. It's been a while since I've been at the palace and I'm not sure how people will react when we go there. I don't even know why we've been invited, because last I knew we were forbidden to enter. I'll have to call Mia and ask her if it's really okay for us to come or not, because there are going to be people there who don't approve of the choices I've made in recent history. And what about Clarisse? She'll be there. Oh my god she'll be there! Perhaps I'll get a chance to talk to her? But if Charlotte sees me she'll know I'm up to something.

Oh the anticipation...

2/2/09

I couldn't sleep last night, I tried everything. Warm milk, eating a banana, counting sheep...nothing would work. I was too excited about today's party - the crown prince of Genovia's first birthday.

I got up nice and early - 5.00am, fed my baby a bottle, burped her, changed her nappy, got her dressed in her cutest outfit, then placed her on the floor and watched her kick her legs around in the air. I took photos of her then went to the kitchen to make pancakes - something I almost never do, but I needed to pass the time. I even cleaned up the mess!

Then at 6:40am I relaxed on the couch with the TV on, eagerly awaiting 12pm. There was a boring show about hairdressing, followed by a film about cars, followed by something on trains. I was bored out of my mind.

At 9am Charlotte got up and asked me why I was up so early. I told her the baby was keeping me awake, but neglected to mention I was too excited about the prospect of seeing Clarisse to sleep. She took a look at Jess and frowned, "You got her ready?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

"Did you change her?"

Again I nodded, "Yes."

"Really? You did?"

"YES."

Quickly she walked over and touched my forehead, "Are you feeling alright?"

I held her hand and kissed it, "Never better."

Eyeballing me, she went into the kitchen to get breakfast and saw the pancakes on the bench and a squeaky clean bench top, "You made breakfast AND cleaned up? God, Joseph, what's the matter with you?"

Not moving from the couch, I kindly yelled, "I just wanted to do something special for my special lady."

"You're full of it," she replied, sitting next to me with a plate of pancakes drenched in syrup, "But I love you. Thanks for breakfast."

She gave me a light peck on the cheek and started eating, commenting on the fact that the pancakes were almost as good as hers. Well she's had more practice, she cooks them for me almost every morning, so they ought to be better.

The morning moved so slowly and I found myself banging my head against the couch thinking, _'come on, 12 o clock'. _Because that's what time the party started and I'd planned to get there a few minutes late so as not to look to eager. I passed some of the time by rubbing my hands over my girlfriend's ass and her milk-filled bosoms, but it only made me realise how desperate I was to see Clarisse.

When it finally came time to leave, I gently picked up my daughter and walked her outside to the car, placing her in the child seat and buckling her up nice and tight. I then got into the passenger side and waited for Charlotte to get out of the house. We waited for ten minutes and she was a no show, so I called her and asked her what the matter was because I couldn't be bothered getting out of the car. She said she wasn't coming because all the people hate her and I told her that wasn't true and that I was sure we wouldn't receive evil stares or have comments whispered behind our backs, even though there was no doubt in my mind that there would be talk. At this point I was just so eager to get there that I would say anything to get her into the car. Eventually I did persuade her and she drove very slowly to the palace.

"Love, it's a 60s zone," I hinted after realising we were only going 30.

"Just enjoy the scenery," she sounded a bit agitated.

"Did I mention you look extra beautiful today, my dear?" I eyed off her simple, yet lovely blue dress which shone as she moved in the light.

"Thankyou," she replied, momentarily taking her eyes off the road to smile at me.

I moved my hand onto her stocking-covered knee and rubbed my thumb around it, "I love you, Charlotte."

"Yeah," she sighed sadly, leaving me to feel uneasy.

"And I love you, Jessica," I turned and touched my baby's little foot.

"Y'know what, mister, you've been acting just a little too strangely today," Charlotte shook her head, "What's the matter with you?"

"Just happy I guess."

When we arrived, Charlotte wasn't sure whether she should go in or not, but I told her I didn't want to go alone. So after 10 minutes of talking her into it, we drove through the gates and into the car park. Before I got out, I saw a woman in the distance with strawberry blonde hair wearing a knee-length pink skirt and silky white blouse. Immediately I froze, excitement welling up in my stomach - is that her? But she turned around and I realised it wasn't and my heart sank.

"Come on, Joseph, you were the one who wanted to come," Charlotte gritted her teeth.

Realising I had spent so long daydreaming that Jessica was already in her pram, I got out of the car and took Charlotte's arm, escorting her to the palace. Tongues were wagging before we'd even reached the steps and all eyes were on us. As we entered the palace for the first time in many, many months, it felt quite strange. Sure, Charlotte and I used to work here and stroll around as we pleased, but now we were strangers. The once warm atmosphere had changed into a cold den of silence as we crossed the ballroom into the back garden. We saw a lot of unfamiliar faces who stared at us as if we had hurt them personally. Then Mia showed up holding her baby boy's hand as he struggled to walk down the steps.

Casually we strolled up to them and were greeted with warm smiles, "Joseph," she cheered, throwing her arms around me as if it were all of a sudden okay to have physical contact with me.

"Mia, my dear, how are you? How's my grandson? Happy birthday, lad," I smiled, giving him his present, which he opened and immediately threw on the floor.

"He's a bit grumpy today," Mia told us, "Is this Jess?" She kneeled down to the pram and allowed Jessica to grab her finger, "Hello little Jessie. Honey, this is your-" Mia paused, not knowing how to introduce her son to our baby, "This is your step-aunt?"

More like great-great aunt, but I couldn't tell her that.

"Congratulations to both of you, she's beautiful."

It felt nice to have her be kind to us after what we did to Clarisse, so I gave her another hug and said, "Good to see you."

"You too. It's been difficult not being able to speak with you. You're the one I always came to for advice, but when you and grandma broke up I had no-one to turn to."

I wanted to ask her what made her change her mind and start speaking to us again, but I didn't want to stir up trouble.

"I've asked for you to be seated in the far corner, I hope that's okay? It's just that I don't know how grandma will react to seeing you."

"That's fine," I lied, wondering if there was some way I could change the place cards around so I'd have a better chance of speaking with her.

"I gotta keep moving," Mia whispered, backing away slowly, "There's so many people here I need to see. But we should catch up sometime, have lunch or something."

"We'd love that," I smiled as she held her son's hand and walked out to the garden.

One of the maids came up to us and requested that Jessica be taken upstairs so she could be looked after while we enjoyed the party, but Charlotte shook her head and told her the baby was still on the tit...or something to that effect, and that she didn't have any expressed milk. So she was allowed to stay with us.

Mia wasn't kidding when she said we were in the far corner, we could barely see anything from where we were because of all the umbrellas that covered the tables and the people sitting at them. And I still couldn't see Clarisse! I wondered if she were actually at the party. Two hours went passed and the people started to thin out a little. The food was good, the champagne was brilliant and the company was non-judgemental. We had been seated with people who were the parents of some of the children present at the party and they were just ordinary folks like us. They all had their baggage and we had delightful conversations - even Charlotte was enjoying herself. Then she went off to the loo after the people at our table started mingling with people from other tables and I used this opportunity to break away and look for my former wife. I figured Jessica would be fine on her own sleeping in the pram on a warm day like this, so I left her there and wondered off into the crowd. I couldn't really act as if I were looking for someone, so I pretended to be getting more food from the buffet. From the buffet table I could see Mia, but Clarisse was nowhere in sight. I looked around quite eagerly, but decided to return to my table and start getting ready to leave.

The day had been disappointing up until this point - I didn't see Clarisse, Mia only talked to me for so long and I didn't get to see Clarisse. Now I know I already put that in, but I thought it was such a strong point I needed to make it twice.

When I got back to my table I found an empty pram and a worried looking Charlotte lifting up the blankets in it, "Where is she?"

She almost screamed at me, "Where's my baby?"

I looked in the pram and nearly cried, "Oh my god! She's gone."

"I thought you were supposed to be watching her? Surely she didn't just learn how to walk and jump out of the pram? Where were you?"

She started hitting my chest and I grabbed her wrists, "Calm down, I'm sure we'll find her. She can't have gotten far."

As I massaged her shoulders briefly, I told her to sit down while I investigated what had happened to Jess. I asked a few people, but they said they hadn't seen her. I even asked Mia, but she hadn't seen her either, but she did raise the alarm and a whole search party gathered to look for her.

"Come to think of it," Mia looked confused, "I haven't see grandma for a while either."

Suddenly I put two and two together and headed for the lake. On the way I found my daughter's pacifier lying on the ground and I started to walk faster. A mass of thoughts were going through my head at that point, but the first was telling me that Clarisse was about to drown my daughter in the lake as a punishment for the trouble she's caused.

Struggling to walk faster, I nearly started crying. It wasn't Jessie's fault, she's not the seed of evil, just a planned mistake that two stupid people made, she didn't deserve to die for that.

It took a while, but when I finally saw the glistening water of the lake relief washed over me, because there stood Clarisse cradling my baby in her arms singing a lovely song about roses. At first I didn't know how to approach her. Her back was turned and the only thing I could do was curse myself for thinking Clarisse was actually capable of murdering an innocent baby. Straightening up my tie I watched for a moment, she was still as beautiful as I remember. Sure I see her on TV all the time, but when you see her in person you really understand how magnificent she really is.

So there I was standing tall behind the woman I've always loved wondering how to start a conversation. What does one say to the woman you've caused so much pain and heartache? _'Excuse me, but what are you doing with my daughter?'_

No.

_'Hello, how have you been since we split up?'_

No.

Suddenly she stopped singing and looked at the trees in front of her, "You have a beautiful daughter, Joseph."

Her words hit me like a lightning bolt and I tried to speak, but could only manage a nod.

As she turned around, I saw her face. Her sparkling blue eyes, perfect skin, natural blonde wavy hair...well natural coloured blonde hair. Her body was a little bigger, but it didn't show much under the white skirt she was wearing and silky red blouse. I felt like I had died and gone to heaven.

"Wondered...we wondered where you'd...she'd gotten to," I attempted speech, unsuccessfully.

"She was crying, so I thought I'd get her away from the noise. It's very peaceful up here, I'm sure you remember."

"Yeah," was the only word I could say without sounding like a complete knob.

"How is Charlotte?" She looked at me bright eyed, but expressionless as she still held my baby.

"She's fine," the question had hit me like a falling tree, I wasn't sure how much detail I should give, "She's been busy nursing and-"

"I was only being polite," Clarisse faked a smile, "And what about you? I hear you've been working nights here?"

Not knowing whether she was supposed to know that, I nodded, "Income, that's all. I'm not doing it to get in anyone's good books, or so I can suss things out."

"I know it must be hard for you."

_Hard? Hard as in sleeping in a car for several months with your heavily pregnant girlfriend? Hard as in never having any money? Hard as in how nobody would hire either of us? Yes, Clarisse, I supposed you could say it was hard. _

For a moment, I found difficulty in grasping the fact that I was once married to this woman, she seemed as ordinary as any other talking to me as if I were an acquaintance after everything we'd been through together.

"We get by," I mentioned, "Just."

"I'm driving again. Thought I'd give it a second chance since Chester passed."

"Sorry to hear that."

"No you're not," she smiled, eyes glistening, "You never liked him."

"No, I meant sorry to hear that you're back on our roads," I attempted a joke, which she responded to by playfully eyeballing me, "Did you really propose to him?"

"Yes," she smiled, looking down at my child with adoration in her eyes, "I was lonely, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm destined to have the men in my life leave me for some reason or other."

Wondering whether apologies were in order, I prepared to speak, but she got in first.

"Can't believe the bastard went and died on me."

"He was older, Clarisse," I tried hard to contain my excitement that the man who almost ruined our relationship several times was dead.

"I have to get back," she told me, gently handing the baby back, "You have a delightful young lady. I hope she grows up to be just like..."

She paused, unsure of what to say, "Just like Mia."

And just like that she walked away and I watched her the whole time, buttocks swaying side to side, hand on her hip. I felt good after speaking with her, you would expect her to have yelled at me or gone on about how badly I treated her. But she was kind, the only bitterness she showed was when she inquired about Charlotte, but who could blame her?

Looking at my watch, I realised I should probably get back and call off the search party, but someone spotted me before I got the chance and alerted the others. Upon my return, Charlotte came running up to me and instantly grabbed the baby from my arms, crying ecstatically about having been reunited with her only daughter. I saw Clarisse close by looking smug with a glass of champagne pressed to her lips. She smiled briefly and began speaking to somebody nearby. I thought perhaps she planned the whole thing just to cause us grief, but I could never prove it.

Almost immediately after we returned to the party, Charlotte wanted to leave. I told her I wanted to stay a little longer and that I'd get a ride back with someone else. Unconvinced, she said, "Alright," then left. Now I was free to roam without having to sit by Charlotte's side keeping her company. So I headed for the near empty snack table and munched down some cupcakes and cola. Charlotte rarely lets me eat junk food, so I jumped right into it and enjoyed every minute of it. I managed to speak to Sebastian Motaz, who even though he's no longer Prime Minister after three consecutive terms, is still a valued member of the community. I hadn't seen him for a very long time, so I was surprised when he asked me if I'd like to play poker next Friday. He asked me how I was doing and I told him the truth, that I wished none of this had ever happened, how unfulfilling my life had become now that Clarisse wasn't in it. He was quite sympathetic towards me and mentioned that if someone thirty years younger than him took a fancy to him, he probably wouldn't have said no either. Soon after that, his wife tried to drag him away because she wanted to leave. We said our goodbyes and arranged a time for poker next week.

I looked around and noticed the tables were emptying. The handful of guests left seemed to all be crowded around the large table at the front of the garden, the one where all the important people were sitting earlier. Casually I strolled up to the large velvet-covered round table and smiled at the people surrounding it causing their chitter chatter to fade as I pulled out a chair and sat down, "Please, continue."

A couple of people made lame excuses to leave, and so eventually I was left alone with Mia, Nicholas, Clarisse and some young couple. There was many an awkward silence as I sat twiddling my thumbs, I could even hear everyone's breathing. After a long pause, Mia began speaking to the couple at the table, but they soon left as well.

Another long silence followed and we all started looking at our watches. Clarisse was the first to leave the table, she simply got up and walked out onto the grounds. I wondered if I should make an excuse to leave so I could chase after her and attempt to worm my way back into her life, but Mia started speaking to me and I became trapped at the table.

"We're planning a trip back home, I want to show Gerald where I grew up. We're also going on a slight detour to visit my Aunts, because there's this totally awesome zoo near them. It's gonna be great."

"Wonderful, when do you leave?" I asked, trying to seem interested as Clarisse disappeared out of sight.

"October," Nicholas moaned, "Next year. We're just way too busy, can't even sneak away for ten minutes for a bit of lovin'."

Mia elbowed him and smiled, "Nicholas!"

"Come on, Mia, it's Joe we're talking to."

Smiling, I nodded and we talked for about an hour. Then I asked if they'd like anything to drink and they said no, so I got up and made myself one. As I was about to rejoin them at the table, I noticed they were deeply involved in cosy conversation and that he was fondling her under the table. I used this opportunity to sneak off in search of Clarisse, even though I knew it was a long shot that she'd still be out there. But I hurried off to the grounds and listened to the sounds to see if there was any trace of her still being out here.

Suddenly Maurice came out of nowhere and started tugging violently on my pant leg. I didn't even know Maurice was invited to the party, but there he was ripping my only suit and drawing blood from my leg until a voice told him to stop. Excitedly I shook and looked around, but disappointment followed shortly as I realised it wasn't Clarisse, but a maid who was out walking her dog.

"Sorry about that, sir, he's usually very good with people," she apologised and looked down at my trousers, "I will sew this up for you."

"They're beyond repair now. But it's alright."

"Well I should at least heal your wounds."

In the distance I could see a tree that looked as if it were blowing smoke out of its trunk.

"I'll be fine," I almost shouted at the woman, before turning to run.

Quickly I made my way over to the tree and almost sighed with relief when I smelt the sweet essence of my youth. It was the woman I had been looking for, in all her glory taking slow puffs from her quote, unquote "cigarette". She didn't seem pleased to see me, nor was she upset or angry. Just content to be leaning against a tree looking out at the lake - a place we seem to end up a lot together.

The sun had just about set and it was beginning to get dark, "I see you're stalking me now, Joseph?"

How did she know?

"I didn't expect you to be here, honest," I smiled cheekily.

"What do you want?" She took another puff of her cigarette and crossed her arms.

Honestly, I didn't know what to say. I wanted to be near her so much that I hadn't even considered conversation topics.

"I...uh...just wanted to enjoy the view."

"Bull," she giggled, "By the way, what are you doing tomorrow?"

My heart stopped, never would I have expected those words to come out her mouth, "No plans, why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason," she said, tossing her cigarette on the ground and putting it out with her shoe, "I just thought perhaps you could give me a lift home tonight. I've had a bit too much to drink."

My appendage began to move - did she just say what I think she just said?

She went through her bag and tossed me a set of keys, which I immediately recognised as the ones that went to my car which she bought for me as a wedding gift, "You've been driving my car? I thought you must have sold it or...I mean I never see it when I drive past or..."

She raised an eyebrow as if she didn't know I drive past every now and then.

"So when did you want to get going?"

Immediately she began walking back towards the palace and I followed closely. I wasn't sure exactly what she had in mind, but I would have followed her to the end of the earth if it meant I got to be near her. She was walking quite fast for a woman of her age and I struggled immensely to catch up.

Soon the palace lights were visible in the distance and I wasn't sure if Clarisse minded being seen with me, so I kept back a few paces and she turned around and asked me what I was doing.

"Keeping my distance?"

"Nonsense, we're both adults, we can walk together if we wish," she shook her head and waited for me to catch her.

We walked together, much like old times, back to the garden where Mia and Nicholas still sat, but were now eating each other's face.

"Darling," Clarisse smiled at Mia, "We're off now, tell my great grandson I love him and that I'll see him next week."

Both Mia and Nicholas were staring in disbelief at the two of us standing together.

"Did you need a lift home, Joe?" Nicholas asked, still bewildered.

"No, thankyou."

Clarisse gave Mia a kiss and farewelled Nicholas, "Let's go, Joseph."

As we entered the palace, I kept my head low and ignored the looks we received from the staff. I didn't bother asking Clarisse where she'd parked the car because I knew she'd lead me to it, and she did. In all its glory stood my silver Honda, still much the same, except for a few dints and paint marks - no doubt a result of Clarisse's driving. I opened the passenger door like the gentleman I am and waited for her to sit before closing it and jumping in the other side. I moved my hands up and down the steering wheel remembering how good it felt to drive. Charlotte's car was a shit heap and she rarely let me take the wheel even though I'm a much better driver than she is. I started up the engine and let it roar, my excitement quickly building. It felt great driving my old car, the gearbox was a bit knackered, but it still went. This had to be one of the single most exciting moments of my life. I was driving my former car with my former wife by my side and my former dog sitting at her feet.

And then I woke up.

Kidding! I knew this was real because I slammed the car door on my finger and it still hurts.

The drive to Clarisse's house seemed to go on forever, but I didn't want it to end because I thought she would exit the car when we got there and make me walk home, which is why she asked me what I was doing tomorrow, which would have been walking home. So I drove a bit slower and everytime I changed gear, my hand would brush her knee. This used to happen all the time when she was in the car with me, but now it made my emotions rise because she wasn't my wife anymore - my woman was sitting at home nursing our baby and probably wondering where I'd gotten to. I started feeling bad all of a sudden, but it disappeared when my hand stroked Clarisse's knee again. I noticed that whenever I changed gear, her knee would move closer and eventually I found my hand in hers as she guided it up her skirt and onto her thigh. Immediately I got wood. Some men my age have a hard time getting wood, and truth be told, sometimes so do I. But not this day, she had excited me by doing something completely unexpected.

Three times I nearly crashed into something as my hand remained on her thigh and it didn't seem to faze her once. She just kept looking straight ahead without even cracking a smile.

When we arrived I stayed completely still. I did not retract my hand, I simply drove through the gate and parked under the carport. I didn't even look at her until she got out and whispered, "Are you coming in?"

My seatbelt flew off in a second and I swiftly exited the car, following her up to the door which was opened magically as we entered.

"Good evening, madam," the butler (whom I've never seen before) said, "And you, sir."

"Evening," I replied awkwardly as Clarisse passed him her bag and strolled with purpose down the hall.

I followed her, wondering which room she would go in.

_'Bedroom, bedroom, bedroom,' _I repeated in my head, but she settled for one of the downstairs lounges. The house was nothing like how I remembered it, the colours on the walls were darker, the whole place was carpeted and the furniture was almost all made of pine.

"I see you've redecorated," I stated, walking into the dimly lit room and setting myself down on the extra wide sofa. It wasn't an overly cold night, but a fire dwelled in the magnificent marble fireplace and I marvelled at how this room was bigger than our whole house.

"By redecorated, you of course mean threw out everything and started anew?"

"Well, yes."

"Would you like a drink, Joseph?" She asked sweetly, pouring herself a large brandy.

"No thankyou," I replied, not wanting to ruin the potentially best night of my life with alcohol.

She moved slowly across the room so as not to spill her beverage and sat down beside me. Drinking half of it at once, she placed it on the table beside her and rested her head on my shoulder, _'I'm in'_ I thought to myself as I cautiously placed my arm around her. For about an hour we just sat there in silence, I listened to her breathing and smelt her strawberry scented hair, enjoying it while it lasted in case this was all I got. But it wasn't, for after we'd been sitting there a while she put her head up and looked at me, eyes glistening in the light from the fire place. She drank the other half of her drink and touched my face with her hand, then she kissed me and my heart started racing. I took this as my cue to embrace her as she threw her arms around my neck. She leaned her bodyweight against me so that I had no choice but to lay down. Then she was on top of me, kissing every inch of my face that she could, I was trying hard not to come in my pants from all the excitement. I grabbed her buttocks with both hands and squeezed them gently, she rewarded me by putting her hands down my pants. Then piece by piece our clothes came off and I admired her naked body, it was almost the same as it was the last time I had seen it except for the few extra pounds she'd gained...well quite a lot actually, but it didn't matter - she was still as loveable as she always was.

"Clarisse," I interrupted, wanting to make amends before we went even further, "I'm really sorry about-"

"Joseph, please don't ruin this for me," she whispered loudly before joining our two bodies together.

"Ohhhh godddd," I sighed loudly as she began moving on top of me, "I forgot how good you are."

There were many kisses, lots of touching and a lot of love being given as we made up on the couch. It was so nice to be with her again, not just for the sex, but because I missed her. I have been obsessed with this woman since the day we met some forty years ago and I was going to enjoy everything we shared. The whole time we were on the couch I thought to myself, 'Don't come, don't come.' Because if I had, she would have been disappointed and I would have felt ashamed. But amazingly I made it last until she was ready, then a minute later I released and it was the best moment of my life. Afterwards she lay on my chest and played with my nipples, which is something I don't usually like, but I made an exception just this one time. I stroked her hair and kissed her forehead and I felt like the luckiest man on earth.

About half an hour passed before I found myself thinking about Charlotte. I knew she would be wondering where I was on account of it being 8pm and the party finished at 5pm. I had told her I'd get a lift home with someone. What if she called the palace to find out who I'd left with? She'd kill me! I told her I was over Clarisse.

Thinking Clarisse was asleep, I carefully removed my hand from her back and reached for my jacket, but it was too far away. I shifted and she stirred, causing me to forget about trying to find my phone. I knew it had rung eight times already because I could hear the vibration as we were making love. I was trapped. If I stayed here too long Charlotte would have more time to realise I was with another woman and leave me, but if I went, Clarisse would think I'm still in love with Charlotte.

Torn between two women, I decided to stay with Clarisse. Much as I'm going to miss my daughter when Charlotte finds out about this, I know I'm better off with Clarisse. I love her. I've always loved her.

As I was pondering to myself, she opened her eyes and smiled at me. I kissed her again and rubbed her body against me. All of a sudden I looked up and saw the butler standing over us.

"Would you like your evening tea, madam?"

"I'll take it in my room, thankyou," she replied, peeling herself off me to sit up.

Now, the Clarisse I know would never casually order tea in the nude, but she did. We were both naked on the couch and the butler didn't even smirk. Perhaps she frequently makes love to people on her sofa?

Not even bothering to put her clothes back on, she stood up and made a motion with her head for me to follow her. So I walked close behind her as she ascended the stairs and brushed her buttocks with my hand, making her turn around and smile. We passed several household staff, who smirked as they saw us. We must have looked a funny pair, two wrinkly old people walking through the house naked and having the time of our lives.

As I was following her down the hall, she stopped at a wooden door and opened it.

"This isn't your bedroom," I observed.

"I changed when you vacated."

I nodded and followed her inside, tea was there within a minute. Clarisse went into her wardrobe and pulled out two dressing gowns, she threw one to me and as I put it on, I realised it was mine from when I lived here.

"Thought you would have burnt all my stuff," I smiled.

"I was going to send your belongings to you, but I was just so angry at the time that I put them in storage."

I sat and thought for a moment, then decided to speak, "Do you still have the boat?"

Her face went red and her eyes were fixed on stirring her tea, "The boat is unfit for use."

"Oh," I sighed, not too disappointed, "What happened to it?"

"Well, it looked as if someone had taken to it with a large hammer then set it on fire, so Chester sent it to the scrap yard."

Knowing that she was behind it, I smiled to myself, "I understand completely. And might I just apologise for-"

"No," she held up her hand, "I don't want you to tell me how wrong or stupid you were. I'm at the age where I can accept that what happened happened and you can't change it no matter how badly you want to."

"I just want things to be right with us again. My life means nothing without you in it," I held her hand and stroked it with mine.

"Joseph, do you know what I've realised since you've been gone? That I deserved it all."

"No you didn't."

"It's true," she cried, "I'm a terrible wife."

"No."

"I was involved with other men when Rupert and I were together. I was involved with Baxter, Chester and you. He was never once unfaithful and that's why I deserved being traded in for a newer model by the one person I actually loved."

"You think I did it to teach you a lesson? That's not true, I never meant to hurt you. I love you more than life itself."

"I know you do and I know you're very sorry for what you did. I've also come to realise that you've paid the price for your actions and I would be eternally grateful if you agreed to give our relationship another try."

My eyebrows went up, "You mean make this permanent?"

Nodding, she took a sip of tea and placed it back down on the saucer, then touched my face, "I miss you."

"I think you can guess my answer," the butterflies welled up in my stomach as I thought, could all this be real? "But aren't you concerned about what people will think about you taking me back?"

Shaking her head, she smiled, "I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. They can call me crazy, call me stupid, but at the end of the day it's how I feel about myself that matters the most. And I realised the only time I'm truly happy is when I'm with you. We have so much history together and I don't want to throw it all away just because you decided to impregnate one of my closest friends."

"So you're not the slightest bit worried people will shun you?"

"Life's too short to stay angry. I decided right after Chester passed that I had to be with you, the love of my life. I miss you so much, Joseph and all I care about is now."

This was very unlike the Clarisse I once knew. The Clarisse I knew was vengeful, she would have shouted until her lungs were sore and slap me across the face a few times making me pay for what I had done, but here she was accepting me back into her life without an argument, willing to forget all the bad things I've done to her. It was just too easy. I kept thinking to myself, there's going to be a catch, like I'll never be able to see my daughter again or something like that. But it wasn't like that at all, she said she'd welcome her anytime, but Charlotte would have to stay well out of sight. It was just so unlike Clarisse.

After our conversation, we made love again, but this time in her bed. Then we tried to do it in the shower, but there are some things you just can't do when you're our age.

Then when I woke up it was morning and I was thinking, shit, Charlotte would be so worried by now. I will have to tell her today about Clarisse and I reuniting, before she hears it from somebody else.

I tried to get out of bed, but soon realised I was unable to move. I was lying on my stomach with my hands and legs tied to the bedpost - she's just like her mother...not that I'd ever tell her that.

"Clarisse," I muffled into the pillow, "What's this about?"

I tried looking around, but all I could see was her poking the fire, "-risse."

She turned around and I could see she had something glowing red in her hand. For a moment I thought she was going to set the bed on fire with me in it as revenge, then I thought she was going to stick something up my anus. But as the hot iron landed on my ass cheek, I realised she was branding me...as if I were cattle. I screamed in pain as she did this, it was almost as painful as the time she shot me in the knee!

"Just remember how painful this is next time a young lady gives you the time of day," Clarisse said, removing the iron from my swollen skin and setting it down next to the fireplace before applying salt to my wound.

"FUUUUUUUUUCKING BITCH!"

She was laughing. _Very funny Clarisse. Could have given us some warning..._

Next she lay beside me and kissed my cheek, I gave her a painful smile. Amazingly she untied me right away, but I didn't move, I was in too much pain to move. I did know that she would get me back in some way for what I did, I just didn't realise it would be so quick and painful. But I'm glad we're back together, now all I have to do is tell Charlotte.


	65. Chapter 65

4/2/09

I knew it wasn't going to be easy to tell Charlotte we were over after the year we'd had, but it was something that had to be done in order to start my new life with Clarisse...again. I wanted to tell her before she found out from someone else, but when I returned home the afternoon after Clarisse and I got back together, I was greeted with a painful slap across the face, "Where the fuck have you been?"

I put my hand to my lip and realised Charlotte had drawn blood, so I wiped it on my jacket and hung my head in shame. Next she clipped me across the ear, "And what's this I hear about you leaving the party with the woman you told me you never wanted to see again?"

I looked at her with saddened eyes, "Who told you that?"

"It's all over the news, repeated every two minutes," she screamed, pointing at the TV.

And she was right, there were images of Clarisse and I leaving the party together and a question hovering, 'Rekindled romance?'

Shit, the media got to her before I could.

My eyes shifted from the TV to my wonderful daughter lying in front of it, kicking her legs and making baby noises. I smiled and picked her up, holding her close to my heart and kissing her tiny little forehead.

"What's going on, Joseph?"

"Clarisse and I are back together," I said, not acting as happy as I was feeling.

Charlotte looked positively hurt, "Is that where you were last night? With the woman you vowed you'd never fall for again?"

"I lied and I'm sorry. But it's always been her, surely you knew that?"

"So what, now you're going to cast me aside? You've had your fun with the younger woman, now I'm no longer useful you're going back to her? No wonder you never asked me to marry you, asshole!"

I looked up at her in disbelief, "Did you want to get married?"

"Of course I did. Not just because of Jessica, but because I thought we had something special. You told me just yesterday morning that you loved me and now it's all about Clarisse! Does it thrill you, changing women so frequently?"

"That's not what this is about. Look I'm sorry, but I've loved Clarisse for almost as long as you've been alive and nothing you can do can change that. We're destined to be together. This," I pointed back and forth between us, "This was never going to work."

"It was working until Queen Clarisse waved her magic wand and drew you back to her."

Shaking my head, I held Jessica closer and pressed my cheek to hers.

"You're not taking Jessie, she stays with me. You can still see her, but I am not going to pretend this didn't happen."

Nodding, I wiped my eyes and put Jess back on the floor, "I wouldn't dream of separating our child from her mother."

"Can't believe you're walking out on me - on us!"

"You think this is easy for me?" I sort of shouted, sobbed.

"Everything was fine before we went to that party."

"Everything was not fine! I've been miserable ever since Clarisse kicked us out and I have never stopped thinking about how much I wanted to be back there with her. Now she's finally giving me a chance to redeem myself and I'm going to take it."

"Well then," Charlotte glared at me, "You'd better get your stuff then, or maybe you could just get your sugar momma to buy you new stuff."

Shaking my head, I walked to the bedroom and gathered a handful of my possessions. There wasn't really anything I needed from there, Clarisse had kept all my stuff. The only thing I had that was of any value was a photo of my daughter when she was first born. When I came back into the lounge, Charlotte had her back turned and was sniffling, "What am I going to do now? The whole country hates me, I've got no money, no way to support my daughter. You're going to be living it up while I'm stuck in the slum."

Placing a gentle hand on her shoulder I spoke in a low voice, "I'll help you out whenever I can."

"Who do I turn to for moral support? Who's going to hold me and tell me everything will be alright?"

That I couldn't answer and suddenly I felt an overwhelming amount of guilt, "Charlotte, I'm so sorry."

"Just go," she wiped a tear from her eye.

Taking one last look at Jess, I walked out and closed the door behind me, lingering for a moment before getting into my old car.

I've been feeling depressed about this all day, I thought it would be a little easier to walk away, but it's not. Clarisse seems happy though, she's throwing a party to celebrate us being reunited and inviting almost everyone we know. But I feel so bad for Charlotte, nobody in the entire country wants anything to do with her and now she probably thinks I don't want to have anything to do with her either. But if you think about it, it's her own fault in a way for getting involved with a married man. She knew I was madly in love with Clarisse, but she fell for me anyway. Great, now I'm making it sound like she brought this on herself, but it was my fault too. I'll have to find a way to support her without Clarisse knowing, but that means sneaking around again, which means if I get caught having anything to do with Charlotte again...well let's just say Clarisse would have to have pretty low self esteem to take me back a second time.

Well, I suppose I'd better do something to get my mind off this, how about I think about the pain I'm suffering in my buttocks region from where my ex-wife just branded me the other day? No, I try not to think about the name 'Clarisse' being burnt into my skin. She's lucky I'm trying to make up with her otherwise I'd have smacked her right across the face.

Wait a minute, wasn't I trying to think of happy things? Hmm...perhaps if I put some romantic music on and dim the lights Clarisse might want to make love to me. Now there's a pleasant thought.

6/2/09

Mia called at the house today, I stumbled upon her in the kitchen as she daringly ate a piece of carrot cake Clarisse made this morning, "Mia, I didn't know you were here."

She stared at me with raised eyebrows and smiled, "I didn't know you were here either. Does this mean the rumours are true? You're back with grandma?"

"We're sorting through our problems," I lied, "To what do we owe this pleasure anyway?"

"Oh," she tried to swallow the piece of cake and talk to me at the same time, "I just came over to visit grandma, but...I guess I got the double prize cos you're here, too."

Smiling politely, I opened the fridge and pulled out some milk for the tea I was about to make, "You know your grandmother made that," I pointed to the cake.

I thought she would have spat it out, but instead she mumbled, "Really? But it tastes great."

"It does?" I stared in confusion, "I only pretended to eat it to keep her happy."

Mia grinned and excused herself, so I was left alone. I thought I was imagining it at the time, but she seemed a little eager to not be near me. So I made my tea and took it out to the garden where I could hear Mia and Clarisse chatting. Before I made them aware of my presence, I watched from behind this shrub I planted when we first moved in and she wasn't saying very nice things about me.

"-for only five minutes and he's moved back in already? What is wrong with you grandma? How could you let him weasel his way back into your life after what he did to you?"

"He did no such weaselling, I invited him back."

"If Nicholas ever cheated on me, there's no way I would ever take him back. Infidelity is the main cause of people breaking up and I always wonder, how could a person take back their unfaithful partner? It just doesn't make sense."

"Mia," Clarisse said, obviously not caring for Mia's opinion at all, "When you get to my age you realise some things. One, there aren't as many fish in the sea as there used to be and two, once you start loving a man it's impossible to stop. No matter how much heartache they cause you, you can't live life without them."

"But doesn't it bother you that he left you for a much younger woman?"

Momentarily silent, Clarisse stared into her empty cup of tea, "Yes, it does bother me. But I've had many months to get over it and now...now I feel there must have been a reason why it happened..."

"Yeah," Mia sounded smart-alecky, "Because Joseph couldn't keep Joseph Junior in his pants."

"No! It happened to show me how much better life was with him around and I'm sorry if it upsets you, but I love Joseph regardless of what anyone else says."

"But now he's going to think you're a doormat and walk all over you!"

"I think he's learnt his lesson," Clarisse smiled, looking at me through the bushes, "And if he knows what's good for him, he won't do it again."

Shaking my head discreetly, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and noticed Charlotte had sent me a text message. I ducked back inside to read it privately, it said, "fuckign dumbshti cuhntfcae asholke mohterfuckre!"

I quickly deleted it and noticed she'd sent another sixteen messages. Assuming they were all the same I deleted them, then I noticed a text from my first wife, Lauren. Funny, I didn't even know she had my number. Perhaps she got it off Sammy? Anyway it said, "You are one VERY lucky man – Lauren."

Yes I am.

Sliding the phone back into my pocket, I walked back outside with my tea and asked to join the ladies.

Mia started acting all innocent when I sat down, as if she hadn't just been bagging me. The conversation was pleasant, but when Mia got up to go to the bathroom, I was left alone with Clarisse. Rising from my chair I walked to where she was sitting and placed my hands on her shoulders massaging them gently as she leant back against me.

"I hope you're not having second thoughts about us, my dear."

Looking up at me, she smiled, "Her thoughts are no different from anybody else's. I can't think of a single person who's happy for the two of us to be back together."

I thought for a moment, then kissed her hair, "Well I am."

"That makes two of us."

"Now all we have to do is convince the rest of the nation this is a good idea."

"We'll do nothing of the sort," she smiled and touched my face. I love it when she touches my face, it's as if all my troubles fade when she touches my face, "Because I could care less."

I must admit I'm a little concerned about Clarisse's attitude towards our relationship, on one hand, I love how she doesn't care about what other people think anymore, but on the other hand I feel she should care just a little. I know I'm not happy with the fact that everybody thinks I'm using her and I'm sure deep down it bothers her, too. But what can you do?

11/02/09

It's nice waking up in my old house, I love lying in bed after we've made love in it, gazing up at the patterns on the ceiling with my woman in my arms knowing nothing can spoil the day. Then she goes out shopping and you realise you've slept longer than you expected, then you go to the bathroom to brush your teeth and realise you can't find your toothbrush and all hell breaks loose. Perhaps I should explain.

I took a shower, wrapped a towel around myself and went to the sink. Now normally Clarisse uses a toothbrush once and then throws it out, even though I keep telling her they can be used for up to three months. Yet still, she insists on throwing mine in the bin as well after I've used it. So I started my toothbrush hunt. I looked in the spot where she usually keeps the toothbrushes, but there weren't any there, so I searched the whole cupboard and found nothing. Then I tried looking under the sink, and I looked in every canister I could find and every little box that was under there. In one of the boxes I found a shiny golden key and wondered what it was for. It looked old styled, but was brand new. I took the key from the box and put it on the side of the sink, then brushed my teeth with some paste and my finger - something that would give Clarisse a heart attack if she saw me doing it. Afterwards I looked around for a keyhole, but didn't find one right away. Then with my expert training, I opened the cabinet door and felt around the inside until I found a little golden piece of metal attached to the back of the shelf. I tried to pry it open with one of Clarisse's nail files, but had no luck, then I touched it some more and realised it slid open sideways. By now I was immensely intrigued with this mysterious keyhole, I had a hunch about what was being hidden behind it, but I prayed I was wrong. So Immediately I tried the key, but the hole was too small and it wouldn't fit. I groaned, thinking there must be some other key I have to find, but as I twisted the key in my hand, the end of it came off, revealing the real key. I quickly shoved it into the hole until it clicked, but then I became unsure of how to open it. I tried pushing the opposite end of the shelf, but soon realised it wasn't the shelf, but the whole cabinet which swung open.

I must admit I was taken back by how many tiny bottles were in that cabinet. They were all clearly labelled, but they were substances I've never heard of before. Either that or their names were simplified. They said things like Happiness, Remembrance, Forget, Queasiness, Diet, Energetic, Excitement...in fact any emotion you could name, she had a pill for. But I can't be certain that they all do what they say, they could be experimental drugs or just somebody trying to scam her and doing a good job of it. Anyway, at the very bottom in a large gold box was about 2 pounds of marijuana - a Chester special, no doubt. Now if all of this wasn't shocking enough, I find a case with syringes and brown powder in it. At that point I felt disappointed, hoping to god it was her former best friend's supply of heroin and not hers. It ate at me all day thinking: is this the only reason that she took me back? Because she's had her mind warped? I can't exactly ask her directly like I would have done back in the day, because I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells and if I lose her AGAIN I'm pretty much fucked. I know Charlotte wouldn't take me back now even if I begged her. I'd be out on my ass! So I'll just have to take it one day at a time and suss her out in a subtle way.

So when she came home, I gave her a kiss and carried on like I hadn't found her secret cabinet of drugs. I'd taken the liberty of hiding the key in a different box in the cupboard, so if she seems a little on edge during the night, I can confirm my fears.

12/2/09

Clarisse didn't seem to be edgy or anything this morning. I was half expecting her to be scratching the walls and pulling out her hair. But she was fine, so my fears eased off for a while. Until I caught her yelling at a cake, but then I realised she was upset with it because it was making her fat. Women...

I spent my whole day observing her, then eventually she caught on and asked, "Is there a reason you've been staring at me all day?"

And I responded stupidly with, "You're just so beautiful I can't look away."

She looked like she was about to slap me, but she didn't, instead she turned away and lit a cigarette. She smokes about a pack a day now, apparently this started when I left...same as her drinking a bottle of wine with dinner. She'd better be careful or her health could rapidly deteriorate just like that.

17/2/09

Well I'm almost certain the drugs aren't hers. It's been almost a week and she seems fine, so I'm thinking I should just leave things be and not jeopardize our relationship by mentioning the secret compartment in the cupboard to her. I just know it would end in tears.

18/2/09

Something wonderful happened today, Charlotte phoned and said Jessica was coming to stay for a while. I must admit I was a little reluctant to answer the phone when I saw who was calling, but Clarisse wasn't around, so I took the call. And she said she needed some time away from baby and could she borrow a few thousand dollars, so naturally I said yes and wired her some money. I don't want her to pay it back, after all she is raising my child. I'm over the moon because Charlotte asked if I could have Jess for a whole week.

I wasn't entirely sure how Clarisse would react to this, I thought she might be upset or angry about the fact that Charlotte had made contact, but when I told her she was more than happy to have her here. She said she'd love to have a little baby in the house, she's even set up a room for her right next to ours and bought a baby monitor so we can rush to her side when she needs care. We're really looking forward to this. My little girl visits for the first time on Friday.


End file.
